REVIEW: Jack in the Box Pineapple Express Shake

Jack in the Box Pineapple Express Shake Cup

If you’re wondering if Jack in the Box’s new Pineapple Express Shake has anything to do with the movie that has the same name, from what I can tell, it does not. But don’t let that stop you from enjoying this pineapple-flavored shake with whipped topping and a cherry.

I guess if you want, you can enjoy one while watching the movie. Or you could stick it in the freezer and consume it next year when the film celebrates its 15th anniversary.

Also, if you’re wondering if the shake has anything to do with the meteorological phenomenon that occurs along the Pacific coast of North America with the same name, it does not.

As a lover of many things pineapple-flavored, I approve of this shake. The pineapple syrup added to mine wasn’t wholly mixed in by the person who made my shake, but that didn’t stop the fruit flavor from coming through during my first few sips. Mixing it didn’t make the taste stronger.

Jack in the Box Pineapple Express Shake Spoon

The fruitiness isn’t overly sweet or artificial. There’s also an ever so slight citrusy sourness. But, for the most part, it’s pretty much what you’d expect from a pineapple-flavored shake. If you’re familiar with a Dole Whip, this tastes similar. However, I sometimes noticed something that made it taste like it had cake frosting. I don’t know if that was the whipped topping or when I sucked in a pocket of the plain vanilla base, but, again, it happened a few times. Maybe I need to mix better.

Overall, Jack in the Box’s Pineapple Express Shake is a delicious way to satisfy your sweet tooth and is an appropriate flavor now that the days are getting warmer. It may not have anything to do with the movie or a weather event. But if you want something sweet and tasty to enjoy while watching Pineapple Express, experiencing a Pineapple Express, or listening to the Bangalore-based progressive fusion band Pineapple Express, this will satisfy you.

Purchased Price: $5.39*
Size: Regular
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: Not available on Jack in the Box’s website. Also, what’s up with Jack’s website. It hasn’t been updated in months.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

SPOTTED: Hershey’s Cookies ‘n’ Creme Popcorn

REVIEW: Frankford Kraft Macaroni & Cheese Gummies

Frankford Kraft Macaroni  Cheese Gummies Box

What are Frankford Kraft Macaroni & Cheese Gummies?

When a friend sent me a video of a Trendy TikTok Teenager™ happening upon these, I immediately assumed it was an elaborately Photoshopped April Fool’s joke. But the siren song of curiosity compelled me to my local Five Below, just in case, and I’d never been so excited to be proven wrong. It’s not often that you genuinely have no idea what a snack food is going to taste like (or why it even exists in the first place), but this review gave me that dubious pleasure… and as it turns out, not many others.

How are they?

Frankford Kraft Macaroni  Cheese Gummies Plate

These do not, in fact, actually taste like macaroni and cheese. Nor are they supposed to. If you’re a more reasonable person than I am, you might now be breathing a sigh of relief, but I found this disappointing. Van Leeuwen’s recent (and bizarre) Kraft Macaroni & Cheese ice cream has been widely described along the lines of “Huh, this really does somehow taste cheesy and creamy and salty… and honestly pretty good,” so why couldn’t these be like that too!? But, for better or worse, their flavor is fruity—tangerine-y, but in that nebulously synthetic way common to many gummies. The texture necessitates a workout for your jaw; rubbery and requiring some effort to chew. If these gummies really were pasta, I’d send them back to the kitchen.

Anything else you need to know?

Frankford Kraft Macaroni  Cheese Gummies Compare

The box — an adorably dedicatedly crafted (or Krafted) facsimile that was probably my favorite part of this experience — cleverly gives no spoilers about what the heck these candies actually taste like, making for a prime opportunity for a prank or just a gimmicky surprise.

Conclusion:

Whether you find the concept queasy, uneasy, or just plain cheesy, Frankford’s Kraft Macaroni & Cheese Gummies probably have more shock value than flavor value, and only one of those values lasts past the first bite. I think they’re still certainly fun enough to justify a one-time novelty purchase, but fittingly for the store where they’re found, I can’t bring myself to rank them above a five (at least it’s not below)!

Purchased Price: $4.00
Size: 5.64 oz box
Purchased at: Five Below
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (7 gummies) 90 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of sodium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, 13 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Hardee’s Frisco Angus Burger

Hardee s Frisco Angus Burger Full

Hardee’s has reintroduced a classic from the ’90s: the Frisco Burger. It was a childhood favorite of mine, so I pulled up an old commercial on YouTube that slapped me in the face with nostalgia and reminded me how excited 7-year-old me was to try the sourdough bread. How exotic! I’d only had regular, non-sour bread before. Sourdough bread isn’t quite as novel these days, but Hardee’s has brought back its San Francisco-inspired burger as the Frisco Angus Burger. Will it live up to my fond childhood memories?

I order and receive my hamburger in under a minute. The cynical adult in me says that means it’s been sitting under a heat lamp for who knows how long, but the little kid in me is excited to have food so quickly.

Hardee s Frisco Angus Burger Split

As cynical adult me feared, the hamburger patty on my burger didn’t seem to be the freshest. The outer edges were attractively crisped, but when I cut the patty, it was a dull grey color. And once bitten, it was dry and unremarkable. The bacon was thin and unremarkable, as fast food bacon almost always is.

I’ve always been skeptical of the Angus branding of beef, and even more these days when I can get an Angus cheeseburger at my local gas station. Hardee’s Angus Thickburgers used to be a premium fast food offering, and it’s sad to see the quality dip.

Hardee s Frisco Angus Burger Top

As a child, I wouldn’t have noticed how much the two large tomato slices contribute to this meat-and-cheese-heavy sandwich. I was assiduous in removing every tomato from sandwiches until my early thirties. These days I can tell that the tomatoes here contribute some needed freshness and are better than the wet, flavorless discs on other fast food burgers.

The sourdough bread is plain white bread, just as it was in the past. The sliced round pieces were innovative in the ’90s and allowed a pleasantly toasted presentation, but no wild bacteria are flavoring the burger bun here. I don’t really expect that; good sourdough needs a mature starter that’s fed and cared for like it’s family. In my experience, great, really funky sourdough needs a starter that’s been burbling away for years (and occasionally forgotten) so that it’s surly, nearly sentient, and plotting its escape. And that’s a lot for a fast food company to deal with. My point is the bread is fine.

The 2022 Frisco Angus Burger is a decent sandwich, but it’s missing the crucial special sauce that made the ’90s sandwich a standout. I didn’t know what it was at the time, but years later, when the internet was finally a thing, I asked Jeeves (look it up, Zoomer), “What is the Frisco Burger Special Sauce?” and he responded, “Onion mayonnaise, sir.” My Frisco Angus burger had plain mayo that combined with the processed Swiss cheese into a white goopy mess. Just like the old days! But without the onion mayo, it’s just not the same congealed goo I loved as a kid.

Despite my disappointment, the Frisco Angus Burger is a perfectly serviceable sandwich. Perhaps it could have never lived up to my memories, and mine seemed particularly heat lamp-struck, but it gets the fundamental combination of toasted bread, meat, and cheese right.

Purchased Price: $7.49
Size: N/A
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 760 calories, 50 grams of fat, 17 grams of saturated fat, 120 milligrams of cholesterol, 1550 milligrams of sodium, 43 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 7 grams of sugar, and 36 gram of protein.

SPOTTED: Cinnamon Toast Crunch Creamy Cinnamon Spread

Cinnamon Toast Crunch Creamy Cinnamon Spread

Update: We tried it! Click here to read our review.

We can now spread Cinnamon Toast Crunch on toast. Wait. I should rephrase that. We can now spread Cinnamon Toast Crunch on toast without having to crush Cinnamon Toast Crunch Cereal into tiny pieces and mixing in a little milk to create a slurry to spread on toast. (Spotted by Amanda Y at Kroger.)

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