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Kellogg’s Lego Eggo Waffles
By Marvo | December 17, 2006
I’m no civil engineer or architect, but after playing around with these Kellogg’s Lego Eggo Waffles, I can safely say that it’s probably the worst building material EVER.
If you look at the picture below, each waffle can break down into six pieces of Lego. The top of each piece looks like any old Lego piece with eight protruding studs. However, the bottom only has three holes to accommodate those studs, which means there aren’t enough holes for each of those studs. Every stud needs to stick itself into a hole or else it’s not going to be fun.
I don’t know why there are only three holes, because it’s impossible to stick two studs in one hole. Even if I could stick two studs into one hole, since there are only three holes, two studs aren’t going get a hole. Do they expect us to stick three studs into one hole? Now that’s just insane and could lead to some possibly tearing.
It’s also hard to erect anything if the pieces aren’t hard. As you can also see in the picture, I had a huge erect structure that stood tall as long as the pieces were rock hard, but over time they started getting soft and everything just flopped down to the ground, which is totally frustrating for everyone. The only two ways to keep things hard for a little while is to either freeze or toast really well each piece, but either way, pieces will get soft eventually.
The shape of each waffle also doesn’t make it ideal for syrup. As we all know, normal waffles have deep grooves which can hold syrup, but the Lego Eggo Waffles have a shape that does the opposite. Sure you could flip the Lego Eggo Waffles over and shoot some syrup into those tight holes, but again, there aren’t enough holes to prevent the syrup from rolling off the waffle.
Thankfully, at least it tastes like a normal Eggo Waffle, but still, it does a horrible job of being a syrup sucking waffle and a Lego piece.
Although there are some advantages to using Lego Eggo Waffles as building material and I wrote a short song/poem about one particular advantage.
If walls were made out of Lego Eggo Waffles, it would be easier to stalk you.
No wall or fence could keep me away, I’d be your Romeo or your boo.
I would nibble away at your wall to make a hole to watch sleep my dear.
I would eat a little more of your wall to pretend I was nibbling on your ear.
The Lego Eggo Waffles are so light, I can lift them up with little power.
So when you’re in your bathroom, I can watch you when you shower.
After you’re done in the shower, I can grab your hair collected on the floor.
I’ll sniff them like I do with the underwear I stole that you already wore.
When you’re not at home, I’ll eat my way through a Lego Eggo wall.
Then try on your sexy black dress, but on me it’s way too small.
I’ll search through your trash to find something that catches my eye.
There’s a tube of lipstick and a used toothbrush I can add to my shrine.
Sure one day I’ll get caught and be sent to a maximum security facility.
But it’s also made of Lego Eggo Waffles, so soon again I’ll be stalking thee.
Item: Kellogg’s Lego Eggo Waffles
Price: $2.00 (on sale)
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 2 out of 5
Pros: Tastes like regular Eggo Waffles. If walls were made of Lego Eggo Waffles, it would be easier to stalk you. If you don’t use the holes and studs, you can build a structure.
Cons: Worst building material EVER. Not enough holes for all the studs. Need rock hard pieces to erect something. Stalking is bad.
Topics: Food |
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December 17th, 2006 at 10:41 pm
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December 17th, 2006 at 10:46 pm
(wiping away a tear) That poem…Lord Byron couldn’t have said it better, Marvo.
Like Crystal Pepsi, these waffles are just a bad idea no matter how you approach them. Waffles are fun enough on their own, but I really don’t see how this will appeal to kids, especially after a grown man couldn’t construct anything out of them. Although that tower looks pretty good.
December 18th, 2006 at 1:09 am
Brie - Hey! I kind of liked Crystal Pepsi.
December 18th, 2006 at 3:50 am
Have I told you lately how much I love you and you’re beautiful poems? Well I do.
::sniffs:: The poem was so beautiful, so eloquent, so… disturbing yet sweet at the same time.
December 18th, 2006 at 4:04 am
Nice poem, Marvo, but I think the Lego Man on the box looks kind of gay. Be careful, he could be stalking you!
December 18th, 2006 at 4:08 am
Tee hee, titter titter, fucking inspired Marvo. I can’t believe the bastards even did that. That’s just cruel. It says RIGHT ON THE BOX that you can build with them. You could have built that structure (which you did a lovely job on) with any old Eggo cut into the right proportions. I’m usually such a big fan of Lego too. Lego Star Wars II, The Original Trilogy, is one of the most fun video games I’ve ever played.
December 18th, 2006 at 4:20 am
Now then, if you ever played with lego’s, you’d remember that the studs don’t fit in the holes. They fit around the holes, so that the studs are kept in place by the pressure from the hole and the walls of each block. So they fit in perfectly!
December 18th, 2006 at 6:57 am
That was a great review, and I’m not sure, but I think it may have had the greatest concentration of double entendres of any review I’ve ever read on here.
December 18th, 2006 at 8:39 am
Brilliant Marvo. Just brilliant.
And you are quite the poet!
December 18th, 2006 at 9:55 am
I feel dirty after reading this.
And Crystal Pepsi was awesome, OK?
December 18th, 2006 at 12:16 pm
Those were some damn sexy Eggos. Makes me hungry. Makes me want to nibble.
December 18th, 2006 at 12:18 pm
Ahh.. Kyle has a point. Damn genius..
December 18th, 2006 at 12:23 pm
wow! I am terrified of you now. Actually, I have a friend who could give you pointers on stalking your lovers.
December 18th, 2006 at 2:07 pm
Might just be the best review of any sort of waffle, *ever.*
Very nice.
Keep up the good work,
The Lazy Canadian
December 18th, 2006 at 3:27 pm
creepy waffles
December 18th, 2006 at 5:21 pm
Actually, I think, in a physics free world, it would be possible to get two studs into one hole, but the studs would have to be tiny. But that might be illegal in 18 states and punishable to a higher degree than stalking. I’m guessing it would bring in some bitchin’ revenues if you recorded it and sold it on DVD. You should look into that Marvo.
December 18th, 2006 at 7:34 pm
No Comment…
December 18th, 2006 at 10:47 pm
scary. just scary. i knew i liked pancakes better for a reason.
December 18th, 2006 at 11:19 pm
Heather Feather - Well if I ever decide to stalk you and wall are made out of Lego Eggo Waffles, I’ll leave a copy of the poem in your shower.
Chuck - So that would explain why he’s smiling.
L’il E - Man, I want to play that game. Actually, I want to play both of them because they look so easy.
Byron Hulcher - Yes, that’s right. So these Lego Eggo Waffles aren’t even close to being Lego. Not even Duplo.
Kyle - I shall try to out do myself next time. Hmm…must find something with balls.
melis - That’s what I get for having an English degree…and listening to hours of Vanilla Ice in high school.
Mandy - Crystal Pepsi was good…and clear. Also, you shouldn’t feel dirty. You should feel sticky.
December 18th, 2006 at 11:30 pm
damasta - I’ve got the leftover Lego Eggo Waffles in the freezer if you want them.
Stuporstar - Actually, I’m tired of restraining orders.
TheLazyCanadian - Thanks, and to make sure that it’s the best review of any sort of waffle ever, I’m going to destroy all waffles.
stephanie - creepy me.
Clevegal42 - It would be like “Studs Gone Wild” Oh wait, I think that’s taken already.
the other ‘M’ - You disappoint me, my gay evil twin!
jenn - When I review pancakes, I try to ruin that for you as well.
December 19th, 2006 at 2:32 am
They ARE easy and oh-so-fun. I love just messing around doing nonsense in the levels, not really working towards the intended goal, just messing with this, poking at that, driving a little vehicle that looks kind of like a baggage cart around the gleaming halls of Cloud City, stomping around the jungles of the moon of Endor in a scout walker (AKA AT-ST), zooming around the streets of Mos Eisley in a sand cruiser…too much fun!
December 19th, 2006 at 9:09 am
that was just beautiful. you always know how to stir my emotions, marvo.
December 19th, 2006 at 9:38 am
yo, theres only 3 holes because thats how the bottom of real lego’s look.
and if you want a place for syrup, you should flip them upside down and use the 3 holes as syrup reservoirs
December 19th, 2006 at 10:45 am
Real lego or not, they should fit together, no? Great review. I had no idea these existed.
I write a review blog at http://muchmoreopinionated.muchmorethanamom.com/
Nothing like yours - I’m just super opinionated.
December 19th, 2006 at 11:11 am
That poem brings creepy to a whole new level @_@
Somewhere, Sting is crying because someone’s finally topped “Every Breath You Take”. But then he goes back to his 6 hour Tantric sex-a-thon and all is right with the world again.
December 19th, 2006 at 1:05 pm
Haha, erect.
December 19th, 2006 at 9:31 pm
this one is definitely a marvo hall of famer. it’s amazing how you’re able to get it up for this, product after product, day after day.
December 19th, 2006 at 10:01 pm
L’il E - I just want Chewbacca to rip off arms and stuff.
Webmiztris - Yes, emotions of sickness and fear.
dvs01 - Nah, I’ll just put a regular waffle on top of it.
Much More Than A Mom - They should fit together, but their ability to stick together is as good as a Federline/Spears marriage.
Toni - Six hours? That’s kind of short, isn’t it?
Muneer - Heh heh. You said erect.
tg - I’m young, so I can easily get it up every day. But as I get older, I won’t be able to get it up as much.
December 20th, 2006 at 3:49 am
Chewbacca is my favorite and he totally does rip peoples’ arms off. It is sweet. I like to put a Princess Leia bialey hair on him (it sits kind of off-kilter cuz his head is too big) and run amock with him. He’s a great shot with that bow-caster too. Totally the best character in the game so far. Though the force stuff is kind of fun too. Not as fun as ripping off arms though, mind you.
December 20th, 2006 at 5:08 pm
Best. Dirty. Review. Ever. I think I’ve read this review 5 different times, with 5 different meanings every time.
December 21st, 2006 at 1:44 pm
Wow….waffles and stalking. Now there’s two things you don’t hear about in the same paragraph a lot. Well at least not where I live.
December 23rd, 2006 at 7:30 pm
L’il E - Chewbacca with buns on his head. That sounds funny. Although a Lego Princess Leia in a gold bikini probably doesn’t look good.
Muneer - Man, now I have to make my next dirty review even dirtier.
ultradave - Waffles go well with everything.
December 25th, 2006 at 3:14 pm
wow.
just wow.
December 27th, 2006 at 8:34 pm
calvin - Wait. Are you saying “wow” because of my Lego Eggo building skills? Or are you saying “wow” because I apparently have way too much time on my hands?