REVIEW: Starbucks Doubleshot Energy + Coffee Cinnamon Dulce Energy Drink

As I type this, my heart is beating faster than usual.

It could be the 146 milligrams of caffeine I just consumed with the Starbucks Doubleshot Energy + Coffee Cinnamon Dulce Energy Drink. Or it could be the alluring eyes and flowing hair of the twin-tailed siren in the Starbucks logo that is making my heart flutter and drawing me towards her to, perhaps, lead me to my watery grave or to wait in line at one of her stores to spend five dollars on a coffee made lovingly by a cute barista named Jennifer.

No! I must not give into her come-hither looks or else I will either end up in Davy Jones’s Locker or waste ten minutes of my life waiting in line listening to compilations of musicians that I have never heard of for a cup of coffee or a bottle Ethos Water.

Why, twin-tailed siren, must the company you represent make delicious, pricey coffee beverages? Why couldn’t you have represented a company that I wouldn’t have any contact with, like an inferior fish company on the East Coast or Circuit City?

I consumed an entire can of the Starbucks Doubleshot Energy + Coffee Cinnamon Dulce Energy Drink. Does my ingestion of a creamy Starbucks product not satisfy you, she-fish? I even enjoyed it and it gave me such a good boost of energy that if there was a rickshaw nearby, I would be pulling it to wherever the caffeine, guarana, ginseng, and B Vitamins desired.

The red cinnamon and white vanilla made it feel like someone was celebrating Christmas in my mouth. It had a nice balance of cinnamon and vanilla, but together they did not make the coffee flavor their bitch, unlike what you’re doing to me with your cleavage between your flowing locks. I think they’re natural, but I must not look to find out if they’re real or else you will lure me into the underwater world of Snorkland or convince me purchase a Starbucks Rewards Card so that I can get two free consecutive hours of Wi-Fi every day.

What will it take for you to leave me alone and not convince me to drink more of your caffeinated beverages today, Starbucks logo? Tell me, fair maiden, so that I may bid you adieu.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 can – 200 calories, 3 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 170 milligrams of sodium, 770 milligrams of potassium, 33 grams of carbs, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 28 grams of sugar, 12 grams of protein, 8% Vitamin A, 50% Vitamin C, 40% Calcium, 20% Vitamin D, 200% Riboflavin, 200% Niacin, 200% Vitamin B6, 100% Vitamin B12, 2000 milligrams of maltodextrin, 1800 milligrams of taurine, 450 milligrams of L-carnitine, 180 milligrams of inositol, 325 milligrams of panax ginseng, and 90 milligrams of guarana.)

(Editor’s Note: Look for this flavor in stores sometime in February. Thanks to the nice PR folks who sent this to us. Also, we reviewed the original Starbucks Doubleshot Energy + Coffee Energy Drinks last year.)

Item: Starbucks Doubleshot Energy + Coffee Cinnamon Dulce Energy Drink
Price: FREE (Retails for $2.59)
Size: 15 ounces
Purchased at: From nice PR people
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: It’s like Christmas in my mouth. Nice balance of cinnamon and vanilla, which doesn’t overpower the coffee. 146 milligrams of sweet, sweet caffeine gave me a good boost. No high fructose corn syrup. The Snorks.
Cons: Pricey (but isn’t everything from Starbucks). It’s 15 ounces and not 16 ounces. The alluring eyes, flowing hair, and cleavage of the twin-tailed siren in the Starbucks logo. Ending up in Davy Jones’s Locker.

17 thoughts to “REVIEW: Starbucks Doubleshot Energy + Coffee Cinnamon Dulce Energy Drink”

  1. Sounds yummy. Plus, nice amount of caffeine in a small amount of ounces. I’ll have to give it a swig as soon as it’s publicly available. How does it feel to be a big hotshot now, getting cool products and computer swag in your mail? 🙂

  2. Don’t have a heart attack, Marvo! I’m worried that one of these days all these meals you review are going to get to you and you’ll post an article that says, “LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL” (that’s the key you fell on. :()

  3. @Chuck – Wut’chu talk about, Chuck? I’m still a small fish in the huge pond of the blogosphere.

    @Heidi – mj7jk I just simulated what would happen if my head fell on my keyboard and that gobbly gook at the beginning of this sentence was all my head would type.

    @NobleArc, The Lazy Canadian – Until then you can try the HUNDREDS of other energy drinks out there. Although, does Canada have as many energy drinks as we do here in the US?

  4. By your description of it, this is certainly something I’d enjoy more than Red Bull, that’s for sure.

    Have you heard about the Beer Energy Drink thing going on?

    There’s Anheueser-Busch’s BE, Molson’s Kick and Labatt’s Shok. Did you ever review one of those yet? I’ll check in a bit.

  5. I like strong semi sweet coffee rocket fuel drinks like this.
    Is it true that girls in Hawaii DO NOT wear panites
    I was told this by a friend or was he just wishful thinking
    he swears that if they do they will get an infection.
    Please report on this urgent matter !!!!!!

    PS. I do not wear my mothers panties and I sticking to my story

  6. @Heidi – It probably would’ve been better if the following happened:

    @Pomai – I tried BE and Sparks, but I haven’t tried the other two you mentioned. I’m not really a big fan of them. They’re all right, but vodka and Red Bull is much better.

    @Neil – I’m going to say your friend is an idiot, but we all live in grass huts on the beach.

  7. We have a lot of energy drinks, yeah, but I can only name like.. 6 different brands… maybe:

    Monster, Rockstar, Red Bull, uh.. Jolt, and.. okay, maybe 4. Then again, I don’t drink energy drinks really. I got a free one the other day (found a coupon for it!) but haven’t tried it yet, a Rockstar vanilla coffee flavoured one.

  8. The only kind of the starbucks energy drinks i like is the vanilla one, but, according to you, this is good too.
    I will try it, master.
    I swear. this site is brainwashing me.
    The Impulsive Buy = MIND CONTROL!!!!

  9. @NobleArc, The Lazy Canadian – You can’t go wrong with any of the coffee energy drinks out there. They’re all pretty good. By the way, you may not be able to name all the different brands of energy drinks in Canada, but I am sure you can name more than six beers.

    @Emily – Mind control, eh? then I order you to pay my rent for March.

    @Heidi – You got HOME ROWED!

    @Haystacks – That Starbucks logo does make me hot.

  10. My roommate broke the coffee pot and I have not had caffeine in DAYS. I would go to Starbucks but that shit burns a hole in my wallet. A girl just can’t catch a break.

  11. @Nhiro – I say make your roommate pay for your caffeine habit or replace that coffee pot damn quick.

    @Emily – Me too. That’s why I want you to pay my rent.

  12. I saw these at my gym today and they looked yummy but the machine was out of order. Hopefully, it will be fixed tomorrow!! 200 calories for all that caffeine & protein, not bad!! Great post-workout snack. 🙂

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