REVIEW: Starbucks Doubleshot Energy + Coffee Energy Drink (Mocha, Vanilla and Coffee)

Starbucks Doubleshot Energy + Coffee Energy Drink (Mocha, Vanilla and Coffee)

I like it that Starbucks makes products for those people who want to experience Starbucks coffee but are afraid to enter the clusterfuck in every Starbucks store. The long lines, the unusual size names, the Chatty Cathys on their phones while ordering, the douchebags sitting at tables with their laptops open like they’re doing work, the rookies who have no idea how to order, the assholes who sneer at the people who don’t know how to order, the overplayed easy listening music, the low sound of the cappuccino machine, the people who stick their pinky finger out while drinking, and the people who AHHH after every sip can be an overwhelming experience for some. The brand new Starbucks Doubleshot Energy + Coffee energy drinks are meant for those who aren’t willing to brave those elements.

Just like the members of the 1990s R&B groups Color Me Badd and All-4-One, the Starbucks Doubleshot Energy + Coffee energy drink comes in three flavors: coffee, mocha, and vanilla. All three were really delicious.

The coffee flavor is great for the hardcore coffee drinker, who enjoys just a little sugar with their black cup of joe because they still want to enjoy its bitterness, always seems to have a coffee mug in their hands, has stained teeth, exhales coffee breath, farts smell like coffee, and if given the option would probably take their coffee through an IV drip. The mocha flavor isn’t as bitter as the coffee flavor and has a hint of chocolate, which makes it perfect for the casual coffee drinker who likes their coffee sweet, but not too sweet, drinks coffee mostly on weekdays at work, will never make coffee at the office coffee maker, and is despised by the hardcore coffee drinker for not making coffee at the office coffee maker. The vanilla flavor is the sweetest of them all and is meant for pussies who can’t handle coffee, but want to look like they can.

I personally enjoyed the vanilla flavor the most and it was the easiest for me to drink, but pretty much all of them were easy to drink.

I’m not sure how much sweet caffeine the Starbucks Doubleshot Energy + Coffee Energy Drink has, but each 15-ounce can consists of Starbucks coffee, B-vitamins, guarana and ginseng, all of which gave me a good boost of energy to help me jump start my day of watching the Price Is Right, Googling ex-girlfriends, and masturbating to an online lingerie store.

These Starbucks coffee energy drinks directly compete with the Java Monster and Rockstar Roasted drinks, all of which are equally good. Although, just like the prostitutes Charlie Sheen likes to roll with, the Starbucks ones are a little more expensive than its competition, but then again, isn’t everything from Starbucks?

(Nutrition Facts – 1 can (varies with flavor) – 200-210 calories, 2.5 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams trans fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 170-180 milligrams of sodium, 1010-1030 milligrams of potassium, 34-36 grams of carbohydrates, 25-26 grams of sugar, 12 grams of protein, 8% vitamin A, 50% vitamin C, 40% calcium, 2% iron, 20% vitamin D, 200% riboflavin, 200% niacin, 200% vitamin B6, 100% vitamin B12, 2000 milligrams of maltodextrin, 1800 milligrams of taurine, 450 milligrams of L-carnitine, 180 milligrams of inositol, 325 milligrams of panax ginseng, 90 milligrams of guarana

Item: Starbucks Doubleshot Energy + Coffee Energy Drink (Mocha, Vanilla and Coffee)
Price: FREE (Retails for $2.59)
Purchased at: From nice PR people
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Vanilla)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Coffee)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Mocha)
Pros: Delicious. Good boost of energy. Different flavors for different palates. 12 grams of protein per can. Nice source of potassium. No excessive amounts of sugar. Knicker Picker website.
Cons: Retail price is higher than Monster & Rockstar coffee drinks. Douchebags. The clusterfuck at a busy Starbucks location.

21 thoughts to “REVIEW: Starbucks Doubleshot Energy + Coffee Energy Drink (Mocha, Vanilla and Coffee)”

  1. angry bob questions the necessity of a coffee-flavored coffee product as he drinks his cold, black coffee made from coffee, flavored with coffee, accented by coffee, with nutritional supplements from coffee. He would be angrier about non-coffee coffee products and those who peddle and swallow them, but he’s too busy with his coffee.

  2. Starbucks has become exactly as you describe, and I now avoid it. I am lucky to have a new so-far non corrupted Peets in my area and frequent there. My feelings for energy drinks well known around these parts.. remains unchanged. Glad you enjoyed them, and thanks for the link to the underwear site!(giggle)

  3. Ooh sounds yummy! And I am so going to dig out my ancient all 4 one cd! Yay aging boy bands! 🙂

    If you ever feel brave enough to venture into the starbucks, I have noticed that their cold drinks they sell everywhere else are WAY cheaper at the actual starbucks. (go figure)
    I think I will look for the mocha and the vanilla….

    Have you tried their liquor yet???

  4. Whatever happened to a good old-fashioned shot of Turkish espresso? Chemical free and served in a cute little cafe full of old men watching European football. And enough kick to keep you hyper for three days.

  5. Beaner Coffee was the good stuff. Of course, they’re called Bigsby Coffee, but I still think of it as Beaner Coffee. But all of this is moot.

    I don’t like Starbucks with their fancy lingo. Just give me a goddamn large black coffee so I can add some cancer agents to it and be on my goddamn way.

    Now to the review: This stuff, if it’s as good as the frosty bottled stuff they sell, then it’s a winner.

  6. There are two Starbucks nearby where I live across the street from each other. Literally right across the street. And I’ve heard in Seattle they sometimes have one on each corner of an intersection. Whatever.

    I like Java Monster so unless this was cheaper that’s probably what I’d stick with. I tend to find regular brewed Starbucks a bit too strong, so I usually just brew my own when I want a hot home caffiene hit.

  7. starbucks can definitely be overwhelming to novice, part-time coffee drinkers like me. But I’ve heard its a great place to discreetly check out hotties (bring a laptop and/or reading material and pretend to be studying… And casually scan the place while taking sips of your favorite fivebucks drink) 😉

  8. I think I fall under “sitting with my laptop open pretending to do work.” Oh well.

    You’d think if they did the three flavor thing they’d do mocha, vanilla and caramel. I would have loved caramel. Coffee and energy that could keep me up for a while.

  9. They tried to run Starbucks out of our teenytiny town, but it is mighty, indeed. I’m all for doing less work at twice the speed!

  10. i am a vanilla pussy but only with coffee. does it taste anything like the frappachino drinks? I like those; esp with a scoop of coffee ice cream.

  11. Ooh, I love the Monster Java. I haven’t seen these yet but I will so try them. Especially the Mocha flavor. Beautiful.

  12. One of my favorite treats! I stay away from The Bucks unless, of course, there is no Dunkin Donuts to be found, and I hate the whole phony vibe at the place. Barista my ass. It’s a button-pusher! But these double shots are sooooo tasty!

  13. What the hell is with coffee makers these days… They’re putting in enough caffeine in these to make 80 year-olds feel like 13 year-olds. We do not want that to happen!

  14. Coffee coffee coffee! I love coffee. Except I don’t really love starbucks. I’ll drink it if it’s the only thing close. Luckily, there tends to be a coffee brand tea leaf within a block

    I’ve had one of these (coffee or mocha, I can’t remember). It was okay, I guess.

    Is it time for more coffee know?

  15. I love coffee, that’s why I never go to starbucks.
    They make some good products, but they couldn’t make a decent cup of coffee if their life depended on it.

  16. Captain Needa – I would like to change my hair color to brown.

    angry bob – You must have coffee for blood.

    bikerbabeee – Thanks to that website I now no longer need the Victoria’s Secret catalog.

    Lex – I haven’t tried their liquor. I’m afraid to because it might lead to my naked pictures on the internet.

    Tiggy – Hyper for three days? I would be afraid to be in the middle of that cafe full of hyper old men.

    Reprobate – But barista sounds sexy. A busty barista? Sounds even better.

    Chuck – I just found out that Full Throttle also just came out with their own coffee energy drinks. It’s a coffee energy drink orgy.

    yawnie – I’d bring the Joy of Sex with me as reading material. That should work with picking up the ladies.

    K.C. – The new Full Throttle coffee energy drinks come in those flavors.

  17. demondoll – I guess you can’t buck the ‘Buck.

    Alisha – The Frappuchino drinks are creamier than these.

    Gabs – I enjoy the Java Monster too. It comes in a jillion flavors.

    Red Icculus – The only Starbuck I enjoy is the one on Battlestar Galactica.

    nat – I wish we had more Dunkin Donuts here. Oh, and a Krispy Kreme. Oh, and an Olive Garden, Boston Market, and Marie Calendar’s.

    Kcdeath – An 80 year old on caffeine AND Viagra? Nursing homes should be on alert.

    Kylie – You used the word “coffee” ONLY six times in your comment. I don’t think you love coffee enough.

    Bokkie – If that is the case, there should be a lot of dead baristas around the world.

  18. Marvo, you’d be surprised how many barista’s are in pain because they are being treated improperly 😛

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