REVIEW: McDonald’s Hot ‘n Spicy McChicken Sandwich

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McDonald's Hot 'n Spicy McChicken

McDonald’s Hot ’n Spicy McChicken Sandwich is only a dollar, so I really shouldn’t complain about it.

But after looking under couch cushions, car floor mats, Coinstar machines, water in a wishing well, sand at a beach, and sleeping panhandlers to gather enough loose change to buy one, I believe I can add my two cents, which I took from a take a penny, leave a penny tray at my local convenience store.

At a quick glance, the Hot ’n Spicy McChicken looks very much like a regular McChicken. But a closer examination will show it’s got the same bun, shredded lettuce, and mayonnaise, but it’s got a breaded chicken patty with a reddish hue. Its color makes it look a little evil, but if you were to take the shredded lettuce and form a goatee on top of the patty it would look eviler.

Muahaha. Muahaha.

The reddish chicken patty used in the sandwich has a little bit more heat than McDonald’s Spicy McBites, which also had a reddish breading. Unfortunately, the patty’s breading provides no real flavor or crunch.

McDonald's Hot 'n Spicy McChicken Innards

Also, unlike the Spicy McBites, the spicy chicken patty doesn’t have a sauce to give it flavor. It’s stuck with the usual mayonnaise. Not a spicy mayonnaise, mind you, but the same ol’ mayonnaise found on a regular McChicken Sandwich that prevents some of the shredded lettuce from falling out. So it’s just a McChicken with some heat.

The Hot ‘n Spicy McChicken isn’t a new sandwich, it’s been around at limited locations over the past 2-3 years, but during that time they’ve also introduced their wonderful Hot Habanero Sauce. So why couldn’t they combine the two and make a sandwich that’s not only spicy, but also has a flavor that goes beyond a normal McChicken.

Or, if they want the entire frickin’ internet talking about McDonald’s that doesn’t involve pink slime or a drop in revenue, they should come out with a hot and spicy Sriracha McChicken. Twitter, Facebook, Reddit, and (insert big internet 2.0 thingie here) would erupt over that.

Overall, McDonald’s Hot ’n Spicy McChicken Sandwich is hot and spicy, but it’s not much else. Some might be fine with that, but after their surprisingly flavorful $1 McDonald’s Grilled Onion Cheddar Burger, I was expecting a bit more.

McDonald's Hot 'n Spicy McChicken Wrapper

(Nutrition Facts – 380 calories, 160 calories from fat, 17 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 1030 milligrams of sodium, 41 grams of carbohydrates, 22 grams of sugar, 2 grams of fiber, and 15 grams of protein.)

Other McDonald’s Hot ‘n Spicy McChicken reviews:
Grub Grade
An Immovable Feast

Item: McDonald’s Hot ‘n Spicy McChicken Sandwich
Purchased Price: $1.00
Size: N/A
Purchased at: McDonald’s
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: It’s just one dollar. Nice heat. Great if you’re bored of eating regular McChicken sandwiches. Mayo helps keep lettuce from falling out. A Sriracha McChicken.
Cons: Breading doesn’t provide much flavor or crunch. Has just plain ol’ mayo. Reddish breading makes it look evil. Having to search for enough loose change to buy a Hot ‘n Spicy McChicken sandwich.

REVIEW: Nabisco Roasted Sweet Onion Brown Rice Baked With Sweet Potato Triscuit

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Nabisco Roasted Sweet Onion Brown Rice Baked With Sweet Potato Triscuit

If I was required to guess at which snack product would abandon the usual attempt to capture the taste of a nutritionally poor fast food product or even an offbeat American classic in favor of something that sounds like it came from a Giada De Laurentiis cookbook, then I would pick Triscuit.

More upscale than a lowly potato chip and much more inclusive than the crunchy, sometimes divisive malt flavor of the Wheat Thin, Triscuits are the kind of crackers you put out when you’ve invited your next door neighbors over. You know…the nicely dressed couple in their late 30s with 2.4 kids and a dog named Champ. Average. Moderate. Broad. Unassuming. They’re kind of just there. Except when Champ poops on your front yard.

I know it sounds counterintuitive, but I can admire a safe snack like that. It serves a purpose, and is something I don’t feel too bad about when going for seconds at holiday socials. This is important, because like most people, I hate talking to my annoying relatives, who tend to flock to such gatherings. But while I can admire Triscuit because they provide me a distraction when I want to be anti-social, I usually don’t go out of my way to buy them. Hard as I try, I just cannot leap for joy at cravings spawned by the taste of soft winter wheat. 

However, combining brown rice, sweet potato and roasted sweet onion in and on a Triscuit? Don’t expect me to make it and upload a photo on Instagram, but even my inner fat kid can get behind a composed flavor combination of wholesome grains and vegetables like that.

Nabisco Roasted Sweet Onion Brown Rice Baked With Sweet Potato Triscuit Closeup2

Triscuit’s marketing people did a really nice job talking up how these crackers were baked with “real food,” but from the slightly orangyish hue, an almost fried-like wheat and rice structure, and a liberally coated seasoning that looked like Doritos Cooler Ranch powder, each square resembled someone’s misplaced attempt to fry a cracker rather than an actual sweet potato or red onion. Undeterred by this bastardized cracker, my initial bite was greeted by an unmistakable shattering sensation that borders somewhere between crispy and crunchy. Wherever it is on the crunch spectrum, it’s strikingly addictive, and a textural bite I’ve really only encountered at Korean fried chicken restaurants like the chain Bon Chon. Far from the usual sturdy, if not boring, crunch of a Triscuit, I was instantly hooked.

Nabisco Roasted Sweet Onion Brown Rice Baked With Sweet Potato Triscuit Closeup

The flavoring powder is strong and slightly sweet and definitely has the red onion vibe going for it. It’s thankfully not as sharp or intense as a raw red onion, although the flavor doesn’t quite reach the mellowed, smoky-sweetness of an actual roasted red onion. Basically, someone like Scott Conant might not be “kinda angry” from eating it, but would rather be just be mildly confused. Personally, I loved it. For while the sweet onion flavor wakes up your tastebuds, a mellow, smokier and wholesome sweet potato taste permeates the backend. Think a whole grain sweet potato chip, if you’ve ever had one of those. If you haven’t, just think yummy and smile.

Through it all, there’s an almost Doritos Cooler Ranch quality to the seasoning. I can’t place my finger on it (probably because I was licking them), but there’s a slight tang that just melds everything together. Or maybe it’s just the natural reaction to licking little green herb seasoning off my fingers.

Nabisco Roasted Sweet Onion Brown Rice Baked With Sweet Potato Triscuit Side Box

The box came with a nice little recipe idea for topping my crackers with Gouda and figs, but because I chose a career in writing and editing and don’t have that kind of straight cash money, I settled for some Walmart mozzarella and a few raisins. The cracker did just what it needed to do, contributing the sharp sweet onion flavor and meaty sweet potato back notes to the earthy sweetness of the raisins and milky taste of the cheese. Not overwhelming the topping but still holding its own, my little creation was probably the closest thing I got to an actual meal all week.

Nabisco Roasted Sweet Onion Brown Rice Baked With Sweet Potato Triscuit Topped

Clearly, I’m impressed. So impressed, as a matter of fact, that I’m ready to proclaim this my favorite Triscuit and right up there with some of the best crackers I’ve ever had. What Triscuit has managed to do is create a cracker with one of the greatest textural elements of chips but also the robust flavors of, well, actual food. And they’ve done it with something that’s actually pretty good for me and combines none of that actual cooking stuff. While I can foresee those with a strong aversion to onions taking a pass on these, I think most people will be pleasantly surprised by the entire Brown Rice Triscuit line.

As for pleasing your neighbors at those awkward pre-dinner conversations? Well, you’re completely on your own there.

(Nutrition Facts – 6 crackers – 130 calories, 40 calories from fat, 4.5 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 85milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 1 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Other Roasted Sweet Onion Brown Rice Triscuit reviews:
Junk Food Guy

Item: Nabisco Roasted Sweet Onion Brown Rice Baked With Sweet Potato Triscuit
Purchased Price: $2.50
Size: 9 oz. box
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Wonderful and slightly sharp sweet onion flavor balanced by subtle molasses sweetness of earthy whole grains and sweet potato backnotes. Crispy-crunchy-shattery texture like Korean fried chicken. Real food. Whole grains. Doesn’t overpower toppings but can hold its own. Has a Cooler Ranch Doritos vibe for some odd reason.
Cons: Confusing Scott Conant and the anti-onion crowd. Might be a little intense for those who like plain crackers. Not as much fiber or protein as regular Triscuit. Assistant Editors’ salaries. Divisive cracker tastes make for awkward pre-dinner conversation with the neighbors.

REVIEW: International Delight Vanilla Iced Coffee Light

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International Delight Vanilla Iced Coffee Light

International Delight’s Iced Coffee regularly finds its way into my cart because last year it found its way into my heart after I gave it a positive review.

But every so often, when I place a half gallon carton in my cart, I think to myself, “Suck it, Starbucks!” and “All that cream and sugar is probably making me chubby…All right, chubbier.”

I don’t know if it’s because International Delight has seen me naked, but they now have light versions of their mocha and vanilla iced coffees.

Like the non-light version, International Delight Vanilla Iced Coffee Light is made with 100 percent premium Arabica coffee beans. However, it has 1/3 fewer calories and 39 percent less sugar than their regular iced coffee.

Why does it have fewer calories and sugar?

Magic!!!

Actually, it’s because of the popular artificial sweeteners, sucralose and acesulfame potassium.

So it’s not magic. It’s science!!!

Although International Delight Vanilla Iced Coffee uses artificial sweeteners, it still has the same 2.5 grams of fat and 1.5 grams of saturated fat the original has. It also has 56 milligrams of caffeine per 8-ounce serving, which is two milligrams less than their regular iced coffee.

While pouring International Delight Vanilla Iced Coffee Light into a glass, I noticed it was much thinner than the non-light version, which I think is thick enough that it makes me feel like I’m drinking melted ice cream.

If you’re one of those people who tried the original International Delight Iced Coffee and thought to yourself, “Hey! I’d like a lot more coffee with my cream and sugar!”, then your internal voice will say the same thing about the light version as the combination of coffee, cream, and carrageenan goes down your throat. There’s enough dairy and sweetener to mask the coffee’s bitterness and to almost make a Starbucks Frappuccino blush.

International Delight Vanilla Iced Coffee Light Closeup

However, the difference in flavor between the light and regular versions is similar to the difference between Pepsi and Diet Pepsi (or Coke and Diet Coke for you Pepsi haters or RC Cola and Diet RC Cola for you people fortunate to have RC Cola on your store shelves); you instantly know you’re drinking the light version. The artificial sweeteners were noticeable once the coffee hit my tongue and right through to the aftertaste. Unlike the coffee’s bitterness, no amount of dairy could cover that. As for the vanilla flavor, it was mild, but made the coffee taste marshmallow-ish.

As a regular International Delight Iced Coffee drinker, it’s nice to have a lighter version. Even though the artificial sweeteners created a significant difference in flavor, as a regular diet soda drinker, I didn’t mind it. So it looks like I’ll be putting International Delight Iced Coffee Light into my cart, instead of the regular stuff, and only thinking to myself, “Suck it, Starbucks!”

(Nutrition Facts – 8 ounces – 100 calories, 25 calories from fat, 2.5 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 105 milligrams of sodium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 14 grams of sugar, 4 grams of protein, 10% calcium, and 4% iron.)

Item: International Delight Vanilla Iced Coffee Light
Purchased Price: $3.99 (on sale)
Size: Half gallon
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Still creamy and sweet enough to cover the coffee’s bitterness. Vanilla has a marshmallow-ish-ness to it. Fewer calories and less sugar than regular International Delight Iced Coffee. Contains 56 milligrams of sweet, sweet caffeine.
Cons: Artificial sweeteners were noticeable. Thinner than the regular stuff. Trying to spell carrageenan. Using marshmallow-ish-ness. Coffee snobs will turn their noses up at this. Me being naked.

REVIEW: MiO Fit Liquid Water Enhancer (Arctic Grape and Berry Blast)

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MiO Fit (Arctic Grape and Berry Blast)

In order to properly test MiO Fit Liquid Water Enhancer, I decided I had to do something a bit more intense than my usual exercise of choice — walking.

With walking I don’t need the fancy electrolytes and B vitamins MiO Fit provides. After doing the simple act of walking, all I simply need to rehydrate and satisfy my simple thirst is some simple water that came from a kitchen faucet, went through a Brita filter, and then chilled in the refrigerator for at least four hours. Simple.

I like walking because I can do it whenever and I don’t need a trainer yelling at me to motivate me. If I want someone to yell commands at me, I’ll just pay $150 to have Mistress Pain put a leash around my neck and force me to lick her boots in a poorly lit room. With walking, all I need to do is put on some shoes, hit play on my iPod, and go wherever my two feet take me. And then come back into the house because I forgot to put shorts on.

So what higher intensity workout did I do?

Zumba? Nope. CrossFit? Nooo. P90X? Nope. Boot Camp Workout? No. Spinning? Not sure what that is. Tae Bo? I’m afraid to accidentally get hit in the face. Nintendo Wii Fit? Too lazy to find out where my Wii is collecting dust. Sweatin’ to the Oldies? I do not own a VCR.

Instead of doing any of those recent trendy workouts, I decided to do a trendy workout from the mid-17th century called jogging. Usually, I do three 16-minute miles when walking. But when I jogged, I huffed and puffed and ended up doing two 10-minute miles. After coming home, catching my breath, and feeling the burn in my legs, I poured myself two glasses of water, squeezed MiO Fit Arctic Grape into one, squeezed MiO Fit Berry Blast into the other, and rehydrated myself.

MiO Fit Arctic Grape

MiO Fit Arctic Grape smells and tastes like a particular powdered grape drink. Oh yeah! Its mouthfeel isn’t like other MiO varieties; it’s a bit more syrupy. The artificial sweeteners are noticeable and there’s also a very slight saltiness at the back end, thanks to the 75 milligrams of sodium in each serving. But those milligrams of sodium are your electrolytes and they are what plants crave. Overall, if you’re looking for something tasty and sweet to rehydrate, you can’t go wrong with MiO Fit Arctic Grape. Rhyming!

MiO Fit Berry Blast

As for MiO Fit Berry Blast, its use of the color teal takes me back to the 90s when it seemed every new professional sports team used the color (San Jose Sharks, Jacksonville Jaguars, Charlotte Hornets, and Florida Marlins). Berry Blast smells a little like a Louie-Bloo Raspberry Otter Pop and has a light artificial raspberry-ish flavor. It has the same mouthfeel, artificial sweetener aftertaste, and saltiness as Arctic Grape, but it’s not as tasty.

MiO Fit Arctic Grape and Berry Blast made water taste better, helped me rehydrate, and filled me with electrolytes, but I’m not sure it’s meant for serious athletes. I looked up what Gatorade provides and compare it with MiO Fit and what I learned was that while MiO Fit has zero calories and electrolytes, it doesn’t provide carbohydrates, which athletes need to refuel, and protein, which helps rebuild muscle and is found in Gatorade varieties that deal with recovery.

While I don’t think MiO Fit is for serious athletes, it would make it easier for sports teams to celebrate a big win. Instead of dumping a water cooler full of Gatorade and ice on a head coach to celebrate a championship, the players can squirt MiO Fit.

Disclosure: The Impulsive Buy received free MiO Fit samples from MiO. Probably because we’re awesome or maybe, because we eat so much junk food, they think we need incentive to exercise. Well, if their goal was to get me to exercise…goal accomplished!

(Nutrition Facts – 1/2 tsp. – 0 calories, 0 grams of trans fat, 75 milligrams of sodium, 35 milligrams of potassium, 0 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein, 10% niacin, 10% vitamin B6, and 10% vitamin B12.)

Item: MiO Fit Liquid Water Enhancer (Arctic Grape and Berry Blast)
Purchased Price: FREE
Size: 1.62 fl. oz.
Purchased at: Received from MiO
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Arctic Grape)
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Berry Blast)
Pros: Both flavors made water taste better, which really isn’t that hard. It’s got electrolytes. Inserting Idiocracy electrolyte references into reviews of products that have electrolytes. One bottle makes 18 eight-ounce servings. Exercise.
Cons: Artificial sweeteners are noticeable. Probably not meant for serious athletes. Plants do not crave electrolytes. Slight saltiness. Doesn’t provide any carbs or protein.

REVIEW: Taco Bell Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos

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Taco Bell Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos

Best team-up of 2012!!!

No, I’m not talking about The Marvel Comics cinematic universe. I’m also not speaking about the Hawaii Five-O/NCIS: Los Angeles crossovers that had more hunks of meat than the Fast and the Furious series. While strength is normally greater in numbers, sometimes a duo will do nicely. In 2012, my dreams of Taco Bell and Doritos joining forces came into fruition.

Abbott and Costello. Andy Bell and Vince Clarke. Peanut butter and jelly. Vodka and texting. However, they all dwarf next to the perfect combo known as Doritos and Taco Bell. Both calorie-powered behemoths teamed up to have dirty fiscal sex and birthed out last year’s much lauded (or derided depending on your view) Taco Bell’s Doritos Locos Taco.

“Hey Doritos Locos Tacos, you’re going to have a little brother!” the Taco Bell executive said softly as the taco was being drenched with Fire sauce. “How’s that for a surprise?”

“A brother?” said the taco sheepishly tinged with suspicion while being hoisted up in the air. “Hmm…I never had a brother before!!!” The Doritos Locos taco grinned at the thought while wiping the Fire sauce from its eyes.

“We can be best buds and plaaaaaaaaaayyayaya-aaaaarrrrgggggggggghhhh…” Doritos Locos Tacos screamed while being eaten alive. “…it will be fuuunnn-aaarrrrararararaaaaaaaaaaaaa…”

Oh yes, original nacho cheese Doritos Locos Tacos, it will be fun.

I was quietly excited by the news and thought to myself, “Could Taco Bell top last year’s arguably successful Locos Tacos?” By stuffing all that wet yumminess in a Cool Ranch Doritos taco shell, how could it go wrong? I was pretty happy as the taco was going to feature my favorite flavor, Cool Ranch. I’ve always love you long time Cool Ranch.

Sure, I’m a sucker for some of the other fringe tastes. I loved the Mountain Dew and X-13D Doritos flavors. Yet in a world of spicy-hang-ten-pizza-jacked-cheese-doubledongs, you pull for the old reliables once in a while. Whether that’s a worn out Pixies t-shirt or a tattered copy of the Art of Robotech, you’re always going to romance the familiar. And with Doritos, mine is Cool Ranch. That flavor fires my nostalgia synapses into overdrive.

This new Locos Tacos is akin to the sequel everybody wants, but will this be Die Hard 2 or It’s a Great Day to Die Hard with My Socks On (or whatever the hell it’s called). Either way, I’m going to get them. My thoughts are definitely jumped the gun before I’ve even tasted one but how can those flavors not complement each other? Don’t disappoint me dammit!!!

I plugged in the new Kavinsky album to enhance that 80’s feel as I drove my souped up vintage Hyundai. Nostalgia ran high as I hoped the Cool Ranch Doritos were getting the respect it deserved. I bought one of each, the standard version and the flamboyant Taco Supreme version that winked at me and blew me a kiss as ABBA’s “Mamma Mia” unexpectedly chimed in the background. Oh yeah, you know what I want.

Taco Bell Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos

Taco Bell Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos Closeup

The ordinary Taco Bell Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos was filled with beef, lettuce and cheddar cheese encased in a Cool Ranch Doritos shell. The texture was nice with the cold crisp lettuce and the rich beef swimming in its sauce with shreds of cheese. My first bite was a big mouthful as the beef penetrated the lettuce and cheese. However, I couldn’t taste the Cool Ranch Doritos at all. It tasted like an ordinary taco and in disbelief I ate a piece of the shell. The shell was definitely a Cool Ranch Doritos but lacked that zesty punch those chips are known for. Subsequent bites made me slightly disappointed enough to quit eating it.

Yes, it’s a decent taco but that flagrant in-your-face Cool Ranch is absent. If eaten alone, you will realize the shell itself is the problem because it is so faint in flavor. I questioned if the supreme version would even be worth it.

Taco Bell Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos Supreme

Taco Bell Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos Supreme Closeup

We all know the Taco Supreme’s ingredients, but let me refresh your memory. This taco is filled with beef, lettuce, cheddar cheese, tomato, and the coup de grace — reduced fat sour cream. I’m not sure how to explain this and I’m not a chemist, alchemist, or whatever cosplay scientist roaming the sweaty aisles of some Comicon but…the Taco Bell sour cream is the story of legends. I don’t know what it really is made of but I’m sure it can simultaneously bring together our country’s divided political houses, make you forget your spiteful parents, and force The Smiths to reunite.

You see, I could actually taste the Cool Ranch Doritos this time. I ate the shell alone just to ensure it was the same. Yep, exact flaccid Cool Ranch Doritos taste. However, when eaten together…the taco’s beef and crisp lettuce combined with that sour cream was just so good. I’m not sure why, but I suspect the sour cream carries the Cool Ranch flavor better. Texture aside, which again cold and hot combined created an instant gratification, the taco supreme brought the Cool Ranch to the forefront. It’s still not as aggressive as I want, but it was nice.

As a fan of the Taco Bell/Doritos combo, I hope Taco Bell chooses to explore more varieties. However, I’ll take what I can and be satisfied with the Taco Bell Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos Supreme. Unfortunately, the ordinary version is right up there with Die Harder with The Hot Chick from Scott Pilgrim.

(Nutrition Facts – Taco Bell Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos – 160 calories, 10 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 25 mg of cholesterol, 350 mg of sodium, 13 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 1 gram of sugars and 8 grams of protein. Taco Bell Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos Supreme – 200 calories, 12 grams of fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 35 mg of cholesterol, 370 mg of sodium, 15 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of dietary fiber, 3 grams of sugars and 9 grams of protein)

Other Taco Bell Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos reviews:
Grub Grade
Brand Eating

Item: Taco Bell Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos
Purchased Price: $1.39 (Regular), $1.69 (Supreme)
Purchased at: Taco Bell
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Regular)
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Taco Supreme)
Pros: The crisp lettuce, the rich seasoned beef and that damned fine sour cream. Robotech. Cool Ranch Doritos. Sour cream brings the Cool Ranch Doritos flavor to the forefront. Kavinsky.
Cons: The Cool Ranch Doritos shell lacks that zesty punch. Die Hards 3 to 27. Typing “Taco Bell Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos” so many times gave me carpal tunnel. Cosplay. I can’t stress how sad I was that the shell was weak. Being eaten alive can’t be fun.

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