Reviews

QUICK REVIEW: Dairy Queen’s Best Chocolate Cake Blizzard

Joe / September 1, 2017 / Reviews / 12 Comments

Chocolate. Ice cream. Cake.

I’m not going out on much of a limb in declaring these to be some of the best things in life. Dairy Queen apparently agrees as they have dubbed September’s Blizzard of the Month, Best Chocolate Cake. The not so humbly named treat combines chocolate cake pieces with white icing and chocolate chunks nestled inside of cocoa fudge blended vanilla soft serve.

The site of chocolate islands awash in a turbulent sea of fudge-tinged ice cream invited me to become a willing castaway. Diving in, the cocoa fudge and chocolate chunks melded into a divine experience rich enough to make Count Chocula blush. Unfortunately, things took a turn for the worse as soon as my spoon included one of the titular cake pieces. See, the thing about a Blizzard unabashedly named Best Chocolate Cake is that it needs to wow you with, you guessed it, the chocolate cake.

Instead of the promised white icing rich chocolate cake, my taste buds were met with a dull, lifeless dry husk. While providing a coarser texture than the smooth chocolate chunks and creamy base, it failed to deliver on any semblance of the word “best.” Instead, I found myself wishing that they were left out entirely. They felt like speed bumps in the middle of a chocolatey superhighway.

If the white icing exists then it lends nothing to the cake as it is completely overwhelmed by the, admittedly fantastic, chocolate flavor from the other elements. Worse yet, the cake pieces seemed to sink to the bottom and hamper the delayed gratification of the last mix-in laden bites that are typically my favorite part.

Cake misstep aside, I very much enjoyed the Blizzard overall. If you can look past the ill-chosen moniker, the chocolate highs were more than enough to offset the dry cake lows. I hope to see the cocoa fudge and chocolate chunks play a role in future offerings sans cake pieces which are, in fact, not the best.

Purchased Price: $3.59
Size: Small
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (Small) 830 calories, 350 calories from fat, 39 grams of fat, 18 grams of saturated fat, 1 grams of trans fat, 60 milligrams of cholesterol, 310 milligrams of sodium, 111 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 89 grams of sugar, and 15 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Cheeseburger, Cheese Pizza, and Cheddar Nachos Cheez-It Crackers

Marvo / September 1, 2017 / Reviews

Having to choose a favorite between cheeseburgers, pizzas, and nachos is like trying to pick a favorite child.

Just kidding. It’s not.

First born.

Just kidding. I don’t have kids…that I know of.

Cheeseburger.

But having to choose a champion between cheeseburger, cheese pizza, and cheddar nachos-flavored Cheez-It crackers is difficult.

Just kidding. It’s not.

Cheeseburger.

But why do we have to choose a champion? Can’t we give everyone participation trophies? Because while I enjoyed the cheeseburger flavor more than the other two, they are also worthy of recognition. Actually, this whole You Choose The Champion line deserves some kind of award because it’s nice to see Cheez-It offer flavors that are more complex than different types of cheeses, like cheddar, white cheddar, sharp cheddar, Italian four cheese, baby Swiss, Colby, mozzarella, provolone, and pepper jack.

Cheeseburger

It’s my favorite of the three because it did a great job with replicating the flavor of a McDonald’s cheeseburger. It smells like steak sauce, but it’s got the pickles’ tanginess, the onions’ bite, mustard, of course, the cheese, and there’s a little bit of beef patty flavor. If you’ve had cheeseburger-flavored snacks before, besides those horrible Cheeseburger Goldfish, you’ll know what these this like. Although it’s not an original flavor, it’s the one that tastes most like what it’s trying to emulate.

Cheese Pizza

To be honest, it’s a little boring that it’s cheese pizza and not something a little bit more complex, like a pepperoni pizza. After all, there’s beef flavor with the cheeseburger, so why not add extra spices and artificial flavoring to get some pepperoni.

But with that said, I also enjoyed this flavor because, with almost every one I put into my mouth, it was as if I was putting tiny cheese Totino’s Party Pizza in my mouth. The crackers capture the cheese, sauce, and herbs one would taste and smell on those wonderful cheap pizzas, which I adore. Even the crispy texture of the crackers kind of reminds me of the Party Pizza’s crust.

Cheddar Nachos

I’m not sure why the cheese needs to be announced for this flavor. I mean, the word “nachos” alone excites me and including the word “cheddar” makes it a little less mysterious. Like the other two flavors, this one also reminds me of something else and that is Taco Bell’s nacho cheese sauce.

There’s also a paprika-level of spiciness that builds up, but it more of a tickle than a slap. But to be honest, it’s good, but is the least impressive because it’s not as complex as the other two. This flavor could just be one of the regular Cheez-It flavors, but with a slight kick.

While all three flavors vary from great to good, there’s an issue with them. The application of seasoning is inconsistent. Some are blasted with it, some aren’t seasoned as much, and others have so little that they taste like regular Cheez-It crackers. But I imagine shoving handfuls into your mouth, and not eating it like a bird, which I do, will solve that problem.

NOTE: Thanks to Impulsive Buy reader Carla for sending these to me.

(Nutrition Facts – about 25 crackers – Cheeseburger – 150 calories, 70 calories from fat, 7 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 220 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 0 grams of sugar, and 3 grams of protein. Cheese Pizza – 150 calories, 70 calories from fat, 7 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 200 milligrams of sodium, 19 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, and 3 grams of protein. Cheddar Nachos – 150 calories, 70 calories from fat, 8 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 230 milligrams of sodium, 18 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, and 3 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $4.99
Size: 12.4 oz. boxes
Purchased at: Walgreens
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Cheeseburger)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Cheese Pizza)
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Cheddar Nachos)
Pros: All munchable. Cheeseburger tastes like cheeseburger. Cheese Pizza tastes like Totino’s Party Pizza. Cheddar Nachos reminds me of Taco Bell’s Nacho Cheese Sauce.
Cons: Inconsistent seasoning. Having to choose between cheeseburgers, pizza, and nachos. Cheddar Nachos has a very light spiciness.

Crackers. Cheez-It

REVIEW: Nestle Toll House Cookie of the Year Chocolate Fudge Pretzel Cookies

Ben / August 28, 2017 / Reviews

Hey there, everyone.

For the second year in a row, I’m here to accept the Nestle Toll House Cookie of the Year Award. I’m not sure why the award committee keeps inviting me back to make these speeches on behalf of a cookie. I guess they must believe in the old adage, “you are what you eat.”

*crickets*

Yeesh. Tough crowd.

Let me be clear, folks. This isn’t an envelope mix-up, like that “La La Land” and “Moonlight” fiasco. Believe it or not, Nestle Toll House’s Chocolate Fudge Pretzel cookie dough really did beat out other contenders like PB&J Oreo for the Cookie of the Year award. Sorry, PB&J Oreo. Between you and me, I have a feeling that Nestle Toll House might have rigged this thing.

I’ve got to give a quick shout-out to the crew on this production, also known as my oven and baking sheet. The 11-12 minutes it took to fully bake this project took longer than those “straight-to-plate” cookies, but these guys were nothing but professional.

For all of you drama fans out there, Nestle Toll House Chocolate Fudge Pretzel cookies are set against a dark backdrop…of chocolate, that is. The chocolate cookie dough steals the show with a perfectly rich cocoa flavor. Like Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, it’s the kind of role player that you can build a franchise around.

I was pleasantly surprised by the performance of the milk chocolate morsels. They add a sweeter, creamier element throughout. It can be hard to stand out when one of your co-stars is so dominant, but the milk chocolate morsels play off of the chocolate cookie dough really well.

The pretzel pieces are a welcome addition to the cast, too. They’re salty, floury, and retain a good crunch. But if I’m being honest, they can be pretty erratic. Some cookies have a lot of them, and others hardly have any. It would be nice to see some consistency from those pretzel prima donnas.

Some of you in the audience might look at these Chocolate Fudge Pretzel cookies and think, “they could use something more, like caramel.” But I’ve got to disagree with you. Adding another ingredient here would be like Michael Bay’s use of explosions -— excessive.

Once again, the Nestle Toll House Cookie of the Year is a real winner. The chocolate cookie dough, milk chocolate morsels, and pretzel pieces combine to make a formidable cast that puts on a great performance. Congratulations to the 2017 Cookie of the Year: Nestle Toll House Chocolate Fudge Pretzel Cookies.

I don’t know what the 2018 Cookie of the Year will be, but I do know this: it’ll be made by Nestle Toll House…

…and I’ll have to give yet another acceptance speech for a fake cookie award.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 cookie – 80 calories, 40 calories from fat, 4 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 1.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 65 milligrams of sodium, 11 grams of carbohydrates, 8 grams of sugar, and less than 1 gram of protein.)

Purchased Price: $2.50
Size: 16 oz. (makes 24 cookies)
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Rich, fudgy cookie dough. Sweet milk chocolate morsels add nice variety. Crunchy pretzel pieces. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.
Cons: Still a totally made-up award, possibly rigged. Uneven distribution of pretzel pieces. Michael Bay.

Cookie Dough Cookies Nestle Nestle Toll House

REVIEW: Lay’s Bacon Wrapped Jalapeno Poppers Potato Chips

Brian / August 25, 2017 / Reviews / 6 Comments

A recent Gatorade campaign featuring the best athletes of the last three decades identifies a surprising motivator common amid these elite performers: the staggering defeats they experienced. In response to the failure, they found the secret to victory was to work harder, work smarter, and not let the next opportunity get away from them.

Lay’s Bacon Wrapped Jalapeño Popper Potato Chips are hoping to demonstrate a similar resolve. For the first time since the Do Us a Flavor contests began in 2013, Lay’s released a flavor that was not a finalist.

This year, they allowed a round of online voting based on interest alone to bring the list of ten semifinalists down to three. Although the medal stand was occupied by Everything Bagel, Fried Green Tomato, and Crispy Taco, Lay’s opted to release this variety as a Walmart exclusive.

I have to wonder what a bacon-wrapped jalapeno popper is. Is this a niche appetizer? I found exactly one restaurant menu that offered this item. Recognizing I don’t get invited to many catered events (assuming birthday party pizza and Iron Man sheet cake don’t count as catering), I did find more caterers offering these. If only the bag had featured an out-of-work actor in a pink bow tie.

A smoky smell emanated from the bag, but it wasn’t very strong. My son laughed as I nearly stuck my entire head into the top, hoping to find something else, anything else.

The chips had green speckles reminiscent of sour cream and onion chips, as well as a fewer number of brick red colored bits as well. The familiar Lay’s crunch and texture were present upon first bite, but were not greasy like the Original variety.

The taste was as unremarkable as the smell. The chips generally didn’t have much of a distinct taste at all. I occasionally sensed bacon but the taste would fade. The jalapeno wasn’t notable at all. Sometimes a light tingle, indicating the spicy component, would sit on my tongue tip or palate for a short time. There could have been a hint of sour cream or cream cheese as well, but it was minor and I would have been unlikely to detect it if I wasn’t considering the art on the front of the bag.

Lay’s made the decision to produce a flavor that in concept alone failed to excite chip lovers, and it is no surprise the real life results were no more inspiring. Some of the Do Us a Flavor entrants have been truly horrifying, but never before have I been more bored with a product from the contest.

Perhaps next summer, there will be a Frito-Lay campaign with an executive, donned in a hairnet, goggles, and lab coat, walking the factory floor who leans in real tight to the camera and says, “You want to know the Secret to Victory? Release a new product people didn’t want.”

(Nutrition Facts – about 15 chips – 160 calories 10 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 140 milligrams of sodium, 15 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $2.48
Size:
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Spice level. Attractive packaging. The Vinny Vegas pizza at Skyzone trampoline park.
Cons: “Incomplete” grades for bacon, jalapeno, and cream cheese flavors. All six of the other flavors that didn’t make the finals sound more interesting. Asking Matt Ryan to recreate the midfield walk after the worst loss of his life.

Chips Lay's

REVIEW: Limited Edition Haribo Gold-Bears Mystery Flavors

Rachel / August 24, 2017 / Reviews / 28 Comments

Wait.

Gummi bears have flavors?

Despite eating Olympic swimming pools of them over the decades, that’s news to me. I thought they were all one – “fruitish.” Perhaps because I shove them in my mouth by the handful, they meld into the same taste?

Hence I walked into Haribo’s Mystery Flavor Gold-Bears thinking, “Oh, they have specific flavors now – that’s new!”

My first impression of this product was: Where’s the beef?

This is a large bag but the bears only come up to the top of the clear window. Two-thirds of the bag is empty – not even filled with air, fercryinoutloud! It’s like the CD longbox of candy!

Second impression: Have the gummi bear species reverse-evolved into smaller versions of themselves? I love miniatures, but I like to look a bear in the eye before I bite his head off, thank you very much.

Inside the bag, that familiar plasticy sweet smell and the greasy film that leaves bear trails on every surface.

Spoiler alert: if you want to solve the mystery flavors mystery yourself, stop reading here and come back later!

Let’s start with the ones I’m sure about.

Blue = Blueberry. This was a no-brainer.

The orange-yellow was definitely peach. No doubt about it.

These were also my two favorite flavors. They tasted like bright, punchy candy renditions of their namesake fruits.

The remaining three I’m a bit tentative on.

The maroon I’m 70 percent sure is raspberry. 30 percent chance it’s pomegranate. While they had a pleasant berry-ish taste, I wasn’t excited about them. Perhaps the ease of identification boosted the enjoyment in the others?

I originally thought the pink and bright yellow were strawberry and pineapple, but then discovered these are flavors are in the usual Haribo gummi bear mix, so they wouldn’t put them in this, would they?

I scanned the package for hints. That fruit-filled question mark probably holds the answers to this profound conundrum.

After consulting the cartoon bear oracle, and a second round of tasting, I’m leaning toward pink = watermelon and yellow = banana. These are pure guesses, however. I’m curious to hear what you all think since I couldn’t check my work on their website. The URL advertised on the package is currently password protected. Annoying.

The yellow bears were the most confounding flavor-wise and my least favorite of the group. If they really were banana, it’s a loose interpretation. Assuming my guess on the pink bear is correct, I prefer a heavier-handed take on watermelon. These were far weaker than my watermelon touchstone – Jolly Ranchers.

Overall, the gummi bears retained their historic chewy fruity appeal and the mystery flavors added a new twist (especially for those of us who never knew there were intentional tastes involved in the first place). If you’re a gummi bear fan, these are worth a try!

(Nutrition Facts – 13 bears – 100 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of sodium, 23 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 12 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $1.89
Size: 4 oz. bag
Purchased at: Walgreens
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: I love a good mystery! Who killed the blue bear in the library with a rope?
Cons: 4 ounces of micro-bears in a 9 ounce bag. Least banana-y banana – if that is banana. Non-working website.

Candy Haribo Mystery Flavor

QUICK REVIEW: Dairy Queen’s Best Chocolate Cake Blizzard

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REVIEW: Cheeseburger, Cheese Pizza, and Cheddar Nachos Cheez-It Crackers

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REVIEW: Nestle Toll House Cookie of the Year Chocolate Fudge Pretzel Cookies

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REVIEW: Lay’s Bacon Wrapped Jalapeno Poppers Potato Chips

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REVIEW: Limited Edition Haribo Gold-Bears Mystery Flavors

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