Kellogg’s has introduced new Eggo Grab & Go Liège-style waffles in Strawberry and Buttery Maple flavors. Inspired by the popular Belgian street food and promising even faster preparation than the classic toaster waffle, will these earn a place in the breakfast rotation?

Liège waffles are the most popular waffle variant in the waffle-loving nation of Belgium. They incorporate pearl sugar and use a bread-like dough resulting in a dense, chewy texture. I found all this out from Wikipedia because, like most Americans, my experience the breakfast staple begins at Eggo and ends at a diner’s Belgian waffle. That is all I know, despite the fact one of my grandparents was Belgian, and I assume he had waffle secrets that he took to his grave.

They come individually wrapped and require only thawing to be ready. I rip open a Buttery Maple and take a bite. Condensation from the plastic packaging has caused some soggy spots, but nothing substantial. The golden-brown exterior and maple flavor combine to create a satisfying toasted flavor. Even the Strawberry version tastes mostly of golden brown toastiness. It’s not bad, but don’t bite into it expecting to be transported to a summer strawberry field by its fresh strawberry essence.

The texture fails to impress when unheated. It’s stiff and dry. The pearl sugar adds interest, but overall, the texture reminds me of a mediocre pastry at a motel continental breakfast. It drastically improves when microwaved for 20 seconds. It softens enough that you can pull it apart to see the strands of bready dough, like the brioche that an authentic Liège waffle is supposed to be, according to Wikipedia. (Curse you, secretive Belgian grandpa!).

Here’s a hot breakfast take that will have my Belgian grandpa spinning in his grave: waffles are the Ron Weasley of the pancake, French toast, and waffle trio. They’re not bad, but they’re the weakest option of the three. Eggos are good, but no one is leaping out of bed in anticipation for one. A diner’s Belgian waffle is fine, but they’re all crisp exterior with no substance. Maybe that’s why I appreciate these Liège-style waffles when heated. The bready texture makes for a substantial treat even without additions.

For the record, Harry is pancakes and Hermione is French toast. I will not be taking questions.

Kellogg’s Eggo Grab & Go Liège-style waffles are a worthy addition to the Eggo lineup. They’re fine thawed, but do yourself a favor and heat them. Or maybe really treat yourself and add some powdered sugar, berries, whipped cream, or whatever secret family waffle topping I don’t know about.

Purchased Price: $5.19 each
Size: 7.76 oz (220g)/4 pack
Purchased at: Woodman’s Markets
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Buttery Maple), 6 out of 10 (Strawberry)
Nutrition Facts: (1 waffle) 230 calories, 10 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 60 milligrams of cholesterol, 200 milligrams of sodium, 30 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 grams of fiber, 13 grams of sugar including 13 grams added sugar, and 5 gram of protein.

Here’s the thing about me and waffles: I don’t know when to eat them. I love them, right? Pancakes, French toast, and cinnamon rolls, too. But the thing is, I’m a salty and savory breakfast guy, though and through. Give me a big ol’ sloppy plate piled with biscuits smothered in thick, creamy gravy, a mountain of buttery scrambled eggs, and one pig’s worth of sausage and bacon, please.

So then, what do I do? When do I eat sweet breakfast foodstuffs? To be frank, it all feels so dessert-y to me. (I mean, one of the aforementioned foods has cake right in the name.) But here’s the deal with that — how often do you feel like eating a big syrupy stack of flapjacks or a fluffy golden waffle after pounding a plate of fried chicken and mashed potatoes?

It’s tricky.

But Eggo seems to be embracing the “breakfast for dessert” ideation with the introduction of its new Thick & Fluffy family members, Tiramisu and Strawberry Cheesecake. Will these vanguard vittles make me feel less conflicted about my B4D dilemma?

Well, they would if they were good, which they’re not, so they won’t.

Where do they go wrong, you’re asking? Let’s take a deeper dive.

First of all, these things don’t cook properly. At least, not in a toaster — aka, the place where you generally cook Eggo waffles. Much like the problematic Pillsbury Toaster Strudel, the Thick & Fluffy waffle cooks unevenly, leaving pockets of cold tundra surrounded by peninsulas of heat. The directions suggest toasting it on the lowest setting (!) And that “two cookings may be required.” I’m sorry… no? The point of a frozen waffle — or strudel, or Pop Tart — is that I can be ready to rock with that thing with very little foreplay. (I mean, in theory, anyway.) Same goes for the second suggested cooking method, a conventional oven. What is this, Kellogg’s, the slow food movement?

But anyway, all of this cooking nonsense would be forgivable if the waffles came out enjoyable. And they just don’t.

I tried each kind plain, straight from the toaster, and then covered in butter and syrup. The Strawberry Cheesecake had a decent artificial strawberry flavoring (owing to the inclusion of dried strawberries, no doubt), but there was nothing there that even began to suggest “cheesecake.” Despite its flaws — the batter was bland, it could’ve used considerably more strawberries, and I was promised cheesecake, dammit — it did hold up better to butter and syrup than the tiramisu.

The tiramisu was definitely better, though, don’t get me wrong. The box promised “cocoa and roasted coffee” flavoring, and it had that. The coffee flavor was subtle and accompanied by the tiniest hint of chocolate. Straight from the toaster, they were okay. But something peculiar happened when adorned with butter and syrup, though. They turned into totally plain tasting Eggo waffles. The mild coffee tones were made obsolete.

As a fan of eating breakfast for dessert, I was excited about these waffles conceptually. As someone who doesn’t like to eat bad things, though, I ended up disappointed.

Purchased Price: $3.99
Size: 11.6 oz boxes/6 waffles
Purchased at: Hy-Vee
Rating: 5 out of 10 (Tiramisu), 4 out of 10 (Strawberry Cheesecake)
Nutrition Facts: (1 waffle) Tiramisu – 160 calories, 6 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 260 milligrams of sodium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 7 grams of sugar (including 7 grams added sugars), and 3 grams of protein. Strawberry Cheesecake – 160 calories, 6 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 240 milligrams of sodium, 25 grams of carbohydrates, 9 grams of sugar (including 9 grams added sugars), and 3 grams of protein.