REVIEW: Ruffles Ultimate Sweet & Smokin’ BBQ

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Ruffles Ultimate Sweet & Smokin' BBQ

I don’t like starting this review with a dictionary definition, like a fourth grader begins his or her science presentation, but here I go.

According to the dictionary, the word “ultimate” means “being the best or most extreme example of its kind,” and I believe that was the definition Frito-Lay wanted associated with their new Ruffles Ultimate Potato Chips, which are thicker and have deeper ridges than regular Ruffles.

I’m no potato chip maker, heck I don’t even own a deep fryer, but I’m pretty sure Frito-Lay could’ve made these Ruffles Ultimate potato chips even more extreme.

Are these ridges really “the ultimate”? I’ve seen deeper ridges in light wavelength diagrams and Zen garden sand. Also, are the thickness of these chips really the thickest Frito-Lay could’ve gone? I don’t think so. They should’ve been so thick and crunchy that chewing on them with your mouth open creates booming sound waves that have ridges as deep as the chips themselves.

Ruffles Ultimate comes in two apostrophed flavors: Kickin’ Jalapeno Ranch and Sweet & Smokin’ BBQ.

Ruffles Ultimate Sweet & Smokin’ BBQ is made using three ingredients: potatoes, vegetable oil, and something called Sweet Smokin’ BBQ seasoning, which consists of about 20 ingredients. Those ingredients includes sugar, brown sugar, chipotle chili pepper, molasses, onion powder, tomato powder, paprika extracts, garlic powder, and honey.

Ruffles Ultimate Sweet & Smokin' BBQ Closeup

Ruffles Ultimate Sweet & Smokin’ BBQ smell like Lay’s barbecue potato chips, and the two chips also kind of taste alike. However, these Ruffles Ultimate chips have a little heat and smokiness to them, thanks to the chipotle. The spiciness isn’t noticeable at first, but your mouth will begin to feel it after the second or third chip. They have less heat than the Doritos Jacked Smoky Chipotle BBQ, so having your Brita pitcher at the ready is unnecessary. The chips are also a little sweet, thanks to the sugar, brown sugar, molasses, and honey, but they’re more spicy than sweet.

Ultimately, the Ruffles Ultimate Sweet & Smokin’ BBQ potato chips are a tasty, crunchy snack, but they don’t rock my snacking socks off. Its flavor is too similar to other barbecue Frito-Lay chips and, while the ridges are bigger, you’re getting an ounce less of chips per bag than the 9-9.5 ounce bags of regular Ruffles at about the same price. So I don’t consider these chips to be the ultimate, instead I think they’re unremarkable.

(Disclosure: I received this bag of Ruffles Ultimate Sweet & Smokin’ BBQ for free from Frito-Lay. I also received a bag of the other flavor, but that was already reviewed by another reviewer, who paid for it. I also received a jar of Ruffles Ultimate Smokehouse Bacon dip for free, but I’m probably not going to review that. I also received a rash from something, but I don’t know from what.)

(Nutrition Facts – 1 ounce – 160 calories, 90 calories from fat, 9 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 190 milligrams of sodium, 330 milligrams of potassium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 2 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Item: Ruffles Ultimate Sweet & Smokin’ BBQ
Price: FREE
Size: 8 ounces
Purchased at: Received from Frito-Lay
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Tasty. Crunchy. Slight smoky heat from chipotle. Light sweetness. Not called Ruffles Extreme.
Cons: Unremarkable. Tastes too similar to other Frito-Lay chips. Ridges and thickness weren’t as ultimate as they could’ve gone. Chewing with your mouth open. Beginning a review with a dictionary definition.

REVIEW: Limited Edition Eggo Seasons S’mores Waffles

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Kellogg's Limited Edition Eggo Seasons S'mores Waffles

Let me take you back to a warm summer night in 1962. In a sturdy tree house overlooking the backyard of the Mean Old Mr. Myrtle’s house, a portly adolescent named Hamilton Porter sticks a marshmallow on a stick and proceeds to shove it into a campfire. When the mallow is flaming with enough heat to fog up the glasses of his friend Squints Palledorous, the freckled-faced ginger removes the ‘mallow, sticks it between a square of Hershey’s chocolate and two graham crackers, and proceeds to “stuff it.”

Hence the s’more was born, and America was bequeathed one of its most iconic flavor combinations.

If the British their Spotted Dick pudding (what is that stuff anyway?) and the German have their Black Forest cake, we Americans have our s’mores. An engrained element of our efforts to eat seasonally, the s’more flavor profile has made its way into Pop-Tarts, cereal, ice cream, and, yes, the ubiquitous and completely worthless Quaker Chewy Granola bar.

Kellogg's Limited Edition Eggo Seasons S'mores Waffles Box Back

Perhaps feeling moved by the same spirit of summer which seized Buzz Lightyear, Eggo has decided to release a seasonal s’more frozen waffle. Available only at Target, the waffles come in the familiar eight count box which basically forces you to eat all eight waffles in one sitting, lest you chance freezer burn with the non-resealable packaging.

After proceeding to follow the very specific instructions of my Eggo box and toasting the waffles on a low setting for two rotations, I took my slightly crispy but still chewy waffles and applied a liberal pat of butter and maple syrup. It then occurred to me that putting butter and maple syrup on anything would likely skew results to the “wow, this is great” rating, and recalling no evidence of butter or maple syrup in the entire history of my s’more eating, I decided to test out one of the waffles plain.

Kellogg's Limited Edition Eggo Seasons S'mores Waffles Closeup

Unlike the first bite of an actual s’more, my waffle did not tempt my taste buds with layers of crunchy and creamy, smooth and coarse. There was no milky chocolate, nor was there toasted marshmallow goo, and there definitely was no fire to puff out from said flaming ‘mallow. To be short, my first bite of the new Eggo S’mores waffle tasted decidedly like a toasted Eggo waffle, albeit with an interesting if not underrepresented chew of malted barley sweetness and some kind of exotic multigrain element. It didn’t scream graham in the traditional sense of a Nabisco graham cracker, but instead gave off hints of buckwheat and whole wheat.

If it sounds enticing, don’t get too excited. I can buy frozen multigrain waffles from any hippie megastore, but I only trust Eggo to give me the proper nutritionally worthless convenience of chocolate chips and marshmallow built into my frozen waffle. And when it comes to those two key features – chocolate chips and ‘mallows – there just aren’t enough.

Kellogg's Limited Edition Eggo Seasons S'mores Waffles Closer Up

It’s a real shame because the chocolate chips are actually composed of real chocolate and take on a nice melty smoothness in the toaster, while the marshmallows strikes a balance of creamy and gooey that puts them somewhere between cereal ‘mallows and Twinkie cream. On the rare bites when you’re able to pair both the chocolate and ‘mallows with the slightly crispy waffle, well, you’ll find yourself fully appreciating the words of Hamilton Porter.

In that case, go ahead and “stuff it” for all they’re worth, my friends.

The new Eggo S’more waffles aren’t bad. They just need s’more of the stuff that makes s’mores so damn good. Speaking of which, forget the butter and maple syrup and go ahead and skewer these puppies on a twig. Fire up the grill, grab some Hershey’s bars and Jet-Puffs, and then we’ll talk. Or, should I say, we’ll stuff.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 waffles – 200 calories, 6 grams of fat, 1.5 grams saturated fat, 0 grams trans fat, 0 milligrams cholesterol, 360  milligrams of sodium, 95 mg potassium, 33 grams of carbohydrates, 8grams of sugar, 2 grams of fiber, and 5 grams of protein.)

Item: Limited Edition Eggo Seasons S’mores Waffles
Price: $2.39
Size: 8 waffles per box
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Real chocolate chips and marshmallow goo. Fancy multigrain-ey flavor. Eating seasonally. Not actually horrible for you at 100 calories per waffle. No hydrogenated fats.
Cons: Needs s’more marshmallows and chocolate chips per waffle. Frequent repetition of juvenile puns. Inconsistent toasting instructions. Freezer burn. THE BEAST.

REVIEW: Hot Pockets Limited Edition BBQ Recipe Bacon Burger

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Hot Pockets Limited Edition BBQ Recipe Bacon Burger

At times, I thought the Hot Pockets Limited Edition BBQ Recipe Bacon Burger tasted like a Burger King Rodeo Cheeseburger or BK’s Western BBQ Topper.

If you’re not familiar with those two Burger King sandwiches, because you’re MCD4LYFE or because you eat much healthier than I do, they’re both constructed using a flame-broiled beef patty, cheese, onion rings, and a barbecue sauce served on a bun.

This isn’t the first time Hot Pockets’ mad food scientists were able to make a Hot Pocket taste like a fast food cheeseburger. They originally did it with their Hot Pockets SideShots Mini Cheeseburgers, which I thought tasted like a McDonald’s Double Cheeseburger.

Dang, those mad flavor scientists have some mad burger flavor reproducing skills.

Wait a minute. Why can’t those mad flavor scientists make a pepperoni Hot Pocket taste like a pepperoni pizza?

Anyhoo, the box doesn’t specifically say it, but these are Hot Pockets SideShots, which means instead of a crispy outer crust, they have a soft bun-like crust. According to the ingredients list, stuffed within that crust are: cooked beef pattie crumble, pasteurized process cheddar cheese, cheddar cheese, bacon, onions, seasoning, and tomato paste.

What makes these mini microwaveable marvels taste like a couple of Burger King burgers is the “BBQ sauce.” Oh, what’s with the quotations marks? Well, it’s not really a BBQ sauce, since a barbecue sauce isn’t listed in the ingredients. It’s more like a deconstructed barbecue sauce that tastes like the tangy and sweet stuff Burger King uses.

Hot Pockets Limited Edition BBQ Recipe Bacon Burger Closeup

Each bun isn’t bursting with beef pattie crumble and bacon, like in the picture on the front of the packaging, instead there’s a smidgen of beef and an almost equal smidgen of bacon. If you’re expecting crisp bacon in these pockets of hotness, your expectations are way too high. They are as limp as a cardboard box in a rainstorm. The bacon’s smokiness and the added onions also helped these Hot Pockets taste like I’m eating a Burger King Rodeo Cheeseburger. The bun was kind of a letdown because most of the time it was dry and a bit tough, which wasn’t what I experienced with the mostly soft and a little chewy buns of the Hot Pockets SideShots Mini Cheeseburgers.

The Hot Pockets Limited Edition BBQ Recipe Bacon Burgers would make a flavorful snack or a tasty part of a complete lunch or dinner. While it still kind of blows my mind they taste like my beloved Burger King Rodeo Cheeseburger, I found that flavor to be inconsistent as I chowed my way through the two servings.

I hope those Hot Pockets’ mad flavor scientists attempt to emulate the Big Mac’s flavor for next year’s limited edition Hot Pockets flavor and calls it Hot Pockets Limited Edition Special Sauce Burger or something as unimaginative as the name Hot Pockets Limited Edition BBQ Recipe Bacon Burger.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 buns – 290 calories, 80 calories from fat, 9 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat*, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 620 milligrams of sodium, 42 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 10 grams of sugar, 10 grams of protein, and a bunch of vitamins and minerals.)

*made with partially hydrogenated oil

Item: Hot Pockets Limited Edition BBQ Recipe Bacon Burger
Price: $2.49 (on sale)
Size: 4 buns
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: They taste like Burger King’s Rodeo Cheeseburger. Tangy and sweet deconstructed barbecue sauce. A nice snack. Contains seven vitamins and minerals.
Cons: Buns were dry and tough at times. Inconsistent flavor. Made with partially hydrogenated oil. Spelling patty with an “ie.” Unimaginative name.

REVIEW: Jif Hazelnut Spreads (Chocolate and Mocha Cappuccino)

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Jif Hazelnut Spreads (Chocolate and Mocha Cappuccino)

There are some of you out there who can blame Nutella for adding several pounds to your frame. I’m not one of them. For years, I heard from many people about the great hazelnut spread called Nutella, but never dipped a knife, spoon, fork, finger, or tongue into a jar of it.

If a lot of people were saying it was so wonderful, why didn’t I try it?

Maybe I purchased several Costco-sized jars of peanut butter because I had a coupon and didn’t want to try spreading something different on my bread until I used all of them up. Or perhaps I trust Flavor Flav when he says, “Don’t… Don’t… Don’t… Don’t… Don’t believe the hype.” Or maybe because Nutella comes from the Italian company Ferrero, I wanted to be patriotic and eat my way from a 30-inch waist to a 32-inch waist with American food.

However, my Nutella virginity was taken away from me during a foursome with a jar of Nutella and the two new Jif Hazelnut Spreads — Chocolate and Mocha Cappuccino. I could’ve kept my Nutella virginity intact, but I thought who better to find out whether these Jif Hazelnut Spreads can compete with the world famous Nutella than a guy who would be trying Nutella for the first time.

So, what do I think of Nutella?

Holy balls! Nutella is nuterrific! It makes me want to go from a 32-inch waist to a 34-inch waist by eating lots of it. Oh man, so many years lost that could’ve been filled with spreading Nutella on top of 100 percent whole wheat bread or dipping shortbread cookies into it. Oh. My. Goodness. What else am I missing out on? Damn, I need to make a bucket list.

Jif Hazelnut Spreads (Chocolate and Mocha Cappuccino) Closeup

But what about the Jif Hazelnut Spreads?

The Jif Chocolate Hazelnut Spread is nuttier, while Nutella has a deeper chocolate flavor and is sweeter, but if you were to create your own 1980s Folgers-like commercial at someone’s house, where you’ve secretly replaced the Nutella they usually serve with Jif Chocolate Hazelnut Spread to see if anyone can tell the difference, I think most people won’t. Personally, I prefer the stronger chocolate flavor of Nutella.

As for Jif’s Mocha Cappuccino Hazelnut Spread, it’s a shade darker than the chocolate spread and it had a noticeable coffee flavor, but after the initial coffee flavor, the chocolate and hazelnut took its place on my taste buds. At first, I wished the spread had a stronger coffee flavor, like I just ate some chocolate covered espresso beans, but then realized that would’ve been stupid because the spread would’ve been a bit too bitter. Overall, I enjoyed Jif’s Mocha Cappuccino Hazelnut Spread as much as the chocolate version.

While there isn’t a significant difference in flavor between Jif’s Chocolate Hazelnut Spread and Nutella there are notable differences between the two. The Jif Hazelnut Spreads have the visual consistency of Jif peanut butter and at times they also look like Duncan Hines cake frosting. Nutella, on the other hand, is creamy, silky smooth, and sexy. That silky smoothness isn’t only sexy, it also makes it easier to spread on bread or skin. Yes, Nutella looks like I should be using it as body paint. Another difference between the two are their prices. A 13-ounce jar of Nutella was a dollar more than a 14.1-ounce jar of Jif’s Hazelnut Spreads.

Jif’s Hazelnut Spreads are just as tasty as Nutella. I’m no choosy mom, but if I was one, I might consider buying a jar because of their lower price. And while I give my children Jif peanut butter, I’ll spread Jif Hazelnut Spread on top of my bread, and if my children ask if they could try it, I’ll tell them, “No, just like the grape juice in the tall glass bottles, this is for mommy only.”

(Nutrition Facts – 2 Tbsp – Chocolate – 230 calories, 120 calories from fat, 14 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 40 milligrams of sodium, 22 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 21 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, 6% calcium, and 6% iron. Mocha Cappuccino – 230 calories, 130 calories from fat, 14 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 40 milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 21 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, 6% calcium, and 6% iron.)

Other Jif Hazelnut Spread reviews:
Foodette Reviews

Item: Jif Hazelnut Spreads (Chocolate and Mocha Cappuccino)
Price: $6.49 each
Size: 14.1 ounces
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Chocolate)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Mocha Cappuccino)
Pros: As tasty as Nutella. Makes bread taste so much better. Cheaper than Nutella. Eating Jif Hazelnut Spreads with a spoon. Nutella. Secretly replacing things.
Cons: Has the consistency of peanut butter, which is less sexy than Nutella’s consistency. Being a Nutella virgin for so long. Expanding waist size.

REVIEW: Limited Edition Ice Cream Oreo Rainbow Shure, Bert!

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Limited Edition Ice Cream Oreo Rainbow Shure, Bert!

According to the internet, I’ve been saying sherbet wrong all these years. I thought it was pronounced how Nabisco presents it with their new Limited Edition Ice Cream Oreo Rainbow Shure, Bert!

But it turns out it’s pronounced sher-bit and it rhymes with hermit.

Oh, hold on for a second. The internet is telling me it’s pronounced sherr-bet.

Oh wait, Nabisco is also correct.

Geez, internet, you’re no help. You’re as reliable as Price is Right audience members shouting random numbers at contestants.

If there’s one thing more frustrating than pronouncing sherbet, it was my attempts to get my hands on a package of Limited Edition Ice Cream Oreo Rainbow Shure, Bert! It’s a limited edition flavor exclusive to Walmart, but I visited my nearest Walmart several times over the course of three weeks and each time I walked out empty handed. After being disappointed for the umpteenth time, I decided to drive 17 miles to the next farthest Walmart, which had a diabetes-causing stock of Limited Edition Ice Cream Oreo Rainbow Shure, Bert!

So to Walmart store #5274, you’re awesome! And, to Walmart store #3478, I hope the Sam’s Club on top of you gets so heavy that it crushes you.

If you were able to purchase a package of Limited Edition Ice Cream Oreo Rainbow Shure, Bert!, congratulations, you have in your possession a tasty sandwich cookie.

Limited Edition Ice Cream Oreo Rainbow Shure, Bert! Closeup

It has a strong fruity aroma that hit my nose soon after lifting the easy open pull tab for the first time. It did smell like sherbet and what I imagine releasing the ghosts of the Fruit of the Loom guys would smell like. Limited Edition Ice Cream Oreo Rainbow Shure, Bert! is made up of raspberry and lime filling in between two Golden Oreo cookies. The raspberry and lime creme ratio varies from cookie to cookie, but I thought they all tasted the same.

One of the issues I had with last year’s Limited Edition Creamsicle Oreo cookies was that the Creamsicle flavor was hidden behind the Golden Oreo cookies, but that was not the case with these Rainbow Shure, Bert! Oreo cookies. Actually, because the sherbet flavor is quite strong, I think some eaters might think they’re a bit too sweet.

When I first heard about these cookies, I thought what kind of rainbow sherbet has only two flavors, but the raspberry and lime combination was extremely tasty and it did taste like sherbet. The raspberry creme had very little tartness and the lime had an equal amount of sourness, but they were both really sweet. While the raspberry was noticeable while chewing the cookie, it disappeared soon after and my taste buds were left with the lime flavor, which lingered in my mouth long after the cookie was swallowed.

The Limited Edition Ice Cream Oreo Rainbow Shure, Bert! cookies are damn good, but if you want to make them slightly better, albeit slightly tougher to bite through, I’d recommend sticking some in the freezer for a few hours. For some reason, the freezing temperatures enhances the sherbet flavor. I’d also like to suggest you not eat these Oreo cookies by twisting the top off and licking the creme. I thought they were significantly less enjoyable that way.

While I still don’t know how to properly pronounce the word “sherbet,” I do know these Limited Edition Ice Cream Oreo Rainbow Shure, Bert! cookies are super duper delectable and if you’re able to find them, I’d suggest you pick them up.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 cookies – 150 calories, 60 calories from fat, 7 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram of polyunsaturated fat, 3 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 80 milligrams of sodium, 15 milligrams of potassium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 12 grams of sugar, and less than 1 gram of protein.)

Other Limited Edition Ice Cream Oreo Rainbow Shure, Bert! reviews:
Junk Food Guy
Fatguy Food Blog

Item: Limited Edition Ice Cream Oreo Rainbow Shure, Bert!
Price: $3.48
Size: 15.25 ounces
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Super duper tasty. Slightly better when placed in the freezer for a few hours. Crunchy. Smells and tastes like sherbet. Doing a touchdown dance when I finally found these cookies. Walmart store #5274.
Cons: Might be hard to find. Walmart exclusive. Might be a bit too sweet for some. Which is the correct pronunciation of sherbet? That damn exclamation point in its name. Walmart store #3478.

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