Okay, Eggo, we get it. You make some pretty great frozen waffles. In fact, I’d say that you’ve got the frozen waffle game ON LOCK. But can you please stop gloating? We understand that you want us to give you the R.E.S.P.E.C.T. you sorely desire when we get home.
I know I’m proud of you. But making the umpteenth delicious waffle variety is really pushing it. I simply cannot stress enough the importance of humility in the art of frozen breakfast-making.
See, with your new Thick & Fluffy Mixed Berry Waffles, you take things a bit too far by adding real fruit into your already delicious batter. Eggo, I know you’re at the top of the game, but you’re humiliating the competition at this point. Just slow your roll. Go easy on them.
Now, Thick & Fluffy Mixed Berry waffles are full of mixed berry flavor. Even though it doesn’t taste like real fruit, I want you to know that I still appreciate the effort. It’s a sizeable leap away from some of the other frozen waffle lines out there who only offer blueberry flavor. Blueberry is old hat.
By giving us strawberry and blueberry together, you’re breaking the mold with a VARIETY of berries. You clearly wanted to present a waffle wherein strawberry and blueberry flavors mingle in perfect harmony… but before you get too smug, Eggo, let me point out that the strawberry flavor overpowers the blueberry flavor just a smidgen. That doesn’t completely ruin the effect, though, nor the name. The berries are blended. They are mixed, which makes for some delicious waffles. I see you, Eggo.
Let’s not forget the convenience factor. When it comes to toaster waffles, especially waffles of a certain thickness that tend to take a little longer to toast… it’s not always easy to get it just right. You’ve made a Thick & Fluffy waffle and that is indeed thick and fluffy, but one that is still a cinch to get to that desirable level of golden brown crispiness without the burnt edges. Delicious and hot and golden brown. And sweet enough to skip the syrup… but why would you ever do that? I say bring on the sweetness!) This is a good waffle, Eggo. But now you’re just showing off.
So please hear me out. I admire the level of toasty goodness you’ve achieved with this new creation, Mixed Berry – one that is on par with the yummy-ness of the other Thick & Fluffy flavors, Original and Cinnamon & Brown Sugar.
But please, just take a moment to think of the other brands, the ones you’ve left behind: Kashi, Aunt Jemima, Krusteaz, Nature’s Path, Van’s, and any store brand. Think of how they might feel when you show up with yet another tasty breakfast item that will yet again fill the bellies of Americans with warm, toasty, sweet waffle-y goodness. They’ll feel jealous, that’s what.
That’ll do, Eggo. That’ll do.
(Nutrition Facts – 1 waffle/55 grams – 160 calories, 50 calories from fat, 6 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 260 milligrams of sodium, 45 milligrams of potassium, 23 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 7 grams of sugar, 3 grams of protein.)
Item: Kellogg’s Eggo Thick & Fluffy Mixed Berry Waffles
Purchased Price: $2.50 (on sale)
Size: 6 waffles/11.6 oz
Purchased at: Vons
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Full of mixed berry flavor. Sweet enough to skip the syrup. Humility. Aretha.
Cons: Jealousy. Mixed berry flavor doesn’t taste like real fruit. Show-offs. Strawberry flavor overpowers the blueberry flavor.