Author: Vin

REVIEW: Milka Oreo Chocolate Candy Bar

Vin

Milka Oreo Chocolate Candy Bar

Oreo has become the Lego of food.

Years ago Lego was just Lego, but at some point they decided to dip their blocks in everyone else’s product pool. You can get a Lego set of any entertainment brand you want these days. I just Amazon one-clicked a Lego set of The Max from Saved by the Bell.

I’m a liar of course, but maybe The Impulsive Buy’s clout can get that set made. Let’s make this happen, people!

Anyway, Oreo seems to be following Lego’s model on the culinary scene. A new Oreo flavor seems to drop every month and they’re collaborating with other food brands. Oreo has become the Lego of food! Of course to the dimwitted adventurous child, Lego is the Lego of food.

The most recent Oreo collaboration I stumbled upon was the Milka Oreo Chocolate Candy Bar.

I wasn’t too familiar with Milka chocolate before they decided to bunk up with Nabisco. I’d seen it many times, but never actually bought it, and ya know what? I’m dumb. It’s pretty great.

The label boasts that Milka is Swiss-made with Alpine Milk, which lends to its overall creaminess. Is that the secret? Alpine Milk? Can I buy Alpine Milk in pints, because I think I love it?

Milka Oreo Chocolate Candy Bar 2

Let’s be real here for a second, European chocolate destroys our American brand chocolate. Sure I like Hershey’s or Russell Stover, but Euro chocolate is just more decadent. It’s creamier. It just flat out tastes better, and Milka certainly holds up to that billing in my opinion.

The chocolate here is everything I just said it was. It had a perfect texture, a sweet flavor that wasn’t overbearing, and it melted in my mouth.

I really enjoyed the Oreo cookie crunch as well. It’s not as prominent as say a Hershey’s Cookies ‘n’ Creme bar, but that’s a good thing. This candy bar has the perfect amount of crunch. Each square gives you two or three small crunches.

Milka Oreo Chocolate Candy Bar 3

I wouldn’t necessarily say that I KNEW the cream was Oreo. Well, I knew because the label told me. But without it, I would think this was Milka’s take on a cookies and cream bar. That being said, I still think it’s awesome to look at. Seeing a layer of Oreo cream dotted with bits of cookies inside of a candy bar is a marvel to behold. A marvel I say!

Real quick – Is it Oreo cream or Oreo crème? I can’t keep up with products that have “crème” vs. those with “cream.” Is there a difference? “Crème” is just a fancy way of spelling “cream,” right? This being a European, and thus fancy candy bar, I feel like I should say “crème,” but I never know. The battle of “cream” versus “crème” rages on. Hell, one snack cake I picked up even claimed it was filled with “Kareem!” I put that one back on the shelf.

So as far as this collaboration goes, Milka is the deserved star. Oreo plays the supporting role nicely though despite the cream being a bit indeterminable.

Great balance. Great freshness. Great texture. For $1.50, you can’t go wrong. Milka has a new fan. This might be my new favorite “cookies and cream” candy bar.

Hopefully the Milka Oreo Chocolate Candy Bar becomes a gateway snack, and they start making chocolate bars with the other various crazy Oreo cream/crème flavors.

But hold the Swedish Fish.

(Nutrition Facts – 6 pieces – 220 calories, 120 calories from fat, 14 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 80 milligrams of sodium, 23 grams of carbohydrates, 1 grams of dietary fiber, 20 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $1.50
Size: 3.52 oz. bar
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Delicious, creamy chocolate. Just the right amount of crunch. Great balance between ingredients. A brand marriage made in Heaven. Alpine Milk!
Cons: Not necessarily Oreo Cream flavor. Never knowing whether to write “Crème” or “Cream.” Kids who eat Legos. The inevitable Oreo Movie.

REVIEW: Hostess Deep Fried Banana Twinkies

Vin 2 Comments

Hostess Deep Fried Banana Twinkies

Before I start, I have one simple request.

Every time you see the words “Deep Fried Banana Twinkies” in this review, read it in a sensual Barry White-esque voice. Pump some smooth bedroom music through your speaker to set the mood. If by the end you don’t want a box of Deep Fried Banana Twinkies, you might not be human. 

What? Oh come on, don’t make it weird. You’re making it weird.

You made it weird. Forget it. Read the words normally. It’s a free country.

Despite having one of just about everything under the sun fried, this was my first *flicks on romantic tune* Deep. Fried. Ba-na-na. Twinkie. Awww, yeahhhh. Okay, I’ll stop.

Hostess Deep Fried Banana Twinkies 2

I cooked said Twinkie in the oven (which is recommended) but you can also use a toaster oven, or deep fry them again. I’m not going to judge.

Out of the box the Twinkies look like potato croquettes. Maybe even a fat chicken tender. That sight messed with my mind a bit. I started to think I was all set to have a savory snack.

After a couple minutes, I made a cooking faux pas and opened the stove to get a whiff. I’d say there was almost a churro-like aroma. Nice.

Hostess Deep Fried Banana Twinkies 3

I took it out at the seven minute mark, which ended up being perfect. The cake was just hot enough to differ from a normal Twinkie, and the cream wasn’t like molten lava.

Deep Fried Banana Twinkies are breaded in a graham cracker coating, and maybe it was my mind playing games with me, but that portion almost tasted savory in the end. There was a serious lack of sweetness before the banana cream hit.

The familiar sponge cake is still underneath, and the overall texture was okay, if not a little doughy. I now understand why I’ve seen fried Twinkies smothered in syrup or powdered sugar at county fairs. It needed another sweet element. 

Hostess Deep Fried Banana Twinkies 4

I wondered if the warmth might ruin the taste of the banana cream, but it was just like a normal Banana Twinkie. Still, there wasn’t enough to overpower the graham and sponge cake’s lack of sweetness. Next time I eat one, I’ll probably drop a dollop of chocolate syrup on top.

Look, it sounds like I’m complaining, but the graham cracker did give the Twinkie a nice outer crisp. It just wasn’t particularly flavorful. It also had an odd aftertaste, but I actually think the fried sponge cake was the culprit there. 

Regular Deep Fried Twinkies have a funnel cake coating, and now I’m kinda bummed I didn’t get those. That just sounds better.

In the end, the outer fried portion wasn’t sweet enough, and probably too doughy, but once the cream hit, Deep Fried Banana Twinkies are still pretty good. They’re definitely worth a try.

I will say that the price is ridiculous, and as an Impatient American (I’m the Union President) I don’t love the idea of waiting for an oven to preheat, 6-8 minutes to cook, and two minute to cool off before eating a snack cake. Yeah, I enjoy a homemade cookie or brownie, but that’s a different mindset. You want a Twinkie? Open a box and eat a Twinkie. Who has time for this waiting nonsense?

If the graham coating was tastier and the price was lower, these could become a snack I regularly keep in the freezer, but for now I probably won’t go back unless they put out some crazy flavor concoctions in the future. Awwww yeahhhh, baby. 

(Nutrition Facts – 1 cake – 230 calories, 80 calories from fat, 9 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 420 milligrams of sodium, 36 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 15 grams of sugar, and 3 grams of protein..)

Purchased Price: $5.49
Size: 7 cakes/box
Purchased at: Shop Rite
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Banana Cream never fails. Nice outer crisp. Fried Fair Food Fare. Barry White voice. Potato Croquettes.
Cons: Graham cracker not flavorful enough. Expensive. Time consuming. “Dollop” is my least favorite word in the English language. Funnel Cake > Graham Cracker.

REVIEW: Vanilla Milkshake Whoppers

Vin 4 Comments

Vanilla Milkshake Whoppers

Every year, post-Halloween, I see lists of peoples’ least favorite candies.

For some reason Whoppers always crack the list. I don’t get it. Even if you aren’t a huge fan of these “malted milk balls,” don’t you like a little variety? What’s wrong with a couple malt(ed milk) balls mixed in with the rest of your haul? (Don’t you dare simply refer to them as “Malt balls!”)

I’m actually surprised Whoppers are even still around. They feel like a candy of yesteryear. We as a culture just don’t seem to appreciate malt anymore. When was the last time anyone under the age of ancient ordered a malted milkshake?

Speaking of, the fine folks at Hershey seem to think people still have a hankering for them with their release of Vanilla Milkshake Whoppers. I’ve always been a fan of the originals, and dug the Strawberry Milkshake Whoppers a good deal, so I snatched two of these cartons as soon as I saw them.

Upon ripping open said carton I was met with a vanilla scent that got masked quickly by the smell of cardboard. Once I poured the contents into a glass, they regained their pleasant vanilla smell. 

The waxy outer coating had a “white chocolatey” flavor. I know it’s vanilla but it tasted like white chocolate to me. Let’s be real, there’s not THAT big a difference between the two anyway. Whether you taste vanilla or white chocolate, the flavor really doesn’t last long enough to make a major impact. This is a common theme among malt(ed milk) balls in my opinion. 

Vanilla Milkshake Whoppers 2

After talking them up, allow me to knock Whoppers down a peg.

I don’t really like to chew on Whoppers. I feel like I immediately lose the outer flavor once I bite into the malt center. Malt is an overpowering taste. I much prefer to suck on Whoppers instead of biting them. I absolutely hate that previous sentence and didn’t want to write it, but hey, that’s how I like my Whoppers.

That being said, if you allow about ten Whoppers to melt in your mouth, the gritty texture of the ball itself starts to do a number on your tongue. This has always been my knock on them. Either you chew them and get that rock hard sugar stuck in your molars, or you suck them and get Cap’n Crunch mouth.

Vanilla Milkshake Whoppers 3

Still, letting them melt was the best way to really enjoy that outer “vanilla” flavor. The thing about Whoppers is that no matter the coating, the strongest taste will always be the malt itself. Just to test my theory I had a few chocolate Whoppers left over from Halloween, and it checked out. Once I chomped down it was just a maltfest.

And while I prefer not to chew them, I absolutely LOVE those weird chewy runt Whoppers that inevitably sneak into each batch. You guys know what I’m talking about? There are always one or two pieces that are smaller than the rest. Sometimes half the ball is caved in on itself. To me they’re like the bonus onion ring in an order of fries. I had three of those that had the texture of a Tootsie Roll and they were the MVPs of the carton.

I may have actually liked Vanilla Milkshake more than the chocolate originals. The jury is still out. They’re certainly better than those Easter Whoppers Robin’s Eggs. 

Hershey should team with Burger King on these somehow, because I subliminally wanted a Whopper and a vanilla shake by the time I was done.

(Nutrition Facts – 18 pieces – 200 calories, 70 calories from fat, 7 grams of fat, 7 grams of sat fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 65 milligrams of sodium, 32 grams of carbohydrates, 27 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein..)

Purchased Price: $2.22
Size: 10 oz. carton
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Solid white chocolatey/vanilla flavor while it lasts. Super fresh malted milk ball centers. Milk carton packaging. Might be better than the original. The chewy runts of the Whopper litter.
Cons: Malt overpowers outer flavor. Scratches up tongue/roof of mouth if sucked on. Gets plastered in teeth if chewed. Gateway to wanting Burger King. Where have all the malts gone?

REVIEW: Snickers & Hazelnut Bar

Vin 8 Comments

Snickers & Hazelnut Bar

When you think of chocolate and hazelnut, I’m sure Nutella immediately comes to mind. If not that, then surely everyone’s favorite re-gifted Christmas candy, Ferrero Rocher. But if I asked you to name something beyond that, what would you even say?

I mean sure there are fancy chocolates everywhere that feature hazelnut, but you can’t just grab one off a convenience store candy rack. That’s why I think Mars is smart to offer their Snickers & Hazelnut bar, as it fills a hole in the market you probably didn’t even realize was open. Rocher aren’t exactly sold next to the Kit Kat and Starburst at your local 7-Eleven.

That reminds me, I think I still have a rack of re-gifted Ferrero Rocher from last year that I’ll probably three-gift™ this Christmas. Nothing says “we’re not really all that close” like a plastic crate of Ferrero Rocher.

I had a fun sized regular Snickers (or nine) lying around, so I decided to stack them against the Snickers & Hazelnut Bar.

Snickers & Hazelnut Bar 3

The new bar has a different flavor profile. It’s not super different, you still know it’s a Snickers, but there are definitely some dissimilarities. In regular Snickers, the peanut is probably the flavor you taste least. It provides the crunch, but can you really pinpoint peanut flavor? The hazelnut shines most here. Even mixed with the usual peanuts, it overpowers each bite. I’d go as far to say that if they went with just hazelnuts and no peanuts, the flavor might have been over the top.

Hazelnuts are pretty distinct and I tasted them more than the chocolate and caramel, which I imagine could be undesirable to some, but I quite enjoyed it. It also marries perfectly with the nougat, which I felt was more pronounced. It could have just been the bars I had, but I also thought the texture was softer than a regular Snickers.

I refuse to say it’s better than the original version, but it’s certainly not far off. Snickers are perfection. They are right up there with Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups as candies that will forever rule the world. You simply can’t improve Snickers, but Mars certainly found a way to toss an almost equally delicious alternative at you.

Snickers & Hazelnut Bar 2

If you are a candy purist who loves the chocolate and caramel in Snickers, you may not like the hazelnut version as much, but I still think you’ll enjoy it immensely.

Seriously, Snickers are so good, they are the only candy bar that can get away with releases where they simply add bits of another type of nut. Snickers with almond were good. Snickers with mixed nuts were better. I’m anxiously awaiting the Snickers & Macadamia Bar. Snickers & Cashew would probably be great. What about Snickers & Pecan? Snickers & Filbert? I’m not sure I even know what a filbert is, but bring it on.

And in case you’re wondering, Snickers & Hazelnut tastes better than a crispy Ferrero Rocher. Give me a few of these for Christmas instead and I won’t have to feign my appreciation. You won’t have to shell out as much cash for the “decadence” of fancy gold foil.

So if you’re hungry, why wait? You probably shouldn’t wait.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 bar – 240 calories, 100 calories from fat, 11 grams of fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 115 milligrams of sodium, 31 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 26 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein..)

Purchased Price: 78 cents
Size: 1.76 oz
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Hazelnut is the star of the show. Nougat tastes more pronounced. Slightly softer texture than regular Snickers. Snickers branching out with more nut varieties. Three-gifting™.
Cons: Chocolate and caramel flavors not quite as strong. The lack of “easy” chocolate and hazelnut candy bars. Lazy Ferrero Rocher gifters. Why aren’t Nutella candy bars in every store?

REVIEW: Limited Edition Twix White

Vin 11 Comments

Limited Edition Twix White

I think the Walmart cashier was flirting with me when I bought this new Twix White. She smiled and made a little joke that I’m “not supposed to eat white after Labor Day.”

That’s actually what she said.

While I applaud her for not being a total mope, and while I did give her a courtesy laugh, that didn’t stop me from gazing at the self-service registers longingly.

I’d made my first blunder of the day; hopefully Twix White wouldn’t be the second.

Twix, which everyone knows stands for “Twiggy Sticks” have been available in the U.S. since 1969. Outside of a previous limited run in 2005, the white chocolate variety hasn’t been available until now. Just don’t get too attached, because these are also labeled “Limited Edition.”

The latest Twix commercials have informed me I’m supposed to pick a winner between the Right Twix bar and the Left Twix bar, so I ate them with that in mind.

Upon opening the package and taking a big whiff that basically smelled like nothing, I opted to go with the Left Twix cookie first. Yes, Twix insists on referring to itself as a “cookie” instead of a “candy bar,” which for some reason bugs me to no end. You’re a candy bar, Twix. Own it.

The texture of the Left Twix was exactly as I expected — perfect. Twix is one of my favorite candies texture wise, because of the delicious and easy to chew layer of caramel. I never have to worry about it getting stuck to my teeth because it immediately mixes with the crunchy cookie center and the outer chocolate so well.

Limited Edition Twix White 2

The White Chocolate coating had a standard white chocolate flavor I’d tasted in the past, but it was actually milder than I expected. Without that instant punch of chocolate, I feel like I definitely tasted the cookie and caramel a lot more here than with a normal Twix.

This might sound crazy, but between the caramel, the cookie, and the mild white chocolate, there was a slight saltiness in each bite. The white chocolate’s sweetness didn’t really shine through until the very end, and the aftertaste was still pretty weak.

Limited Edition Twix White 3

I’m not sure white chocolate, especially the kind used here, has enough flavor to carry a Twix bar. I guess I like my white chocolate to be overly sweet. I’m talking “have two bites then take a break” sweet. There isn’t as perfect a marriage of flavors here like there is in a regular Twix. Overall, I found the Left Twix to be pretty boring.

The Right Twix however was in-cred-ible! Wow! I don’t know what they’re doing over at Right Twix, but good lord was this “cookie” fantastic!

I’m just kidding. Those commercial are dumb. They tasted exactly the same — boring.

It’s a shame too, because this was one of the freshest Twix I’d had in a long time. Not since Mo, Sol, or Lem stole George Costanza’s Twix from that car dealership vending machine have I had a Twix this fresh, and I eat a lot of em. I already bought a bag of Mini Twix to give out to trick or treaters on Halloween. The bag won’t survive beyond October 25th. Believe me.

While these weren’t a huge hit for me, I do appreciate this slow burning trend of white chocolate-izing our favorite candy bars, and I really hope it continues until there are none left.

In the end, Twix White pales in comparison to regular Twix.

I’d appreciate a courtesy laugh for that one.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 cookies – 230 calories, 110 calories from fat, 12 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 75 milligrams of sodium, 29 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 22 grams of sugar, and 3 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: 78 cents
Size: 1.62 oz
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Great texture. The never failing Twix caramel. White chocolate-izing our favorite candy bars. The underrated Seinfeld episode I referenced. Well meaning cashiers. Great price.
Cons: Mild white chocolate. Twix not actually standing for “Twiggy Sticks.” Stupid ads. Twix shunning its candy bar heritage. Finishing the Halloween candy before Halloween. Courtesy laughs.