Driving a Convertible

Just like anger turns Bruce Banner into the Incredible Hulk and alcohol turns Mel Gibson into a ragin’ racist, I recently found out that driving a convertible turns me into an asshole. Although thankfully it didn’t turn me into a super prick asshole, like Simon Cowell is with tone deaf American Idol hopefuls. I didn’t choose the [...]

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Rockstar Zero Carb Energy Drink

I thought the new Rockstar Zero Carb Energy Drink would be as bad as plastic surgery Axl Rose and Buckethead Guns ‘N Roses, but surprisingly it turned out to be Axl, Slash, Izzy, Duff, and Steven Appetite for Destruction Guns ‘N Roses good. It’s surprising because most of the zero and low-carb foods I’ve tried over [...]

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McDonald’s McRib

Just like The Rocky Horror Picture Show, AMC Pacer, and the Grateful Dead, the McDonald’s McRib has a cult following. Although the McRib’s following isn’t as dressed up or gay as those who follow the Rocky Horror Picture Show or isn’t as stoned as the Deadheads, but the McRib cult probably has a much [...]

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Wonka Green Apple Sweettarts Squeez

I want to go on record saying that the Wonka Green Apple Sweettarts Squeez toothpaste is the most Fergalicious-tasting toothpaste EVER. The Colgate Dora the Explorer Toothpaste has a good fruit flavor and the Kid’s Aquafresh and the Crest Wild Expressions have nice bubblegum flavors, but all of them pale in comparison to the flavor of [...]

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Wrigley’s Doublemint Kona Creme Gum

Coffee. For many it’s a morning elixir or a liquid alarm clock, if you will. I’m not a coffee connoisseur for several reason: I hate waiting in long lines at Starbucks and I hear hot coffee farts aren’t pleasant at all. A co-worker once asked me, how I can be so cheery and perky in the [...]

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The Shopping Cart #5

(Editor’s Note: Thanks to all the readers who participated in yesterday’s Vote To Torture Me Election. The results were very surprising and in a landslide vote, you readers chose to save my ears and save my soul. So I won’t be reviewing K-Fed’s attempt to take over Vanilla Ice’s reign as the [...]

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Happy Election Day: Vote to Torture Me

With it being Election Day here in the United States, I thought it would be awesometastic if I gave you readers the opportunity to vote for something here at the Impulsive Buy. I thought about doing a product election, which would’ve allowed you readers to vote for what I review next among a selection [...]

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Lipton Black Pearl Pyramid Tea

Who knew pyramids were the perfect vessels for dried up, shriveled things, like the mummies of Egyptian pharaohs, Betty White’s game show career as a regular guest on $25,000 Pyramid, and the tea in the new Lipton Black Pearl Pyramid Teas. According to the Lipton website, the pyramid shape of the mesh bag allows it to [...]

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Ore-Ida Extra Crispy Easy Breakfast Potatoes

When all the other men on the face of the Earth disappear and I am the last man on the planet, women will have to come over to my place to keep the human race going. When the ladies come over for some sweet, sweet lovin’, I like to give them a night to [...]

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