QUICK REVIEW: Salted Caramel Popchips

Salted Caramel Popchips

Purchased Price: $2.69
Size: 3.5 oz. bag
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Sweet, buttery caramel flavor, but that goodness doesn’t last long. The aroma that wafting out of the bag smells like a bag of caramels. No added preservatives. No artificial colors. No saturated or trans fat. Gluten free.
Cons: Much like Katy’s Kettle Corn Popchips, the flavor disappears quickly and most of the time the chip is in your mouth it tastes kind of like unflavored popcorn. Inconsistent seasoning on each chip, sometimes the flavor pops, but most of the time it doesn’t. Salt doesn’t really make an appearance. It’s not called Katy’s Salted Karamel.

Salted Caramel Popchips Closeup

Nutrition Facts: 1 oz./about 16 chips – 130 calories, 35 calories from fat, 4 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 3 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 135 milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 3 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

QUICK REVIEW: Marcela Valladolid Chile Lime Flaquitos

Marcela Valladolid Chile Lime Flaquitos

Purchased Price: $3.00 (on sale)
Size: 9.9 oz. bag
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Tasty, spicy snack. Hearty crunch. Nice chili pepper and lime flavor with noticeable notes of paprika. Even though they look like they’re going to be painfully spicy, they have a nice low-to-mid level heat.
Cons: They look like Satan’s claw clippings. Exclusive to Safeway. Not going to be liked by those who dislike monosodium glutamate. They’ll turn your fingers red. I don’t think they’re very spicy, but why are they making my nose run while I’m eating them?

Marcela Valladolid Chile Lime Flaquitos Closeup

Nutrition Facts: about 15 chips – 150 calories, 70 calories from fat, 8 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 2.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 3 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 460 milligrams of sodium, 14 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 0 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

QUICK REVIEW: Weight Watchers Smart Ones Classic Favorites Spicy Black Bean Soup

Weight Watchers Smart Ones Classic Favorites Spicy Black Bean Soup

Purchased Price: $2.49
Size: 8 oz.
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Nice savory and smoky flavor. Pleasant mild spiciness. Cilantro and lime have a very mild flavor and complement the spiciness well. I can pronounce most of the ingredients listed. Only 170 calories. Vegetarian. Good source of fiber; thanks black beans! Awesome source of vitamin A; thanks…corn? 4 PointsPlus.
Cons: I wish it had more black beans because I loves the fiber. Not as filling as this Smart Ones soup. Waiting 5 minutes for soup seems a bit long when you want something warm in your body. Fire roasted corn looked like regular corn.

Weight Watchers Smart Ones Classic Favorites Spicy Black Bean Soup Closeup

Nutrition Facts: 170 calories, 25 calories from fat, 3 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 470 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of carbohydrates, 7 grams of fiber, 5 grams of sugar, 8 grams of protein, 45% vitamin A, 10% calcium, 10% vitamin C, and 20% iron.

REVIEW: Limited Edition Post Sugar Cookie Pebbles Cereal

Limited Edition Post Sugar Cookie Pebbles Cereal

Dear Santa,

How are you? Well, I hope jolly and fat as usual. I know you’re quite busy this time of year, and I know you’ve already received four sets of revisions to my annual Christmas list. On that note, I have good and bad news. The good news is I won’t need those Super Bowl tickets. The Bills suck again this year, and I could care less about watching the Chiefs play. So consider yourself free and clear from any anti-scalping laws you might have been worried about. Now, to the bad news…

I realize you’ve already got something of a dealio with our neighborhood and the, uh, thanks we give you. What with Tommy Thomas’ mom and her applesauce cookies, or Jackie Johnson’s parents and their anti-dairy crusade. It ain’t like the old days of whole milk and Tollhouse, and I can definitely sympathize. With that said, I can’t serve you milk and cookies this year.

But don’t go returning that Playstation 4 quite yet. We’ve been doing this present thing for 25 years now and you know I got your back (and your stomach). That’s why I’m going to do you one better. Any schmuck kid with a grocery store can buy some refrigerated cookies for you. But this year, I’ve got Sugar Cookie Pebbles Cereal.

I know what you’re thinking, “Cereal? What gives!?! And cereal that’s got vitamins and minerals and fiber and crap. You think this fat man has time to stop at a gas station bathroom every five seconds on Christmas night?”

Well no, at least I seriously hope not, mostly because there’s a chance I’ll be stopping at one of those bathrooms the next day during that six-hour car ride to Grandmother’s house. So it’s a good thing for both of us that this is about the least healthy cereal ever, with no fiber whatsoever. What’s more, it tastes like that. Which is to say it tastes like the most awesome interpretation of a baked good in cereal form.

Limited Edition Post Sugar Cookie Pebbles Cereal Closeup

Trust me, this is no replay of Cookie Crisp Sprinkles. I’ll even leave you the whole box. As soon as you open it, you’ll be greeted by that Dear-God-Yes aroma of frosting and sprinkles that will remind you of all those years I spent asking you to please, just please bring me a lifetime supply of Dunkaroos with Vanilla Frosting and Sprinkles. The smell alone is good enough to warrant some extra presents this year, although I can’t be held liable for any dogs chasing you because they think they’re getting in on some giant sugar cookie deliciousness.

The taste? Seriously sugar cookie-esque. I happen to know, you know, because I’ve been a little naughty this year and have taken more than the allotted one free sugar cookie at the doors of Harris Teeter. (But seriously, that’s not going to count against me because it’s a self-admission, ok? Besides, it saves the actual kids from childhood obesity.)

The cereal is sweet and crispy, artificially but admirably floral, with each little toasted rice pebble packing tons of sugar cookie flavor. And of course, it fully embraces the colors of the season, lending itself wonderfully to any number of baking projects your elves might embark in while not slaving away buying toys for the whole world on Amazon.

Limited Edition Post Sugar Cookie Pebbles Cereal Closeup Milk

Now Santa, you’ll notice I’m not leaving you any milk with this cereal. I consider this for your own good. Lest you be disappointed by the slightly diluted taste of sugar cookie in milk and a none too hearty crunch that left me a bit disappointed, I think your sugar cookie experience is best enjoyed dry. As a snacking cereal, it might just be the best I’ve had this year, with the exception of Peanut Butter Toast Crunch. So do yourself a favor and don’t damn our neighborhood to the naughty list quite yet. I know you have plenty of holiday themed options to eat this time of year, and only so much artery space left before Tim Allen is forced to take over, but you won’t regret trading in some actual milk and cookies for Sugar Cookie Pebbles cereal.

(Nutrition Facts – 3/4 cup – 110 calories, 10 calories from fat, 1 gram of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 140 milligrams of sodium, 0 milligrams of cholesterol 23 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 9 grams of sugars, 1 gram of protein, and, seriously, do you even care about the token amounts of 10 vitamins and minerals?)

Item: Limited Edition Post Sugar Cookie Pebbles Cereal
Purchased Price: $2.99
Size: 11 oz. box
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: smells like the best thing ever. Tasty sugar cookie flavor with notes of vanilla cupcake and Dunkaroos. Addictively crispy as a snacking cereal. Christmas colors.
Cons: Sugar cookie taste is muted in milk. Not for those who like cereal that stays crunchy in milk. A candidate for the definition of “Empty Calories” in next year’s dictionary. Taking a chance at pissing off Santa and not getting that PS 4.

REVIEW: Subway Sriracha Chicken Melt

Subway Sriracha Chicken Melt

“Would you like your tomatoes toasted?” the Subway sandwich maker asked after I told her I’d like to try their Sriracha Chicken Melt with Italian bread.

“Fancy schmancy!” I unintentionally blurted out loud in an old woman’s voice, and then followed that with a nod of my head.

My excitement waned after finding out the tomato toasting involved just placing the tomatoes on the meat and cheese of the sandwich and toasting it all in Subway’s proprietary (and somewhat loud) toasters. I guess fancy schmancy would be if she asked me if I wanted my tomatoes fire roasted and then, after me agreeing, proceeded to pull out a proprietary Subway blowtorch and roast those ‘toes.

Because Subway’s shredded lettuce tends dull the flavor of every sandwich, and because I wanted to copy what’s on the promotional posters for the new Sriracha Melts, I also asked the Subway sandwich maker to top my sub with green peppers, red onions, and pepper jack cheese. Before adding the veggies, she squirted on a helping of Subway’s Creamy Sriracha Sauce as if she was signing her name on my sandwich.

However, as she was doing that, I thought to myself, “Subway probably formulated this sauce so that it would appeal to many different taste buds, so it’s A) not going to be as spicy as the rooster sauce most of us know and love; B) not going to be as bold as the rooster sauce most of us know and love; C) I wonder if she notices my fly is open, I should probably zip that up; D) I should probably ask for more sauce; E) I’m taking too much time to ponder about this because she’s asking me again what veggies I want.” After taking off my thinking cap, I asked for more creamy sriracha sauce.

By the way, is it just me or do other people feel they’re not getting their money’s worth when they don’t load up their Subway sandwich with as many veggies as possible?

Subway Sriracha Chicken Melt Closeup

If you go through bottles of rooster sauce because it’s your jam, the bright orange creamy sriracha sauce will disappoint and you’d be better off just squirting your own sriracha sauce on your Subway sandwich, which is probably something you already do since rooster sauce is your jam. As for the rest of you, it’s definitely a nice change of pace from the usual mild condiments offered, like lite mayonnaise, mustard, honey mustard, and sweet onion.

The sauce’s spiciness is almost on the same level as Taco Bell’s Hot Sauce, which is my sauce of choice when I Live Mas. Along with the chili pepper flavor, there’s a bit of sweetness and tanginess, but overall it doesn’t have a bold or garlicky flavor like actual cock sauce. With that said, I have to say the sauce is tasty enough that it made me say to myself, “Wow. This sandwich didn’t make me sad like the others have. It’s the most enjoyable Subway sandwich I’ve had in a long time.”

As for the rest of the sandwich, I wish the chicken was marinated in the creamy sriracha sauce; the red onions and green peppers added some crunch and flavor that enhanced the sauce; and the pepper jack cheese kind of got lost behind the sauce. As for the toasted tomatoes, I don’t think toasting them did anything to improve their flavor. Perhaps being fire roasted with a blowtorch might’ve helped.

(Nutrition Facts – 6 inch – 440 calories, 230 calories from fat, 25 grams of fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 70 milligrams of cholesterol, 990 milligrams of sodium, 43 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 8 grams of sugar, 26 grams of protein.)

Item: Subway Sriracha Chicken Melt
Purchased Price: $7.50
Size: Footlong
Purchased at: Subway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Most enjoyable Subway sandwich I’ve had in a long time, thanks to that sauce. Creamy sriracha sauce has decent heat and flavor. Red onions and green peppers enhance the sauce. Subway employees who use the condiments to sign their names on the sandwich.
Cons: Folks hoping for rooster sauce will be disappointed. Chicken not marinated. Not sure the pepper jack cheese doesn’t anything. Getting asked if I want my tomatoes toasted was kind of weird. Blurting out archaic phrases in an old woman’s voice. Daythinking while in ordering a sandwich.