REVIEW: Van Leeuwen Limited Edition Glass Onion Ice Cream

“I think it tastes like a garlic bagel with cream cheese,” whispered the conspiratorial cashier as I purchased my pint of Van Leeuwen’s new limited edition Glass Onion ice cream. Fittingly for a mystery film tie-in, this ice cream is a mystery flavor, but the genre that was more on my mind was horror. Rest assured, though, that this flavor’s name is not a red herring — it assaults you with an overwhelming odor of onion as soon as you peel open the pint.

Pushing onwards to investigate the scene of what some might call a food crime, I noted the ice cream base seemed to be vanilla, streaked with a viscous dark brown swirl. Before my first spoonful even made it to my mouth, I was impressed by its soft-but-not-airy, velvety-but-not-heavy texture that hinted at high quality.

If I had to sum the taste up in one word (other than “HUH?”), it would be “complex.” The foremost flavor was undeniably — and unsurprisingly — the prominent and dominant onion, which seemed to originate from the gooey, gluey swirl and was potent with a faintly acrid aftertaste that was welcome amidst the decadent vanilla’s silky sweetness. I couldn’t quite pinpoint the rest of the swirl’s unusual (or onionusual) taste, but it seemed to have notes of both sweet and savory, which made me guess that it involved sea salt caramel. I was genuinely shocked and delighted when, after I’d finally gotten acclimated to this strange but also strangely addictive flavor, a scoop of what had been heretofore smooth suddenly also included a brittle chunk of… something.

I’m betting that this mysterious mix-in was intentionally hidden deeper in the pint to add an element of surprise. I detected some sugariness and crispiness that made me think of honeycomb, and also made me eager to find another of these pieces. But as my ice cream rapidly melted, I encountered no more of the cryptic crispies, only a series of increasingly oversaturated patches of swirl that tasted like straight-up onion powder, but with odd, extremely intense notes of tartness and acidity that reminded me of balsamic vinegar. Once the vanilla ice cream had become too soupy to be an adequate counterbalance, the omnipresent onion just became overpoweringly gross. On that low note, I headed to Google so I could more thoroughly curse the culprit behind this fetid frenzy of flavors.

It turns out that this is vanilla ice cream with Greek yogurt, bourbon caramelized onion jam, and – yes!!!! – crystallized honeycomb candy (I guess I just got an extremely sparse batch). Like any satisfying mystery, the clues are all clear in hindsight: I can see now how the Greek yogurt was what provided that inexplicable tartness, while the swirl’s ambiguous flavor profile and consistency do, in retrospect, seem quite jammy, and hey, I at least get some partial credit for picking up on an element of caramel, right?

I’d like to end this review by quoting another beloved piece of cinema: Shrek, where the metaphor “Onions have layers” is used to remind us that even weird things are always more nuanced than they appear. Much like onions (and ogres), Glass Onion ice cream certainly does have layers, but I can understand why some might not want to experience them. Now that I’ve cracked the case, I can’t see any reason to ever revisit this product myself. Hopefully the movie fares better!

Purchased Price: $10.50
Size: 14 oz
Purchased at: Van Leeuwen
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2/3 cup) 250 calories, 14 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 85 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 25 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 24 grams of sugar (including 18 grams of added sugar), and 4 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Dairy Queen Frosted Sugar Cookie Blizzard

What is it?

It’s the December Blizzard of the Month featuring sugar cookie pieces, icing, and sprinkles. It shares the December spotlight with the Candy Cane Chill Blizzard, but that one is not new. This one is different than the similarly named Frosted Animal Cookie Blizzard from a couple of years ago.

How is it?

I did not have high expectations for this one based on the lackluster components and my notion that the sugar cookie flavor would not stand out in a vanilla ice cream base. Even with the bar set low, this was a miss for me, both in taste and presentation.

Now I’m not one who normally cares what a Blizzard looks like, and sometimes the top layer can be deceiving. At first sight, this gives off a bland and boring vibe, and it backs that up with a bland and boring taste. As you can see in the photos, my local DQ was apparently experiencing a sprinkle shortage. The DQ website notes the sprinkles are “festive” but fails to mention they have absolutely no taste. So it didn’t really matter that my particular Blizzard only had a smattering of festiveness.

I can’t really tell you what the icing brought to the table because I could only faintly distinguish that flavor in this. So that left the sugar cookie pieces as the only ingredient left to pick up the ball and score, but since sugar cookie pieces don’t have arms or legs, the ball remained on the field and no touchdown was recorded. Maybe I just got a bad batch of cookies, but they were not “soft” as the DQ website promised. They were quite crumbly and really had no flavor that I could describe, other than generic vanilla-ish cookie.

The sum of the parts of this Blizzard adds up to disappointment.

Anything else you need to know?

I don’t remember having the Frosted Animal Cookie Blizzard in 2020, but another reviewer on this site loved it. While that one has almost the same name, it does seem that it had a more complex variety of flavors, so maybe it’s time to petition DQ to bring that one back and sit this new version on the sidelines.

Conclusion:

I’ve never tried a new Blizzard that I didn’t finish, and I can confirm that my amazing streak of consistency is still intact. But if I had ordered a medium or large instead of a small, then I’m not sure if I would have completed the task. This is still ice cream and cookies, so it’s far better than anything containing kale or carrots, but it definitely ranks as one of my least favorite Blizzards.

Purchased Price: $4.99
Size: Small
Rating: 4 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (Small) 700 calories, 30 grams of fat, 14 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 55 milligrams of cholesterol, 290 milligrams of sodium, 95 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 74 grams of sugar, and 13 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Dairy Queen Heath Brownie Caramel Cupfection

Dairy Queen Heath Caramel Brownie Cupfection Top

It’s pretty unusual for me to order something where I have no clue what it is. However, when I ordered the new Heath Brownie Caramel Cupfection at Dairy Queen, I didn’t know what I was getting.

Well, that’s not entirely true. I knew that it would have ice cream and at least the ingredients listed in the title, but I didn’t know much beyond that. Was it a shake? A sundae? What in God’s name is a “Cupfection?”

My treat was served on one of those ubiquitous little cardboard drink trays that DQ uses for ice cream and drinks, and it looked basically like a shake with abundant toppings. “Okay,” I thought, “So a ‘cupfection’ is just a fancy name for a shake; I can handle this.” Seeing all the different layers on top and the pure white soft-serve on the bottom, I assumed I was supposed to mix it all up, which sounded fun. However, I soon realized there is no mixing this thing up because there is an entire freakin’ brownie sitting on top of the treat, and you need to fully consume the brownie before you can access most of the ice cream. I had originally assumed that the “brownie” in the title must refer to small chunks in the mix, but oh, no: this thing is massive.

Dairy Queen Heath Caramel Brownie Cupfection Brownie Dig In

In addition to the brownie, this thing also has a river of caramel and Heath bar pieces. The only time I see Heath bars available in any form is as an optional ice cream topping that I never order, so I didn’t know what they tasted like, and to be honest, I still don’t. Their flavor is totally overpowered by everything else that’s going on here. What the Heath bar pieces do is provide a highly satisfying crunch that serves as a contrast to the abundant, sticky caramel and the chocolatey gooeyness of the brownie.

I started to feel a little sick about two-thirds of the way through, but for some reason, I felt compelled to finish it, maybe to prove my mettle as a dessert eater? I’m not sure what I thought I was accomplishing, but I did eat the whole thing and then felt sick for about two hours afterwards. Do I regret it? Not really; it was nice to have a sugary treat that completely satisfied my gargantuan sweet tooth, which is never truly content with more reasonable portions.

DQ’s website says that this thing has 760 calories, and I frankly think that’s a lie. I know what a 1,000-calorie-plus treat tastes like, and that’s what this thing tasted like. Maybe I got a larger brownie than usual, but 760 just sounds small for this brownie-laden monstrosity. I guess we’ll never know.

If reading this makes you Cupfection-curious, be aware that there’s also a Brownie and Oreo Cupfection that comes with marshmallow topping and chocolate sauce. The caramel was such a prominent part of the experience that I’m genuinely curious what a version without caramel would taste like. But I won’t find out for a while because I don’t trust myself to order one of these again. I guess I could always get one and split it with my husband, but let’s be honest, I’d just promise certain favors until he gave in and let me eat his half too.

Purchased Price: $5.59
Size: n/a
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 760 calories, 29 grams of fat, 14 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 117 grams of carbohydrates, 390 milligrams of sodium, 2 grams of fiber, 90 grams of sugar, 65 milligrams of cholesterol, and 11 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Blue Bell Salted Caramel Brownie Ice Cream

Blue Bell Salted Caramel Brownie Ice Cream Pint

What is it?

Continuing the Blue Bell tradition of generally using the most straightforward name possible, the new Salted Caramel Brownie flavor contains exactly what you would expect: chocolate brownie pieces with a salted caramel swirl in vanilla ice cream.

How is it?

It’s good.

Blue Bell Salted Caramel Brownie Ice Cream Brownie

OK, I guess I’m contractually obligated to provide a longer answer, so let me expound a bit. The brownies are the best part of this, although they seemed to be somewhat sparsely mixed into my pint. When I did get a brownie piece in a bite, it was perfectly chewy and chocolatey. The problem was most bites didn’t have any brownies.

The caramel swirl was also pleasant. It had only a subtle saltiness and a nice creaminess that reminded me of a Werther’s Original caramel, even though I can’t remember the last time I’ve actually had one of those.

The vanilla ice cream was kind of just there to hold the brownies and caramel. This might have been a bit better if the ice cream base was either chocolate or caramel, but Blue Bell didn’t consult with me for some reason.

Anything else you need to know?

Blue Bell Salted Caramel Brownie Ice Cream Swirl

The “swirl” part was a bit different than I expected. Especially with caramel, it seems like a swirl usually consists of significant pockets of the gooey stuff that looks like rivers flowing through the ice cream. But for this flavor, you don’t get those big pools of caramel in different spots. Instead, it’s more evenly dispersed, so you get some in virtually every bite, even if it’s a little hard to see the caramel. As much as I like finding those nice mother lodes of swirl, I also enjoyed this version where it’s almost blended in.

Conclusion:

Blue Bell Salted Caramel Brownie Ice Cream Top

This flavor falls into the broad category of PGBF, or Pretty Good But Forgettable. The brownies are good, the caramel swirl is good, and the vanilla ice cream is good, but this one doesn’t really differentiate itself from any other caramel brownie options that are out there.

Purchased Price: $3.29
Size: One Pint
Purchased at: H-E-B
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2/3 cup) 240 calories, 12 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 150 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 25 grams of sugar, and 5 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Dairy Queen Snickers Brownie Blizzard

Dairy Queen Snickers Brownie Blizzard Top

Dairy Queen’s website says that the Snickers Brownie Blizzard will “transform your taste buds forever.” Maybe it means you’ll be working so hard to determine the flavor that your taste buds will level up from sheer exertion? Maybe I can now be one of those people who can taste “notes of honeysuckle” in a glass of wine because I’ve become a flavor detective? It would be nice to think I got something out of this experience.

I had this twice and had a different reaction the second time. The first time, the brownie bits were missing chocolate flavor, and I was complaining that it was too bland. The second time, the brownie bits seemed much more flavorful. Was my palette fatigued the first time, or maybe I just got a few bigger brownie chunks in my mix the second time? The second event sounds more likely. When I properly tasted them, the brownie bits had a satisfying unctuousness and chocolatey bitterness.

Moving on to the Snickers, I think this would have worked if the candy bar pieces were a little bigger, but as it stands, it’s hard to discern much flavor. I didn’t taste major Snickers components like nougat and peanuts; there was caramel flavor, but it was kind of muted. The caramel did stick to my teeth though, so at least it was definitely present.

Dairy Queen Snickers Brownie Blizzard Spoon

The DQ description states that the Blizzard has “caramel topping,” which in this case means that the topping was mixed into the vanilla soft serve ice cream. This manages to make the soft serve even sweeter than normal, but it doesn’t really register as caramel flavor; it just amps up the vanilla.

Because of the brownie bits’ chewiness and the caramel’s sticky nature, there was textural variation, so the treat has that going for it. It’s just a little underpowered in the flavor department. This is the first Blizzard I can remember having where I felt the vanilla soft serve, bolstered by the caramel bits in the mix, completely overpowered any other flavors.

Look, Dairy Queen has a lot of Blizzards on its menu, and most of them are pretty darn good. Everyone has an off day once in a while, and I have compassion for that. I allow Dairy Queen a swing-and-a-miss, and that’s what we have here. If you want a Blizzard and are tempted to get this, unless you’ve got a real yen for brownie bits, you may want to get an Oreo Blizzard instead. In that treat, the bitterness of the chocolate contrasts with the vanilla soft serve in a truly delightful way, consistently. I’m actually sitting here feeling kind of cheated because I could have got an Oreo Blizzard (twice!) but got this instead. Blizzard Remorse is a sad, sad thing.

Purchased Price: $5.19
Size: Small
Purchased at: Dairy Queen
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 410 calories, 15 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 200 milligrams of sodium, 60 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 48 grams of sugar, and 9 grams of protein.