Rip It Energy Fuel

Rip It Energy Fuel

I think I’m not properly using the Rip It Energy Fuel, because I just drank a big 16-ounce can of it and I have no urge to rip anything, not even the jurors in the Michael Jackson case or Paris Hilton.

Maybe it takes a while for the effects to kick in. Maybe I have to drink another can. Maybe I have to inject it into my ass meat, like Jose Canseco did with steroids.

Anyway, on the outside, the Rip It Energy Fuel looks like any old energy drink with an aggro name, aggro designed can, and its typical aggro green energy drink color. However, after I drank it, I realized that it wasn’t a typical energy drink.

The first thing I noticed about it was its lack of bite that most energy drinks have, which was probably due to the lack of carbonation in the Rip It Energy Fuel.

This was disappointing because that bite is one of the things that wakes me up when I’m trying to finish a review or if I’m trying to stay up late to watch Ronco infomercials or the softcore porn on HBO.

Another thing I noticed about the Rip It Energy Fuel was that there was almost no aftertaste. This surprised me because just like almost all Ben Affleck movies, most energy drinks with aggro names leave me with a weird aftertaste.

However, the lack of bite and aftertaste made it easier to tank the big 16-ounce can of the berry and citrus flavored Rip It Energy Fuel, which tasted pretty good. Although, it doesn’t taste as good as The Impulsive Buy favorite, Monster Energy Drink.

Anyway, so far, through this entire review I have had a blank sheet of paper in front of me and I honestly have had no urge to rip it, despite just drinking a can of Rip It Energy Fuel. I’m pretty sure the caffeine, taurine, inositol, and guarana must have kicked in by now, but I’m just not feeling it.

Rip It Energy Fuel

Wait. Now that I think about it, maybe I have to try something different.

Now in front of me is a picture of American Idol judge, Simon Cowell.

Nope, don’t feel anything…

Oh, wait a minute, I feel something.

RIP IT!!!

DAMN FRICKIN’ ARROGANT PRICK!!! YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU SUCK, ASSWIPE!!! HOW ABOUT I TEAR THAT SMUG LOOK OFF OF YOUR FACE!!!

RIP IT!!!

Oh, wow! I guess Rip It Energy Fuel does work.

(Editor’s Note: The Impulsive Buy would like to thank CT from the Population Statistic for creating The Impulsive Buy favicon, which can be found in the address bar of your browser…Hopefully.)


Item: Rip It Energy Fuel
Purchase Price: $1.49 (16-ounce)
Rating: 3.5 out of 5
Pros: Nice berry and citrus flavor. Cheap. Big can. Almost no aftertaste.
Cons: Typical green energy drink color. Lack of bite. Rip It Energy Fuel may or may not work, depending on what is being ripped. Simon Cowell.

26 thoughts on “Rip It Energy Fuel

  1. Hey Marvo, nice favicon. I think the the “Rip It” urge might be useful if you had pictures of an ex-girlfriend lying around. Also, you could combine the “Rip It” urge with bodily functions if you were eating baked beans.

  2. Sheesh, everyone knows that when it comes to soft-core cable porn, it begins and ends with Cinemax…

    Fine looking favicon, I think. 😉

    You need to scope out some of Lil’ John’s Crunk!!! Energy Drink. If only to find out if all those exclamation marks are warranted.

  3. i’d have to go with Chuck on this one… i think this calls for another review… go buy some baked beans, heat them up, poor some rip it into the beans, stir, throw in some jalepenos because we all like them, and then stir. once you are done stirring, martha, err marvo… continue to eat the mixture… now, go ride the nearest elevator for a few hours (preferably one that is heavily used), and report the results…. this could be like The Impulsive Buy field trip!

  4. I am glad you ripped that picture of Simon. He is such an ass. Anyway I don’t see a favicon. What is it supposed to be and maybe I will look harder or something. Who knows!! Good review.

  5. Since Marvo is probably still asleep (being on five-oh time), I’ll field that favicon question: this should tell you what it is.

    Basically, it almost never shows up in Internet Explorer, and almost always shows up in every other browser. When you’re using a tabbed browser like Firefox or Safari, it really helps, visually, to have those favicons to keep your tabs straight.

  6. The Energy Drinks Work Better The Faster You Drink.
    If You Just Sip It Down Slowly It’s Not Going To Work As Good As Chugging The Drink Down In Less Than A Minute Or Two.

    This is just a personal opinion, but being an avid energy drinker I Have found this method to work the best.

    Oh and any energy drink mixed 50/50 with vodka is GREAT!

    And one more suggestion….
    http://www.rockstar69.com

  7. I like that Rip It won the product election and I like it even more that you decided to rip Silly Simon into pieces. For extra magic bonus points, you could also keep his picture whole and then wipe your bum with it…

  8. Chuck – Oh those ex-girlfriend picture are long gone and when I say long gone, I mean they have all been burned and pissed on.

    CT – Unfortunately, I don’t have Skinemax, so I’m stuck with HBO softcore porn and G-String Divas. As for the Lil’ Jon’s Crunk!!!, I haven’t seen it around, but I have been drinking Nelly’s Pimp Juice, which has led to my closet full of fake fur coats.

    Mr Jon teh Redth of Canadia – I think it would be easier if I just ate some Olestra potato chips and Rip It. I’m not a very good cook. I would probably ruin the baked bean concoction.

    Becky – See CT’s explanation below.

    CT – Thanks and I was asleep, but then again, I sleep sixteen hours a day.

    Bottom Feeder – Yes, get a favicon. All the cool kids are doing it.

  9. hmm – Haven’t seen Bawls either. Heh. Bawls. Heh.

    Damon – Already tried it and reviewed it: http://www.theimpulsivebuy.com/?p=62 It’s all right.

    Bryan – How about burn it and piss on it? That seems cleaner and less chaffing.

    Lucy – I don’t think the Green Giant would appreciate if I ate his beans, because it must be painful for him.

  10. Webmiztris – Ever since my experiences with those Olestra potato chips, I haven’t been farting as much.

    Kaya – I can’t type very well to begin with, so if it did help me type faster, it also helped me misspell words faster.

    Chris – I don’t think it was the Rip It that did it. It’s your fault for wearing spandex.

  11. Thank you CT. I understand now. I thought that is what it was I just can’t see it stupid Internet Explorer!!

  12. Hey, I want you to rip a photo of the new pope, since Sinead O’Connor ripped upt he last pope. C’mon.

    “Ben Affleck movies, most energy drinks with aggro names leave me with a weird aftertaste.” –HILARious!

  13. I bought some of that at the dollar store the other day. I have to agree it tastes pretty good, but when I saw the warning about not drinking two cans in the same day I decided to look up the ingredients… turns out it uses some sort of sheep brain goo / back bone goop as one of the main ingredients. I couldn’t bring myself to finish the can after I found out what was inside… not in a PETA kind of way, more in a “that is just so gross” kind of way.

  14. kt – Simon Cowell also dates models. I don’t like him too.

    Chana – Yeah, I don’t think that will happen. Like I’ve said before, I’m afraid of needles.

    Becky – You could always download Firefox.

    Christina – Thank you.

    nat – Sorry, can’t do that, but I will rip up a picture of any member of the Jackson family.

    Stephen – Ew! Brain goo! Mmm…Rip It. Ew! Comes from the butt of a giant slug! Mmm…Slurm.

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