REVIEW: Kraft Velveeta Original Shells & Cheese Cup

Written by | June 29, 2009

Topics: 6 Rating, Microwavable

Kraft Velveeta Original Shells & Cheese Cup

Have you ever heard this old joke?

A woman walks into a supermarket and buys the following: a bar of soap, a toothbrush, a tube of toothpaste, a loaf of bread, a pint of milk, a single serving of cereal and a single frozen dinner.

The checkout guy looks at her, smiles, and says, “Single, huh?”

The girl smiles sheepishly and replies, “How’d you guess?”

He says, “Because you’re ugly.”

If one wanted to modernize the joke, they could easily add the single-serving Kraft Velveeta Original Shells & Cheese Cup to that list. While doing research on the product, I found out that even Kraft admits it’s perfect for those who eat alone. So not only can we determine someone’s loneliness by the number of cats they own or the number of pornographic sites they subscribe to, but also by their purchase of the Velveeta Original Shells & Cheese Cup.

Because it doesn’t need any refrigeration, it’s one of those products you can leave in your desk at work and forget about. And then when you’re really hungry and look through your desk for something to eat, you’ll find it and be moderately surprised. It would be like finding loose change in between couch cushions, five bucks in the pocket of something you haven’t worn in months, a condom in the back of a drawer or a piece of steak in between your molars.

While each cup doesn’t contain enough for an entire meal, it does make a nice snack or side dish while you watch your cats or the Bang Bus website (please don’t Google “Bang Bus” at work or at home). The concept of the Velveeta Original Shells & Cheese Cup is similar to the Kraft Easy Mac Cups; add water, microwave for three and a half minutes and then mix in the cheese, except instead of using a cheese powder, the Velveeta Cup uses a packet of creamy cheese sauce.

The result of all that preparation was a decent cheesy snack that tasted similar to the Easy Mac Cup. I can’t say which was better, but I guess it depends on how radioactive orange you like your cheese. The shell pasta came out tender and although the cheese flavor was slightly watery at first, thanks to the excess water used to boil the pasta, after a little more stirring it turned out fine. In the end, the Kraft Velveeta Original Shells & Cheese Cup is just like scrambled porn channels with really fuzzy images and muzzled sound — it’s good enough.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 package – 220 calories, 8 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 640 milligrams of sodium, 29 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 3 grams of sugar, 8 grams of protein, 2% vitamin A, 10% calcium and 6% iron.)

Item: Kraft Velveeta Original Shells & Cheese Cup
Price: $1.24
Size: 2.39 ounces
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Decently cheesy. Uses a cheese sauce instead of a cheese powder. Easy to prepare. Doesn’t need to be refrigerated. Finding five bucks in the pocket of something you haven’t worn in months. Paying for porn when you can get a lot of it for free on the internet.
Cons: Small serving size, so I won’t make a good meal. Turns out to be a little watery at first, but a little more stirring helps. Owning more than eight cats. High in sodium.






18 Comments For This Post I'd Love to Hear Yours!

  1. Yum Yucky says:

    That looks official! Too bad it’s not enough for my greedy self.

  2. Bear Silber says:

    @Marvo & Yum – I was thinking the same….how many would it take to make a filling meal for you?

    I have never (knowingly) eaten a Veleeta product, although I’m always intrigued. I remember seeing their commercials for making nacho sauce by adding “your favorite salsa” and microwaving….since then they’ve just seemed cheap and nasty to me but I’m prepared to be wrong :)

  3. Erin Brooks says:

    I’m with @ Bear Velveeta has never had an appeal to me. :P Why do I want fake cheeseish stuff in my food when I can have real cheese.

  4. Alisha says:

    I don’t know what it is, but I just lurve Velveeta. The cheese makes for a great grilled cheese too. Anyhow, I would have to eat at least two of those to even feel full… still, it seems much better than a sandwich. I hate sandwiches.

  5. rob says:

    I like Velveeta cause you can buy blocks of it big enough to build an Igloo

  6. Chuck says:

    I think the sauce always turns out better than powder so I might try this sometimes as an add-on for when I bring lunch into work.

  7. Yum Yucky says:

    @Bear Silber – I’d need about 4 of these, so that’s 880 calories of cheesy guilt to be swallowed. Uh huh.

  8. grinder says:

    The blocks of Velveeta were about the only fake ass food we ate growing up. For some reason my mom thought Cheez Whiz was gross but Velveeta was good. I don’t find these or the original cups very appealing.

  9. JamieSusan says:

    I always give you shit about loving fake cheese with such fervor, but I must admit here to you now that I grew up on shells & cheese and still have a weak spot in my heart for the crap.

    Love, Gimmeyummy

  10. WIBIA says:

    Cheese that sits outside of the refrigerator case usually worries me. However Velveeta in Mac and Cheese, or with Rotel Chilies and Cheez Whiz on Chili Cheese Dogs… they are all guilty pleasures for me! I would like to see how many of these Chestnut could throw down in 5 minutes?!

  11. Marvo says:

    @Yum Yucky: Not enough, but if you were to add some bacon and broccoli, it could be a little more hearty.

    @Bear Silber: You should try it on a pizza. I double dare you.

    @Erin Brooks: Because sometimes you should live on the edge.

    @Alisha: I like sandwiches, but I don’t like sand in my britches.

    @rob: I prefer to make my igloos out of ice cream sandwiches, so if it collapses I can eat my way out.

    @Chuck: I wonder what powder plus sauce would taste like.

    @grinder: Someone needs to make Cheez Whiz cups.

    @JamieSusan: I’ll love fake cheese until I die, which will probably be caused by eating fake cheese.

    @WIBIA: I don’t want to even imagine how many Chestnut could eat in 5 minutes. Just thinking about it makes me gag a little.

  12. Neil the hammer says:

    Fake cheese its a little like obama. A big cheesey Fake

  13. Bear Silber says:

    @Marvo – OMG, I think I’ve got to do that!

  14. Hobo with a Shotgun says:

    I was kinda hoping that this would be like the Champagne of microwave noodles, still it looks pretty darn hobo-ready

  15. Antwon Jenkins says:

    i tried the Kraft Mac N Cheese and it was pretty good. I think the powder has powdered milk in it to compensate for the original box recipe. all i know is i’m gonna have to try out the shells and cheesey now.

  16. Marvo says:

    @Hobo with a Shotgun: It isn’t hoborrific.

    @Antwon Jenkins: Yes, give them a try.

  17. Collin Bowyer says:

    The Easy Mac is definitely better, the the cheese and shell sauce was VERY bland to me

  18. Eric says:

    It’s not bad, but didn’t do anything to quell my appetite. I know it’s just a snack… but it tastes so good and keeps me coming back to the cabinet looking for more.



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