REVIEW: Limited Edition Firework Oreo Cookies with Popping Candy

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Limited Edition Firework Oreo Cookies with Popping Candy

For a few years we’ve had the unimaginative Summer Oreo, which tastes like a regular Oreo, but with “fun” cookie designs and a Mylanta-colored creme.

It’s never evoked “summer” to me. I understand the antacid-colored creme is supposed to represent water and the “fun” cookie designs are things that people do during the summer if they live near a big body of water. But in my mouth, where it really should count, it doesn’t feel like summer.

But now there’s a Oreo that does — Limited Edition Firework Oreo with popping candy in the creme.

The cookie tastes like the regular Oreo variety. I know what that tastes like. You know what that tastes like. Everyone knows it tastes like sugar fairy tears between two chocolate wafers. But does the popping candy make a difference?

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When I chewed on the first cookie, I thought the idea was a dud. There were a few pops here and there, but the popping candy got lost in the cookie’s crunch. It’s like not feeling a small earthquake while on a roller coaster.

But then I thought back to how I ate Pop Rocks as a kid and realized the proper way to eat this cookie, which some of you classy folks might not like.

To fully enjoy it, you can’t eat it like a regular Oreo and you have to throw out your table manners. Remember how you were taught to chew with your mouth closed? Forget that. If you’ve ever gotten teased for chewing like a cow (raises hand), that slow and big mastication is going to come in handy.

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So take a Firework Oreo and put it in your mouth or take a big bite. Slowly chew on it a few times to get a chunky Oreo slurry going in your mouth. When you get there, stop chewing, open your mouth, let the carbon dioxide-enhanced candy melt, and then feel the popping. Now if you’re in public and embarrassed to do that, feel free to put your hand or napkin in front of your mouth.

The thing is, when you chew on it, your teeth are preventing the candy from popping. They’re crushing them instead. By opening your mouth, you’re letting the candy melt, which leads to pronounced popping.

Now if you’re a creme licker, you won’t really feel the popping as you lick, but it’s a great way to experience the popping sound. Just lick, then listen, and if you close your eyes you can imagine it’s the crackling of a fire on a beach that’s on a Summer Oreo as one of the “fun” designs.

The Limited Edition Firework Oreo Cookies are more exciting than regular Summer Oreo, and it really should be THE default Oreo for the summer.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 cookies – 140 calories, 60 calories from fat, 6 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 85 milligrams of sodium, 35 milligrams of potassium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 13 grams of sugar, less than 1 gram of protein.)

Purchased Price: $3.50
Size: 10.7 oz.
Purchased at: Times Supermarket
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: More exciting than Summer Oreo. Popping candy adds to the cookie, but only if you throw out table manners. Not an exclusive flavor.
Cons: Tastes like regular Oreo. Can’t eat it like a regular Oreo. Summer Oreo.

REVIEW: Pepperidge Farm Farmhouse Triple Chocolate Chip Cookies

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Pepperidge Farm Farmhouse Triple Chocolate Chip Cookies

When I think of farmhouse food I think of an apple pie cooling on a windowsill, fresh butter on homemade country white bread, and Junior devouring bacon from the little guy that took first place in the 4-H Pig Show.

Honestly, cookies are seventh or eighth on my list of quintessential farmhouse foods, depending on whether or not said farm includes a fig tree, a tomato garden, and/or Ree Drummond’s pantry.

Yes, I get that “farm” is part of Pepperidge Farm, but really, do you expect me to believe the same people mass-producing cheddar cheese Goldfish can make anything near homemade quality cookies?

Short answer: I guess so.

At first bite Pepperidge Farm’s Farmhouse Triple Chocolate Chip Cookies taste a lot like the Chips Ahoy Double Chocolate Thins, which is a good thing because they are among the better cookies in the Chips Ahoy line.

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Yet, where the Chips Ahoy cookies are their usually pitifully small selves, the Farmhouse cookies are wider and heftier. But they’re still able to be thin and crispy. In fact, that melt-in-your mouth, dissolve-around-the-chocolate chip goodness is intensified by the their size.

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The chocolate flavor is definitely outstanding; a few notches down from the Wonka Factory chocolate lake, but well above your standard chocolate-chip cookie construction. The three chocolate chips (white, semi-sweet, and milk) work wonderfully together, serving as potholes of varying degrees of chocolate richness and sweetness with each bite.

The white chocolate is especially good, even if you’re the kind of person (like me) who is usually “eh, whatever” in terms of white chocolate. This is the real stuff, mind you, not some partially hydrogenated soybean oil masquerading as cocoa butter. Finally, the chocolate base gives each bite a rounded cocoa flavor that dissolves (as they say) like buttah.

Overall, Pepperidge Farm’s Farmhouse Triple Chocolate Chip Cookies are a notch above Nabisco’s and one of the best mass-produced cookie flavors I’ve had. They’re so good that if there is a farmhouse producing cookies on par with them, then I seriously suggest said farmhouse drop the whole apple pie at the county fair business and get right to the 365-day operation of making cookies.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 cookies –140 calories, 60 calories from fat, 6 grams of fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 120 milligrams of sodium, 19 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 12 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein..)

Purchased Price: $2.98
Size: 6.9 oz.
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Crispy, buttery, chocolaty base. Multiple levels of chocolate chip sweetness. Smooth, natural, and waxless white chocolate. Perfect size.
Cons: A tad more expensive than Chips Ahoy. Poor milk chocolate chip coverage. It’s as if a thousand apple pies cried out in horror and then were never heard from again.

REVIEW: Mtn Dew DEW.S.A

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Mtn Dew DEW S A

Nothing makes me feel prouder to be an American than thinking about the colors that decorate our stars and stripes: purple, violet, and Crayola Purple Mountains’ Majesty.

The purple, of course, represents Grimace, an American hero who symbolizes our freedom to eat milkshakes with our 8 a.m. McMuffins if we darn well please. The violet honors Donatello, whose wise reptilian martial arts helped end the Civil War. And Purple Mountains’ Majesty commemorates the brave crayons who entertain our nation’s children while they doodle Donatello suplexing Grimace (or was that just me?).

This explains the color of Mountain Dew’s new patriotic Mtn Dew DEW.S.A too, becau—wait, what? You’re saying they just combined red, white, and blue Dew flavors to make this lilac-hued liquid? I guess that’s what I get for playing Pokémon instead of paying attention in U.S. History class:

I get stuck in Lavender Town.

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Speaking of lavender, Mountain Dew certainly didn’t skip art class, because this aesthetically pleasing beverage evenly blends the colors of Code Red, White Out, and Voltage: the three respective flavors that form DEW.S.A.’s chromatic trilogy.

Since the colors are evenly represented, you’d expect all three Dew flavors to get equal treatment too, right? Left. Whoops, I meant wrong. Like a washed-out photo or my pasty face after a long winter, DEW.S.A. has poor white balance. Or at least poor orange balance. None of the citrusy bite of White Out or zesty zap of Voltage comes through, aside from a faintly tangy fruitiness in the end notes, which remind me of original, Cherry Citrus Game Fuel, which we first tasted when Halo 3 hit stores in 2007.

Makes sense: this stuff does look like an Energy Sword.

Cherry is a much fairer description for DEW.S.A.’s “body,” because the drink quite potently tastes of Swedish Fish. Or more specifically, Swedish Berries. Or even more specifically, the discount store-brand gummy raspberries my grandma would buy by the grocery bag-full and watch shamefully as I mushed a handful of them together into a single “mega berry.”

Okay, that may be too specific, but it’s accurate. Mtn DEW.S.A. blends Code Red’s candied cherry, Voltage’s tart raspberry, and a jelly-like pectin sweetness to craft a pleasant flavor that tragically ends too soon. Instead of bursting through the night like those anthemic bombs, the flavor of DEW.S.A. fades like a lone firework, cascading over your taste buds and disappearing as soon as the last drop high-fives your uvula.

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This is probably due to the soda’s sucralose content, which is always such a hot topic that I feel the need to mention it. I’m not opposed to artificial sweeteners —- I’ve been eating junk food for ages, so the Grim Reaper’s already been watching me like an eBay auction since I first learned to hold an Oatmeal Cream Pie -— as long as they don’t disrupt the flavor. The sucralose in DEW.S.A. tastes neither fake nor chemically, so I give it a pass.

It just makes the whole drink feel lighter (think Raspberry Crystal Light), which I find preferable to original Dew’s custardy thickness during hot summer months, especially as the latter leaves my throat feeling like a syrupy slime slalom.

And that’s just what DEW.S.A. is to me: a nicely crisp Dew with a nice, two-berried taste gimmick that’ll be simple (despite containing 200 percent more flavors than the average Dew) and refreshing during nice, poolside picnics. Nice.

I do wish the flavor was a little more recognizably American, but until they release apple pie HoneyDEW or charbroiled BarbeDEW, DEW.S.A. will Dew just fine.

(Nutrition Facts – 20 oz. bottle – 170 calories, 0 grams of fat, 105 milligrams of sodium, 45 grams of carbohydrates, 45 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $1.79
Size: 20 fl oz. bottle
Purchased at: Meijer
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: An American drink that ironically tastes of Scandinavian cherry-raspberry candy. The crispest summer dew this side of a morning lawn. Beverage colors that won’t leave you Grimacing. Fatalistic Oatmeal Cream Pies.
Cons: Orange you upset there’s no citrus? Raspberries that didn’t choose the blue pill. Transient flavors with a wanderlust. Not calling it “The DEWcleration of InDEWpendence.” My White Out skin becoming Code Red an hour into tanning.

REVIEW: Hershey’s Flavor of New York Cherry Cheesecake Bars

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Hershey s Flavor of New York Cherry Cheesecake Bars

The Flavor of New York. That’s a big promise – and an invitation for a loud “Yeah, right” from a New Yorker. We’re a cynical bunch.

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As any local knows, there are two New Yorks. One is the tourist-packed landmark areas like Times Square. While this might be the dominant image of the city, it’s the last place New Yorkers want to spend time. We avoid it like the plague – unless one (like myself at the moment) happens to be working for a media conglomerate that insists on making you wade through a sea of human road cones twice daily. This loud, inauthentic, unsubtle chunk of real estate is where I found the Flavor of New York Cherry Cheesecake bar – at Hershey’s Chocolate World.

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The other New York is where locals really live, eat and shop – the quiet side streets and less-traveled neighborhoods. On one of these surprisingly bucolic stretches, I purchased a true New York cherry cheesecake to compare Hershey’s bar to. Eileen’s Special Cheesecake has worked the same tiny storefront since 1976.

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These would be my base “Flavor of New York.”

Back at the office, I zipped open the Hershey’s bar. The creamy white chocolate with dark pink crunch balls looked close to what I expected. Some red speckles mixed throughout like the Cookies & Cream bar, wouldn’t go amiss, though.

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The first sniff was cheesecake, then my nose broke the bad news: faux cherry. I’m often down with artificial fruit flavors, but one molecule of fake cherry and it’s flashbacks of disgusting medicine for me. Blek. Apparently I’m very sensitive on the cherry front.

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It carried over to the taste as well – cream cheese, white chocolate and cough syrup – albeit much less grimace-inducing than a shot of Robitussin. Let’s call it cough-syrup-adjacent. A bite of Eileen’s cherry cheesecake reminded me that actual cherries are delightful. I’d hoped that with modern technology, the flavor masters at Hershey’s could make a GOOD 2017 fake cherry. Sadly, these are 80s-era fake cherries and I’m not having it.

I do love a bar full of Hershey’s crunch balls, however, and the cream cheese / white chocolate combo was a pretty good interpretation of cheesecake. I just had a hard time forgiving the crime against cherries.

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To me, this candy bar is like Times Square. It has an underlying greatness, obscured by the flashing lights and garishness of chemical cherries.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 bar – 220 calories, 100 calories from fat, 12 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, less than 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 55 milligrams of sodium, 27 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 21 grams of sugar, and 3 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: 5 for $5.00
Size: 1.5 oz. bar
Purchased at: Hershey’s Chocolate World Times Square
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Good cheesecake taste! Nice crunchy balls! The Hershey store smells like chocolate!
Cons: Medicine-y taste, but won’t stop a cough. Doesn’t capture the “Je ne sais WHAAAT” of New York. Made me walk through Times Square.

REVIEW: Starbucks Midnight Mint Mocha Frappuccino

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Starbucks Midnight Mint Mocha Frappuccino

The Starbucks Midnight Mint Mocha Frappuccino ingredient that most intrigued me was the “cooling mint sugar crystals.”

The wording gave me flashbacks of the flavor crystals in Ice Breakers chewing gum and how they would make my mouth feel as if I just had a heavy make out session with Jack Frost.

The mint sugar crystals are part of two blended layers that also feature extra dark cocoa, coffee, milk, and ice. In between those two is a layer of whipped cream. And on top of all that there’s more whipped cream and dark cocoa powder.

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As I sipped on the blended beverage that’s significantly less Instagram-able than the Unicorn Frappuccino, I could feel a cooling sensation building up in my mouth. Hello, Jack! But then I realized something. Is it the cooling mint sugar crystals or the cooling ice crystals causing that? My mouth wasn’t sure.

Now you’re probably thinking dark cocoa + mint = Thin Mints (or Keebler Grasshoppers, whatever floats your boat), which is an almost accurate description of this Frappuccino’s flavor and probably the only words I needed to type for this review. It’s similar enough that I feel as if the green Starbucks logo on the cup should be replaced with the green Girl Scouts logo.

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But the mint and its cooling is faint, which disappoints me because I thought it would be stronger. It’s not at a level that makes you think you’ve brushed your teeth or popped a York Peppermint Patty into your mouth or consumed EVERYTHING in a mojito. So I guess you could say the mint was thin.

Sorry.

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Although the mint is lighter than I would’ve liked, it still an enjoyable vessel of sugar. The use of dark cocoa powder prevents the drink from being overly sweet. I mean, it’s still quite sweet, after all it’s a Frappusweetno with two applications of whipped cream. But it wasn’t the cloying overload I’ve experienced with others.

Overall, the Starbucks Midnight Mint Mocha Frappuccino is great treat to have at midnight, mid-day, or whenever your local Starbucks is open.

(Nutrition Facts – 470 calories, 25 grams of fat, 16 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 75 milligrams of cholesterol, 350 milligrams of sodium, 57 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 52 grams of sugar, 6 grams of protein, and 80 milligrams of caffeine.)

Purchased Price: $5.45
Size: Grande
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Tastes like a Thin Mint (or Keebler Grasshopper). Great vessel for sugar. Not overly sweet like other Frappuccinos. Not as Instagram-able as the Unicorn Frappuccino.
Cons: Cooling mint sugar crystals aren’t that minty or cooling. Not as Instagram-able as the Unicorn Frappuccino.

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