REVIEW: Chips Ahoy Chewy Hershey’s Cookies ‘n’ Creme Cookies

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Chips Ahoy Chewy Hershey’s Cookies ‘n’ Creme Cookies Packaging

OMG!

What is up with all the puss…I mean, cookiefooting?

First off, there’s the Oreo Cookie Dough Cookies that came out very last year (and are still on shelves as I type this) that could’ve been an Oreo x Chips Ahoy collaboration. And now we have these Chips Ahoy Chewy Hershey’s Cookies ‘n’ Creme Cookies that could’ve been a Chips Ahoy x Oreo collaboration. Could you imagine if the chocolate cookie pieces in these were actual Oreo wafer pieces, and the morsels were Oreo creme flavored? The ridiculous clickbait headlines of food publications larger than this one would be like:

“Chips Ahoy and Oreo Sitting in a Tree C-O-L-L-A-B-O-R-A-T-I-N-G”

“You Won’t Believe What Oreo and Chips Ahoy Did and Why It’ll Make You Drool Like a Pavlovian Dog”

“When You See What Oreo and Chips Ahoy Have Done, Your Taste Buds Will Hate Nabisco For Not Doing It Sooner”

Instead of some mashup between two iconic products owned by the same company, we get a mashup between two iconic products owned by different companies.

(NOTE: Yes, I remember the Oreo Creme Filled Chewy Chips Ahoy Cookies. But that’s not what I want.)

Full disclosure: If someone put a random assortment of Hershey’s candies in a bowl, there’s a 110 percent chance I’m digging out all the Hershey’s Cookies ’n’ Creme ones, and shrugging if someone asks me if there are any in the bowl because I’m not able to talk since my mouth is full of them.

Chips Ahoy Chewy Hershey’s Cookies ‘n’ Creme Cookies top of cookie

Chips Ahoy Chewy Hershey’s Cookies ‘n’ Creme Cookies split cookie side shot with two-tone

These Chips Ahoy cookies feature white chips, chocolate cookie chunks, and a cookie base that looks like it’s two-toned, with one being a standard Chips Ahoy and the other being noticeably lighter, like it’s slightly undercooked, which it is definitely not. However, what might’ve been undercooked is the idea of this product, because while they’re okay, they don’t come close to being as satisfying as a Hershey’s Cookies ’n’ Creme bar or my preferred form, Hershey’s Nuggets.

Chips Ahoy Chewy Hershey’s Cookies ‘n’ Creme Cookies back of cookie

The white chips have a marshmallowy flavor that blends into the rest of the cookie, making them taste like part of the two-toned base rather than something that makes me think white creme. The chocolate cookie chunks did their job, bringing a pleasant chocolatiness and a crunch that contrasts the base’s soft chewiness. However, that crunch isn’t as robust as Oreo wafers or standard Chips Ahoy fresh out of the package, or the cookies in a Hershey’s Cookies ‘n’ Creme bar.

My love for Hershey’s white creme candy with chocolate cookie bits doesn’t extend to these Chips Ahoy cookies with white creme morsels and chocolate cookie chunks. I understand how the candy inspired these Chips Ahoy, but the cookies aren’t delicious enough to inspire me to buy another package.

Purchased Price: $7.19* (yikes)
Size: 9.58 oz
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2 cookies) 140 calories, 6 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 75 milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 11 grams of sugar (including 11 grams of added sugar), and 1 gram of protein.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

REVIEW: Goldfish Zesty Ranch Crackers

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Goldfish Zesty Ranch Crackers bag

You’ve tried the best, you’ve probably tried the rest, now it’s time to try the zest.

How do you like your Ranch? Homestyle maybe? Cool perhaps? Me? I like it zesty!

Some of my favorite things are zesty – oranges, sizzling fajitas, Knicks big-man Karl Anthony Towns – and just like a KAT I love me some fishes. Gold-fishes to be exact.

That’s why I was so intrigued by these new Zesty Ranch Goldfish. I’ve never had Ranch-flavored Goldfish. I assumed this was a completely new flavor profile, but then the untrustworthy Google told me Pepperidge Farm also sells “Flavor Blasted Racing Ranch,” so maybe not?

*shrug* Either way, a Ranch-flavored Goldfish is new to me. Gotta be good, right?

Can they possibly be, “Zesty. Creamy. Yee-Haw!” as the bag boasts?

Goldfish Zesty Ranch Crackers back of bag

Yee-naw! I’m just gonna cut to the chase, no chumming the waters, no baiting the hook, no idea how to fish, so no clue what I’m talking about, these are simply ok.

The initial taste leans a little too sour for me. I’d check the “best by” date if this was a bottle of Ranch dressing, but to be fair, it mellows out pretty quickly.

They’re very salty for a non-Flavor Blasted Goldfish, but it’s tolerable because it works well to counter the aforementioned strong sour ranch. That said, that overall flavor is fleeting. The bland cracker takes over mid-chew, and they just kinda taste like saltines.

Goldfish Zesty Ranch Crackers close up

I don’t know if that bums me out or not, because while I want more flavor, I don’t particularly think the Ranch is all that appetizing here. It doesn’t stack up to other Ranch snacks, with Cool Ranch Doritos obviously being the gold standard.

The flavor is almost great, but never quite gets to where I wanted it to go. They remind me of a few of my favorite crackers of all time – Chicken in a Biscuit and the, as far as I know, long-discontinued Nabisco Vegetable Thins. If those still exist, please let me know, because I used to crush them as a kid.

The flavor is slightly reminiscent of Lipton Chicken Noodle Soup powder once you get beyond the quick sour Ranch kick. That would be fine, but as I said, the cracker is very dry and salty, so the flavor evolves three times per munch. These are like the Gobstopper of Goldfish.

I’ve had worse, but I still wish I had the memory of a Goldfish so I could forget about these.

Goldfish Zesty Ranch Crackers mixed with other Goldfish flavors

Zesty Ranch ranks in the lower to mid-tier of the Goldfish scale (pun!), but there is a way to gussy them up, or guppy them up if you will. You won’t. I mixed these into a bowl of Xtra Cheddar and Pretzel Mix Goldfish, and I liked those fishes because they were so delicious.

That’s my recommendation. Wait until your supermarket has a 3-for-Whatever sale on Goldfish (probably $15 these days, am I right?!) and mix Zesty Ranch with other flavors, because I think they work better as a school. I also think these would probably be an excellent cracker to drop into some soup. Keep that in mind when you’re snowed in this winter.

Let’s go Knicks!

Fin.

Purchased Price: $3.69
Size: 6.6 oz.
Purchased at: Stop and Shop
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (52 pieces) 140 calories, 6 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 320 milligrams of sodium, 19 grams of total carbohydrates, 0 grams of total sugars, less than 1 gram of dietary fiber, and 3 grams of protein.

REVIEW: International Delight Paris Hilton Cotton Candy Cold Foam Creamer

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International Delight Paris Hilton Cotton Candy Cold Foam Creamer can

This site has been around long enough to witness Paris Hilton’s previous rise to fame. I’m not entirely sure why she’s back in the spotlight, but her return has introduced us to two new coffee creamers: International Delight’s Paris Hilton Cotton Candy Cold Foam Creamer and a Raspberry Champagne liquid coffee creamer. I don’t have Paris Hilton’s wealth, so I could only afford one of them. Given that cotton candy could have the least favorable outcome, I decided to pick that one up.

In the history of coffee creamers, this would be only the second cotton candy-flavored one. I’m no creamer historian, but the first appears to be a non-dairy liquid one from Nutpods. To be honest, I’m surprised International Delight or Coffee mate haven’t had a cotton candy-flavor previously. It seems like low-hanging fruit. But it’s now here in cold foam form, and it’s probably not for everyone.

International Delight Paris Hilton Cotton Candy Cold Foam Creamer cascading

As expected, the foam comes in Glinda pink. It doesn’t look right sitting atop black coffee. It’s like Care-a-Lot fell out of the sky and crash-landed on a bog. But once the cold foam hits the coffee, it slowly begins to cascade down the sides of whatever drinking receptacle you put it in, creating something slightly more fascinating to watch than grass growing. As you can see below, I went with my usual iced coffee glass.

Using a lot of International Delight Paris Hilton Cotton Candy Cold Foam Creamer in my normal ice coffee glass

As someone who puts enough creamer in their iced coffees to make addition required to figure out serving size, I only somewhat liked it when I put in enough in my coffee to completely mask the coffee’s taste by mixing the two really well. With my usual French Vanilla or Hazelnut creamers, I like having some of the coffee flavor come through because it complements them, but that’s not the case with this cold foam. It smells great, and its taste reminds me of cotton candy, but I don’t think it matches well with coffee because there’s too much of a flavor contrast between them.

However, with its sweet, somewhat fruity candy flavor, it might pair better with non-coffee iced drinks, especially fruity ones, such as sparkling water, homemade Starbucks Refreshers, or homemade Dunkin’ Refreshers. Because I don’t have Hilton money to purchase the previously mentioned beverages, I topped a glass of Crystal Light lemonade I had in the kitchen with it. While not an ideal drink to use, I did enjoy the foamy creamer more with the sugar free lemonade drink mix.

International Delight Paris Hilton Cotton Candy Cold Foam Creamer may not work very well with coffee. But it seems to be better with non-coffee beverages. Heck, you don’t even have to use it with beverages. Top your vanilla ice cream. Make a Jello parfait. Spray a cold foam mustache on your face and use your tongue to get it all off. The possibilities are endless. Okay, not endless because it’ll definitely end at coffee. Also, if you spray some into your mouth, you’ll have to deal with a weird aftertaste. So, it’ll also end after that.

Purchased Price: $6.99
Size: 14 oz can
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2 tbsp) 20 calories, 1 gram of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 0 milligrams of sodium, 3 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 3 grams of sugar (including 3 grams of added sugar), and 0 grams of protein.

REVIEW: McDonald’s Hot Honey Sauce and Hot Honey McCrispy

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McDonald’s Hot Honey Sauce and Hot Honey McCrispy

Welcome to the hot honey hoedown, McDonald’s!

It’s been going on for a few years, but you know what they say, “Better late than running onto a bandwagon that has lost its wheels.” While you’re tardy to the party, your new Hot Honey Sauce makes up for it.

There are multiple ways to taste McDonald’s Hot Honey Sauce: a McNugget and McCrispy Strips dipping sauce, a Hot Honey Snack Wrap, and two Hot Honey McCrispy Sandwiches. As you can see from my photos, I picked up some McNuggets and a Hot Honey McCrispy Sandwich.

McDonald’s Hot Honey McCrispy side view

The latter features a McCrispy filet topped with shredded lettuce, crispy jalapeno chips, mayonnaise, and the Hot Honey Sauce on a potato roll. There’s also a version with bacon.

I was surprised about the addition of mayo because I imagined it would affect the flavor and heat of the peppery sauce, and it did. I kind of wish there was a double application of the swicy sauce instead of one layer of mayo because the sauce is quite good with a natural honey flavor. It has a perfect amount of sweetness and an ideal level of spiciness for something with “hot” in its name.

McDonald’s Hot Honey McCrispy split view

Another topping that seemed unnecessary was the crispy jalapeno. I initially mistook them for crispy onions because they look similar. They were also mostly flavorless and provided no additional spiciness. If anything, all they added was a pleasant crispiness to enhance the chicken filet’s exterior.

Despite the mayo and the lack of pop from the crispy jalapeno chips, it’s a pretty tasty sandwich and more enjoyable than a Spicy McCrispy. I guess if the mayo bothers me, I could leave it out the next time I try this sandwich, which is tasty enough to repurchase.

McDonald’s Hot Honey Sauce cup and McNuggets

While some of the toppings on the sandwich cut through the sauce’s sweet and spicy flavors, I felt the full brunt of the sauce’s taste and heat when I ate it with my McNuggets, and I loved it. Eating it this way, I could really taste its sweetness and pepperiness, feel its spiciness, and appreciate the nice balance between the two.

McNugget dipped into McDonald’s Hot Honey Sauce

Because there wasn’t anything to hold back the heat, I could feel it build up to a decent level, which I’d give a five on my personal heat index. If I remember correctly, many of the other McDonald’s spicy sauces released in recent years were hotter.

Overall, I would love to see this sauce become permanent, so I just hope the Hot Honey Bandwagon never loses its wheels.

Purchased Price: $6.99 (McCrispy), $2.99 (McNuggets)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (McCrispy), 8 out of 10 (sauce)
Nutrition Facts: (McCrispy) 660 calories, 34 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 70 milligrams of cholesterol, 1240 milligrams of sodium, 62 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 17 grams of sugar (including 15 grams of added sugar), and 27 grams of protein. (Dipping Sauce Cup) 50 calories, 0.5 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 230 milligrams of sodium, 13 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 11 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Cap’n Crunch’s Mystery Crunch Cereal

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Cap’n Crunch’s Mystery Crunch Cereal box

Little in this world appeals more to my suburban, middle-aged dad sense of adventure than a mystery food product. It’s a little like living on the edge, only if the edge is about as sharp as an end-cap at the Piggly Wiggly. Look, you can die on the track at a NASCAR Fantasy Camp weekend, or break a fibula playing pickup basketball, but the worst that can happen with a mystery product is that you end up out a few bucks if your Pop-Tart turns out to be century egg-flavored.

The problem with a mystery product, though, is that I don’t think I’ve ever gotten closure. Over the years, I’ve gulped many a strange Mountain Dew, and eaten mysterious cereals and snack cakes galore, and not once do I remember hearing later what the mystery flavor turned out to be. Where do they even announce these things? The Nightly News with David Muir? A special newspaper I’m not privy to, like The Gourmand Gazette?

Cap’n Crunch’s Mystery Crunch Cereal back of box

In the case of Cap’n Crunch’s new Mystery Crunch, the thing is, I’m not sure I care enough to go back later and try to figure it out. It’s just… boring. The box has some clues, I guess, depicting the Cap’n on a fruit-filled island holding a scroll listing “Fruity? Coconut. Vanilla? Creamy” with “coconut” crossed out and “creamy” circled. Oh, and there’s a crab drinking a red beverage out of a glass bottle. (Is the flavor Crab Juice?! Hmm. Now I’m hungry for a stick of fresh Khlav Kalash.)

Cap’n Crunch’s Mystery Crunch Cereal in a bowl

I will say, I tried the cereal before studying the box, and my thoughts went like this, in order:

It’s… plain Cap’n Crunch?

Oh, wait, there’s a weird, extra sweetness.

I think that’s coconut? Maybe?

Okay, it’s actually a little orange-ish. Orange-ish, but also still some coconut.

Therefore, for no reason other than the fact that I need to enter something to enter the sweepstakes using the QR code on the back—so I can win a Yeti, a chair, a speaker, or possibly an Airbnb gift card—I’m going to say that the mastery flavor is Boring Tropical Creamsicle. And then I’ll sit back and relax until April when… Lester Holt will tell me on the evening news? A proclamation will be made by the three wealthiest kings in Europe? Oh, who am I kidding? I’ll go to my grave never knowing what this damn flavor was.

Purchased Price: $4.97
Size: 22.1 oz box (Family Size)
Rating: 5 out of 10
Purchased at: Walmart
Nutrition Facts: (38 grams) 150 calories, 2 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 170 milligrams of sodium, 33 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 16 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

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