REVIEW: Star Wars Twisted Cheetos

Twisted Cheetos

I’m disappointed with these Star Wars Twisted Cheetos.

Not because of the taste, because they taste great just like regular Cheetos. Also, not because they make my fingers a cheesy mess, because I like to clean my fingers by sucking on them after eating Cheetos.

I’m disappointed because I was hoping the Star Wars Twisted Cheetos would tell me that I belong on the Dark Side of the Force. Instead they told me I’m on the good side of the Force.

So how did the Star Wars Twisted Cheetos tell me I belong on the good side of the Force?

When you eat a bag of Star Wars Twisted Cheetos, which look like normal Cheetos, they will either turn your tongue Yoda Green (good side) or Darth Vader Dark (Dark Side). I bought two bags of it and both of them turned my tongue green, meaning I’m a good guy.

Some of you maybe thinking that this is a good thing, but I REALLY wanted to be on the Dark Side of the Force, because women love bad boys.

Look at Colin Farrell and Russell Crowe. Both bad boys and both loved by women all over the world.

So I guess it’s true that nice guys do finish last. Well I’m tired of being a nice guy and I’ve decided to be a bad boy so I can get all the women to like me.

First, I’m going to get myself a tattoo and get a couple body parts pierced. Maybe I’ll get a tattoo of a dragon on my back and a Prince Albert (Warning: Link not safe for work.) because those things would really make me a bad boy.

Then I’m going to get me a motorcycle, because women love bad boys on motorcycles, no matter how ugly the guy is. Either a nice Harley-Davidson or maybe a street bike. Also, I’m not going to buy a helmet, because I’m a bad boy and I live my life on the edge, baby!

Ooh, I also have to get drunk at a bar, get into a fight, and get arrested by the police. When they arrest me, I have to be dragged because a bad boy would disrespect authority. If the cops beat me, I’ll just tell them, “Naw, that didn’t hurt. Do it again, beeyatch!” That’s what a bad boy would say.

Oh wait. I forgot.

I can’t get a tattoo or a body piercing because I HATE needles and I have a very low threshold for pain. I can’t get a motorcycle because apparently they don’t come with training wheels. I can’t get drunk because I’m usually the designated driver. I can’t get into a fight because I’m such a wuss that I’ll probably get knocked out by a midget.

I wonder what else I could do to be a bad boy?

(Editor’s Note: Thanks to MSNBC blogger and occasional Impulsive Buy reader Gael Cooper for introducing me to Star Wars Twisted Cheetos via her MSNBC blog Test Pattern.)


Item: Star Wars Twisted Cheetos
Purchase Price: 99 cents
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Delicious just like Cheetos. Licking my cheesy fingers. Makes your tongue temporarily change color.
Cons: I don’t belong to the Dark Side of the Force. I’ll never become a bad boy. The pain from a Prince Albert.

32 thoughts on “REVIEW: Star Wars Twisted Cheetos

  1. My mother always say that you are who you soround your selfe with (bahh… sounds better in Norwegian). So be my friend! Acording to what I performed on the stage last night (karaoke) I’d say I’m a bad boy.

  2. i dont like things that change my mouth funny colors.

    and yoda is so much cooler than darth vader. it’s better to be on the good side of the force.

    well i’m off back to states! i probably wont be online so i’ll have some archive reading to do when i get back in two and a half weeks. :p

  3. I don’t like Cheetos, so I probably won’t be trying Star Wars Cheetos. I do, however, like Mr. Potato Head. Surely, you know where I’m going with this. Get you hands on a Darth Tater and do a toy review. If you lick it, it won’t change your tongue green. Probably.

  4. Personally, I enjoy things that make my mouth change colors. I blame kool-aid as a kid. It corrupted me. ever since then, color changes are good. Not all women like bad boys. We usually prefer bad men. Semantics, I know. But, on the bright side, when the b*st*rds break our hearts, we usually turn to the sweet guys to pick up the pieces. You could get a lot of chicks on the rebound. Since the color staying lipstick seems to be out, what about reviewing those veet razorless hair remover things I’ve been seeing on tv. It seems to be similar to nair, but they use a squeegie in conjuncture to hash chemicals eating the hair and/or skin off of your legs. Please??? I’d really like to know if it works……Please? A bad man would definately find out if it works great on leg hair. Women would love your swimmer smooth legs, you get tons of chicks. Really.

  5. not sure I would want my tongue turning darth vadar dark!! Probably look diseased instead of cool >
    Tried the Veet and I loved it… except the burning sensation… but when you balance burning vs razor burn, i would go with the veet burning. It only lasts 1/2 😛 Love to hear another opinion… and i usually try and get the guys i date to shave their legs, lol, feels so much nicer and kinky!!

  6. I wonder if my nephews have seen these yet. I can imagine these Cheetos getting confiscated in classrooms across the country as kids stick their tongues out at each other.

  7. Women love to pa with bad boys, but they prefer to settle down with good men. Notice that Russell Crowe got himself married, had a kid, and turning into a drooling daddy? Embrace the green dribbling out of your mouth! The dark side is fleeting…though I bet it’s a hell of a lot of fun while it lasts…even if it tastes like cheetos.

  8. wow, that wikipedia entry also has a NSFW (Not Safe For Work) pic on it. Just………wow. Please, Marvo, do not, and I repeat, DO NOT!!!! get that Prince Albert. You might die, from all the shame and tha pain.

    But then, a girl might think that your prince albert is a cheetos finger, and clean it (if ya know what I mean? *perverted chuckle*

  9. Only now did I go back and see what a “Prince Albert” is. As Goofy would say, Ahhh-ha-ha-hoooieee. So, do they have Prince Albert in a can? (snarf!)

  10. I have a tattoo, and I’m saving up for a new Honda Motorcycle and guess what…

    My tongue turned DARTH VADER DARK.

    Living proof that if you have a tattoo and ride a bike, you’re on the dark side of the force.

    On a different note, I have a post re: a political look at Sith and Jedi’s on my Blog.

  11. macOtto – Hmm…I think you’re onto something, but maybe I need to hang out with bad girls. Let’s see. I could hang with Tara Reid, Paris Hilton, and Paula Abdul.

    Ayesha97 – Russell Crowe…meh…

    Megan – Have fun back in the States! Don’t forget to try all the things I’ve reviewed.

    clearlynuts – Well I guess it’s better than licking the dirt off of a REAL potato.

    Amy in GA – Oh I don’t know about hair removal things, they frighten me. I think I still have the burns from Nair and the nightmares from Nads. I’ll think about it though. Also, I don’t know about women on the rebound, because all they seems to want is sex…Oh wait, that’s not a bad thing.

    SEV – But the Dark Side is so cool. Double blade lightsabers, the ability to shoot lighting from my fingers, and dark colored clothes. It’s so much cooler.

  12. Panthosette – When I get my free sample of the women’s Quattro, I will be shaving my legs, which is a daunting task since both my legs have forests on them. However, the Veet has me intrigued.

    Mellie Helen – I think eating those Cheetos makes me unhealthy.

    Chuck – I can also imagine Cheetos pieces flying all over the place from all the laughter the kids will probably be doing.

    Webmiztris – It’s only toxic if it permanently turns my tongue green or black.

    Thumper – Embrace the green pieces of Cheetos flying out of my mouth as I talk with my mouth full? Maybe you’re right. Bad boys are usually assholes anyway. Besides I believe green is the color of horniness.

    HIM – Oops, sorry for the NSFW pic. Yeah, a Prince Albert does look painful. Maybe I’ll get one of my testicles pierced instead.

    Mellie Helen – I’m sure they do have a Prince Albert in a can and it’s much more expensive and painful, but creates a bigger bulge in a guy’s pants.

    James – I knew it. I knew it. To be a bad boy all I need to do is get a tattoo and a motorcycle, or get signed by P. Diddy’s record label, Bad Boy Entertainment.

  13. Grins – Yeah, I think a Prince Albert might be a bad thing because all that extra weight at the end will probably make it hard for me to get it up.

  14. Marvo, marvo, wasn’t that the point of being bad? To get to Hilton and Reid? Maby you should just sing karaoke. That way you turn out bad or hot damn sexy!!

  15. I have 2 tatts, and both hurt very much. I am however a chicken, but don’t ever let anyone convince you to do anything permanent while drinking. Piercings you can at least remove when you decide they no longer suit you. If you must become bad, go w/ a piercing, just not an albert, or your testicals. That sounds too painful for words. How about an ear? You should take small steps to becoming bad else you end up in jail.

  16. Annie – So if you like Yoda, does that mean you like much older guys?

    macOtto – I don’t think singing karaoke will make me bad or sexy. However, it will hurt ears and make people not enjoy music ever again.

    TheInfamousJ – I think I could only get a tattoo if I’m under some kind of anesthesia.

    Amy in GA – But if I end up in jail, I’ll be bad and women will be all over me.

    nat – Yoda Triscuits!?! Too bad I don’t like Triscuits. I’m more of a Wheat Thins kind of guy.

    Jay Nickola – Sorry about that. Just for you, I adding a warning. I wonder if there’s a Wiki page for testicle piercings.

  17. Marvo,

    In regards to becoming a Bad Boy…if you do end up in jail, while there may be people all over you, they won’t be women.

  18. I am such a marketing victim, I am going out first thing tomorrow to search out a bag of these treats. I too hope for the dark side. I might really turn green if my tongue does.

    On that note, have you tried the dark side M&M’s? Delish.

    Why don’t you get a really nice 50’s vintage car…a kustom, chopped, mexican blanket seat cover, wide white, lowered beauty. No training wheels needed.

  19. Chuck – Oh yeah, VERY good point.

    Amy in GA – If you do send me soap on a rope, do I have to go to prison to test it out so I can review it?

    RagDoll – I’ve been looking for the dark chocolate M&Ms, but I haven’t found them except in peanut form and I’m not much of a peanut M&Ms fan. The vintage car would be sweet, but to do all the customizing would cost a pretty penny and then I wouldn’t have any money for gas. Sobb Story.

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