REVIEW: Jimmy Dean Blueberry Pancakes & Sausage Minis

Jimmy Dean Blueberry Pancakes & Sausage Minis 1

Its blueberry pancake batter covering makes the Jimmy Dean Blueberry Pancakes & Sausage Minis look like tiny, diseased Russet potatoes, but that’s not what’s most disturbing about this product. The color of the pancake’s interior, which is an infected purple shade that’s only seen by Bret Michaels’ urologist, is also not the most troubling attribute of this product.

What’s most disturbing about the Jimmy Dean Blueberry Pancakes & Sausage Minis is the demented mind it came from, which could be responsible for 98 percent of the monstrosities found on the blog This Is Why You’re Fat. I would be afraid of meeting this unbalanced mind for fear of becoming just another ingredient that circles around its head like pink elephants around Dumbo’s. This mind has no shame, no conscience and no sense of what’s right and wrong, but that’s the kind of mindset one must have to come up with sausages dipped in blueberry pancake batter and then deep fried to a golden Russet potato brown.

Although I’m surprised they weren’t wrapped in bacon, folded into an omelette, covered with shredded cheese, wrapped in soft tortilla, deep fried again to a golden Russet potato brown and served in a pool of melted butter.

My colleague, Ace, didn’t care for the original version of this product, which he said, and I quote, “I was rewarded with a saccharine, crispy shell of batter surrounding a fine piece of ground rubber. As you could probably imagine, I quickly grew weary of this mysterious rubber sausage and went to the local Pep Boys to inquire about its recycled value.”

Jimmy Dean Blueberry Pancakes & Sausage Minis 2

My feelings about the blueberrified version were different. While warming them up, an artificial, yet pleasing, blueberry smell filled the room. When they were done, I enjoyed them without syrup. The sweetness of the blueberry pancakes definitely enhanced the flavor of the sausage, creating the popular sweet and salty dynamic that food and porn companies can’t get enough of. I also tried them with syrup, but didn’t enjoy them as much. Looking at the diseased purple pancake interior also made me not enjoy them as much, so I’d recommend not looking at it or wearing something over your eyes.

I did enjoy the Jimmy Dean Blueberry Pancakes & Sausage Minis, although I don’t know if I truly liked them or if the guilt of disliking every single Jimmy Dean product we’ve reviewed is getting to my taste buds or if I’m afraid of what the demented mind that spawned this product would do to me if I didn’t enjoy them.

(Nutrition Facts – 3 pieces – 260 calories, 18 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 470 milligrams of sodium, 19 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 8 grams of sugar, 5 grams of protein, 2% Calcium and 4% Iron.)

Item: Jimmy Dean Blueberry Pancakes & Sausage Minis
Price: $3.89 (on sale)
Size: 10 pack
Purchased at: Foodland
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Nice combination of sweet and salty. Produced an artificial, yet pleasant, blueberry scent when being warmed up. Blueberry pancake coating enhanced the flavor of the sausage. No trans fat. Can be microwaved. It could’ve been much worse, but wasn’t.
Cons: Exterior looked like a diseased Russet potato. Interior’s color looked like the infected wang of a groupie-hungry rock star. High in saturated fat. The demented mind who came up with this product.

19 thoughts on “REVIEW: Jimmy Dean Blueberry Pancakes & Sausage Minis

  1. I’m surprised that McDonald’s hasn’t come out with some version of this in their breakfast meals. I guess the McGriddle is kind of close.

  2. I’m all for the sweet and the salty combo, but there is something about pancakes being used as a “bun” for meat which really doesn’t work for me. Of course, I’m not a big fan of processed meat anyway, but this just looks very unappetizing. Close your eyes while eating indeed!

  3. @Chuck: Give it time. I’m sure the clown will come up with something.

    @Orchid64: If you dip it in Crisco it will look like a giant yogurt covered raisin.

    @Anonymous: Sounds like you would hit anything if you were drunk enough.

    @Trackback: I want to delete you because you seem to be a link farm for anything with the word purple in it, but I’ll let it slide…this time.

    @Bryan: Too bad they weren’t sitting on a stack of cash and the song “Somebody’s Watching Me” wasn’t playing in the background.

  4. Hmmm these look like they could be slightly….evil… I respect evil… I wonder what sort of alchemy could have come up with these?

  5. I believe these mini blueberry pancakes look like Jimmie Deans model of his MINI PENIS. It would be fitting if they squited maple syrup out the center PEE hole but before the maple syrup came it there would be a melted butter pre cum squirt – Wow I got some problems. Some problems I got alot of them.

    THAT IS ALL.

  6. You know, oddly enough, I love fake blueberry flavor more so than real blueberries. I’d probably eat this if you set it in front of me even though it looks revolting.

  7. @Felix Tibs: Blending is your thing. I shall not pilfer it.

    @Walter Bernhard: I respect evil because I am evil.

    @Neil the hammer: Thank goodness that was all, because that was a little too much. But you were able to fit two bodily fluids in your comment. Kudos!

    @gko: I will disagree with you. The only thing that is awesome with marinara dipping sauce is Pizza Hut breadsticks.

    @Erin: I recommend covering your eyes. A paper bag over your head with a hole cut out near your mouth should help. I prefer a leopard print silk scarf as a blindfold.

    @Heidi: Nope, it only has taken over my heart.

    @D: I used to enjoy watching Rock of Love, but I don’t cable anymore and I’m afraid of catching something from just watching it.

    @dia: Every day…Not even I would subject my body to that. Kudos to you!

  8. If you actually want a good version of these, try the Schwan’s blueberry pigs in a blanket variety. Warm them up in a toaster oven so they get crispy- delicious!! And they aren’t readioactive purple!

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