REVIEW: Triscuit Thin Crisps (Chile Pepper and Parmesan Garlic)

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Triscuit Thin Crisps (Parmesan Garlic and Chile Pepper)

If you’re anything like me, people are constantly stopping you on the street to ask, “Drew, how do you choose what product you’re going to hilariously [they usually cough when they say that part] review in any given week?” (I’m assuming your name is Drew. If not, sorry, but that’s on your parents, not me.) Most of them are hoping the answer is something sexy like opening an envelope from Marvo that self-destructs after reading it, or picking a briefcase at random held by bikini models. But the truth is, what products we review are largely dictated by our circumstances. For instance Marvo, debonair man-about-town and walking STD factory that he is, reviews condoms. Kelley likes armed insurrection and mustachioed men who look like they might be named Sanchez, so she opts for survivalist food and Tapatio products.

And I, devoted family man and perpetual runner-up for the Whitest Man Alive award (stupid Wayne Brady), review crackers. I’m not complaining… it’s what we do here in the suburbs. Sometimes I’ll invite my honky friends over, put my 2.3 kids to bed, and break out the chablis and a cracker platter so we can sample a few new varieties (brie optional). Usually I’ll spring for some imports — Sweden has some wheat-based thins to die for — but this time I decided to stick closer to home. Pretty much exactly what you’d expect from a man whose proudest moment was the time he was in a 3-second audience reaction shot at a Jeffrey Ross special. (I’m the handsome one.)

Triscuit Thin Crisps aren’t an entirely new product, but they have new packaging that I’m guessing is just going to annoy the hell out of stockboys. They’re thicker at the top than at the bottom, thus leaving noticeable empty space between each package. It at least looks kind of cool, if you don’t think too hard about the fact that it means you’re getting less food for your money. Along with the packaging revamp comes a new flavor, Chile Pepper, which we’ll be looking at alongside preexisting variety Parmesan Garlic.

Triscuit Thin Crisps Chile Pepper

I was both enthused and apprehensive to try the new flavor because chile pepper and I are fairly recent acquaintances. The wife finally convinced me a few years ago to try pepper flakes on pizza, and to my great surprise I ended up liking them immensely. But I’m still a skeptic at heart when it comes to new stuff; and much like putting a strapless dress on a supermodel, what works on pizza isn’t always going to work on everything else. So I was happy to bite into my first Chile Pepper Thin Crisp and discover that I liked them. They have just a little bit of heat to them, which thanks to the triangular shape of the crisps kind of flattens out over your entire tongue. But to the disgust of Texans everywhere, the spicy flavor remains infuriatingly mild. If a Texan ever ate one, he would immediately complain that it must’ve been made by a Northerner, then probably mumble something about the Alamo or giant belt buckles or whatever.

The spice is also fairly short-lived in duration; I had two beverages nearby but never even thought about reaching for either, even right after the initial crunch of flavor. To put it in perspective, my almost 3-year-old ate two in rapid succession, then asked for another as a reward for using the potty. When your spice can’t even make a toddler blanch, it’s clear you’re not pursuing the eXtreme demographic. I’ll grant that some of the crackers seemed to carry more heat than others — I don’t know if that’s due to the residue on some of them flaking off, but you could easily get one that makes you check the box to make sure it’s not the plain variety, followed immediately by one that brings the heat rushing back. They also smell extremely good, with that familiar chili powder scent. I’d go so far as to say the smell might actually trump the taste, like coffee or scented candles.

Triscuit Thin Crisps Parmesan Garlic

And hey, you know what else smells good, he segued flawlessly? Garlic and parmesan cheese. This variety also emits a nice scent, though a bit subtler… you really have to get your nose in there and sniff. Go ahead, don’t be shy — grocery store managers like when you sample their wares so you can give informed feedback to other shoppers. And really, “subtler” is the perfect word to describe the Parmesan Garlic Thin Crisps in comparison to their (semi-)spicy brother. The garlic is present but doesn’t overwhelm, and that distinct parmesan flavor that New Jerseyans constantly taste even when we’re not eating anything is present and accounted for. That said, they’re not something I could see snacking on for the entire duration of a football game or a movie. If you’re looking for a flavor explosion, you’re likely to find Parmesan Garlic a bit bland, but cracker aficionados like myself can see past all that to the pleasant neutrality contained within.

And that’s your cracker review for today from CRKR — all crackers, all the time. Neither of these varieties completely knocked my socks off, but they’re both decent flavors that could stand a little more prominent flavor profiles, or maybe just to include a prize inside the box. They’re probably a lot better when paired with cheese, but taken on their own merits, Chile Pepper and Parmesan Garlic are pretty good if unspectacular crackers. Like my high school swim team.

(Nutrition Facts — 14 crackers — Parmesan Garlic – 130 calories, 40 calories from fat, 4.5 grams of total fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 2.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of mono saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 120 milligrams of potassium, 20 grams of total carbohydrates, 3 grams of dietary fiber, less than 1 gram of sugars, and 3 grams of protein. Chile Pepper – 140 calories, 40 calories from fat, 4.5 grams of total fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 2.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 170 milligrams of sodium, 135 milligrams of potassium, 21 grams of total carbohydrates, 3 grams of dietary fiber, less than 1 gram of sugar, and 3 grams of protein.)

Item: Triscuit Thin Crisps (Chile Pepper and Parmesan Garlic)
Price: $2.99 each
Size: 7.6 oz
Purchased at: Wegman’s
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Chile Pepper)
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Parmesan Garlic)
Pros: Getting fellow reviewers on the FBI watch list. Pissing off stockboys. Both smell great, especially the Chile Pepper ones. Nice and crunchy. Pleasing aftertaste. Garlic and parmesan will always be a great flavor combo. Angering Texans.
Cons: Not being named Drew. Strapless dresses on those who… should not wear strapless dresses. 3-year-olds who laugh at your heat. Uneven spice distribution. Parmesan Garlic is good, but wears out its welcome quickly. No prize in the box. A bit dull.

REVIEW: Wrigley’s 5 Swerve Gum

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Wrigley's 5 Swerve

I’m going to help Wrigley Gum.

I’ve come up with a bunch of names they can use for free for any upcoming Wrigley’s 5 flavor. Why free? Because I’m too lazy (and cheap) to file trademarks with the United States Patent and Trademark Office.

I was surprised by how easy it was to come up with possible names. If you look at all the current flavors, it appears naming them involves either watching the Weather Channel (Rain, Solstice, Flare, and Vortex), throwing darts at the Periodic Table of Elements (Cobalt), or pulling random words at Urban Dictionary (Elixir, Lush, and Zing). So that’s what I did.

So here you go, Wrigley: Lunar, Polar, Reverb, Iridium, Mackadocious, Tungsten, Arcus, Radium, Aurora, Nickel, Ununhexium, Neon, Xenon, Razor, Fierce, Uranium, Plutonium, Avalanche, Blizzard, Brisk, Thrill, Celsius, Fahrenheit, Savage, Corona, Cyclone, Glam, Dew, Smooth, Flood, Kewl, Freeze, Halo, Radballs, Hurricane, Matrix, Iridescence, Redonkulous, Mist, Nocturnal, Fizzy, Nucleus, Ozone, Sassy, Crystal, Pulse, Solar, Crisp, Storm, Thermal, Thunder, Typhoon, Volcano, Vapor, Wave, Zodiac, and Tits.

You’re welcome, Wrigley.

Swerve was another word I found at Urban Dictionary, but it’s already being used by Wrigley for their latest addition to the 5 Gum line. For some of you who talk or text on your cell phone while driving, I’m pretty sure you’re quite familiar with the word “swerve”…and middle fingers. Wrigley has taken that word and used it to name their latest gum and its ability to go from a tangy to a sweet tropical flavor.

Wrigley’s 5 Swerve Gum is the second tropical flavor in the 5 Gum line, with the other being Lush.

Wrigley's 5 Swerve Closeup

Swerve’s initial sourness wasn’t harsh and it had a little citrus flavor to it. The sour flavor goes away after 30 seconds and then you’re left with a standard tropical flavor, which tastes like it’s made up of some citrus, pineapple, and another fruit I couldn’t make out. It’s good, but I think I prefer Lush’s tropicalness.

Swerve significantly loses its flavor after 45-60 seconds and become a bit tougher to chew. After 3-4 minutes of chewing, I thought the gum had reached well beyond its end of life and deserved to be placed at (but most likely spat towards) the bottom of Hefty Jones’ Locker, which is what I call my trash bag-lined trash can.

Wrigley’s 5 Swerve Gum is good for about 60-90 seconds, but after that it makes a sharp swerve downhill. So, perhaps, Wrigley should rename this gum using another term I found on Urban Dictionary — Minute Man. Because, like all minute men, it doesn’t last very long.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 stick – 5 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of sodium, 2 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, 2 grams of sugar alcohol, and 0 grams of protein.)

Item: Wrigley’s 5 Swerve Gum
Price: $1.29
Size: 15 pieces
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Pleasant sour flavor. Good tropical flavor. Sugar-free. How easy it is to come up with possible Wrigley’s 5 gum names. Only five calories per stick. Urban Dictionary.
Cons: Doesn’t last very long. Gets tougher to chew after 60 seconds. Referring to Urban Dictionary for the billionth time in a review. The cost of filing trademarks. People who talk or text on their cell phones while driving.

REVIEW: Mentos UP2U Gum (Sweet Mint/Bubble Fresh and Daylight Mint/Mintnight Mint)

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Mentos UP2U Gum (Sweet Mint/Bubble Fresh and Daylight Mint/Mintnight Mint)

On the growing list of things I do not look competent doing, gum chewing is right in between “throwing a football around with the guys” and dancing. After a marathon of John Woo films in college (Dolph Lundgren wasn’t so bad in Blackjack, right?), I caught myself in the mirror chewing gum. Instead of that cool and casual look almost everyone has when they chew, I looked like a hamster with a bunch of sunflower seeds in my cheek. I don’t hate gum chewing; I just hate myself chewing gum.

Having a pleasant breath is important to me. My job entails a lot of talking to an audience, a great deal of whining, some begging, a bit of folding my arms as if I am making a point and an uncomfortable amount of quiet farting. …You know what I am talking about.

Speaking of unwanted odors, I am hyper aware of bad breath. I habitually pop Altoids in my mouth and avoid gum. I one time had a piece of Wrigley’s because I was out of mints and the result was at Hindenburg levels. I was just nibbling the gum which made me look like I had that “grinding teeth” problem and I ended up biting the side of mouth. The mint gave way to the copper taste of blood that my unforgiving teeth drew. That was the last time I can remember chewing gum.

As I was in the line of impatient customers waiting to check out at Target, I saw the usual suspects of candy bars and ultra-mint gums that promise refreshment that will give you icy cold breath that act like Mr. Freeze’s ray gun. However something caught my eye. It wasn’t that pack of Stride with Shaun White eerily staring and beckoning me to walk into oncoming traffic.

It was gum made by Mentos and I couldn’t stop staring at the package because the name was so weird if not a bit annoying. UP2U gum by Mentos and the name was boldly stamped across the pack. The UP2U was in all caps and the name was so strange. It felt like I was reading those awful vanity plates on the road that say “B Kewl” or “IM Awz0m”. UP2UdamnU! UP2ME? Well then I had to try it since it was UP2WHATIWANTED2DO and NO1 can tell me what 2DO.

See what I mean? A bit annoying, L-O-L. L-M-F-A-O and all that jazz.

The package proclaims “2 Flavors. 1 Pack. You Decide.” Kind of like our electoral process don’t ya think?

I felt compelled to try them since I’ve been a fan of Mentos from the early days of their odd Eurotrash-like commercials. Each package had two flavors, and there were two varieties so I had to try both of them, which is really four of them since, so I had to try all four of them…God, this is more complicated than string theory.

Okay, to simplify I bought the pink pack which had Sweet Mint and Bubble Fresh while the blue-green pack had Daylight Mint and Mintnight Mint. I believe there are other flavors but my Target only had these two.

Mentos UP2U Gum (Sweet Mint/Bubble Fresh and Daylight Mint/Mintnight Mint) Inside Packs

I have to admit that the packaging is quite chic, albeit a bit pretentious. In fact it looks like a sleek compact minus the brush and makeup. They both open like a mini book where one flavor resides on each respective side. The pink one with Sweet Mint/Bubble Fresh has a quote by poet John Millington Synge while Walt Whitman (it would be cool if they called him Walt Whitmint) greets me on the other one.

The effect is no different than cracking open a fortune cookie and scoffing at the supposed inspiration (i.e. “You have many friends” or “A man with a great heart is richer than the man with the great wallet”—pphht!). It’s chew time.

Mentos UP2U Gum (Sweet Mint/Bubble Fresh and Daylight Mint/Mintnight Mint) Unwrapped

Mintnight Mint is not as minty nor as mintnighty as I would like. It’s a bit like that tiny bottle of no name hotel mouthwash that sits next to the shower cap. The mint tastes like timid spearmint but an unappealing rush of sugary sweetness overrides everything. I’ve smoked menthol cigarettes that had a stronger mint taste. Hell, the Girl Scouts’ Thin Mints cookies are more minty. The flavor also dissipates quicker than your average stick of mint gum. The name however, is amusing as I picture a vampire with fresh breath.

Daylight Mint, its resident brother has a weird texture. It was stiff not unlike those crappy sticks you would get from ripping open a pack of baseball cards and had a give like gummi bears. The mint was even less intense than the Mintnight one.

If you consume saltines or seltzer water, this mint will struggle to mask your breath. The mint tastes like the wintergreen variety but after the first few chews, this flavor goes away and again is replaced by that syrupy sugar taste. I wanted to spit this out immediately. Like Neil Tennant sang in Brit supergroup Electronic, “Dissapointed…”

Do not depend on the package containing Mintnight and Daylight mints to do anything to freshen your breath. I’m not sure what qualifies as a daytime or nighttime flavor but they should not be chewed anytime.

Mentos UP2U Gum (Sweet Mint/Bubble Fresh and Daylight Mint/Mintnight Mint) Pieces

Bubble Fresh is an interesting flavor. It tastes like the usual bubblegum but there is a tang like those sour candies without the sourness if that makes any sense. I really liked this flavor as it was a good play on the ordinary bubblegum flavor we all know. It was not overly sweet and there is a bit of a mint that works well, hence the fresh part. The gum itself was a very soft chew which is nice. Both combined flavors lasted quite some time and the mint lingered for a while.

I recommend this one if you love mint but you want a new spin on the flavor. I would equate it like this: sometimes you just want a comfy old burger with that melty processed cheese but once in a while you want a burger topped with yummy Applewood smoked bacon, aged cheddar and onion jam. By no means is Bubble Fresh as good as bacon but it’s familiar in taste with a surprising twist.

Sweet Mint is funny in a good way. It is the least sweet of the four and the most intense in mint. The taste is very pleasant as the mint slowly builds in your mouth and then it fades into the sweetness. This is the important factor, the sweetness is not cloying or fake sugary like that weird aunt you hate. Additionally, the mint stays in your mouth and with each chew, it maintained a freshness in my breath.

I can recommend the Sweet Mint/Bubble Fresh pack. The flavors are good, the mint stays with you and the package despite its snobbery, is fun. The Daylight/Mintnight is a fiasco and if it were UP2U…I would avoid it.

(Nutritional Facts – 1 piece – less than 5 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of sodium, 1 gram of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, 1 gram of sugar alcohols, and 0 grams of protein.)

Item: Mentos UP2U Gum (Sweet Mint/Bubble Fresh and Daylight Mint/Mintnight Mint)
Price: $1.29 each
Size: 14 pieces per pack (7 pieces each per flavor)
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Sweet Mint/Bubble Fresh)
Rating: 2 out of 10 (Daylight Mint/Mintnight Mint)
Pros: Sweet Mint is a good mint gum that’s not really sweet. Bubble Fresh is indeed a fresh take on the mint gum. John Woo’s Hard Boiled (Only the Cantonese version). Old Target commercials with the coolest indy songs. The packaging is admittedly cool.
Cons: Daylight and Mintnight mint gums are weak in the mint and taste department. The texture of Daylight is stiff. John Woo’s Mission Impossible 2 (any version). Those old weird Mentos commercials. Vanity plates. Bad breath. I chewed all four together, that was a mistake.

REVIEW: McDonald’s Caramel Apple Sundae and Caramel Apple Parfait

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McDonald's Caramel Apple Sundae

McDonald’s once used fresh apples slices for good, but with their new Caramel Apple Sundae and Caramel Apple Parfait, they’ve now gone over to the dark side of the Force.

I’m sorry. I should warn you that this review might be sprinkled with Star Wars references because I have both trilogies in my head thanks to Spike TV, who showed Episodes 1-6 multiple times over the Labor Day weekend. This is not the first time I got caught up in watching all the Star Wars movies on Spike.

Much like Bothans losing many lives to provide the Rebel Alliance with information about the second Death Star, I have lost many three-day weekends watching all the movies multiple times since 2008, when Spike TV started broadcasting all the films. Although, to be honest, it’s not a complete waste, if you count the custom permanent butt mold in my couch that was made with all the sitting I did.

With all the Star Wars in my head right now, my dreams are a little weird. Do you know what it’s like having Jar Jar Binks popup in your dreams? It’s like having a car alarm go off in your head. Not even imagining gold bikini Princess Leia can help overcome that.

Wait. What was I talking about before? McDonald’s Chewbacca Anakin Solo? McDonald’s Calrissian Antilles Padmé?

Oh, that right. McDonald’s Caramel Apple Sundae and Caramel Apple Parfait.

Both desserts use the apples found in the much more wholesome Fruit & Walnut Salad and Fruit & Maple Oatmeal. The apples in both desserts are smothered with a generous serving of gooey caramel, making the apples look like they’re floating in a Dagobah swamp. While the apples will keep the doctor away, the caramel might not keep the dentist away. The sundae version also includes McDonald’s reduced fat soft serve ice cream, while the parfait has low fat vanilla yogurt.

McDonald's Caramel Apple Parfait

The caramel is the Order 66 that turns the apples from wholesome to evil. And when I say evil, I mean really good.

Both desserts had a delicious caramel apple flavor. Although I could taste the apples more with the parfait. The crunchy apples were cut into small enough pieces that it easily allowed me to mix everything with the included spoon and, thanks to the added calcium ascorbate (calcium and vitamin C), the apples looked as golden and fresh as a recently cleaned C-3PO. As I mentioned earlier, there’s a lot of caramel, but there’s also enough apple chunks to ensure you get a little bit of everything in each spoonful.

Now, the thing is the caramel is the dominant flavor in both the sundae and parfait. It’s dominant enough that it negates the flavors of the soft serve ice cream and vanilla yogurt. Basically, the Caramel Apple Sundae and Caramel Apple Parfait pretty much taste the same. So deciding which one to choose really depends on how much you’re willing to spend or how many calories you’re willing to take in. Although, the Caramel Apple Sundae’s serving size looks smaller than McDonald’s regular sundaes, so you should also take that into consideration.

However, whichever one you choose, you can’t go wrong. The McDonald’s Caramel Apple Sundae and Caramel Apple Parfait are both really good desserts.

May the Force be with you.

(Nutrition Facts – Caramel Apple Sundae – 330 calories, 9 grams of fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 120 milligrams of sodium, 55 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 35 grams of sugar, 7 grams of protein, 8% vitamin A, 130% vitamin C, and 20% calcium. Caramel Apple Parfait – 180 calories, 2.5 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 85 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 24 grams of sugar, 5 grams of protein, 130% vitamin C, and 20% calcium.)

Thanks to Impulsive Buy reader Lane for letting me know about these.

Other McDonald’s Caramel Apple Sundae and Caramel Apple Parfait reviews:
On Second Scoop
Brand Eating

Items: McDonald’s Caramel Apple Sundae and Caramel Apple Parfait
Price: $2.29 (Caramel Apple Sundae)
Price: $1.99 (Caramel Apple Parfait)
Size: N/A
Purchased at: McDonald’s
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Caramel Apple Sundae)
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Caramel Apple Parfait)
Pros: Tastes like caramel apples. Lots of caramel and apple chunks. Small apple pieces made it easy to mix. Star Wars. Custom couch butt molds. Gold bikini Princess Leia. The Force.
Cons: More expensive than regular sundaes and parfait. Sundae and parfait pretty much taste the same. The Caramel Apple Sundae’s serving size looks smaller than regular sundaes. Wasting a three-day weekend watching nothing but Star Wars movies multiple times. The dark side of the Force.

REVIEW: Ben & Jerry’s Fair Goodness Cake!

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Ben & Jerry's Fair Goodness Cake!

Hey so guess what — I found the damn ice cream.

Irony is a bitch, amirite?  After literally weeks of searching for the latest Ben & Jerry’s flavor and eventually settling for Breyers Chips Ahoy! as a consolation prize, I finally located Fair Goodness Cake! before I’d even submitted that last review.  Yeah.  That’s like getting a friend request from the girl you had a crush on in high school two weeks after you’ve gotten married.

Except… often when that happens, you realize almost immediately that, old infatuation be damned, you absolutely ended up with the right person.  That happened to me — it’s crazy to think that if I’d actually had the stones to ask her out back in the day, I could right now be with a diehard Twilight and Justin Bieber fan who’s never heard of capital letters.  (Because: hi, we’re 31 years old.  The Biebs should not be on anyone’s radar who was born in the ’80s.)  So I approached Fair Goodness Sake! with anticipation, but just a little hesitance as well.

Juliet famously pondered what was in a name, to which Ben and Jerry’s response is clearly, “An opportunity for a double pun, duh.”  Fair Goodness Cake! isn’t the slickest of their ice cream names, but you’ve got to respect the sheer ambition of referencing both the fair trade nature of the ingredients and the flavor itself in the title.  I’d been looking forward to this one for a while because, beyond the fact that B&J rarely steer me wrong, I was curious to see if I could taste the difference between standard chocolate ice cream versus “German chocolate cake” ice cream.

Ben & Jerry's Fair Goodness Cake! Closeup

In answer to that question: yes, although it’s subtle.  I’d say the chocolate is probably a little darker and richer than what you’d consider “ordinary” chocolate, both in appearance and flavor.  Texture wise, while there are some crumbled cake bits in it, they’re pretty unobtrusive and blend well into the smoothness of the ice cream.  If anything, they could’ve added a little more German chocolate cake without anyone complaining, I’m guessing.  FGS! also contains coconut, which I personally can take or leave.  To me it’s like the kid sidekick of the ice cream world — I’m not going to complain if it’s there, but if it happens to get accidentally left out, or blown up or beaten to death with a crowbar, I’m kind of okay with that.  Anyone who got that reference, collect five nerd points and give yourself a wedgie immediately.

But I know that many of you, like my wife, are avowed coconut lovers, and rest assured that Ben & Jerry have not forsaken thee.  Fair Goodness Cake! boasts a strong, distinctive coconut presence that can’t be ignored.  Arguably a little too much so — the container boasts of a coconut caramel swirl, but the caramel is almost an afterthought, disappearing quicker than a bartender’s attention when you sit down and order a water (or so I’m told by people who order water in bars).  In all seriousness, the caramel is there, but very subtle and definitely overpowered by its bigger, more prominent cousin.  Damn your diva-esque ways, coconut!

Despite what the name might lead you to believe, there’s nothing especially esoteric about Fair Goodness Cake! ice cream.  It’s not some incredibly niche flavor that like three people will appreciate; it’s just solid, non-flashy ice cream.  Nothing wrong with that (other than the price… five dollars?!), and while I might’ve desired more parity between the coconut and the caramel elements, overall it’s still tasty stuff.  Coconut lovers can probably add an extra point to that score, but for everyone else: don’t hesitate to pick some up if you see it, but I wouldn’t drive more than a mile out of your way to get some either.  Although it is a limited batch, so if you DO decide to partake, don’t wait too long — he who hesitates does not eat cake.

(Nutrition Facts — 1/2 cup — 260 calories, 120 calories from fat, 13 grams of total fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 65 milligrams of sodium, 33 grams of total carbohydrates, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 27 grams of sugars, 4 grams of protein.)

Other Ben & Jerry’s Fair Goodness Cake! reviews:
On Second Scoop

Item: Ben & Jerry’s Fair Goodness Cake!
Price: $4.99
Size: One pint
Purchased at: Acme
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Finally finding the damn stuff.  Further confirmation that you married the right person (not that any was needed).  Cake chunks that enhance the rich chocolate.  Nice texture.  Double puns.  Doesn’t spare the coconut, if that’s your thing.
Cons: Does EVERY new frozen dessert have to have an exclamation mark in its name?  Kid sidekicks.  Remembering you never would’ve stood a chance with the girl you’re making jokes about.  Who hid the caramel?  $5 is pretty ridiculous for a pint of ice cream.

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