REVIEW: Keebler Limited Batch Cinnamon Roll Fudge Stripes Cookies

Keebler Limited Batch Cinnamon Roll Fudge Stripes Cookies

Those funny little tree dwelling elves at Keebler really caught my attention last year. After being pushed to the back of my junk food brain, they officially put Fudge Stripes back on the map with killer Birthday Cake and Peppermint flavors that stood up to all of the limited release cookies I had in 2016.

To the resounding excitement of cinna-sluts like myself all across the nation, they’re kicking off 2017 with a Cinnamon Roll rendition of their famous striped confections.

Keebler Limited Batch Cinnamon Roll Fudge Stripes Cookies 2

Immediately the rich robust smell of cinnamon and vanilla icing float out of the cool brown package. The aroma mimics that unmistakable head-turning scent that wafts out all Cinnabon’s in the finest shopping malls of America, resulting in the starry-eyed activation of the salivary glands.

The crunchy snap of the cookie is more pronounced than your average Fudge Stripe, which tends to occupy that space right between a soft and hard cookie. Leading the flavor is a soft cinnamon rush that is beautiful and balanced by the the thick and smooth vanilla glaze. It has a little bit less of a buttery taste than the usual Stripes’ shortbread base, and the dark tan cookie is speckled with brown giving an even and full cinnamon burst in every bite.

Keebler Limited Batch Cinnamon Roll Fudge Stripes Cookies 3

The overall flavor is less sweet than their standard cookie but also not too aggressively spiced. For people who love cinnamon, like myself, there’s enough to satisfy, but not so much that they would turn someone off who may be more adverse to a strongly spiced cookie. Taste-wise the product they are most reminiscent of are cinnamon Teddy Grahams.

Keebler Limited Batch Cinnamon Roll Fudge Stripes Cookies 4

Unlike an Oreo, there’s no real way to separate the baked base from the coating, but it’s pretty apparent that the cinnamon comes from the brown speckled cookie and the sweetness driven by the glaze. Surprisingly, the frosting flavor comes across much sweeter in the smell than it does on the tongue, which makes me feel like I could eat approximately 45 of these before any kind of “stop” registers in my brain.

For cookies that were baked inside of a tree, these are an impressive and satisfying take on one of Saturday morning’s greatest indulgences. Hopefully the Keebler clan can continue to channel their elfin voodoo and crank out a pancakes and syrup flavor so I will never have to cook breakfast again.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 cookies – 140 calories, 60 calories from fat, 7 grams of fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 85 milligrams of sodium, 19 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 10 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $2.49
Size: 11.5 oz package
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Perfect cinnamon bun smell. Amazing cookie crunch. Balanced cinnamon and vanilla flavor. Potential to save breakfast cooking time in the future.
Cons: Could use some yeasty bread “roll” flavor.

REVIEW: Double Chocolate and Oatmeal Chips Ahoy Thins

Nabisco Double Chocolate Chips Ahoy Thins

If you find yourself standing in the cookie aisle because someone broke your heart, you’re stressed out, or “me want cookie” is thumping in your head with an EDM beat, you’re going to be faced with a wall of cookie choices.

Let me help you by figuring out if Double Chocolate or Oatmeal Chips Ahoy Thins will temporarily fill that hole in your heart, bring you down from pulling out your hair, or get the Cookie Monster voice loop out of your head.

As you probably know Nabisco offers Oatmeal Chewy Chips Ahoy and Choco Chunky Chips Ahoy, which appear to be the inspiration for these new thin cookies. To be honest, I haven’t had the oatmeal ones in years. In fact, it’s been such a long time that I forgot they have chocolate chips and not raisins (I know it’s CHIPS Ahoy and not RAISINS Ahoy).

Nabisco Oatmeal Chips Ahoy Thins

As I mentioned in my Chips Ahoy Thins review, I love their texture, and both new varieties have that distinctive crispiness. But while the Original Chips Ahoy Thins are uniform in shape and size, these new flavors aren’t. I don’t know if it’s a production error, but in the packages I purchased half are circular and the other half are oval.

Oatmeal and Double Chocolate Chips Ahoy Thins

The Double Chocolate had a pleasing deep chocolate flavor because of the one-two chocolatey punch of the chips and cookie. While I loved the original Chips Ahoy Thins, I have to say the amped up flavor of these made my taste buds prefer them slightly more. They’re so tasty that it’s been hard trying to limit myself to a single serving size of four cookies in one sitting. Actually, I’ve failed almost every time.

As for the Oatmeal flavor, they’re good, but not as enjoyable as the Double Chocolate (or any of the other Chips Ahoy Thins varieties). But you probably knew that because I’m going to say 95-98 percent of you will agree with the following: Chocolate chip cookies > oatmeal cookies.

Sure, they have rolled oats in them and there’s raisin paste. Who doesn’t love raisin paste? But the ground up oats kind of get in the way of the chocolate and the raisin paste doesn’t raise the flavor of the cookie. So, basically, if you’re dealing with crap, these are not the cookies to help you cope.

So after reading this review, if you still find yourself in front of a wall of cookies at the store, pull out the Double Chocolate Chips Ahoy Thins, take a deep breath, and say to yourself either, “you deserve someone better,” “everything is going to be all right,” or “STFU, Cookie Monster!”

(Nutrition Facts – 4 cookies – Double Chocolate – 140 calories, 60 calories from fat, 6 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 55 milligrams of sodium, 60 milligrams of potassium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 13 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein. Oatmeal – 140 calories, 60 calories from fat, 7 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 65 milligrams of sodium, 45 milligrams of potassium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 12 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein.)

Purchased Price: $3.00 each
Size: 7 oz. package
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Double Chocolate)
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Oatmeal)
Pros: Double Chocolate is wonderful and I’m having a hard time stuffing my mouth with them! Love the crispiness of them. Double Chocolate ones might help you if you dealing with crap. Hearing Cookie Monster say “me want cookie” a few times.
Cons: Just thinner versions of regular Chips Ahoy varieties. Oats get in the way of the chocolate. Raisin paste doesn’t raise the flavor of the cookie. Stress. Breaking up. Hearing Cookie Monster say “me want cookie” over and over for several minutes.

REVIEW: Limited Edition Chocolate Strawberry Oreo Cookies

Limited Edition Chocolate Strawberry Oreo Cookies

Two years ago, on a hazy New Year’s morning (my birthday), my girlfriend woke me up with a package of Birthday Cake Oreo in bed, and the secret junk food junkie in me silently screamed with joy.

Now, thanks to the cookie scientists at Nabisco, I can return the favor to my one true love on Valentine’s Day with the Limited Edition Chocolate Strawberry Oreo. Whether or not a crinkly package of factory cookies can successfully replace four-dollars-a-pop chocolate-covered strawberries remains to be seen, but whether or not these Oreo’s are a decent start to the pending onslaught of 2017’s limited offerings can be laid to rest right now.

Limited Edition Chocolate Strawberry Oreo Cookies 2

The Oreo cookies look no different than the always available chocolate flavor, with a dark creme sandwiched between two classic wafer cookies; but the aroma is distinctly different and heavy on the strawberry. Something about the chocolate strawberry smell is immediately nostalgic, channeling Neapolitan ice cream sandwiches, kiddy cereal, and strawberry Pocky sticks. While it is definitely an artificial fruit smell, it is not too perfumey or cloying in any way.

Limited Edition Chocolate Strawberry Oreo Cookies 3

Digging into the cookies, the strong strawberry smell is put on the back burner as chocolate takes the more dominant role in overall flavor, which makes sense as the chocolate outweighs the strawberry components 2-to-1. The textures of the chocolate and strawberry cremes are exactly the same, which mixes the two flavors together in a way that is cohesive but ultimately not too special.

There’s nothing off-putting about the fruit flavor like the strange Swedish Fish Oreo, but there’s also nothing particularly new or unique, like the slightly differing textures in the Filled Cupcake Oreo.

Limited Edition Chocolate Strawberry Oreo Cookies 4

A chocolate covered strawberry, as the design of the package directly implies, should have a more strawberry-forward flavor, and while these cookies do a good job of conveying both elements, the ratios and authenticity feel a bit off.

They’re a tasty crunchy cookie that will definitely be agreeable to most average palates but don’t provide any level of satisfaction that the original Oreo have delivered for over 100 years (literally). I’m not sure my Valentine’s chocolate thirst will be satiated with these come February 14, so I may have to go back to dropping $30 at Godiva to show how much I truly care.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 cookies – 140 calories, 60 calories from fat, 6 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 90 milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 13 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein..)

Purchased Price: $2.50
Size: 10.7 oz. package
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Full choco-strawberry aroma. Not too artificial tasting. Hey, it’s an Oreo.
Cons: Not enough genuine strawberry flavor. Not enough contrast, too much chocolate. Will not replace expensive Valentine’s Day candy.

REVIEW: Pepperidge Farm Toasted Marshmallow Milano Cookies

Pepperidge Farm Toasted Marshmallow Milano Cookies

I’m starting to think I might have the wrong mailing address for Santa Claus.

You see, twenty years ago, I sent Santa a letter asking for a Super Soaker CPS 2000. All of the kids in my neighborhood were getting one, so I just had to get one too. I’d be blasting my friends in the face with ice cold water in no time!

But there was one problem…the Super Soaker CPS 2000 never came. Surely there was just a mistake at the North Pole Postal Service—they’re very busy during this time of year. So every December since, I’ve written Santa a letter asking for a brand new Super Soaker CPS 2000. You’re probably thinking, “Ben, you loser, you’re an adult! You can’t go around playing with Super Soakers, even if you do get one.” Ha! The joke’s on you. I’m a grown male who still writes letters to Santa Claus. Do you really expect me to care about what people think of me playing with a Super Soaker? Who’s the loser now?

Just to make sure Santa stops by my house this year, I’ll be leaving him these new Pepperidge Farm Toasted Marshmallow Milano Cookies. I hope Santa isn’t a s’mores lover; these cookies aren’t made to include any graham flavor whatsoever. Instead, Toasted Marshmallow Milano cookies are just regular Milano cookies with an additional marshmallow-flavored layer.

Pepperidge Farm Toasted Marshmallow Milano Cookies 2

Well, at least I think there’s an additional marshmallow-flavored layer. Toasted Marshmallow Milano cookies have a sugary, creamy flavor to them, but it’s hard to tell whether that’s distinctly “marshmallow” or if it’s just coming from the milk chocolate layer. Either way, it’s certainly not toasted. I’m not saying Pepperidge Farm had to dip each of these cookies in liquid smoke — that would actually be pretty disgusting — but with a name like “Toasted Marshmallow,” I would hope that these Milano cookies could have some semblance of being toasted.

Pepperidge Farm Toasted Marshmallow Milano Cookies 3

I searched for a toasted flavor in the cookie, too. No luck. It’s just the same standard Milano cookie, like a lighter shortbread. Its rich, floury-yet-buttery flavor is good, but it dominates the overall flavor of the cookie. Aside from a few lucky bites, the cookie tends to overpower the flavors within — and that is the real problem with Toasted Marshmallow Milano cookies. You can taste “marshmallow” and milk chocolate, but never together. In short, these cookies are pretty good, but not nearly as great as they could have been.

If the last twenty years have taught me anything, it’s how to deal with failed expectations. But as Pepperidge Farm just taught me, two can play that game.

Pepperidge Farm Toasted Marshmallow Milano Cookies 4

(Nutrition Facts – 2 cookies – 130 calories, 60 calories from fat, 7 grams of fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, less than 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 40 milligrams of sodium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, 9 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein..)

Purchased Price: $2.50
Size: 7 oz. package
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Marshmallow and milk chocolate layers are sweet and creamy. Familiar rich, buttery cookie. Learning life lessons. The North Pole Postal Service.
Cons: Not toasted. Shortbread cookie dominates the overall flavor. Still wishing for a Super Soaker CPS 2000. Passive-aggressively leaving one cookie for Santa Claus.

REVIEW: Trader Joe’s It’s Sedimentary, My Dear Cookie

Trader Joe's It's Sedimentary My Dear Cookie

On picking up Trader Joe’s It’s Sedimentary, My Dear Cookie mix, I couldn’t help but roll my eyes a little. The precious Mason jar, the muted tones of the “candy coated chocolate drops,” the cutesy crowd-sourced name. I wanted to trust the company that’s kept me in Speculoos Cookie Butter all this time, however. I read the instructions – mix butter and egg, dump entire jar in.

Wait. What?

Trader Joe's It's Sedimentary My Dear Cookie 2

First rule of Cookie Baking Club is: cream the butter and sugar first. Most cookie recipes (and all mothers) will tell you that whipping the sugar and butter together until pale and fluffy before everything else is cookie gospel. It’s what makes them light and airy. Now Trader Joe was telling me not to. I feared ending up with hockey pucks – something your childhood friends’ hippie parents would give you, saying “These are better than Chips Ahoy, trust me!”

Initial impression opening the jar was the smell of OATS! The oat force was strong with this one. Peanut Butter chips and graham cracker crumbs were present, although aromatically invisible. The dough came together quickly in my mixer – less than 30 seconds. Second rule of Cookie Baking Club: Don’t overmix!

Trader Joe's It's Sedimentary My Dear Cookie 3

Using a loosely-packed 2-Tbsp scoop, I was able to form 30 cookies, despite the label stating it would make 18. That’s a pretty good yield. Next – refrigerate the dough for two hours.

Trader Joe's It's Sedimentary My Dear Cookie 4

TWO HOURS? What kind of patience and willpower does Trader Joe’s think I have? With a tiny fridge, I had to cram every other cold item I own into the crisper bin so these free-range oat balls could chillax.

Eventually, it was time to bake. Since they were cold, the dough didn’t spread or flatten much – more like puffed out into domes.

Trader Joe's It's Sedimentary My Dear Cookie 5

I must admit, these cookies surprised me.

Trader Joe's It's Sedimentary My Dear Cookie 6

They’re dense, but not potential deadly weapons in a food fight. More than 4 might leave you feeling like there’s rocks in your belly, though. They were crumbly on the outside and soft on the inside.

After baking, the oats piped down and let the peanut butter chips and graham cracker crumbs dominate the flavor, which I appreciated.

Trader Joe's It's Sedimentary My Dear Cookie 7

I would have liked more “candy coated chocolate drops” for color, but overall, this was a pretty decent cookie mix. Could be a nice gift for busy parents, kids, or anyone who wants to upgrade from the “cut and bake” pre-made cookie dough.

(Nutrition Facts – 1/8 cup (as prepared per directions) – 200 calories, 70 calories from fat, 8 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 25 milligrams of cholesterol, 115 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 12 grams of sugar, and 3 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $4.99
Size: 23 oz. jar
Purchased at: Trader Joe’s
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Easy to make. Nice earthy peanut butter and graham cracker flavor. Presentation is gift-appropriate.
Cons: Could use more “candy coated chocolate drops.” Cynics might contract charming-itis from the whole thing.