REVIEW: Glaceau Vitamin Water

Vitamin Water

I didn’t realize it until recently, but water is apparently making a comeback. Even if it’s been here for years. In bottles and on tap it appears. Making tears and when it rain, it makes mud. Listen to your throat go chug. Dehydration, overpowering. Jump into the bathroom, I’m showering.

Okay, okay, enough with the LL Cool J lyrics. I know, I know, I was stretching it a bit with the “overpowering/showering” rhyme.

Anyway, it seems like everyone is coming out with their own water or selling water. McDonald’s gives us the option of having bottled water with our Big Mac and fries. The Macy’s stores here on this rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean even sell their own brand of bottled water.

With the amounts of bottled water being sold, I’m surprised Lil Jon hasn’t come up with his own brand of water called, Crunk Water.

Not only are there tons of bottled water to choose from, there’s also tons of flavored water to choose from, like lemon-flavored bottled water, berry-flavored bottle water, and orange-flavored water.

One particular brand of water I’ve been interested in is the Glacéau Vitamin Water, which comes in thirteen different flavors, each flavor contains a variety of vitamins and minerals, and each flavor has a different smart-ass label.

Now I was going to try all thirteen flavors, but unfortunately, I couldn’t find all thirteen flavors and I have a fear of the number thirteen. Although, it’s not like the fear/creepiness I had with the number sixteen, after seeing Lindsay Lohan’s picture for the first time, saying she was totally hot, finding out she was only sixteen years old, and waiting for someone to arrest me for saying an underaged girl was hot.

Anyway, I ended up getting just nine flavors, and I’m going to individually talk about each one.

Flavor: Essential
Main Vitamins & Minerals: Vitamin C and Calcium
Taste: Orangy, like a very weak orange soda without the carbonation.
Perfect For: People who want to get some Vitamin C, but hate the feeling they get from drinking orange juice right after brushing their teeth.

Flavor: Rescue
Main Vitamins & Minerals: B Vitamins and Chamomile
Taste: It’s like I’m drinking tea leaves or flowers. Blech!
Perfect For: People wearing leis and want breath to match.

Flavor: Multi-V
Main Vitamins & Minerals: The name says it all.
Taste: Lemonade-ish. Pretty damn good.
Perfect For: People who don’t want to pay 25 cents for a small cup of crappy lemonade from some kid with a stand on the side of the road.

Flavor: Revive
Main Vitamins & Minerals: B Vitamins and Potassium
Taste: Like fruit punch, although significantly less fruity than Tom Cruise.
Perfect For: Anyone appearing on the reality show, Hit Me Baby One More Time.

Flavor: Stress-B
Main Vitamins & Minerals: Vitamins B3, B5, B6, and B12
Taste: Like a watered-down lemon-lime soda, except without the carbonation.
Perfect For: “Runaway Bride” Jennifer Wilbanks before her next wedding.

Flavor: Balance
Main Vitamins & Minerals: Vitamin C and Glucosamine
Taste: Cranberry and grapefruit-ish. Definitely not my favorite.
Perfect For: People who want to make sure they walk in a straight line after being pulled over by a police officer.

Flavor: Focus
Main Vitamins & Minerals: Vitamin A and Ginkgo
Taste: Kiwi-strawberry mix. Pretty good.
Perfect For: People who have to sit through a timeshare presentation and don’t want to get caught spacing out. Or people on weed.

Flavor: Power-C
Main Vitamins & Minerals: Vitamin C and Taurine
Taste: What the heck is dragonfruit and why does it taste weird?
Perfect For: Those who hate oranges, lemons, and limes, but don’t want to get scurvy.

Flavor: Endurance
Main Vitamins & Minerals: Vitamin E and Ribose
Taste: Nice peach-mango taste.
Perfect For: Long distance runners, workaholics, and Sting, before one of his marathon Tantric sex sessions.

Item: Glacéau Vitamin Water
Purchase Price: $1.79 each
Rating: 3.5 out of 5
Pros: Smart-ass labels. Wide variety of flavors. Good way to get vitamins and minerals. Better than water from a garden hose, unless the garden hose is attached to a slip ‘n slide.
Cons: Pricey. Some flavors weren’t very good. Couldn’t find all the flavors.

37 thoughts on “REVIEW: Glaceau Vitamin Water

  1. Marvo! Despite the sad life I lead, June 24th to June 27th is too long a time to wait for new reviews! And that too over the weekend, when life is even sadder than usual! :-\ Not fair!
    PS: The reviews are good though!

  2. Again, no sex reference? I think you could have tied each Flavor to sex in some way: endurance, revive, focus, essential… you know! Anyways, do these water flavors have lots of sugar? I think thats a big factor on wether or not I would drink these. If they did have lots of sugar, I would probably go for regular water, but if they don’t, then water & vitamins sound like a good deal!

  3. Whenever I see a product like this, I think, why do I need to buy some expensive-ass WATER to get my vitamins? I would rather do the filtered tap water thing and take nutritional supplements, generally. Oh well. At least nobody has come up with combining an “endurance” water and Viagra yet.

  4. Of course it took you the whole weekend to write this review – after drinking all this water, you probably ended up taking your laptop into the bathroom with you so you could get it finished!

  5. I missed the new review Friday – I was afraid all your “energy” backfired on you. Great review, as always. I used to get this stuff at the campus book store (ya, before i took “a semester” off – wait, was that really a year and a half ago?) because it was the only non-soda drink they had. I liked it.

  6. yummm i love dragonfruit! it tastes weird ’cause they processed the ass out of it but if you get it fresh, cut it into big chunks and leave it in iced water, it is actually very refreshing…

    and if you think about it, there really is nothing or no one fruitier than tom cruise.

  7. i’ve considered inducting Bottled Water into the Hall of Shame. Something not right about paying for it … but at least yours was flavored. And vitaminized.

    Don’t feel bad about having the hots for Lindsay; my friend was waiting on the sidelines forever for the Olsen twins to become legal…

  8. Man what is the deal with fruity Tom Cruise anyway. I thought he used to be normal and now he is all weird and out of control. I am going to have to try a few of these they sound really good.

  9. DucatiBandit – You should really blame VH1, because sometimes they have these shows that I can’t stop watching, being the pop culture junkie that I am. DAMN YOU VH1! DAMN YOU!

    Ultimate Best Vamp Ever – I could’ve had sex references, but then it would remind me that I’m not getting any. Anyway, each bottle has 13 grams of sugar, which is significantly less than a can of soda and a kiss from Beyonce.

    Chuck – But nutritional supplements taste so nutritional supplementy.

    alex – Dang, that’s some freaky fruit! Thank for the link.

    Bottom Feeder – Well I only take my laptop in with me when I’m doing number two. It’s hard to do number one, because I’ve got to aim with one hand.

  10. megan – Just blame VH1 and their evil programming.

    averil – Yes, right now, there is no one who is fruiter than Tom Cruise, although Michael Jackson is pretty close.

    Damon – But I’m afraid Lil Jon and the East Side Boyz might want to kick my ass if I do. Plus, if I started marketing Crunk Water, the word “Crunk” would no longer be cool, because I’m not cool.

    Bryan – In some places and situations bottled water is necessary because chlorine just doesn’t taste good.

    Becky – I guess that’s what happens when you fall in love with someone sixteen years younger than you, or it’s the Scientology.

  11. I love these. At first I thought flavored water was dumb cuz duh isn’t that juice? but i think cuz juice is made so sweet nowadays, we need flavored water as like an in-between water and juice thing.

    also, they have them at costco–like a twelve-pack of three different flavors i think.

  12. Yay vitamin water! Anyway marvo, don’t feel bad about ogling the 16 year olds, I’ve had men hollaring out car windows at me since I was 12. Then again, I didn’t have the highest opinion of men for a long time. ANYWAY, thanks for the flavor recommendations. Guess you’re one of the good ones.

  13. What happens if you give vitamin water to a dog?

    I think that focus flavor would make him stop eating cat litter…

  14. I see others are still griping about Marvo skipping a day or two of blogging or not coming up with some sexual reference.
    Looks like this product and the rest of energy week may have been a good idea if it inspires posters as the ones mentioned above to get a life.
    Anyway Marvo never seen this product here how does it compare to Sobe?

  15. I gotta tell ya – I had a hard time reading anything after the paragraph where you said Lindsey Lohan was super hot. Did you bump your head, Marvo??? 😉

    I don’t know about this vitamin water. I think I’ll stick to distilled water and eat some Flintstones or something. 🙂

  16. Marvo, you should review gross food… Try those Harry Potter all flavor jelly beans. I ate the sardine one and let me tell you… it’s pretty realistic. (Though I’m a little scared to try the vomit one 🙂 )

  17. lightpinksheep – They do? I guess I have to pay attention more closely, instead of pondering if I need to buy to the 150 count box of condoms.

    Genny from the Burbs – If I’m one of the good ones, why am I still single? Oh yeah, that’s right. I make women run away from me.

    nat – OMG, Glass Tiger! They had two good songs that I have on 45 rpm records. So they were a two-hit wonder.

    kt – Does your dog eat its own poop, like some dogs do? If it does, I think you should be more worried about that.

    Kent – The Sobe stuff is definitely sweeter, but I still prefer the Vitamin Water…If I can afford it.

    Webmiztris – Hey, welcome back! Hope you enjoyed your trip to Vegas! Anyway, Lindsay Lohan was hot before she turned eighteen, but since then, she’s been getting kind of fugly because of her hard lifestyle and the Herbie movie she’s in.

    Lucy – They make those Harry Potter jelly beans? I MUST FIND THEM!!! Where did you buy them from?

  18. It’s always hard to find things at Costco.
    About the jellybeans, I’ve seen them in the cafe at Borders. They probably have them at specialty candy shops like Carousel Candyland. Not sure about Longs…

  19. about the jellybeans I took a kid of a friend of mine to a movie and he picked out a pack of this candy there. We had a few, believe me eating these in a darken room with flavors such as dirt, cut grass, sardine, and vomit that is not a great idea. However for a little fun( I know you like to torture your taste buds) you can not look at the flavor key and try to guess what flavor is in your mouth. These will definitely put the ew in product review

  20. The jelly beans are from Jelly Belly, so anyplace that carries that -brand- of jelly bean should have them for you. Or go to this link: to buy them directly from the company.

    I must say that the vomit flavour ones are just as authentic as the sardine, the dirt, and the grass flavours. And best of all is the look on coworkers’ faces when they steal beans from the jar you put on your desk…. (a)

  21. Kent – Oh, how I love to torture my taste buds.

    Hapless Hubby – I called a place here that sells Jelly Belly and they have them in stock, so tomorrow I’ll be picking some up. Yum. I can’t wait.

  22. You accepted my challenge B.O.B. Your blog is tits. I also got sucked into the void of VH1 top 100 child stars, but only to see if my here Corey Feldman made it into the top 10. He actually made top 5, hell yes. Anyway your blog rocks and I think I’m pretty safe in saying, Congrats in advance.

  23. i don’t believe in bottled water. i think it’s a scam and i can just picture tons of Crystal Geyser workers just filling up bottles with a water hose.

    My favorite flavor of this so-called “water” (it’s really not water, come on people! it’s like juice but has that funky medicine-y burst right at the end) is the multi-v one, which kinda reminds me of….

  24. I say the Scientology. Katie Holmes is pretty normal. Well she was pretty normal. I think he made her a weirdo Scientology person also.

  25. Becky – Well I don’t expect the Tom and Katie thing to last, the Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas lighting doesn’t strike twice.

  26. I’m addicted to this stuff, it’s very popular here in the city but also expensive. I blogged about how I got peer-pressured into drinking them a few months ago.

  27. Tara – HOLY CRAP!!! 3 for $9.99!!! Suddenly, my $2.49 Taco Bell Crunchwrap doesn’t sound so expensive.

  28. Lucy – The vomit beans are very realistic. I had a snot one and said, “This doesn’t taste like snot,” because it was sweet yet salty, but mainly sweet. This prompted the guy who was selling me the beans to ask, “How do you know what snot tastes like to compare it to?”

    This would make for an interesting review, though.

  29. theinfamousj – Just bought a few boxes of these jelly beans today. Tried the sardine. I regret trying the sardine.

  30. Blasphemy. Rescue (the green tea one) is my favourite. Lemon ice too. (Muti-V?) The one I don’t like tastes like cough syrup, and watered down cough syrup at that. I think it was some sort of cherry flavour, spelled almost like areola.

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