REVIEW: Ruffles MAX Flame Grilled Steak Flavored Potato Chips

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Ruffles MAX Flame-Grilled Steak Flavored 1

I’ve no idea how it actually works, but I like to imagine that at every major chip company, the marketing and R&D people have a big meeting every six months or so. They BS a little, remind everyone which varieties have been introduced and retired lately, and then the important work begins: brainstorming for the next six months.

This has to have gotten harder over time, which accounts for the increasingly unconventional chip varieties we’ve seen in recent years. And while I’m sure Ruffles isn’t the first company to release a steak-flavored potato chip, they’re probably the first to instill each chip with the MAX amount of steak flavor possible, right?

It’s not hard to follow the train of logic of whomever came up with the idea of steak-flavored chips. Beef and potatoes have a long, proud tradition of pairing together, and while chips usually slum with hamburger while steak paints the town red with a baked potato, you can’t fault them for aiming higher.

The packaging makes it clear this isn’t some cafeteria mystery meat, showing a really good-looking steak cut into strips. It can’t be a shade over medium-rare, which is interesting; I’m surprised they let it appear so bloody. Nonetheless, it looks damn tasty, and the logo promises not just steak flavor, but flame grilled steak flavor. Seriously, they are going to kick your mouth in the balls. Or the lady balls.

Speaking of which, the back of the bag tells you exactly what demographic they’re targeting.  Hint: it does not suggest which wine cooler to pair with these chips. Seriously, there are words about MEAT! and cavemen and “clubbing something” (direct quote) and it’s all very Freudian. The blurb blatantly suggests pairing the chips with Pepsi Max, which… nice try, Ruffles, but I’m pretty sure they still make Coke Zero, so go screw yourself. I also don’t drink PBR when Sam Adams is available, in case you were wondering.

Still, the irony is not lost on me that Pepsi Max is all about having zero calories, whereas steak-flavored potato chips are most likely to be purchased by those who couldn’t give less of a shit how many calories they’re consuming.  I look forward to someday buying a gallon of ice cream with an ad for Gold’s Gym on the back.

When you open the bag, the first thing you’ll notice is the smell. That is also the second, third, and fourth things you’ll notice, because holy cow is it powerful. Opinions vary — I found it strong and mildly off-putting, whereas my wife swore it to be the grim harbinger of a fetid, moldering grave. Either way, it isn’t good. It actually does smell a bit like grilled steak, but very artificially so, like a robot that looks juuust enough like a human to be creepy.

Ruffles MAX Flame-Grilled Steak Flavored 2

The smell dissipates some over time, but you’ll still notice it, even if you come back after a week’s vacation and reopen the bag. As for the chips themselves, they look like regular Ruffles except a little darker and splotchier. Bizarro Ruffles, if you will.

Taste-wise… boy, it’s hard to describe. They’re unmistakably Ruffles, from the crunch and wildly varying sizes to the ridged texture. They’re as salty as regular Ruffles, though they also have pepper like any good steak, which does enhance the flavor. And darned if they don’t taste a little like steak — within reason, and that’s a key distinction. If you actually thought these were going to taste like someone lopped off a cow’s tuchus and deep fried it, you are going to be disappointed. If you expected a chip with a little smoky flavor, pepper, and something that kind of approximates the juice in a steak despite not having any juice whatsoever, you’re in luck.

Not for nothing, but I anticipate these being a highly divisive product: either you’ll think they’re pretty okay, or you’ll hate them. I fall into the former camp — wouldn’t want to get ’em every week, but as a one-off experiment, I’m glad I tried them. My wife was far less enthusiastic and can’t walk past the pantry without narrowed eyes and involuntary hissing.

If you decide to buy a bag, make sure you have a friend or spouse or roommate to share them with, just in case. And ladies, the back of the package leads me to believe you will need to have a male present to buy a bag, so take that into account. Nothing’s worse than getting busted for illicit purchase of Man Chips.

(Nutrition Facts – 28 grams/~11 chips – 160 calories, 90 calories from fat, 10 grams of total fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 150 milligrams of sodium, 320 milligrams of potassium, 15 grams of total carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, less than 1 gram of sugars, 2 grams of protein.)

Other Ruffles MAX Flame Grilled Steak Flavored Potato Chips reviews:
Junk Food Guy

Item: Ruffles MAX Flame Grilled Steak Flavored Potato Chips
Purchased Price: $4.29
Size: 8.5 oz bag
Purchased at: Wegman’s
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Hard to go wrong pairing potatoes with meat.  Coke Zero.  Same great Ruffles texture and crunch.  Good pepper distribution.  The smell will not actually make you vomit.
Cons: Smell is crazy strong and mildly to extremely unpleasant.  Pepsi Max.  Exclusionary ad copy.  Chips just look kind of dirty.  Taste isn’t really good enough to put up with the smell for long.

SPOTTED ON SHELVES – 7/10/2013

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Here are some interesting new and limited edition products found on store shelves by us and your fellow readers. If you’ve tried any of the products, share your thoughts about them in the comments.

Limited Edition Blueberry Muffin Pop-Tarts

Frosted Blueberry Muffin Pop-Tarts are back! Oh, for those of you who don’t lead a slightly sad life and follow Pop-Tarts as closely as I do, they were originally introduced in 2009. (Spotted by Joshua at Walmart.)

Betty Crocker Hershey's Premium Mixes

Betty Crocker Hershey's Premium Frosting

Betty Crocker and Hershey’s sitting in a tree. C-O-L-L-A-B-O-R-A-T-I-N-G. First come money, then come expansions, then Betty Crocker and Hershey’s execs get bigger mansions. (Spotted by Kelly at Redner’s.)

Nestle Ice Cream Bars

I have to be honest, I’ve passed by these several times at Target and I’ve been too lazy to take a photo of them. I’m glad someone finally did so I can be lazy with something else. (Spotted by Corey at Target.)

Limited Edition T.G.I. Friday's Chicken Wings Hot & Spicy

Wow. Hot and spicy chicken wings as a limited edition product. Super inventive. It’s as if someone had an entire week to come up with something, but didn’t start thinking about it until Friday afternoon at 4:55, and ended up turning in whatever. (Spotted by Marvo at Target.)

Thank you to all the photo contributors! If you’re out shopping and see an interesting new or limited edition product on the shelf, snap a picture of it, and send us an email ([email protected]) with where you found it and “Spotted” in the subject line. If you do so, you might see your picture in our next Spotted on Shelves post.

REVIEW: Kellogg’s Raisin Bran Omega-3 from Flaxseed Cereal

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Kellogg's Raisin Bran Omega-3 from Flaxseed Cereal

Every time I buy a box of Raisin Bran, I hesitate. “This is the second box of Raisin Bran I’ve bought this month. Where has my childlike whimsy gone? Have I gotten stuck in a routine? Stopped being spontaneous? Stopped growing? Stopped living? What is life?! What is a cereal?! How could I drift so far from them both?!?!”

Maybe it’s the shriveled raisins or the absence of a frosted coating, but I encounter this existential crisis every time, trembling to reach for the box as I come to grips with my mortality right there in Aisle 8.

But then I look at the purple box. I think of the whole grain, the slight honey sweetness of the flakes, the two scoops of raisins, and that happy-dappy little Sun-Man. How can I resist?

Obviously, I can’t. And I snagged a box of this new Raisin Bran with Omega-3 from Flaxseeds.

If you haven’t yet acquainted yourself, Omega-3s are high-octane fats that, according to oodles of researchers, Dr. Oz and my fishmonger, can do potentially great things like keep your heart in check, lower your cholesterol, and permit your brain and muscles to tick along, thus allowing you to pursue that dream you’ve always had to be an Olympian ice skater. Dare I say, Omega-3s are Magic Fats, and while flaxseeds may not be the most aesthetically beautiful seed out there, they hold plenty of Magic Fats, and what happens when you eat a Magic Fat? Well, let’s find out…

Kellogg's Raisin Bran Omega-3 from Flaxseed Cereal Spoonful

I poured a bowl and prodded a tentative spoon into the swamp of the dark brown whole grain. Would the flax give me an electric shock? Or make my body reel, cartoon-style, mutating me into an anthropomorphic animal bent on fighting for justice? I foresaw myself transforming into a crime-fighting llama. Or at least a My Little Pony.

Kellogg's Raisin Bran Omega-3 from Flaxseed Cereal Fats

Unfortunately, neither occurred. However, what did occur was pleasant enough to make me go back in for another spoonful. See those speckles above? Those are magical speckles of flax. While the flax itself doesn’t add much flavor, it does add a nice seedy texture, and, if I close my eyes, I can hear my cholesterol lowering with each flax-filled bite.

The old adage of, “Don’t judge a book by its cover,” could be no truer than with Raisin Bran. It’s brown, shriveled, and, if you hold it at the right light, you may mistake it for mulch, but beneath all that roughage fringe, a layered flavor experience awaits. The flakes have a grainy, slightly nutty, almost rye-like wheatiness, a depth which is balanced well by a hint of honey sweetness. They’re more crispity than crunchity, mainly as a consequence of the slimmer flake profile.

With milk, the sweetness of the wheat, bran, and honey shine and the raisins plump up a smidge. While these flakes easily fall prey to the “Mushy glop of bran in milk” effect, they are well suited for a morning dry snack, especially with the chewy sweet of the red raisins involved in each handful.

And there are plenty of those little shriveled grapes. Each box holds the promise of “Two Scoops,” of raisins. While I can’t state for certain Kelloggs’ scoop size, I imagine it to be the size of at least five ice shovels, if not Muck the Bulldozer’s scooper. No matter the dimensions, the 1-3 raisins in every bite reinforces that the Sun Man is certainly delivering on his Two Scoops promise.

Kellogg's Raisin Bran Omega-3 from Flaxseed Cereal Sun Man

These new flakes reinforce one of the beauties of Raisin Bran: it’s a cereal not afraid to be itself. It doesn’t pretend to be a raisin-y Lucky Charms or bran-infused Cocoa Puffs. Nay, Kellogg’s Raisin Bran lets its grainy, bran-y Freak Flag fly, and the addition of flaxseeds, while not necessarily a milestone in cereal-making history, highlights that identity. It may not be revolutionary, but most of the time, I don’t need a revolution to be happy. I just need to plop my Cereal Lovin’ patootie into my sofa, watched some cartoons, and enjoy a bowl of crunchy goodness, and that’s what I did here.

If I get nit-picky, I’d say I could’ve used some more sweetness, maybe a little more crunch (Maybe some cinnamon almonds? Or peanut butter granola?), but if you’re in the mood for a quality Raisin Bran with some flaxseed mischief, you’ll love this.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 Cup – 180 calories, 10 calories from fat, 1.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 190 milligrams of sodium, 140 milligrams of potassium, 44 grams of carbohydrates, 5 gram of dietary fiber, 17 grams of sugars, and 4 grams of protein.)

Item: Kellogg’s Raisin Bran Omega-3 from Flaxseed Cereal
Purchased Price: $3.06
Size: 14.3 oz. box
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Crispity flakes. A little honey sweetness. Fulfills promise of raisins. Not afraid to embrace its bran identity. Magic Fats. Muck the Bulldozer. Crime-fighting, anthropomorphic llamas.
Cons: Nothin’ bad, but nothin’ great. Could be too grainy for some. Could use one more crunch element. A little more sweetness wouldn’t hurt. Flakes get soggy in milk fast. Existential crisis in Aisle 8.

QUICK REVIEW: Lean Cuisine Honestly Good Honey Citrus Chicken

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Lean Cuisine Honestly Good Honey Citrus Chicken

Purchased Price: $3.99 (on sale)
Size: 10 1/8 oz.
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Honestly good. Chicken was surprisingly a little moist and easy to cut through with a fork. Honey citrus glaze was mildly citrusy and sweet, and not overpowering. Pasta was cooked well. Half the entree was veggies, which were lightly seasoned. No artificial ingredients or preservatives. Hardest word to say in ingredients list was “radiatore,” which I learned is a pasta and not Italian for car radiator.
Cons: Honestly pricey. Chicken was a bit small. It appears there’s a lot of sauce in the packet, but much of it disappears after microwaving it. Broccoli get a bit shriveled after being nuked. Instructions are slightly more complex than most other frozen entrees.

Nutrition Facts: 320 calories, 7 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 2 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 3.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 500 milligrams of sodium, 600 milligrams of potassium, 37 grams of carbohydrates, 6 grams of fiber, 9 grams of sugar, and 27 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Starbucks Discoveries (Caffe Mocha, Caramel Macchiato & Vanilla Latte)

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Starbucks Discoveries

I don’t go to Starbucks very often. When I do, it’s usually to buy a gift card, use their restroom, or jump on their free WiFi network and be a complete douchebag by trying to slow down everyones’ bandwidth. But when it comes to coffee, Starbucks has given me a few good reasons to not purchase any from one of their bazillion locations.

No, it’s not the taste of their coffee, which coffee snobs describe as, and I’m paraphrasing here, “blech.” No, it’s not the long lines that sometimes snake half way around a Starbucks. The reason why I don’t buy Starbucks coffee from one of their many locations is because I nervously mumble when trying to relay my order to a cute barista and I can buy ready-to-drink Starbucks coffee at my local supermarket, like their bottled iced coffee and new Starbucks Discoveries.

Starbucks Discoveries is a chilled espresso beverage that comes in three flavors — Caffe Mocha, Vanilla Latte, and Caramel Macchiato — and 50.7-ounce cartons, which is significantly smaller than the 64-ounce International Delight Iced Coffee it’s probably sitting next to in the dairy case. Also, unlike the International Delight offering, the carton doesn’t look like a milk carton. Instead, it looks like it was made by an origami master who reached that level by folding a million paper cranes.

Starbucks Discoveries are sweetened with sugar and mixed with reduced-fat milk. They’re sweet, but don’t come close to the sweetness level of International Delight’s iced coffee, which, not surprisingly, has significantly more sugar than Starbucks Discoveries (17 grams vs. 23 grams). Starbucks Discoveries are also noticeably watery, but that’s because they don’t contain the thickening agents found in the International Delight coffee — gellan gum and carrageenan. Well, actually, the Caffe Mocha has carrageenan, but it’s as watery as the others.

Starbucks Discoveries Chilled

If you do pick up a carton of Starbucks Discoveries, I highly recommend you ONLY drink it over ice. Ignore what the side of the carton says about serving it just chilled. Drinking it that way is doing a disservice to your taste buds. I can’t explain why, but for some strange reason, it tastes noticeably better when consumed over ice.

If you’re a hardcore Starbucks fanatic who will never lose your Gold Card because you accumulate 30 stars every two weeks, you may drink Starbucks Discoveries and wonder what is this swill. It’s not as sweet as a hand-crafted Frappuccino, but its coffee flavor isn’t as strong as any iced coffee Starbucks product on their menu.

Starbucks Discoveries Closeup

The Mocha Latte tastes like weak melted chocolate ice cream with a Hershey’s syrup aftertaste, the Caramel Macchiato has a slightly odd caramel butteriness that lingers several minutes after drinking it, and the Vanilla Latte has a hint of vanilla and the strongest coffee flavor of the bunch. If I had to pick a favorite, it would be the Vanilla Latte because I didn’t use a negative adjective when writing about it in the previous sentence.

All three flavors of Starbucks Discoveries were decent and provided approximately 85 milligrams of caffeine per cup, but I’m a bit disappointed because I expected something better from Starbucks. After all, they do sell a krazillion cups of coffee everyday from their bazillion locations.

(Nutrition Facts – 8 fl oz – Caffe Mocha – 120 calories, 20 calories from fat, 2 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 50 milligrams of sodium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 17 grams of sugar, 3 grams of protein, 4% vitamin A, 10% calcium and 2% iron. Caramel Macchiato & Vanilla Latte – 120 calories, 20 calories from fat, 2 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 40 milligrams of sodium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 17 grams of sugar, 3 grams of protein, 4% vitamin A, and 10% calcium.)

Other Starbucks Discoveries reviews:
Starbucks Melody

Item: Starbucks Discoveries (Caffe Mocha, Caramel Macchiato & Vanilla Latte)
Purchased Price: $5.49 (on sale)
Size: 50.7 fl oz carton
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Caffe Mocha)
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Caramel Macchiato)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Vanilla Latte)
Pros: Flavors were decent. Less sugar than International Delight’s regular iced coffee. Kind of a neat looking carton. A cup contains approximately 85 milligrams of caffeine. Starbucks’ free WiFi.
Cons: I expected something better from Starbucks. Hardcore Starbucks drinkers may consider this product to be swill. Comes in a smaller carton than competing iced coffees. Being too lazy to add the accent mark above the e in Caffe.

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