NEWS: Burger King Says Goodbye To The King And Hello To Testing New Menu Items

/ / Fast Food News / 6 Comments

Burger King

Did Burger King’s The King freak you out and appear in your dreams robeless to give me…I mean, you a massage, using his beard to spread massage oil on your back, chest, and your inner thighs?

Well, you no longer have to worry about The King sneaking up on, waking up next to or massaging you anymore, because The King has been overthrown by Burger King’s new owners and advertising agency. Along with the King-less advertising, Burger King is also testing a slew of new menu items in markets across the country.

The test items include an Asian chicken salad with baby edamame, red cabbage, and a sesame lime vinaigrette; mango and mixed berry smoothies; low-fat yogurt berry parfait with granola; oatmeal with dried fruit and maple sugar, vanilla soft-serve ice cream sundaes; a chicken and apple salad with blue cheese; a chicken BLT wrap with bacon and Dijion mustard; and a new premium burger with thick-cut bacon, romaine lettuce, and a spicy pepper grill sauce in between a brioche bun.

If you’re a connoisseur of fast food, you probably noticed that many of those items are currently available on McDonald’s menu. So copycat, copycat, hope you choke on a rat, Burger King. Although Burger King did come out with Angus beef burgers before McDonald’s. So copycat, copycat, hope you choke on a rat, McDonald’s.

Anyhoo, it’s important to note again that all of those items are just being tested and some of them may not make it as a regular item on every Burger King menu board.

Source: Miami Herald and Burger Business

NEWS: New Häagen-Dazs Flavors Might Make It Hard For Me To Get Into Speedo Shape This Summer

/ / Spotted on Shelves / 6 Comments

I thought we reviewed all the new Häagen-Dazs flavors released this year (Sweet Chai Latte, Caramel Apple Pie, and Blueberry Crumble), but yesterday I learned we didn’t when a Häagen-Dazs press release showed up in my RSS feeds. So I now have to get out my whip made from Red Vines and force TIB’s writers to review more Häagen-Dazs ice cream and desserts. Here are the flavors we haven’t reviewed yet.

Häagen-Dazs Cranberry Pumpkin Spice Ice Cream: Rich, creamy pumpkin ice cream is balanced with swirls of tart cranberry filling, then lightly spiced with cinnamon and nutmeg – a holiday classic. Flavor Top Notes: Warm pumpkin pie, a zing of nutmeg. Flavor Finish Notes: Tangy cranberry with a hint of spice.

Häagen-Dazs Spiced Peach Crumble Ice Cream (Walmart exclusive): Peak-flavor peaches are cooked to perfection, lightly spiced and stirred into sweet cream with nuggets of buttery crust. Flavor Top Notes: Fruity peaches, warm nutmeg and cinnamon. Flavor Finish Notes: Lingering butter and sweet summer peach.

Häagen-Dazs Chocolate Almond Frozen Yogurt: Crunchy roasted almonds are sliced and blended with rich, indulgent chocolate frozen yogurt.

Häagen-Dazs Blackberry Cabernet Sorbet: Tender, ripe blackberries and the distinctive flavor of cabernet grapes combine to create this dark, intense sorbet.

REVIEW: McDonald’s Rolo McFlurry

/ / Reviews / 12 Comments

Rolo McFlurry

The McDonald’s McFlurry is a rare treat for me. As a matter of fact, it’s such a rare treat that the last time I had one was when they were introduced almost 15 years ago.

You can blame the McDonald’s Dollar Menu and its Hot Fudge Sundae for my lack of McFlurry purchases over the years. I couldn’t see myself spending the money for a McFlurry because it costs almost as much as three Hot Fudge Sundaes. If I buy one McFlurry, all I can do is eat it. But with three Hot Fudge Sundaes I can eat one, give one to a lucky lady or chubby child, and then pour the third one on my body and then rub it all over like I was using it to block UVA and UVB radiation.

Unfortunately, during my last trip to McDonald’s, I had to forgo my usually pouring of a McDonald’s Hot Fudge Sundae all over my body to cool down and spend my money on McDonald’s limited time only Rolo McFlurry.

A Rolo combines milk chocolate and caramel, which is my third favorite combination involving chocolate. My favorite combination unites chocolate and peanut butter and my second favorite involves melted chocolate poured over a woman’s skin.

When I received my Rolo McFlurry, I was disappointed with it because the amount of caramel it had was significantly less than what I saw in the images over at Foodbeast. Rolo is lame-o without caramel, and so is the Rolo McFlurry. So I ended up having to purchase another Rolo McFlurry from another McDonald’s to get one with a decent amount of caramel.

Geez, if I didn’t have to buy two Rolo McFlurries, I could’ve had six Hot Fudge Sundaes, four of which I could’ve poured all over my head while playing the home version of Nickelodeon’s Double Dare.

Rolo McFlurry Closeup

The combination of soft serve ice cream, milk chocolate pieces, and gooey caramel is a toothachingly good one. Those three ingredients also give the dessert a wide variety of textures. However, when the caramel runs out after eating half of the McFlurry, and I guarantee it will unless you’re really good at portioning, the Rolo McFlurry gets really boring and it makes me yearn for a much better tasting soft serve ice cream and chocolate combination — the McDonald’s Hot Fudge Sundae.

To be honest, adding Rolo candy to a McFlurry seems like an odd choice. Rolo is probably a second or third tier candy in terms of popularity. Heck, more than a third of you probably didn’t know what a Rolo was before reading this review. There are several other candies that would’ve been better than a Rolo. It would’ve been nice if McDonald’s brought back the Reese’s McFlurry or, if caramel is important, a Twix McFlurry.

But again, the Rolo McFlurry is a toothsome dessert. That is, until the caramel runs out.

(Nutrition Facts – Snack size – 510 calories, 16 grams of fat, 10 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 40 milligrams of cholesterol, 200 milligrams of sodium, 83 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 63 grams of sugar, and 10 grams of protein.)

Item: McDonald’s Rolo McFlurry
Price: $2.69
Size: Regular size
Purchased at: McDonald’s
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Excellent combination of soft serve ice cream, chocolate pieces, and caramel. Lots of chocolate pieces. Cooling down by pouring a hot fudge sundae all over my body. Playing the home version of Double Dare. McDonald’s Hot Fudge Sundae.
Cons: Needs more caramel. Using Rolo seems like an odd choice. Wasting McDonald’s Hot Fudge Sundaes when there are people in third world countries starving. When the caramel runs out, the soft serve ice cream and chocolate pieces aren’t enough to keep it interesting.

REVIEW: Lay’s Chipotle Ranch Potato Chips

/ / Reviews / 7 Comments

Lay's Chipotle Ranch Potato Chips

You know what, dear TIB readers? I’m angry. I’m angry because I’ve been sitting here for a good half hour now, staring at the awful blinking cursor on a blank document. The dreaded Writer’s Block.

I’m not really angry at my Writer’s Block, however. I’m angry at food. Okay, that’s not fair; I love food, and it’s not food’s fault. It’s the fault of food company’s marketing team, or maybe their R&D departments. I don’t really care who; I’m just angry at all of them. Angry that they’re making my intro to this review about Lay’s Chipotle Ranch Potato Chips so fucking difficult. Here’s some opening themes that I’ve already written but discarded as totally lame:

Regional-flavored potato chips are stereotyping whole regions of the US with their flavors!

Fake angry letter to Lay’s about said stereotypical chips!

Chipotle is the latest food trend and it’s totally been beaten into the ground!

I think the third one is actually the crux of my problem. Chipotle has been overused. What’s left to say? I typically write my review intros before I even taste the product; I like to explore and mock marketing angles and make wild speculations about how awful or tasty the product is going to be based on little to no actual facts. I’ve had enough chipotle-flavored products to see exactly where my review is going:

“These chips have some heat but where’s the smoky flavor that really sets chipotle apart from just generic spiciness?”

Boom. Done. Didn’t even have to open the bag. You’re welcome.

I’d like to be a glass half-full kinda gal, but I’ve been burned, as it were, by so many disappointing chipotle products that I just can’t get excited about these chips. I’ve been turned into a dour food reviewer. My jokes are dried up and played out. I’m even getting angry at spellcheck for refusing to recognize chipotle as a correctly spelled word. I am “The Grim Eater” from Ratatouille. My stomach, two sizes too small.

But I feel an obligation to the readership of this fine, upstanding website to tell you about Lay’s Chipotle Ranch. They’re only available in the southwest region of the United States, so the majority of you will never get to try them. I must cast off this chipotle albatross and march forward!

Let’s start with the regional angle: way back in March of last year, Lay’s introduced their first round of regional flavors. In what was only my second review on TIB, I took a look at their first southwest regional offering, Southwest Cheese & Chiles. There were four other regional flavors, and they mostly seemed to make sense in regards to representing the flavors of their regions.

This time around, along with the southwest’s Chipotle Ranch, they’ve also launched Honey Mustard for the northeast (“tangy mustard combined with a touch of sweet honey”) and Creamy Garden Ranch for the Midwest (“sour cream mixed with spices and fresh cucumbers for the flavor of herb ranch dressing”).

I’m not exactly sure how the other two flavors relate to their regions. Hey New York, are you totally in love with honey mustard? I thought you guys went the spicy brown route. Midwest, you really into ranch dressing? Well, Michigan and South Dakota are tied for tenth fattest state, so maybe they’ve got something there; plus, cucumber chips sound interesting. However, I suppose chipotle makes sense for the southwest. People generally think of chiles and spicy food when they think of southwestern cuisine, and, again, chipotle is the hot flavor of the moment.

Lay's Chipotle Ranch Potato Chips Closeup

Lay’s description of Chipotle Ranch is “sour cream and buttermilk ranch mixed with chipotle spice and green chili”. Not sure what ranch has to do with the southwest. I guess they’re going for that “spicy/cooling” angle, but really, there’s no point in that. They would have been fine with just chipotle and green chili. But hey, there are a lot of ranches in the southwest! That explains everything.

After all this bitching and moaning and generally being a curmudgeon, it’s time to take off my crankypants, put on my ObjectiveReviewerpants, and get down to business.

Upon opening the bag, there was a distinct lack of any sort of odor, which I found odd. Usually some sort of aroma hits my nostrils when I tear open a bag of chips, but there wasn’t much to go on with these. The chips themselves are covered with a medium amount of flavor powder, appropriately orangish-red with little flecks of green that could represent either the green chili or the ranch. Or both!

The first thing that hit my taste buds was the heat. It was surprisingly mild, but enjoyable. And, of course, try as I might, chip after chip, that signature smoky flavor of chipotle was absent. My mouth wept. Not literally, though; I try to stay off the Thorazine while I’m doing a review.

As I kept eating, the heat built gradually but nicely. The ranch flavoring, which I didn’t think I would like, worked well with the spice. It made its presence known, but wasn’t overwhelming. I could even taste hints of the sour cream, which I thought would be nonexistent. It complimented both the ranch and the…”chipotle” quite nicely. As for the green chili, I couldn’t distinguish it from the chipotle. The spiciness was too generalized; Lay’s could have just called the chips “Spicy Ranch” and I would have nodded my head in agreement. There’s an interesting aftertaste that I would describe as “herby”. I actually liked it, but I couldn’t put my finger on exactly what it was.

My pessimistic view towards all things claiming to be chipotle-flavored remains, but I’m gracious enough to put down the bitter pill and say that Lay’s Chipotle Ranch is a tasty chip. The heat level builds nicely and stops just short of being too hot, and the ranch and sour cream both work well with it. Real chipotle flavoring is my Moby Dick, but I can’t blame Lay’s any more than anyone else. Looking on the bright side, hey – at least my region got a new flavor! Suck it, Northwestern US! (Still want to try cucumber-flavored chips.)

(Nutrition Facts – 1 package – 290 calories, 160 calories from fat, 18 grams of total fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 4.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 9 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 320 milligrams of sodium, 640 milligrams of potassium, 28 grams of total carbohydrates, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 2 grams of sugars, 4 grams of protein, 6% vitamin A, 2% calcium, 15% vitamin C, 6% iron, 10% vitamin E, 10% niacin, 8% thiamin, and 15% vitamin B6.)

Item: Lay’s Chipotle Ranch Potato Chips
Price: 99 cents
Size: 1 7/8 ounces
Purchased at: Circle K
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Gradual build of heat level. “The Grim Eater”. Ranch and sour cream were just right. The term “chipotle albatross”. Interesting herby aftertaste.
Cons: NO CHIPOTLE FLAVORING. Spellcheck being a dick. NO CHIPOTLE FLAVORING. Getting’ the “Thorazine drools”. NO CHIPOTLE FLAVORING.

REVIEW: Limited Edition Creamsicle Oreo

/ / Reviews / 17 Comments

Limited Edition Creamsicle Oreo

August 14th is National Creamsicle Day.

I didn’t know that until just moments ago and although it’s only a few more months until it comes around again, I’ve been making up for the years I didn’t celebrate National Creamsicle Day by eating one Limited Edition Creamsicle Oreo for each year I missed it. Unfortunately, I don’t know when the holiday was established, so I hope the thirty cookies I’m eating will make up for it.

When the holiday comes around again, I won’t be sucking, licking, or biting a frozen Creamsicle to celebrate the day. Instead, I’ll be eating more of these Limited Edition Creamsicle Oreo cookies to honor the orange and vanilla treat. I hope they’ll still be available, since they’re limited edition.

Why not honor a Creamsicle by eating a Creamsicle? Because I believe one should honor something by eating something else that honors it. I wouldn’t eat an actual flag on Flag Day or a mother on Mother’s Day. In the case of Flag Day, I would eat something that honors the flag, like a cake or cookie decorated to look like an American flag or a pizza that uses pepperoni and mozzarella cheese to create the thirteen stripes.

Although, to be honest, I don’t really celebrate Flag Day, because no one gets the day off, there aren’t any fireworks, and I don’t want to blow my entire patriotic load before the Fourth of July.

Speaking of blowing entire loads, it looks like the folks at Nabisco have been doing just that with their Oreo cookies. Over the past two months, they’ve not only released these Creamsicle Oreos, but also Berry Burst Ice Cream Oreo, new flavors of Oreo Fudge Cremes, Oreo Brownies, and Triple Double Oreo.

Limited Edition Creamsicle Oreo Closeup

However, out of that high fructose corn syrup-sweetened group, Creamsicle Oreo is the only one labeled limited edition and I’m disappointed by that because they make me wish every day was National Creamsicle Day.

After all the twisting, licking, biting, and other verbs that sound sexual but are also done with Oreo cookies, I think the cookie as a whole doesn’t taste like a Creamsicle. However, the orange and white creme itself does taste very similar to the frozen treat, but it doesn’t have a strong enough flavor to stand out from the vanilla Oreo cookie. When the creme is combined with the vanilla Oreo cookie, its flavor reminds me of Fruity Pebbles.

Even though the Limited Edition Creamsicle Oreo as a whole doesn’t taste like a Creamsicle, it’s still a pretty good cookie. And I look forward to celebrating National Creamsicle Day with it.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 cookies – 150 calories, 60 calories from fat, 7 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram of polyunsaturated fat, 3 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 15 milligrams of potassium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 12 grams of sugar, less than 1 gram of protein and 2% iron.)

Item: Limited Edition Creamsicle Oreo
Price: $2.98
Size: 15.25 ounces
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Creme taste like a Creamsicle. As a whole, it tastes like Fruity Pebbles. Honoring something by eating something that honors it. The number of Oreo varieties released recently.
Cons: As a whole, it doesn’t taste like a Creamsicle. Limited edition. Missing years of celebrating National Creamsicle Day. Eating an actual flag on Flag Day.

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