Aquafina Wild Berry FlavorSplash

Written by | April 22, 2005

Topics: Beverage, Water

Aquafina FlavorSplash

Everyone has these things they have to do everyday. Some people call them routines, some call them habits, some call them quirks, and some call them obsessive-compulsive actions, but everyone has them.

Here are the three things I have to do everyday:

1. Learn something new – It can be a new word, recipe, world capital, sexual position, or way to make a baby cry.

2. Give an offering to one of my celebrity shrines – I usually give ChapStick for my Angelina Jolie shrine, fresh herbs for my Rachael Ray shrine, an Emmy award for my Tina Fey shrine, and for my Winona Ryder shrine, a Saks Fifth Avenue gift card.

3. Drink enough water to make my pee clear – It shows that I’m well hydrated and when I pee, I don’t have to flush the toilet, because it looks like I didn’t do anything.

Some people say if your pee is clear, it shows that you’re healthy, but for me it also prevents other people from pointing fingers at me when they see “I ♥ Ryan Seacrest” written in yellow snow.

So how do you make your pee clear? You do it by drinking lots and lots of water.

They say everyone should drink eight glasses of water a day and I tried that, but drinking just plain old water got boring really quick. So I’ve been trying to mix it up with different types of water and it’s been sometimes successful and other times, like with the Aquafina Sparkling Water, it was a total disaster, like the Titanic sinking or any recent Ben Affleck movie.

You would think from that experience I would’ve learned my lesson with Aquafina water, but apparently I’m a sick masochistic son of a bitch, because I decided to try the zero calorie, zero carbs, and zero sugar Aquafina Wild Berry FlavorSplash.

Yeah, Aquafina! Give it to me, baby! Oh yeah, I like the way you punish my taste buds! Make me grimace, baby! Make me gag, Aquafina!

So what’s the difference between Aquafina FlavorSplash and Aquafina Sparkling?

Aquafina FlavorSplash contains no carbonation and is artificially sweetened with Splenda, while Aquafina Sparkling has carbonation and all-natural flavors, contains no sugars or artificial sweeteners, and tastes so bad that plants would find a way to spit it out.

I thought the FlavorSplash was going to rock my world…in a bad way. However, it turned out to be not bad. It’s got a very light berry taste and it also tastes like someone dumped a couple of packets of Equal into the bottle and mixed it up.

It’s slightly better than regular water, but waaaay better than Aquafina Sparkling. I guess Splenda is good for something else besides pretending to be cocaine.

I thought I found a decent plain water replacement, until I let the half-full bottle (or half-empty for you pessimistic folks) of Aquafina FlavorSplash sit outside of the refrigerator for a few hours. It turns out that it’s like milk, the longer you leave it out of the refrigerator, the better the chances of you spitting it out.

Well as long as it’s chilled I think FlavorSplash is not bad, but then again, I think former MTV VJ Kennedy is a babe.


Item: Aquafina Wild Berry FlavorSplash
Purchase Price: 89 cents
Rating: 3 out of 5
Pros: Not bad. Cheap. Waaay better than Aquafina Sparkling. Zero calories. Zero sugars. Zero carbs. My celebrity shrines. I like punishment.
Cons: Tastes crappy warm. Most Ben Affleck movies.






31 Comments For This Post I'd Love to Hear Yours!

  1. Bryan says:

    Regarding the 8 glasses of water a day… yeah I had always believed it was true and went around telling everyone so until about a year ago when I read about it on an urban legend site. There is a good one here:

    http://www.snopes.com/toxins/water.htm

    But, just the other day I saw a commercial by a bottled water company reminding people to drink 8 glasses a day… I guess it’s pretty ingrained.

  2. another megan says:

    The water myth was just on 20/20 last night. Here is a link to the story from the ABC site:

    http://abcnews.go.com/2020/Health/story?id=692388&page=4

  3. rfduck says:

    Thanks for the happy birthday, Marvo! And Mia, after reading the post here on “poo water,” I think it’s safe to say that you CAN say pee and boobs on the impulsive buy!

  4. marvo says:

    josh – I’ve been looking for it, but I haven’t seen them anywhere.

    kimdog – Oh Yeah! Sorry, I don’t have a wall I can break through when I say “Oh Yeah!” Also, if the Kool-Aid man was made out of a glass pitcher and Kool-Aid, why doesn’t he shatter when he hits the wall he goes through.

    Bryan – In the past, when I didn’t drink enough water by the end of the day, I would make up for it in one sitting. I wonder if it’s bad to drink too much water?

    another megan – That was a good link to read. Thanks.

    rfduck – “Pee” and “boobs” are PG-13 words, but feel free to use any R-Rated words. I don’t really give a shit.

  5. Chuck says:

    I think the Kool-Aid man was made out of a plastic pitcher.

  6. marvo says:

    Chuck – He’s made out of plastic? Damn, he would’ve made a great bong, if he were made out of glass.

  7. TheInfamousJ says:

    This seemed to remind me of ADA (american DIABETIC association) approved Snap2O — Snapple’s flavored water. I only had the citrus water, and that was because I was desperate on a camping trip, but it was NAAAASSTY.

    I steer clear of flavored waters unless they can also be called “juice”.

  8. marvo says:

    TheInfamousJ – Snapple has flavored water? Man, they should just stick with regular Snapple, because I tried their energy drink, and it wasn’t very good.

  9. Meredith says:

    Fruit2O = good. Aquafina Flavor Splash = bad. YMMV.

  10. marvo says:

    Meredith – A lot of people have been talking about this Fruit20 and how good it is. I must find it.

  11. gko says:

    Kennedy IS a babe.

    And artificial sweeteners SUCK. They suck Satan’s Enormous Omelette. I hate it in just about all forms and names. Splenda, sucralose, Nutrasweet, aspartame, saccharin, blech. The only time I’ll willingly eat artificial sweeteners is li-hing mui (since it’s probably benign compared to what else they put in that.)