REVIEW: McDonald’s Cinnamon Melts

Much like Angelina Jolie’s collection of adopted Third World children, the menu at McDonald’s has gotten larger and diverse.

Along with the usual fare of burgers, fries and toys that some people think will make them rich someday when they sell them on eBay, McDonald’s has been offering large salads, premium chicken sandwiches, and gourmet coffee.

Recently, they came out with their Cinnamon Melts, which proves once again that just like drunk college kids who need an idea for a video they want to put on YouTube, McDonald’s will stick anything in a microwave.

I like the direction that McDonald’s is taking because diversity is good. Sure, most of their food isn’t the healthiest thing you can stick down your gullet, but when you’re tired and hungry after a long day at work or school, a Filet-O-Fish can look like a Filet Mignon.

You know what they say, “Variety is the spice of life” and in this case, the spice is cinnamon. Sure, you could live your life without variety, but what fun would that be. I believe a wise man once said, “To make life interesting, sometimes men have to piss sitting down and women have to piss standing up.”

Anyway, every container of McDonald’s Cinnamon Melts is basically a bunch of donut hole-sized pieces of bread with a cinnamon sugar glaze and frosting. It would be easy for me to say that these bite-sized cinnamon balls totally bite, but they don’t. Actually, they’re pretty good…for something that comes out of a microwave.

The McDonald’s Cinnamon Melts were sweet, but not sickly sweet like eating a Cinnabon or listening to hours of the Teletubbies talk, and they weren’t as messy as eating a Cinnabon since they were bite-sized and came with a fork. But if you enjoy sucking on your own fingers, you don’t have to use the fork.

The cinnamon sugar glaze was good and it had a nice crystallized crunch to it. The bread was warm, fluffy and soft. Speaking of soft, with the McDonald’s Cinnamon Melts they have found another way to possibly kill us softly. With 460 calories, 19 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat and 32 grams of sugar it isn’t something I would buy on a regular basis, unless I wanted to do more good than Angelina Jolie by feeding more Third World children than she has adopted.

Item: McDonald’s Cinnamon Melts
Price: $1.89
Purchased at: McDonald’s
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Pretty good for something that comes out of a microwave. Under two dollars. Not overly sweet like a Cinnabon. Diverse menu at McDonald’s. Men occasionally pissing while sitting down. Women occasionally pissing while standing up.
Cons: Serving might seem small to some. High calorie. High saturated fat. The health of most of the McDonald’s menu. Those people who think they’ll be rich selling McDonald’s toys on eBay.