Delta Airlines Snack Pack

The Delta Airlines Snack Pack I recently received on my five-hour red-eye flight to San Francisco was much like the flight itself…nothing really exciting. My flight consisted of thin, blue blankets, a lot of empty seats, cute 30-something female flight attendants, and Big Momma’s House 2 as the in-flight movie. My snack pack [...]

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Kellogg’s Frosted Strawberry Go-Tarts!

How could you be so politically incorrect, Kellogg’s? How could you call a product Kellogg’s Frosted Strawberry Go-Tards? You don’t see Post or General Mills pulling this kind of stuff. Actually, it’s something I should’ve expected from you, Kellogg’s, after all you do have Honey Smacks, which has a frog that suggests I dig ‘em. [...]

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Kraft Easy Mac Cups

There’s something about foods in microwavable bowls that are appealing. I guess it’s because those tubby little bastards are just so damn cute. Roly-poly, if you will. Look at how cute the Kraft Easy Mac Cup is in the picture above. It makes me was to pinch its cheeks and say things with a lot [...]

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Diet Dr. Pepper Berries & Cream

Dr. Pepper: How are you today, Marvo? Are you feeling okay? Because it looks like you’re getting a little chubby. Marvo: Well… Dr. Pepper: It looks like you’re beginning to form some man-boobies there. Let me touch them. (Dr. Pepper touches Marvo’s man-breasts) Dr. Pepper: Yes, you’re definitely forming some man-titties. [...]

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Cargo Magazine

Cargo Magazine was like a quasi-product review blog editor’s Playboy Magazine, because they each contain pictures of things that I will never have – either beautiful, naked, and airbrushed women or overpriced, trendy goods. Now there’s a “was” near the beginning of the previous sentence because the May 2006 issue of Cargo Magazine was the last [...]

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Heineken Premium Light

Sometimes to be creative, people need a catalyst – something that sparks the imagination and lets creativity flow. For many great writers, like Ernest Hemingway, Herman Melville, Scott Fitzgerald, John Steinbeck, Edgar Allan Poe, and my friend Ryan, their catalyst was/is alcohol. Since alcohol helped these writers create wonderful pieces of literature (except for my [...]

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Staples Easy Button

(Editor’s Note: To get the full effect of today’s review, you must read it like you’re an evil scientist. Trust me, the review will be better.) SUDOKU!!! You taunt me with your numbers and blank boxes, making me spend hours trying to figure out your mysterious ways. The pressure of trying to solve you [...]

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Vanilla Mint Listerine

I can hear the cries from non-Listerine users who are afraid to use it. “Wah! Wah! I can’t handle Listerine because it burns! I’m a little wuss, that can’t handle anything and I need my mommy to hold my hand, or else I’m going to cry like a little baby.” “Oh, woe is me, [...]

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