Tag: Eggo

I have to admit it took me a minute to figure out why confetti was considered an Eggo Seasons flavor. I thought maybe there are some places where the snow is multi-colored, and it’s in celebration of winter? Then I wondered if maybe the waffles were hinting at party season?

But I realized that, as much as I like to think it may one day happen, snow will always be white, and party season is a year-round thing. It finally hit me that Eggo Seasons Confetti Waffles are in celebration of the New Year. DUH! Gosh, I can be real a tool sometimes.

After Cincinnati Bengals running back Jeremy Hill ran me and my brother to a fantasy football championship and prize money that would make Bill Gates jealous ($400 each), the reasons to celebrate were aplenty. So with that said, screw the New Year, I got these waffles to celebrate fantasy football pride, being better than my friends, and, of course, money.

Unfortunately, the party ends there, as the waffles themselves really weren’t worth celebrating. Now that doesn’t mean they’re bad, it just means they aren’t as flashy as the colorful confetti specks make them out to be, at least in terms of flavor.

Hopeful for the ever awesome Pillsbury Funfetti flavor, my hopes were dashed just a few bites into my first waffle. There is a little bitty, teeny tiny, super duper small hint of Funfetti flavor to the toaster waffles. Like, maybe 9/100ths of the taste is Funfetti. There isn’t any noticeable texture to the confetti. It just seems to be a dye, which could explain the lack of flavor with the confetti.

Disappointed, I tried a few different methods to see if I could find these waffles’ sweet spot. I had one with maple syrup, one with butter, and one with both.

When you add anything to the waffle, that tiny inkling of extra flavor disappears faster than that one person at every New Year’s party who gets too drunk too fast, only to disappear into some random bathroom in the house to throw up, pass out and not be seen again until the next day. Then everybody is like, “Hey, where’s Jeff?” And you all take a quick look around the room before shrugging the thought of Jeff’s presence off and resuming your horribly orchestrated group dance to Edai 600’s “Koopa Bitch.”

The waffles aren’t all bad though. They still have that classic Eggo taste we all love. Well, at least those of us with souls, meaning that dressing them up with syrup, butter, peanut butter, Nutella, whatever your waffle topper of choice is, they will still be tasty. It’s just disappointing the confetti doesn’t really add much.

Reminds me of this time I was out at a bar and the band on stage announced they would be playing a cover of Rush’s “YYZ.” Being a huge fan of the Holy Trinity, excitement stirred in my bones. Unfortunately, it was the single worst rendition of the song I had ever heard. The rhythm guitar was laughable, they skipped over the guitar solo and they didn’t even have a drummer! Being as drunk as I was, I booed throughout most of the song. Then for some reason the lead singer gave me a hat with the Bud Light logo after the set was over. Um… thanks?

The whole situation just didn’t make much sense, much like these Limited Edition Eggo Seasons Confetti Waffles.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 waffles – 170 calories, 30 calories from fat, 3.5 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 330 milligrams of sodium, 55 milligrams of potassium, 31 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 6 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein.)

Item: Kellogg’s Limited Edition Eggo Seasons Confetti Waffles
Purchased Price: $1.99
Size: 8 waffles
Purchased at: Wegmans
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Still pass as Eggo waffles. Jeremy Hill. Having a group dance to “Koopa Bitch.” Being rewarded a Bud Light hat for incessant booing.
Cons: Almost nonexistent confetti flavor is a massive disappointment. Disappearing Jeffs. Having to endure pitiful covers of Rush songs.

Purchased Price: $3.50 (on sale)
Size: 4 pouches
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Pieces are soft and easy to tear apart. Smells pleasant when being microwaved. Comes in microwaveable pouch. Ready in about 70 seconds. Fortified with vitamins and minerals. Wittle French toast look so adowable that I want to eat them up…Oh wait, I did.
Cons: Doesn’t taste like French toast. Have some cinnamon handy (or syrup) because the light cinnamon flavor will have some of you reaching for it. Pleasant aroma disappears once it’s out of the microwave. No toaster instructions. Why do they make my fingers greasy? Part of an unsatisfying breakfast.

Nutrition Facts: 1 pouch – 180 calories, 45 calories from fat, 5 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 270 milligrams of sodium, 55 milligrams of potassium, 29 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 9 grams of sugar, 4 grams of protein, and a bunch of vitamins and minerals.

Purchased Price: $3.19
Size: 6 waffles/box
Purchased at: Publix
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Waffles toast up crispy. Icing akin to cinnamon roll icing. 10 vitamins and minerals. Excellent for making breakfast sausage sandwiches. Excellent for making ice cream sandwiches. Fulfills lifelong goal to draw on a waffle. Filling in the waffle nooks reminds me of Tetris.
Cons: Homestyle waffle base is pretty bland on its own. Only 3 icing packs for 6 waffles. Must sustain patience for the icing to defrost. Must sustain patience for waffles to toast. Realizing I have no patience.

Nutrition Facts: 2 waffles and 1 icing pack – 280 calories, 80 calories from fat, 8 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 430 milligrams of sodium, 60 milligrams of potassium, 46 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of dietary fiber, 14 grams of sugars, and 4 grams of protein.

Right now in my freezer there are only two food items that have been in there for over six months — a half full bag of store brand chopped broccoli and Guy Fieri’s S’mores Indoor Pizza.

In another six months, I expect both to still be occupying freezer space because I’m scared to open them, especially the s’mores pizza, but for the six months they’ll be joined by a Kellogg’s Eggo Drizzlers strawberry topping packet because the topping made with real fruit is…

What do the kids say nowadays?

Um…

Oh yeah, weak sauce.

Each Eggo Drizzlers box comes with six waffles and three topping packets, each of which holds about an ounce of strawberry weak sauce. The Eggo waffles included are the exact same circular breakfast modules that you know and love (or have nothing else better to eat). They are prepared in the toaster the same way as any other Eggo waffles. The topping, according to the box, can be heated in two ways:

1. Place the topping packet in a cup of warm water while the waffles are being toasted.

2. Warm topping packet in hand while toasting waffles.

But if you really want to multitask, I’d recommend a third option. Clip the topping packet to an ID lanyard around your neck and take a shower with it while the waffles are in the toaster.

After the waffles are done and the topping is warmed up, tear open the strawberry sauce-filled packet like it’s a condom wrapper and squeeze out its contents. As you can see in the photo above, there’s enough in one packet to cover two waffles.

But, again, the strawberry topping is weak sauce.

If your child is used to syrup from Mrs. Butterworth’s, Aunt Jemima, or anything else that’s dark, viscous, sugary, and comes in a plastic bottle, then the strawberry topping might not satisfy their taste buds and sweet tooths. Although, the topping has a gooeyness similar to pancake syrup, its strawberry flavor was light and not that sweet.

However, the strawberry topping has around 50 percent less sugar than syrup from Mrs. Butterworth’s, Aunt Jemima, or anything else that’s dark, viscous, sugary, and comes in a plastic bottle. So if you’re looking to cut your child’s sugar intake (or want to make your paunch disappear), use the strawberry topping packet.

Since I don’t have a child with a sugar problem or a paunch big enough to encourage me to do something about it, and I don’t care for the Eggo Drizzlers strawberry topping (and I turned the last two waffles into a peanut butter and jelly sandwich), the last topping packet will keep my freezer burned broccoli and s’mores pizza company in the freezer…and, when I decide to clean out my freezer, in the trash can also.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 waffles & 1 topping packet – 250 calories, 70 calories from fat, 7 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 370 milligrams of sodium, 55 milligrams of potassium, 41 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 12 grams of sugar, 4 grams of protein, and a bunch of vitamins and minerals I’m too lazy to list.)

Item: Kellogg’s Eggo Drizzlers Strawberry Waffles
Purchased Price: $3.00 (on sale)
Size: 6 waffles & 2 topping packets
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Same ol’ Eggo waffles, if you like Eggo waffles. Leftover packet keeping company other frozen food. Topping has less sugar than regular syrup. Enough topping to cover two waffles. Topping is made with real fruit. Multitasking.
Cons: Strawberry topping was light on flavor and not that sweet. Only six waffles per box. If you’re addicted to pancake syrup, topping will not suffice. Freezer burned broccoli. Showering with a topping packet.

Blueberry was the first ingredient Kellogg’s began baking into their almost Simpson’s skin-colored frozen waffles. Later, they made a waffle with chocolate chips.

Just like a beginning chainsaw juggler getting comfortable with throwing one chainsaw into the air and later moving up to two chainsaws when they haven’t lost a limb after several throws with one chainsaw, Kellogg’s started off with one ingredient, but became brave and added another. One of the first results of that bravery was their Limited Edition Seasons S’mores Waffles.

And now Kellogg’s is doing it again with their new Eggo Granola Chocolate Chip Waffles.

Actually, if you want to get technical, they baked three ingredients into these new waffles: chocolate chips, granola pieces, and rolled oats. Ah yes, granola — a hippie sustenance, Nature Valley’s cash cow, and the other reason, besides keeping hydrated, why it’s so important to have water while hiking.

The chocolate chips and rolled oats are super easy to spot in each waffle. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same for the granola pieces, which involves a closer inspection. The chocolate chips stand out because, obviously, their dark color makes them look like blackheads on the Simpson’s skin-colored waffles. As for the rolled oats, they’re noticeable because they look like trilobite fossils encased in waffle batter.

Sadly, while these Eggo Granola Chocolate Chip Waffles were warming up in my toaster, they didn’t make my kitchen smell like Eggo Homestyle frozen waffles were being pounded with heat from toaster filaments. When I took them out of the toaster, they had a nondescript aroma. I couldn’t even detect the scent of the chocolate chips while putting my nose close enough to the waffles that it looked like I was snorting cocaine off of them.

The chocolate chips, granola pieces, and rolled oats are, for the most part, spread evenly throughout each waffle. But that really didn’t matter because, without syrup, these Eggo Granola Chocolate Chip Waffles were as bland as white cotton panties. The chocolate flavor was so faint that I wondered if the semisweet chocolate Kellogg’s used in these waffles was really sub-sweet chocolate or hypo-sweet chocolate.

The rolled oats and granola pieces (which were made using sugar, honey, and molasses) also didn’t bring anything to this waffle party, except two grams more fiber than Eggo Homestyle Waffles. I thought the granola would at least add a little crunch, but my molars didn’t detect any. Thankfully, the waffle itself was crispy on the outside and soft inside.

Of course, waffles are eaten with syrup, and a light coating of the caramel colored sugar gravy did make these waffles much more tolerable. However, because the waffle itself had little flavor, all I pretty much tasted was syrup.

Overall, I think hippies would say the Kellogg’s Eggo Granola Chocolate Chip Waffles are a waste of granola.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 waffles – 200 calories, 70 calories from fat, 8 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 350 milligrams of sodium, 80 milligrams of potassium, 29 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 5 grams of sugar, 4 grams of protein, and a bunch of vitamins and minerals.)

Item: Kellogg’s Eggo Granola Chocolate Chip Waffles
Purchased Price: $3.00 (on sale)
Size: 8 waffles
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Thank goodness for caramel colored sugar gravy. Decent source of fiber. Fortified with vitamins and minerals. Rolled oats look like trilobite fossils. Prefixes.
Cons: The waffle itself is extremely bland. A waste of granola. Faint chocolate flavor. Granola doesn’t add crunch or flavor. White cotton panties. Having to type “Kellogg’s is” kind of irks me.