So…Um…Yeah…TIB Version 4.0. Or It Could Be 5.0. I Lost Track.

/ / Announcement / 27 Comments

Welcome to the new Impulsive Buy!

Who knew being pissed off at people would make me want to change the look of TIB? Off and on for the past 48 hours I’ve been tweaking a premade WordPress theme to my liking, because I’m too poor to afford a WordPress theme designer. I like the way it turned out, although for the past two hours I’ve been trying to fix some strange bug that wouldn’t show the comments. It made me kind of crazy and cry a little, although it’s been awhile since I’ve shouted all seven words you can never say on television within 60 seconds.

Everything seems to look good in Firefox, Safari and Chrome. If things look weird in your browser, please let me know. Unless you have Internet Explorer 6, if you do, I’d recommend upgrading to IE7, Firefox or one of the many other browsers better than IE6.

So what’s new besides the look?

The ability to reply to other comments. I enjoy replying to comments and I know some of you do too, so now it’s easier without having to go “@so and so.”

It’s now easier to share posts on Facebook, Twitter and Digg. On the main page, there’s the ShareThis button, and on each post page there are individual icons for your favorite social media sites.

You can also easily access TIB’s Twitter, Facebook, Flickr, YouTube and iTunes pages.

Um…I think that’s it.

I hope you folks like the new look.

ANNOUNCEMENT: Season of Giving Prize Drawing Winners Announced!!!

/ / Announcement, General / 3 Comments

Here are the winners of the Season of Giving Prize Drawing.

Comment #19 DantheApe (Poop Toothpaste)

Comment #27 NobleArc (Bunny Ears Cap)

Comment #50 Meredith (TerraCycle Speakers)

Congratulations to the winners!

Also, thank you to everyone who entered the drawing. Be on the lookout for more prize drawings in the future.

REVIEW: Burger King Funnel Cake Sticks

/ / Reviews / 35 Comments

Thank goodness for carnivals and circuses.

They give us the opportunity to consume foods we normal wouldn’t eat anywhere else, like cotton candy; something deep fried that shouldn’t have been, like a Snickers, Oreo or Twinkie; and you can eat funnel cake, which has a shape and look that makes it appear to be poop that got snowed on.

Carnivals also allow you to upchuck those foods, thanks to rides with names like “The Zipper,” “Gravitron,” “Twister,” “Tilt-A-Whirl” and the appropriately named, “Vomit Comet.”

Like beauty and the fame from being the first person booted off of a reality show, getting to enjoy carnival food is fleeting, unless you’re a carny or follow the carnival from town to town, sort of like an overweight Deadhead, except a carnival follower’s munchies aren’t caused by smoking weed.

Sure you could make your own funnel cake, but you know it won’t be as good as the stuff at the carnival, because you lack carny magic. If you’re hoping the new Burger King Funnel Cake Sticks are a good substitute for carnival funnel cake, think again…or think about growing a long beard, if you’re a woman, or working on your throwing accuracy with knives so that you can have your own tent to show off your freakish beard or pinpoint knife flinging.

The BK Funnel Cake Sticks come with nine pieces and a container of white icing dipping sauce. Each stick is 3.5 inches long, is covered in powdered sugar and has almost the same consistency as Burger King french fries — a slightly crunchy outside and soft inside.

The funnel cake sticks without the icing didn’t have much flavor, unless you count greasiness and my salty tears of disappointment. It didn’t remind me of funnel cake, instead it reminded me that I don’t really care for what Burger King produces in deep fried stick form, like their french fries and Chicken Fries.

Not even the container of icing helped make it sweeter and taste better because it just couldn’t subdue the greasiness. Adding more sugar might improve it. Or maybe casting some carny magic.

(Nutrition Facts – 9 sticks – 300 calories, 11 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 210 milligrams of sodium, 49 grams of carbohydrates, 30 grams of sugar and 2 grams of protein.)

Item: Burger King Funnel Cake Sticks
Price: $2.49
Size: 9 sticks
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 3 out of 10
Pros: Comes with 9 sticks. Crunchy outside, soft inside. No trans fat. Comes in a convenient box that hold the sticks and dipping icing. Carnival rides. Carny magic.
Cons: Really greasy flavor. Didn’t remind me of funnel cake. Icing didn’t help with the greasy flavor. The Vomit Comet. How quickly people forget the first person kicked off of a reality show. Fried Twinkie/Oreo/Snickers. Carnival rides after eating carnival food.

REVIEW: Sonic Holiday Mint Blast

/ / Reviews / 6 Comments

Even before you have your second round of Thanksgiving leftovers, the flavor of the season changes. Pumpkin makes a graceful exit and peppermint takes over. I’m a pumpkin fan, but how can you not like a flavor that’s able to mask the boozy smell of cheap vodka and settle your stomach after a tray of gingerbread cookies at the office holiday party (or “special” brownies if you’re employed by High Times).

The Sonic Holiday Mint Blast gets into the spirit of the season without having to fight off overweight moms at superstores trying to get the hottest toy of the season, or without having to sit on the lap of a questionable man in a Santa suit. The Sonic Holiday Mint Blast’s color scheme is like a traditional candy cane, however the candy on top of it, which gives it its “holiday personality,” aren’t crushed candy canes, they’re little pieces of Andes Peppermint Crunch.

Although it appears like this dessert isn’t packing a lot of crunchy pieces, it’s what’s inside that counts. Chock-full of candy pieces swirled around delicately flavored peppermint soft serve and whipped topping (I know that sounds like a line of bullshit fast food restaurants use to describe their subpar food, but the Holiday Mint Blast can be described in such a flowery manner), the Holiday Mint Blast is a great treat that tastes like mint chocolate chip ice cream.

The “whipped topping” is a little bit too much; the first five spoonfuls are the just the topping and a few crunchy pieces. Even though looking like a candy cane can be festive, I wish they tossed some green in it. Put a dash of food coloring in the mix and BAM it oozes even more holiday spirit. But if you work at the High Times, I’m sure you can add your own green later.

The Sonic Holiday Blast is a deal at $2.99 for a regular, especially for those slightly skinny Santas out there who need to pack on the pounds quickly so they can fill out their red suits. Unfortunately, if it becomes a staple of their diet, they won’t be able to fit into their civilian clothes once the season is over.

(Nutrition Facts – Regular size – 695 calories, 28.7 grams of fat, 20.9 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 62 milligrams of cholesterol, 187 milligrams of sodium, 102 grams of carbohydrates, 93 grams of sugar, 0 grams of fiber, 7 grams of protein, 11% vitamin A, 30% calcium and 6% iron.)

Item: Sonic Holiday Mint Blast
Price: $2.99
Size: Regular
Purchased at: Sonic
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Plenty of wonderful Andes Peppermint Crunch. Peppermint flavor doesn’t get sickening. Oozing holiday spirit. Regular is large enough for two servings.
Cons: Skinny Santas. Loaded with fat, cholesterol, trans fats etc. etc. Green color isn’t added to the mix. Getting work done at the magazine High Times.

REVIEW: Lovin’ Scoopful Caramel Chocolate Heaven Ice Cream

/ / Reviews / 9 Comments

I wish the company Lovin’ Scoopful would change its name to Spoon Lovin’ because I just want to lie down next to their Caramel Chocolate Heaven Ice Cream with my chest facing its curved back and then stick my spoon in it. I’ll keep thrusting my spoon into it and scooping out pleasure until I’m satisfied, or sick, creating a creamy mess on my bed.

Of course, changing its name to Spoon Lovin’ would cause immature bloggers everywhere to giggle and somehow tie in Spoon Lovin’ with spooning — the sexual position.

A tub of the Lovin’ Scoopful Caramel Chocolate Heaven Ice Cream is packed with churned light caramel ice cream, caramel-filled chocolate cups and fudge ribbons. The use of churned light ice cream allows it to contain half the fat of regular ice cream, but not taste like light ice cream, which usually tastes like it was made of milk from the udders of anorexic cows.

Speaking of cows and milk, the dairy used in this ice cream comes from bovine that haven’t been treated with rBST, otherwise known as recombinant bovine somatotropin, an artificial growth hormone used to increase milk production in dairy cattle. Some folks also call rBST, Really Bad Shit from a Teat.

The Lovin’ Scoopful Caramel Chocolate Heaven Ice Cream is frickin’ delicious. The caramel ice cream was creamy, although not a creamy as premium ice cream, and had a strong caramel flavor. When it’s combined with the chocolate cups and fudge ribbon, it creates a euphoric flavor that makes me want to dance with a dairy cow in the middle of a cocoa bean rainstorm.

I love the way the fudge ribbon melts in my mouth, creating a gooey sensation. If I were a male stripper, I’d pour a tank of that gooey fudge in a kiddie pool, dive in it and charge willing women $300 to lick it off of me…and then return their money because they choked on my body hair, which I would forget to shave off before diving into the fudge.

The Lovin’ Scoopful Caramel Chocolate Heaven Ice Cream is not only damn good, it does some damn good. Twenty-five percent of Lovin’ Scoopful’s profits go to help the Special Olympics and other causes.

That’s just another good reason for me to keep spooning this ice cream.

(Nutrition Facts – 1/2 cup – 160 calories, 6 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 75 milligrams of sodium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 18 grams of sugar, 3 grams of protein, 4% vitamin A and 10% calcium.)

Item: Lovin’ Scoopful Caramel Chocolate Heaven Ice Cream
Price: $4.99
Size: 1.75 quarts
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Frickin’ delicious. I’d spoon it. 25% of profits go to help the Special Olympics and other causes. Half the fat of regular ice cream. Uses milk from cows that weren’t injected with an artificial growth hormone. Spooning.
Cons: Contains high fructose corn syrup. Losing money because I forgot to shave body before jumping into fudge. Really Bad Shit from a Teat.

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