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Hot Chocolate Pop-Tarts
In college, my nickname was “Hot Chocolate.” Well at least I wanted my nickname to be “Hot Chocolate,” but it didn’t catch on with anyone, despite my numerous attempts, like whenever I had to introduce myself in Japanese language class I would say, “Boku no namae wa Marubin desu. Dozo yoroshiku. Nikkunemu wa Hatto [...]
Continue reading...Tylenol GoTabs
25 April 2007
Do you suffer from headaches caused by your child’s desire to watch the same frickin’ Barney DVD EVERY SINGLE DAY and because of it the only thing you hear in your head during the quiet moments of your day is an internal verbal tapping of your forehead consisting of Barney singing the lyrics, “I love [...]
Continue reading...Rehab Energy Drink
22 April 2007
Some people go to rehab for illegal drugs. Some people go to rehab for alcohol addiction. Some people go to rehab for things they’ve done to animals sexually. Finally, some go to rehab for their extreme Sesame Street addiction. I have an addiction…Um, I mean a friend of mine has an addiction to [...]
Continue reading...McDonald’s Cinnamon Melts
19 April 2007
Much like Angelina Jolie’s collection of adopted Third World children, the menu at McDonald’s has gotten larger and diverse. Along with the usual fare of burgers, fries and toys that some people think will make them rich someday when they sell them on eBay, McDonald’s has been offering large salads, premium chicken sandwiches, and gourmet coffee. [...]
Continue reading...Snapple Diet Green Tea
16 April 2007
The Snapple Diet Green Tea is quite possibly the healthiest drink EVER. I have no scientific data, testimonials from fake nutritionists or fancy Microsoft Excel pie charts to back up that statement. All I know is that green tea is healthy, diet is healthy, and Snapple is Made from the Best Stuff on Earth®. [...]
Continue reading...Bath & Body Works Pleasures Wild Honeysuckle Shower Gel
10 April 2007
Whenever I want to get in touch with my feminine side, I like to dip my body in a tub of Nair to get rid of all my body hair, rinse off and slip into something comfortable, preferably something silky, in either pink or purple, and with a white lace trim. The smoothness of [...]
Continue reading...Taco Bell Zesty Nachos
8 April 2007
I think nachos were invented by someone who was either really high or really hungry. That is perhaps the reason why nachos look so good when you’re really high or really hungry. Just like boob jobs, nachos come in different forms. I think someone’s momma once said, “Life is like a plate [...]
Continue reading...Del Monte Polar Raspberry Fruit Chillers
2 April 2007
I might’ve given the Del Monte Polar Raspberry Fruit Chillers a five rating if it weren’t for the frickin’ raspberries. I don’t like raspberries, because I don’t like fruits that have silent letters in their names and makes fun of my lisp at the same time. But don’t call me a fruit-ist, because [...]
Continue reading...Guest Review at Heat. Eat. Review.
2 April 2007
Oh, I guess I did have a review for you today. I wrote a review for my favorite microwave meal review blog, Heat. Eat. Review. My review subject: the Hungry-Man Hearty Chicken Parmigiana. Click here to read the review.
Continue reading...No Review Today. Instead You Must Settle For My Match.com Profile
2 April 2007
Sorry, no review today due to the time spent doing my taxes. Instead, I decided to post what I wrote for my Match.com profile and embarrass myself by showing my tender, Lifetime Channel side. Since a bunch of you voted on which online dating service I should try for a future review, I [...]
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29 April 2007
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