Well, it had to happen sooner or later. After a year and some change of photographing the gooiest, greasiest, and goopiest fast food known to man, I finally managed to drop my camera, lens first, into a review item.

And, of course, it just had to be Burger King’s new Rodeo Crispy Chicken Sandwich. Twenty-four hours later, and my camera STILL smells like barbecue sauce and mayonnaise.

Outside of making my Canon smell like an explosion at the condiment aisle, I can’t think of too many negatives about BK’s newfangled burger. The ginormous offering includes a thick, crispy chicken patty coated in melted American cheese, topped with a handful of fried onion rings and three half-strips of bacon, with the whole shebang topped off with a smattering of BBQ sauce and mayo.

The BBQ sauce/mayo combo gives the sandwich an extra kick. It’s subtle, but it adds a layer of gustatory intrigue to what otherwise would be a predictable “Western” style burger variation. The chicken fillet is also surprisingly juicy, with the carapace of melted cheese definitely giving the patty an extra level of zest.

The bacon is crispy and flavorful and the onion rings (while inconsistently shaped and sized) never got too mushy for my liking. And – not that you need me to tell you this – the humongous, almost softball-sized sandwich is undeniably filling.

Of course, it’s also an extremely salty sammich, and one of the sloppiest you’ll eat in this or any other year. Seriously – we’re talking Arby’s Meat Mountain levels of splashback here, so definitely keep the napkin dispenser nearby for this one.

There’s nothing too creative about the burger, but considering its robust flavor and ultra-filling nature, it’s hard to shower this unoriginal but satisfying L-T-O with anything but praise.

Purchased Price: $5.29
Size: N/A
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 960 calories, 60 grams of fat, 15 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 105 milligrams of cholesterol, 2230 milligrams of sodium, 72 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 14 grams of sugar, 33 grams of protein.

Despite its oblong-shaped filet, squished profile, and two perfectly-centered pickles, McDonald’s Classic Chicken Sandwich is not as good as Chick-fil-A’s namesake chicken sandwich.

That said, it’s a better and more economical showcase for McDonald’s buttermilk chicken than the Buttermilk Crispy Chicken Sandwich and a dramatic upgrade over the McChicken.

It’s built similarly to the bygone Southern Style Chicken Sandwich, but skips the butter and steamed bun for a regular bun and McDonald’s signature sauce. Otherwise, it makes no attempt to shy away from borrowing a page from Chick-fil-A’s book.

Overall, its minimalist approach works great. I’ve had McDonald’s buttermilk chicken on three or four occasions and always thought it was okay if not a little out-of-place in the Buttermilk Crispy Chicken Sandwich. Sans mayo, tomato, and lettuce (and $1.89 cheaper) the buttermilk flavor really comes out.

With a crispy, uniform breading, the buttermilk chicken checks the prerequisite boxes for adequate juiciness and flavor, although it doesn’t wow you. Nevertheless, a slightly spicy aftertaste, with strong notes of black pepper and garlic powder, tastes wonderful with the tangy-sweet signature sauce, which like a mustard-spiked ketchup. The pickles add a nice layer of crunch, but otherwise go unnoticed.

It’s good, but not Chick-fil-A good, lacking the succulent, plump texture from Chick-fil-A’s pressure cooking, as well as the sweet and nutty flavors imparted by the peanut oil and seasonings. Additionally, I found myself missing Chick-fil-A’s buttered bun, as well as the steamed effect when you get it to go in one of those specially-designed pouches. Still, the Classic Chicken Sandwich is probably the most enjoyable McDonald’s chicken sandwich I’ve ever had, and at 45 cents cheaper than Chick-fil-A’s, it’s a good value.

That said, I’m not crazy about the national rollout of the $1-$2-$3 menu at McDonald’s, which killed the 2 for $3 and 2 for $4 deals that had been staples at my local restaurant. Pressed between spending $3 on a medium fries and double cheeseburger or spending the same amount on the Classic Chicken Sandwich, I’d choose the latter 9 out of 10 times, if only because of its modest size.

All things considered, if you love McDonald’s buttermilk chicken, you’re going to love this sandwich. I can only hope the Golden Arches finds a way to increase the value a bit more by including it on the 2 for $5 menu.

(Nutrition Facts – 510 calories, 210 calories from fat, 23 grams of total fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 65 milligrams of cholesterol, 1040 milligrams of sodium, 50 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 6 grams of sugar, 25 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $3.00
Size: N/A
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Chicken is both crispy and juicy, with strong buttermilk flavor. Tangy and sweet signature sauce pairs well with the kick of the chicken’s seasoning. Cheaper than most similarly sized chicken sandwiches.
Cons: Not as good as Chick-fil-A’s. Bun is lackluster and would be better steamed and buttered. Moderate size and not the greatest deal if you add a medium fries, which McDonald’s somehow decided to leave off the value menu.

Generally speaking, there are three ways companies try to make something better: make it bigger, make more of it, or transform it in such a fundamental way that it becomes something completely different, like the crap direction Disney is taking the Star Wars Universe in.

As you can tell by my feelings on the last option, none of these strategies are foolproof.

Fresh off putting brisket, pork belly, and Bambi’s mom into a sandwich, the people who practically trademarked the plural version of “meat” have set out to transform an Oreo cookie into a doughnut hole.

Surprisingly, the results are pretty good.

Arby’s advertises these as “doughnut bites,” but the texture defies such a simple classification. The bites lack the light shell and spring of a yeast doughnut hole but also the sturdy and firm interior of a cake doughnut hole. Instead, they have a sort of partially deflated volleyball texture.

As horrible as that sounds, the chocolate cures all. The exterior has a warm, moist give that has that characteristic deep flavor of an Oreo wafer and then some. Served hot, each bite reminded me of a chocolate lava cake, while the dusting covering each bite could have been from the bottom of a bag of mini Oreo cookies.

While the deep chocolate flavor nails, and perhaps even improves, the classic Oreo wafer, the crème is about as disappointing as Rian Johnson’s treatment of Luke Skywalker.

“Goo” would be a better way to describe the crème, which is slightly thinner than an Arby’s milkshake. Served warm, it has a kind of melted marshmallow mouthfeel (say that fast 10 times) and a moderate vanilla flavor. But there’s nothing overly sweet about it, which means there’s no dramatic contrast with the chocolate bite. Put another way, the chocolate-to-crème ratio borders on reduced fat Oreo standards —- a far cry from the ideal Double Stuf Oreo we all love.

Complicating things, the goo sloshes around the bite and all too easily squirts out. It creates a Gushers effect in cookies and crème form. All things considered, the crème neither delivers on its own or in a complete bite with the rest of the Oreo elements. It would make a pretty lit coffee creamer, though.

All things considered, Arby’s Oreo Bites do an amazing job of enhancing the deep cocoa appeal of the Oreo wafer. That said, if texture matters at all to you or if you’re a crème kind of girl or guy, the bites are going to fall a little short of expectations. But don’t worry, it’s not quite The Last Jedi short of expectations.

(Nutrition Facts – 330 calories, 190 calories from fat, 21 grams of total fat, 10 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 115 milligrams of sodium, 32 grams of carbohydrates, 1 grams of dietary fiber, 17 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein..)

Purchased Price: $2.49
Purchased at: Arby’s
Size: 6-pieces
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Excellent chocolate flavor combines the best of an Oreo wafer and Devil’s Food cake. Larger than your standard doughnut hole. Oreo dust. Didn’t leave me as disappointed as The Last Jedi.
Cons: Crème is more melted milkshake than actual Oreo crème. Balance of chocolate and crème is out of sync. More expensive than doughnut holes. Accidentally squirting white goo all over my pants.