KFC Famous Bowl

BRING IT, GRIM REAPER!!! YOU AIN’T GONNA BRING ME DOWN WITH YOUR SCYTHE!!!

I’ve been feeling invincible since the earthquake the other week that rocked these rocks in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Sure, there weren’t any serious injuries, but it felt like death was coming to my door, but I just slammed the door in its face, like it was an insurance salesman, trick-or-treater, Jehovah’s Witness, or Girl Scout.

Although having twelve hours without electricity felt like death, since I was extremely bored and forced to do things like read a book. Also, don’t get me started on taking a dump in the dark because it’s hard to see if you wiped enough.

Ever since then, I’ve been doing crazy things to try and cheat death.

On Tuesday, I drank a cola and ate Pop-Rocks AT THE SAME TIME, but it didn’t blow up my stomach like I was Star Jones at a Thanksgiving buffet.

On Wednesday, I called 1-900-BIG-BUTY and 1-900-HOT-MILF from my cell phone while pumping gas and it didn’t blow up the entire gas station.

On Thursday, I chanted “Bloody Mary” thirteen times in my dark bathroom facing the mirror and I didn’t get my face ripped off by Bloody Mary. Actually, she appeared, but I scared her away when I used this poem to try and pick her up, “Blood is red, my balls are blue. Love making between a human and ghost is not taboo.”

On Friday, I played Black Sabbath albums backwards, but I didn’t hear the Satanic messages that would make me want to kill myself, bite the head off of a bird, or buy a Kelly Osbourne album.

On Saturday, I played Paris Hilton’s album forward, but her breathy singing voice also didn’t make me want to kill myself. Although I will admit that I had thoughts of ignoring the old saying that you shouldn’t put anything smaller than your elbow in your ear.

On Sunday, I tried the not-so-new-although-they’re-advertising-them-as-new KFC Famous Bowl, which consists of 690 calories, 31 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 4.5 grams of trans fat and 2,110 milligrams of sodium. Basically, it’s a possible acute myocardial infarction in a five-inch diameter and two inch-deep plastic bowl.

Oh, but what a tasty possible acute myocardial infarction in a plastic bowl it is. The combination of a generous serving of cream mashed potatoes, a layer of sweet corn, bite-sized pieces of crispy chicken, three shredded cheeses, and KFC’s signature home-style gravy dumped on top, is dangerously delicious.

Along with it’s great taste, another good thing about the KFC Famous Bowl was the plastic spork and its six grams of dietary fiber. Although the 4.5 grams of really bad trans fat probably negates it.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go eat a spinach salad.

(Editor’s Note: If there aren’t any reviews after this one, please split my belongings among my three siblings. Also, I’d like a 24-carat solid gold urn.)

Item: KFC Famous Bowl
Price: $5.29 (combo)
Purchased at: KFC
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Dangerously delicious. Filling. Six grams of dietary fiber. The spork. Love making between a human and ghost is not taboo. 1-900-BIG-BUTY and 1-900-HOT-MILF.
Cons: Totally unhealthy. 4.5 grams of trans fat. The corn seemed unnecessary. I probably won’t eat it ever again. Strange people who come to your door. Playing Paris Hilton’s album forward.

39 thoughts on “KFC Famous Bowl

  1. Hmm…horsemen…you listed fast food products…Are you trying to tell me something about the meat in these things?

    :P

    Anyway, mmm, heart attack induced by greasy burger overdose…

  2. Oh my god…that just looks nasty. Even in the commercial it just looks nasty. You would think that it looks better on TV, but noooo, it just looks like you’d die of a heart attack from just sniffing it. I admit that I like KFC, but not like this…not like this.

  3. The first time I had a bowl I thought that the sum was only equal to the parts but did not exceed it. Then, the second time I thought that it was a bit better because I think I had more gravy. The third time I felt like I was visiting a prostitute, since I knew the damn thing was bad for me and I knew that I would feel that I did something shameful by ordering one, but still I could not resist. BTW, I prefer my KFC prostitutes without corn. More room for gravy.

  4. the corn is totally necessary. it’s like the sweet counterbalance to the gravy and the chicken! the first time i had this bowl, they made it for me without the corn. and by that time the line was too long and kfc was about to close. that made me mad.

    the next time i had the complete flavors of the bowl. ahhh much better.

  5. Eeewww and eeeeeeeeww and eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewww again. That looks vile. Like dog vomit. I don’t know if I could eat that with my eyes open. Did you go to KFC for that during the power outage, to avoid having to view it?

  6. Holy mother of God. I think I just creamed myself. Yes, the bowl did look like dog turd mixed with vomit, but your description of what’s in it? Heaven. Pure, heaven. I think I know what I’m going to eat to ‘reward’ myself after a long run now.

  7. oh man….man oh man oh man — this is food for when you just have totally given up. why don’t they just toss it in a blender and put it in a squeeze bag for us? why even bother chewing?

  8. Rhawb – Better than heart attack induced by nude pictures of Star Jones.

    Toni – Just think of it as the chicken and side dishes in a convenient bowl.

    dramastically – mmm…gravy boat

    Helldog – Corns on normal prostitutes also aren’t pretty.

    Matt – We all have antennas on our grass shacks.

    jenni – With corn being somewhat healthy, it seems out of place. I really wished for cole slaw, biscuits, or potato wedges on top of it.

    Melanie – The only times I’ve ever seen dog vomit was after my neighbor’s dog ate grass. The vomit was green and the dog did it quite often. Maybe puking was its heroin.

    Josie – You’ll eat it for a reward after a long run and then you’ll go on another long run as punishment for eating it. It’s the circle of life. :-)

    ultradave – I may just have to try that, once my arteries recover.

  9. Personally… after seeing that picture… I’d rather make love to Bloody Mary with the spork than eat that.

    … Although it probabley doesn’t help that I’m a vegetarian. o.0

  10. anonymous – I don’t think KFC is addictive because of the sodium oxybate, I think it’s addictive because we’re all too lazy to cook.

    Heather Feather – We have something in common. :-)

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