REVIEW: Carl’s Jr. Charbroiled Sliders

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Carls Jr Charbroiled Sliders

Carl’s Jr. is a very fine fast-food establishment but one that very infrequently, if ever, enters into my thought processes when deciding on where to score some fast and easy burgers, mostly because the one that is closest to my house is a great place for getting accosted and stabbed in the parking lot and the inside really isn’t all that better. Let’s just say that if I was kidnapped and held hostage there, Snake Plissken would probably have to be sent in to find me.

So seeing as how I’m not ready to meet my maker as of yet, I tend to frequently miss out on their Superstar meals and All-Star deals. So when I decided to write up these new Carl’s Jr. Charbroiled Sliders, know that I not only did so taking my life (and my stomach) in my own hands, but also filled with the knowledge it could be my last meal. The things I’ll do for The Impulsive Buy.

That being said, after stuffing a few phone books down my pants, prison-style, any type of mild assault would have been absolutely worth the scars because these Charbroiled Sliders are simply to die for.

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Above and beyond the culinary erectile dysfunction that is the McDonald’s tired $1 cheeseburger, Carl’s Jr’s $1 Charbroiled Slider is a true revolutionary moment in time for budgetary eaters. It featuring an overgrown slider-style burger that is practically comparable in size to anything on most value menus, but with the much-needed addition of an obviously high-quality slab of beef – charred to sweaty perfection, natch — on a thick and toasty sturdy bun, and then double-downed with pickles, onions, and American cheese.

It’s even boxed like a White Castle just to rub salt in the wound because if you’ve ever had a White Castle slider, you know it really ain’t all that. If Carl’s could appropriate a Crave Case while they’re at it, then I’d be all set for the weekend.

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In addition to the single Charbroiled Slider, Jr’s is also offering these minor meaty miracles in double and triple options that have to be eaten to be believed. The $1.50 Double Charbroiled Slider is more of the same, but with twice the meat and twice the cheese and twice the value of a McDouble or Double Stack, at least in girth and the self-confidence in how to use it.

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Finally, for a mere two bucks, we have the greasy goliath that is the Triple Charbroiled Slider, but don’t let the name fool you: this towering inferno is a home run in all respects. Tripling the meat and cheese and clogs in my arteries, you have to practically unhinge your jaw to bite into the meaty mound of vaunted value that we’ve got here.

Once again, this tempting trio is ridiculously available only for a limited time and I can see why: Carl’s has got to be taking a monetary hit on these babies, right? Either way, as long as they’re available, might as well make their financial loss your weight gain, champ, and order a bag or two. ¡Cómpralo ya!

(Nutrition Facts – (single only) – 230 calories, 100 calories from fat, 11 grams of fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 410 milligrams of sodium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, 1 grams of fiber, 5 grams of sugar, and 11 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $1.00
Size: Single
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Insanely cheap. High-quality meat. Charbroiled flavor. Surprisingly huge.
Cons: Limited-time only. No Crave Case option.

QUICK REVIEW: Dairy Queen Dipped Strawberry with Ghirardelli Blizzard

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Strawberries and chocolate are as synonymous with Valentine’s Day as the Patriots are to the Super Bowl. Siding with the 99 percent of the country that does not associate romance with Tom Terrific emblazoned bed sheets, Dairy Queen is taking inspiration from the chocolate-covered fruit for February’s Blizzard of The Month -— Dipped Strawberry with Ghirardelli Blizzard.

An apparent upgrade of the bygone Choco Chunk Strawberry Blizzard, this treat features strawberry topping blended with vanilla soft serve and Ghirardelli chocolate chunks along with a sexier title.  

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With a creamy pink pelagic canvas bestrewn with dark chocolate isles and ruby red strawberry reefs, it certainly looks like a dessert from Cupid’s freezer. The vanilla base combined with the strawberry syrup create a flavor closer to the fruit’s Fragaria roots than that of artificial chemical.

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As for the advertised Ghirardelli pieces, they come in both dark and white chocolate and are immediately recognizable as the genuine article. The occasional strawberry chunk and bitter chocolate pairing is as good as a Brady to Gronk Iso slant, but unlike their NFL counterparts, the connection is infrequent.

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The chocolate pieces are smaller and more numerous which leads to many bites of bitter chocolate that overwhelm the strawberry topping alone. The white chocolate chips on the other hand deserve their own Lombardi, but they are too sparse for my liking. I found only three or four of them in my bowl, but the hint of buttery flavor meshed exceptionally well with the other elements.

Overall, the topping and fruit pieces create a delightful base and the Ghirardelli chocolate pieces are the real deal if a little darker than I would have liked. Quasi-retuning flavor or not, I’m glad DQ opted to give us the holiday-inspired Dipped Strawberries and Ghirardelli Chocolate over something more novel like “Brady’s Deflated Brownie Bash.”

Purchased Price: $2.99
Size: Mini
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (Mini) 350 calories, 15 grams of fat, 10 grams of saturated fat, 0 gram of trans fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 115 milligrams of sodium, 48 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 40 grams of sugar, and 8 grams of protein.

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QUICK REVIEW: Dairy Queen Triple Truffle Blizzard

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Dairy Queen Triple Truffle Blizzard

Dairy Queen subscribes to the same belief as me that the only thing better than chocolate candy is even more chocolate candy. In that vein, January’s Blizzard of the Month is the returning Triple Truffle Blizzard which consists of vanilla soft serve blended with chocolate topping mixed with fudge, caramel, and peanut butter truffles.

Caught up in the excitement of this announcement, I celebrated by channeling Chunk with my best Truffle Shuffle. Having never seen The Goonies apparently, my wife was less amused and more poised to call an ambulance, clearly unimpressed and rather disturbed by my spasmatic gyrations.

After consulting with my divorce attorney (what monster has never seen The Goonies?!) I chose to sample each of the candy pieces individually before going in for the ménage à truffle.

As a card-carrying peanut butter-holic, the salty, gritty quality of the peanut butter candy is particularly satisfying and well balanced in its chocolate shell. The caramel truffle is no Sloth though as it provides a sweet, syrupy texture that finishes with a deeper but faint coffee note. The fudge truffle is less potent but lingers more than the other Goonies with a pleasantly fudgy aftertaste.

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When multiple pieces converge on one’s spoon, the Triple Truffle becomes, dare I say it, three times as good. The peanut butter and caramel complement each other particularly well while the fudge pieces lend a needed cohesive backdrop. Unfortunately, the chocolate topping they advertise as being included is so faint and has less depth than One-Eyed Willy’s vision.

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In the end, the bites with healthy truffle representation are excellent but infrequent, leaving many a naked spoonful of the somnolent base. While a decent romp through the Goon Docks, this adventure doesn’t lead to a long-lost trove of pirate rich stuff.

Purchased Price: $2.99
Size: Mini
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (Mini) 380 calories, 15 grams of fat, 10 grams of saturated fat, 0 gram of trans fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 140 milligrams of sodium, 54 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber 46 grams of sugar, and 8 grams of protein.

QUICK REVIEW: Baskin-Robbins Bobsled Brownie Ice Cream

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Baskin Robbins Bobsled Brownie Ice Cream

When the snowmen in my yard light impromptu bonfires to fight the frigid cold, ice cream is the last thing on my mind. Still, the sight of Baskin-Robbins returning Bobsled Brownie made me race over for a frozen treat. January’s Flavor of the Month boasts blonde brownie pieces and a fudge crackle ribbon mixed with milk-chocolate-mousse and butter-caramel-flavored ice creams.

The dessert itself is an imposing sight with a large crag of the fudge crackle ribbon jutting out of the ice cream mountain base. The chocolate and caramel ice cream slopes are swirled together preventing one from isolating a single track. Fortunately, the two combine to provide a smooth, creamy consistency with a flavor that vacillates depending on the ratio in any given spoonful.

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Depressingly, the brownie pieces that always excite me when advertised are neither large nor frequent enough to add more than a spongy textural contrast. They don’t detract from the dessert, but I would not have noticed their absence. An unexpected rider for me is the attenuated but still chewy chunks of caramel that are as commonplace as the brownie bits. The flavor works well, but I do not appreciate having to chew parts of my ice cream.

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The fudge crackle ribbon, on the other hand, is bold and pervasive but also firm and difficult to break apart. Small pieces occasionally cleave off from the core and find themselves in the mix, but a pickaxe the pink plastic spoon is not. This does, however, result in unavoidably fudgy, dark spoonfuls of the crackle ribbon that my chocoholic self adores.

Despite flirting with the lip of a caramel curve, Bobsled Brownie is an enjoyable treat. While some of the elements seem as out of place as a Jamaican bobsled team, everything works well enough together to be a cool running.

Purchased Price: $2.79
Size: Large scoop (4 oz.)
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (Large scoop) 310 calories, 19 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams trans fat, 45 milligrams of cholesterol, 130 milligrams of sodium, 31 grams of carbohydrates, 24 grams of sugar, 2 grams of dietary fiber and 5 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Starbucks Christmas Tree Frappuccino

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Starbucks Christmas Tree Frappuccino

It’s the most wonderful time of the year.

Baristas are selling me Fraps while misspelling my name at cashiers!

I must mumble, because per usual, my Starbucks cup said “Ben.” That’s ok though because nothing could break my holiday spirit, for today I was trying the new Christmas Tree Frappuccino that looks exactly like a Christmas tree!

Well, kinda like a Christmas tree, I guess?

Look, I know how advertising works. I wasn’t expecting my drink to look like Rockefeller Center, but then again, I also wasn’t expecting Charlie Brown.

The whipped cream looks more lime than pine, and when you think about it, the entire premise is flawed. In theory, the whipped cream portion represents the iconic image of a Christmas tree, so said tree would be like five feet of trunk, and one foot of branches! More like, “Bark, the herald angels sing.” Right?

Guys?

Fine. ‘Tis not the season for petty whining, so I’ll just let it go, let it go, let it go. (Sung to the tune of “Let it Snow,” not that Frozen song, although I guess that works too. You decide!)

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The whipped cream gets its green color due to a matcha infusion, which I’ll be honest, I barely noticed. The topping was drizzled with caramel as well as candied cranberry “ornaments,” so I tasted those more than the actual cream. I mainly order Caramel Fraps, so the whipped cream tasted like it usually does on those.

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Phantom matcha aside, the caramel was delicious as always. The cranberry pieces added a nice little crunch element. There’s a freeze-dried strawberry tree topper that did its job because it was the “star” of the show. I enjoyed it.

I made sure to leave plenty of toppings so they could mix in with the Mocha Peppermint Frap.

I finally took a big gulp and O Tannenbaum was it good! That chocolate mint goodness had me singing Ave Barista.

If I had to equate the flavor to something familiar, it tasted like a liquid Andes mint. It wasn’t quite mint chocolate chip ice cream like you’d expect. There’s not much flavor discrepancy when combining chocolate and mint, but I still say this leans more towards an Andes.

I mixed the toppings in, and they got a little swallowed up. Subtle caramel fought through the mint a couple times, and the cranberry bits provided a fun crunch, but the flavors kinda disappeared into the dark abyss.

I also think there may have been too much ice because it tasted watered down about halfway in. The mocha and peppermint dulled and never lived up to the first couple sips.

In the end, it may not have been exactly what I wanted, but I still appreciated it. I’d like to call “bah humbug” on the $5 price, but I’ll leave you on a positive note. Merry Christmas.

(Nutrition Facts – 420 calories, 21 grams of fat, 13 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 65 milligrams of cholesterol, 220 milligrams of sodium, 53 grams of carbohydrates, 1 grams of fiber, 50 grams of sugar, 6 grams of protein, and 15 milligrams of caffeine.)

Purchased Price: $5.08
Size: Tall
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Mocha and Peppermint are a winning duo. Freeze dried strawberry was kinda brilliant. Caramel drizzle never fails. Fun overall concept. Candied Cranberry ornaments were a great addition.
Cons: As far as looks go, it’s the thought that counts. Pretty expensive. Didn’t pick up the matcha. Flavors got watered down. Ave Maria isn’t a Christmas song. I did not intend for the Frozen song to get stuck in your head. “Ben.”

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