REVIEW: Starbucks Iced Hazelnut Oatmilk Shaken Espresso

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Sometimes, I feel a little silly ordering a beverage that’s almost more of a mouthful to say than it is to actually drink, and that was the case when I decided to try the new Iced Hazelnut Oatmilk Shaken Espresso from Starbucks. Shaken espressos aren’t new to Starbucks but it was my first experience with one. I had questions such as “Do I want hazelnut in my coffee? Do I like oatmilk? Do I even know what a shaken espresso is supposed to be?” The answer to all of those was a hesitant “Possibly?” but if you find yourself wondering if you should order this the answer is an emphatic “Yes!”

The drink is made with shots of the chain’s blonde espresso and hazelnut syrup shaken with ice and topped with oatmilk. The ingredient list is simple but the result is more than the sum of its parts. I was genuinely surprised by the amount and sturdiness of the foam produced by the shaking process. It really does make for a different textural experience than just having a drink on ice. The last time I had a coffee featuring oatmilk I was underwhelmed, but here the oatmilk was creamy and complemented the hazelnut flavor perfectly.

As someone who often finds hazelnut flavored coffee creamers off-putting, I thought the syrup was pleasantly nutty, a little toasty, and sweet without being too sweet. It’s certainly more prominent than the flavor of the espresso, but it doesn’t completely overwhelm it. You still know you’re drinking coffee, which is what I want when I order…coffee. A major complaint people have about Starbucks is that a lot of its coffees taste too bitter or burnt, but the lighter roast of the blonde espresso ensures that isn’t an issue here.

From the first sip to the last this latest shaken espresso was so enjoyable and well balanced. I can’t recall the last time I was this happy trying a new coffee and I’m kicking myself for not jumping on the jostled java bandwagon sooner. Somehow all that shaking makes for a very smooth drink I’m struggling to find any fault with. My only problem is I wish I had more of it, but with three espresso shots in a grande, the size was probably just right to not leave me feeling shaky myself. This may have been my first time having one, but it definitely won’t be the last. I’m a person who orders five-words-in-the-title coffees now, and when they’re this good, I’m okay with that.

Purchased Price: $5.95
Size: Grande
Rating: 10 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 150 calories, 4.5 grams of total fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 gram of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 60 milligrams of sodium, 27 grams of total carbs, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 16 grams of total sugar, and 2 gram of protein.

REVIEW: Kirkland Signature Double Chocolate Chunk Cookie

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Ah, the Costco food court.

There’s nothing better than spending hundreds of bucks to stock your bomb shelter, then trying to weave your tank of a cart around the guy filling a soda cup next to his parked orange flatbed that has an IMAX-sized TV hanging off it.

I just want a hot dog the size of my arm. Sir, can you scootch over a bit?

Everything’s bigger in Texas? I beg to differ; everything’s bigger in Costco. I don’t even wanna ponder what a Costco in Texas must be like, my megalophobia can’t take it!

Ok, now that I got all that hacky “Costco be big” stuff out of the way, let me tell you about the new Double Chocolate Chunk Cookie they’re baking fresh in the food court. It be big. This edible frisbee measures 7 inches across and 1 inch thick while weighing in at a whopping 5.5 ounces.

The “all butter” cookie features both bittersweet and semisweet chocolate chunks, and I reiterate – I love the Costco food court. This is a quality cookie.

I was a little confused by what “all butter” meant at first. How could it be “all butter?” If it was “all butter,” it would be a stick of butter. What about the chocolate? Is that “all butter?”

Well, after I took a bite, I got it. This sucker is buttery, probably a little too buttery. That, coupled with the massive lakes of gooey chocolate, make this a cookie you’re probably gonna want to share. It’s really good, but a few bites go a long way. I ate mine in shifts.

The first few bites had a delicious “out of the oven” softness because they’re served hot and fresh. When I let it sit for a little while, the edges crisped up while the center remained soft and lukewarm. I ate the last third the next morning for breakfast, and it was firm but still chewy. I can’t think of three better cookie experiences texturally, with the middle shift being my favorite.

If you’ve ever bought a box of chocolate chip cookies in the Costco bakery section, these are pretty much just them on steroids. It’s what I expected, and it’s what I got.

So, if you like Costco baked goods, you’re gonna like this. Try one… half of one at most. Just be aware of the challenge you’re in for. I’m a grown man (questionable), so I don’t use the word “tummy,” but the thought of eating this cookie in one sitting makes my tummy hurt. The mere thought has devolved my stomach back to a “tummy.”

I really should stress again how big this behemoth is. I called it a frisbee earlier, but it could probably be used as a discus in the Ozempics – which is a food-based Olympics I’m workshopping and you’re rolling your eyes at.

As far as the loss leaders at the glorious Costco food court go, I still think the hot dog and pizza are king, but this cookie is superior to the churro it’s replacing nationwide. Just go for it. You already bought enough food to feed an army; what’s another 750 calories?

Allow me to lay down a challenge – buy two cookies and a kiddie pool-sized vanilla ice cream, then make the world’s thickest Chipwich. You won’t do it. … Coward.

(Please do it and report back… Coward.)

Purchased Price: $2.49
Size: ~5.5 oz
Purchased at: Costco
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 750 calories. No other nutritional info is available.

REVIEW: Papa Johns Cheesy Calzone Epic Stuffed Crust Pizza

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While I’ve eaten less lasagna than Garfield the Cat over my lifetime, thanks to the layered Italian dish, I’m familiar with what ricotta cheese tastes and feels like. So I find it a bit odd that Papa Johns’ Cheesy Calzone Epic Stuffed Crust Pizza, which has a blend of mozzarella and garlic herb ricotta packed into the crust, lacks any indication that the latter cheese is there.

Even when I pulled open the end crust, it only looked like a sea of mozzarella, and there were no herbs. Sure, the person who made mine might’ve not included it, or Garfield the Cat used Odie to distract the Papa Johns employees to suck out the ricotta while the pizza was sitting to be picked up. But I do taste something garlicky in the crust, so I assume the ricotta must be there. That flavor definitely does not come from the crust’s exterior because it looks and tastes as plain as plain can be. Heck, if you look at the whole pizza, it looks as if it’s seen a ghost.

Of course, the amount of ricotta you get in your crust may vary, and the lack of a strong flavor with the end crust can easily be remedied by dipping it into the dependable special garlic sauce that comes with the pizza. But without the sauce, it’s pretty much just a regular stuffed crust pizza.

The end crust of a Papa Johns Cheesy Calzone Epic Stuffed Crust Pizza is supposed to have the flavors of a calzone, but mine didn’t scream CALZONE, nor did it say it at a normal talking volume. I don’t hate it as much as Garfield the Cat hates Mondays, but if the amount of ricotta I got in my pizza is what I’m supposed to get, then it’s very disappointing.

Purchased Price: $18.99*
Size: Large
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 slice) 350 calories, 14 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 35 mc 910 milligrams of sodium, 41 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 5 grams of sugar, and 14 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Dunkin’ White Hazelnut Bark Coffee

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White chocolate peppermint bark is something that I’ve always associated with the holiday season, but white hazelnut bark I’d never heard of before — and want to try as soon as possible, now that I’ve been made aware of its existence. Until I’m able to track some down, though, I figure the next best thing is to sample it in beverage form via Dunkin’s new White Hazelnut Bark Coffee, part of its hotly anticipated new winter 2024 menu. (Or, because of the season, should I say coldly anticipated? … Okay, fine, that was an awful pun. Please don’t pelt me with snowballs.)

According to Dunkin’s latest press release, this new flavor is inspired by an earlier (and still available) seasonal offering, the Toasted White Chocolate Swirl. I dug a little deeper, searching up Dunkin’s lengthy Allergen and Ingredient Table online, and noted that in addition to that swirl, this coffee also includes cream and “hazelnut flavor.” It is available both hot and iced; I generally enjoy, and surely will eventually try, both, but opted for iced for this review as I think that format is more conducive to clear, distinct flavors, as opposed to hot beverages where they are more likely to muddle together or be overshadowed by the tongue-tingling temperature.

I expected this to be a more white-chocolate-forward drink with hints of hazelnut, but I had the opposite experience: the first flavor that came through was distinctly nutty. Don’t get me wrong, this coffee is certainly sweet and creamy too, but so are sugar and cream, so I wasn’t sure which part of that profile screamed “white chocolate” specifically. And while I absolutely love white chocolate, even I must admit that it’s not the most distinctive beverage flavor, so it makes sense that the hazelnut component would be more dominant.

A common complaint about these dessert-based limited edition flavors is that they are too sweet. Did I find that to be the case here? No… but I was also content with the sugar level of the Ice Spice Munchkin Drink (which was, in a word, ludicrous), so maybe take my opinion with a grain of salt… or a grain of sugar… or several tablespoons of sugar…

In any case, I enjoyed the White Hazelnut Bark Coffee. I just can’t say it was the most unique experience. Regrettably, I also can’t say I prefer it to its predecessor, the Toasted White Chocolate Signature Latte. I have to reiterate that it was a yummy pick-me-up that tasted exactly how it was supposed to. But it was just a little underwhelming — and I can’t in good conscience give a higher score to a product whose most memorable quality was teaching me about a different product I’d rather consume.

Speaking of, now that I’m sufficiently caffeinated, it’s time to hunt down some proper white hazelnut bark!

Purchased Price: $3.91
Size: Small
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 170 calories, 6 grams of fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 65 milligrams of sodium, 26 grams of total carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 25 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Little Caesars Stuffed Crazy Crust Pizza

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Remember when Little Caesars pizza was available in Kmart stores? You could celebrate a Kmart Red Light Special with a hot and ready pizza for five bucks. Then Kmart went bankrupt and was purchased by Sears, which also went bankrupt. But those events weren’t enough to kill Little Caesars, which still stands tall. Pizza! Pizza! Its latest product is the Stuffed Crazy Crust Pizza.

The round offering features a stuffed crust brushed with the chain’s signature Crazy Crust, a buttery-flavored garlic spread sprinkled with Parmesan. Pepperoni and cheese versions are being advertised, but if you create your own pizza, it’s available as a crust option. I decided to go with the pepperoni. Also, this review will focus only on the Stuffed Crazy Crust since there’s nothing new about the pepperoni and cheese.

Before trying this, the only question I had was, “If an end crust hater stole this pizza from me, ate only the inner parts of the pizza while I chased him around in an abandoned Kmart with Yakety Sax playing on the PA system, and then gave back the box with only the stuffed crust, is what’s left tasty enough that I would eat it instead of discarding it, feeding it to birds, or pressing charges against the end crust hater?”

Well, if that wacky hypothetical series of events ever happened, I’d be perfectly fine with eating just the Stuffed Crazy Crust because I was pleasantly surprised by how good it is.

For this review, I purposely chopped the end crust off two slices and ate them. While I wish the garlic spread was strong enough to make me self-conscious during a conversation, it’s relatively noticeable. Also, the garlic does enhance the rest of the pizza if you take a bite of the crust and follow it up with a bite from the other end. But the Parmesan is quite mild. Although, as you can see in the photos throughout this review, it wasn’t sprinkled liberally on my order. The mozzarella inside provides some salty, cheesy goodness, but its flavor is milder than the Parmesan. As for its texture, there’s a slight crispiness in some areas, but for the most part, it’s similar to regular stuffed crust.

Overall, end crust haters are gonna end crust hate, but I think what Little Caesars’ Stuffed Crazy Crust Pizza offers might be flavorful enough to make some end crust haters think twice before tossing it back into the box.

Purchased Price: $11.99*
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1/8 pizza) 393 calories, 21 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 49 milligrams of cholesterol, 990 milligrams of sodium, 33 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 3 grams of sugar, and 19 grams of protein.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

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