REVIEW: Malt-O-Meal Maple Bacon Donut Cereal

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What is it?

Although I typically associate Malt-O-Meal as being a purveyor of “hot cereal” (porridge? runny oatmeal? gruel?), it makes over THIRTY varieties of the cold stuff, and the latter actually equates to 75% of its sales. So I guess the joke is on me. While most of its offerings mimic those of its biggest competitors — Kellogg’s and General Mills — its newest flavor is a bit of an original: Maple Bacon Donut.

How is it?

It’s decent, but I don’t know that “maple bacon donut” is what I get from it. Mostly, it tastes like an extra sugary Honey Nut Cheerios with a liberal dash of artificial smoke and a bit of salt. And that description may sound kind of awful, but I assure you that the actual result is not. Every once in a while I got a little something maple-like, but mostly, it was “general sweetness.” Again, with a little smoke. And some saltiness.

Anything else you should know?

Like most Malt-O-Meal cereals, this variety comes in a resealable bag, and the bag is the size of a pillow. This is a really great thing if you like the Malt-O-Meal you purchased; if you weren’t a fan, however, congrats to your children on the giant bag of cereal they’ll inherit upon your passing.

Conclusion:

While I appreciated this new and unusual flavor, I’d be reluctant to buy again. It was only slightly better than okay, and there’s just SO much of it. As it is, I’ll probably already be passing this bag down to the next generation. (Which I mean, kind of a steal for less than $6.)

Purchased Price: $5.48
Size: 30 oz bag
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 cup) 150 calories, 1.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 250 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 17 grams of total sugars (including 17 grams of added sugar), and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Lucky Charms S’mores Cereal

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Remember last year’s Cinnamon Toast Crunch and Lucky Charms Mix Cereal? It’s understandable if you don’t because I also forgot about it and was only reminded about it when I searched for a similar product I knew existed a competing cereal company offered. But this new Lucky Charms S’mores Cereal is like the sequel to that, but with less popular cereals and a less verbose name. It’s basically Chocolate Lucky Charms mixed with what appears to be Golden Grahams.

What’s with the “what appears to be”?

After trying the square-shaped pieces on their own, I’m not sure they’re actually Golden Grahams. But it’s got to be, right? Golden Grahams is under the Big G tent. Why develop a slightly different cereal when there’s already an option? Ugh. This is getting me worked up. I’ve put too much effort and thought into this. If only I had some old-timey graham crackers that Sylvester Graham made to bring down my excitement.

I’m suspicious about the ridged-cereal pieces because, while they do have a mild flavor that reminds me of Golden Grahams, there’s also a taste that I would describe as lightly charred. Look, as someone who likes their marshmallows slightly burnt because it adds a unique flavor and TOTALLY not because I like fire a little too much, that char can be part of the s’mores experience. But it’s odd to be tasting it with a cereal. Granted, I notice that unusual flavor when eating those squares separately. But when mixed with the other pieces, it’s not noticeable at all.

What’s slightly more noticeable in the cereal as a whole, but not to a level that I’d like, is the graham. With most spoonfuls, it doesn’t stand out among the chocolatey pieces and sugary marshmallows, and because of that, it’s hard for me to say that this is s’mores-like. That’s especially the case when the chocolatey flavor leaks into the milk. It pretty much tastes like Chocolate Lucky Charms, which is still magically delicious, but this doesn’t have a magical s’mores flavor.

Lucky Charms S’mores Cereal is a decent part of a complete breakfast, but it’s also a slight disappointment. But, to make it compelling and a product I won’t forget, like Cinnamon Toast Crunch and Lucky Charms Mix Cereal, I’ve been thinking that I’m in an alternate universe where Golden Grahams is the beloved square-shaped cereal that has its own Grahamdust and Chocolate Lucky Charms is the original.

DISCLOSURE: I received a free product sample from General Mills. Doing so did not influence my review.

Purchased Price: FREE
Size: 11 oz box
Purchased at: Received from General Mills
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 cup – cereal only) 140 calories, 1.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 240 milligrams of sodium, 31 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 12 grams of sugar (including 12 grams of added sugar), and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Cap’n Crunch’s Birthday Crunch Cereal

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What is it?

Despite looking older than his age for several decades now, Cap’n Crunch is turning 60 this year, and as such, he has made himself a celebratory birthday cake-flavored cereal. What, you don’t make your own birthday dessert? Well, LOOK AT YOU, Mr. I-Actually-Have-Friends-and-Family-Who-Love-Me.

How are they?

Distinctly birthday cake-y. What is “birthday cake” flavor, anyway? Generic vanilla sugar cake? Anyway, the Cap’n manages to capture the flavor admirably with his multi-colored misshaped balls. If I had one complaint, it would be that the flavor is a bit muted; if a full-on grade school birthday party cake is a 10, these were about a 5. Depending on your love for birthday cake flavor, this is either a good or bad thing.

Anything else you need to know?

As mentioned above, this cereal is entirely composed of multi-colored, oddly shaped balls. There are no yellow pillows (barrels?) or brightly and solidly colored “berries.” File this under “mildly interesting.”

Also, it appears from the picture on the box that the irregularly shaped pieces are supposed to be singularly colored; maybe the dye wasn’t set when my box was packed because what I ended up with looks like a hippie’s shirt closet.

Conclusion:

If you like birthday cake-flavored things and Cap’n Crunch, you will likely enjoy this version of the Quaker classic. Just try not to get hung up on the fact that the 60-year-old Cap’n has no one who cares enough to make him a cake.

Purchased Price: $4.78
Size: 14.8 oz
Purchased at: Hy-Vee
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (38 g) 150 calories, 1.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 200 milligrams of sodium, 33 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 14 grams of sugar (including 14 grams of added sugar), and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: IHOP Blueberry & Syrup Mini Pancake Cereal

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Breakfastception: noun

When one style of breakfast mimics the flavor(s) of another style of breakfast.

“IHOP Mini Pancakes Cereal is the latest form of Breakfastception.”

I should admit I never really understood the Christopher Nolan film Inception, and have zero idea if this very topical reference makes sense. Anyway, General Mills and IHOP have partnered on a Blueberry and Syrup flavored cereal.

I could be wrong, but the only pancake cereal I can even recall from one of the major companies was a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it Cap’n Crunch version. We’ve had plenty of waffle–inspired cereals, a few that were muffin-based, and even French toast, but how many have been distinctly pancake? I didn’t anticipate these to taste much different from a waffle cereal, but that was still the main intrigue.

An IHOP pancake cereal is interesting, but will these blueberry and syrup mini pancakes be the cereal of your Incepted dreams? Probably not.

Will I ever properly reference the Christopher Nolan film Inception? Also, probably not.

I’ll give this cereal credit where it’s due. It smells perfect. Well, I mean, it smells like a Blueberry Eggo waffle, but it’s really all just batter, right? The difference, especially in cereal form, is negligible, and let’s be real, waffles are just pancakes that go to the gym. Beyond the smell, I have to pretty much discredit this cereal from here on out. It’s one of the worst textured cereals I’ve had in a long time, even after soaking in milk.

The pieces are similar to Cookie Crisp but denser, and for some reason, these blueberry specs are a lot sharper than I recall the chocolate chips being. If you love a good crunch from your cereal, these may be your jam, but it’s not very satisfying because the pieces taste stale.

The flavor itself is decent, but I’d classify it as “Crunch Berry Lite.” While there is a mildly pleasant hint of maple, and the base flavor reminded me of waffle or pancake batter, the blueberry really just reminded me of a weak Crunch Berry. It ends up being the dominant flavor before it all fades away into a weird aftertaste.

I was surprised at how soft and bland the overall flavor was. Honestly, this has the sweetness level of an “adult” blueberry cereal with the shape and texture of a kid’s cereal. It’s living in a dead zone for no one in particular.

I’ll be fair and say it’s not entirely bad because the cereal does turn the milk into a sweet sky-blue color that would make even Aunt Beru proud, but everything else is meh.

The “IHOP” here stands for “I Have Other Preferences” because this one ranks near the bottom of cereals based on other breakfast staples. I don’t know how long you’ve got to try these, but I feel they’re gonna be one and done. I wouldn’t mind seeing IHOP regroup and try again, but hopefully not as IHOB.

Actually, ya know what? Go for it. I’d try your burger-flavored cereal. Take it up another level because that right there would truly be an inception. I think. Maybe. Perhaps.

Probably not.

Purchased Price: $4.48
Size: 19 oz box
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 3 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 cup) 140 calories, 1.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 180 milligrams of sodium, 32 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 12 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Kellogg’s Krave Double Chocolate Brownie Batter Cereal

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What is it?

Kellogg’s Krave Double Chocolate Brownie Batter Cereal (KKDCBBC) is a new version of the crunchy pillow-shaped cereal that is like the regular Krave cereal, only way more chocolatey. One might even say double chocolatey. Oh, and brownie-battered. Or brownie-batter flavored. Double chocolate brownie batter, I guess.

How is it?

Krave has been in “The States” now for a decade, and I’ve never had it. A Krave virgin! A Kragin? Anyway, I think I thought, just by looking at them, they were in the Shredded Mini Wheat family, and therefore, I refused to eat them on principle. I mean, who wants to screw up breakfast with something healthy like shredded wheat? No thanks! Imagine my surprise when I bought these and learned that they’re nothing like Shredded Wheat.

The outside shell is crispy and much more Corn Pop-py. The inside is hard to describe. It’s not quite frosting, but it’s not soft and syrupy, either. I couldn’t distinguish which part gave off the brownie flavor, but it was there, a nuanced taste a little deeper than regular chocolate. Dry from the box, I enjoyed these. In milk, however, they got mushy fast, and the chocolate flavor was quickly muted.

Anything else you need to know?

A year before their US release, Krave was launched in the UK where, according to Wikipedia, they were marketed under the slogans “Here Choccy Choccy” and “It’s Time To Melt.” It sounds like I’m making this up, but I swear I am not.

Conclusion:

KKDCBBC was fine, but with so many different ways to consume globs of sugar for breakfast, I want to make it count, you know? And I don’t know that KKDCBBC hooked me enough to try it — or any other Krave cereal — again. At least not at the regular price. Give me a decent sale and we’ll talk.

Purchased Price: $4.29
Size: 10.5 oz. box
Purchased at: Hy-Vee
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 170 calories, 4.5 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 140 milligrams of sodium, 32 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 15 grams of sugar, and 3 grams of protein.

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