REVIEW: Star Wars Twisted Cheetos

Twisted Cheetos

I’m disappointed with these Star Wars Twisted Cheetos.

Not because of the taste, because they taste great just like regular Cheetos. Also, not because they make my fingers a cheesy mess, because I like to clean my fingers by sucking on them after eating Cheetos.

I’m disappointed because I was hoping the Star Wars Twisted Cheetos would tell me that I belong on the Dark Side of the Force. Instead they told me I’m on the good side of the Force.

So how did the Star Wars Twisted Cheetos tell me I belong on the good side of the Force?

When you eat a bag of Star Wars Twisted Cheetos, which look like normal Cheetos, they will either turn your tongue Yoda Green (good side) or Darth Vader Dark (Dark Side). I bought two bags of it and both of them turned my tongue green, meaning I’m a good guy.

Some of you maybe thinking that this is a good thing, but I REALLY wanted to be on the Dark Side of the Force, because women love bad boys.

Look at Colin Farrell and Russell Crowe. Both bad boys and both loved by women all over the world.

So I guess it’s true that nice guys do finish last. Well I’m tired of being a nice guy and I’ve decided to be a bad boy so I can get all the women to like me.

First, I’m going to get myself a tattoo and get a couple body parts pierced. Maybe I’ll get a tattoo of a dragon on my back and a Prince Albert (Warning: Link not safe for work.) because those things would really make me a bad boy.

Then I’m going to get me a motorcycle, because women love bad boys on motorcycles, no matter how ugly the guy is. Either a nice Harley-Davidson or maybe a street bike. Also, I’m not going to buy a helmet, because I’m a bad boy and I live my life on the edge, baby!

Ooh, I also have to get drunk at a bar, get into a fight, and get arrested by the police. When they arrest me, I have to be dragged because a bad boy would disrespect authority. If the cops beat me, I’ll just tell them, “Naw, that didn’t hurt. Do it again, beeyatch!” That’s what a bad boy would say.

Oh wait. I forgot.

I can’t get a tattoo or a body piercing because I HATE needles and I have a very low threshold for pain. I can’t get a motorcycle because apparently they don’t come with training wheels. I can’t get drunk because I’m usually the designated driver. I can’t get into a fight because I’m such a wuss that I’ll probably get knocked out by a midget.

I wonder what else I could do to be a bad boy?

(Editor’s Note: Thanks to MSNBC blogger and occasional Impulsive Buy reader Gael Cooper for introducing me to Star Wars Twisted Cheetos via her MSNBC blog Test Pattern.)

Item: Star Wars Twisted Cheetos
Purchase Price: 99 cents
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Delicious just like Cheetos. Licking my cheesy fingers. Makes your tongue temporarily change color.
Cons: I don’t belong to the Dark Side of the Force. I’ll never become a bad boy. The pain from a Prince Albert.

32 thoughts to “REVIEW: Star Wars Twisted Cheetos”

  1. I have 2 tatts, and both hurt very much. I am however a chicken, but don’t ever let anyone convince you to do anything permanent while drinking. Piercings you can at least remove when you decide they no longer suit you. If you must become bad, go w/ a piercing, just not an albert, or your testicals. That sounds too painful for words. How about an ear? You should take small steps to becoming bad else you end up in jail.

  2. Annie – So if you like Yoda, does that mean you like much older guys?

    macOtto – I don’t think singing karaoke will make me bad or sexy. However, it will hurt ears and make people not enjoy music ever again.

    TheInfamousJ – I think I could only get a tattoo if I’m under some kind of anesthesia.

    Amy in GA – But if I end up in jail, I’ll be bad and women will be all over me.

    nat – Yoda Triscuits!?! Too bad I don’t like Triscuits. I’m more of a Wheat Thins kind of guy.

    Jay Nickola – Sorry about that. Just for you, I adding a warning. I wonder if there’s a Wiki page for testicle piercings.

  3. Marvo,

    In regards to becoming a Bad Boy…if you do end up in jail, while there may be people all over you, they won’t be women.

  4. I am such a marketing victim, I am going out first thing tomorrow to search out a bag of these treats. I too hope for the dark side. I might really turn green if my tongue does.

    On that note, have you tried the dark side M&M’s? Delish.

    Why don’t you get a really nice 50’s vintage car…a kustom, chopped, mexican blanket seat cover, wide white, lowered beauty. No training wheels needed.

  5. Chuck – Oh yeah, VERY good point.

    Amy in GA – If you do send me soap on a rope, do I have to go to prison to test it out so I can review it?

    RagDoll – I’ve been looking for the dark chocolate M&Ms, but I haven’t found them except in peanut form and I’m not much of a peanut M&Ms fan. The vintage car would be sweet, but to do all the customizing would cost a pretty penny and then I wouldn’t have any money for gas. Sobb Story.

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