ANNOUNCEMENT: New Reviewer Holly

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When I turned 30 a few years back, I felt a fundamental shift in my world view on food. For so long, I had categorized things I ate as “good” or “bad.”

Plain celery? Good.

Baconator from Wendy’s? Bad.

Yet, the night of my birthday, I was lying in my bed while propping myself up to discourage the stomach acid from creeping up my esophagus. It is then that I had a revelation: food is food. It cannot be inherently good or bad. Now, should I eat three Bloomin’ Onions a week? Absolutely not!…unless it gets me a free shirt, then there might be some thinking to do. I wasted so much time saying no to food because I categorized it as “bad,” but now? It’s game on.
?I feel like I should actually introduce myself now. Hello dear readers, my name is Holly, and I’m one of the new contributors here at The Impulsive Buy. I share this story of my epiphany as it was the thing that started me down the path of all food things weird, new, or Limited Edition.

I have always looked at stuff in stores or on menus at restaurants with a longing. OF COURSE, I want to try the Limited Edition Pillsbury Corn Elote Funfetti Cake, but it’s “bad.” Now when I shop, I ask myself, “Does it sound good? Does it sound unique? Will it be an experience?” If an item is a “yes” to at least one of those questions, into the basket it goes.

I live in Jacksonville, Florida, where we have the pleasure of 100% humidity at six in the morning, 343 days out of the year. I am currently working as a gig-grocery shopper/delivery gal, but I have a long history when it comes to grocery stores. I worked in big box stores, left to reset/remodel/open grocery stores across the state, and also spent time as a vendor for such brands as Hidden Valley, Soy Vay, and KC Masterpiece. Chances are if you walked through a grocery store in Northeast Florida and saw a display of Hidden Valley Ranch, it was my doing.

When it comes to food, there is very little that I will absolutely refuse to try. Even then, in most cases, I’d at least take a bite. I do tend to favor savory/salty items, but I will never say no to a doughnut, especially if it’s from Voodoo Doughnuts (Yes, Portland readers, I am aware that outside the OG Voodoo, they all pale in comparison. But let me tell you how that Memphis Mafia fritter slaps at 2 am).
?It’s going to be an interesting adventure, and I look forward to sharing it with you all!

REVIEW: Crush Sour Patch Kids Berry Soda

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Crush Sour Patch Kids Berry Soda

What is Crush Sour Patch Kids Berry Soda?

It’s a blue raspberry-flavored and Blue 1-dyed soda with a sour twist that’s brought to you by our friends at Dr Pepper/Seven Up, Inc. and Mondelez International. Also, like all Crush sodas, it’s caffeine free.

How is it?

It has that familiar, sweet blue raspberry aroma. But if I jam my nose into the bottle’s spout and take a good sniff, I smell a hint of something that could be considered tropical. Maybe that’s from the sour ingredients. Or possibly my nose got damaged from jamming it into a bottle’s spout. But, as a whole, it smells wonderful and enticing.

But I’m hesitant to use those same adjectives to describe the soda’s flavor.

Look, it sounds like I’m about to type that I hate this Cool Water cologne bottle-colored soda, but after drinking half of it, I find it to be decent tasting. However, I’m not craving for another bottle.

The blue raspberry flavor is super sweet, and perhaps too sweet for my taste buds. Its sourness level is noticeable, but it isn’t high enough to make me pucker even a little after each sip. But it does make me want to drink this slower than other soft drinks. Also, just like when I took a good sniff from its spout, I noticed something that registers as “tropical” in the aftertaste.

Anything else you need to know?

This isn’t the first Sour Patch Kids soda. 7-Eleven and Jones Soda Company partnered to come out with the Sour Patch Kids Watermelon Soda back in 2016. It’s also not the first collaboration between Crush and Sour Patch Kids. Earlier this year, the two offered Crush-flavored candy.

Also, is this the season for blue raspberry beverages?

Conclusion:

Crush Sour Patch Kids Berry is a novelty soda, and like most novelty foods, it’s worth a try at least once.

Purchased Price: More than anyone should pay on eBay
Size: 20 fl oz bottle
Purchased at: eBay
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 bottle) 290 calories, 0 grams of fat, 105 milligrams of sodium, 75 grams of carbohydrates, 74 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Talenti Gelato Layers Pumpkin Pie

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Talenti Pumpkin Pie Gelato Layers Tub

What is Talenti Gelato Layers Pumpkin Pie

A seasonal offering from the undisputed gelato king of Englewood Cliffs, New Jersey, Talenti’s layered pumpkin pie offering goes: pumpkin gelato, pie pieces, brown sugar sauce, pumpkin gelato again, and more pie pieces.

How is it?

Talenti Pumpkin Pie Gelato Layers Top

The first time I tried it, I wanted to call it “bland” or maybe “inoffensive.” You know, the Neil Diamond of frozen dairy-based confections. I didn’t like how I couldn’t easily get all three layers in one spoonful, or how the “brown sugar sauce” didn’t seem to have the cinnamon undercarriage brown sugar generally requires in a dessert setting. (Cinnamon is listed as an ingredient, for what it’s worth.) And while the pie pieces are, I don’t know, dough-like(?), overall, the texture is one-note and is missing a good crunch.

Talenti Pumpkin Pie Gelato Layers Closeup

But then I had some the next day, and although nothing in the gelato had technically changed — the brown sugar sauce and the pie pieces were still limply uninspired — I found myself thinking everything was SO GOOD! SO GOOD! (That’s a Neil Diamond reference for those of you who aren’t a 65-year-old aunt.) Instead of being upset with the gelato’s gentle nature, I found myself appreciating the subtlety of the pumpkin flavor. As an unabashed pumpkophile, I generally want my pumpkin to be aggressive and unapologetic; if you are not a fan this approach, however, you might enjoy this gelato.

Anything else you need to know?

Will Ferrell doing Neil Diamond doing an episode of VH1’s Storytellers on SNL in 1998 is seriously one of the greatest Ferrell moments in his tenure on the show. Drop whatever you’re doing, open another tab (don’t leave TIB, obviously), Google it and then watch the video. Tell me it’s not amazing, I dare you.

Conclusion:

If you want an in-your-face, violent pumpkin gelato, this probably isn’t it. But if you’re in the market for a smooth, reasonable dose of gourdy goodness, this is a good bet. (Mostly because I don’t think there is a ton of pumpkin gelato out there to choose from.)

Purchased Price: $4.29
Size: 1 pint
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2/3 cup) 280 calories, 13 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 60 milligrams of sodium, 37 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 grams of fiber, 29 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Dunkin’ The Charli Cold Brew Coffee

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Dunkin The Charli Cold Brew Coffee Cup 2

What is Dunkin’s “The Charli”

What? You don’t know TikTok superstar Charli D’Amelio’s favorite Dunkin’ order?

Pff, I scoff at you. Everyone knows it’s a medium cold brew with whole milk and three pumps of caramel!

How is it?

How is it, or WHY is it?

I have to admit, I didn’t get “The Charli,” literally or figuratively. I technically cheated and got a small, which I nicknamed, “The Chaz.” (A large is obviously “The Charles.”)

Dunkin The Charli Cold Brew Coffee Cup

I mean, it’s a cold brew with milk and a lot of sugary caramel syrup. I think smalls only get two pumps, but even that was a bit too sweet for my blood. I don’t get flavors in cold brew because it masks the cold brew flavor and makes it taste like a regular iced coffee. It’s a subtle difference, but I notice it. Whole milk is not my #1 dairy choice, but it was fine.

Now to get to the why…hmm, how do I write about this weird collaboration without sounding like an angry geezer?

Dunkin The Charli Cold Brew Coffee Bottom

Anything else you need to know?

“Charli Cold Brew” sounds like the name of the guy who gets the mafia coffee, or the worst mixtape rapper of all time. Notice how I said “mixtape rapper” instead of “Soundcloud rapper.” That should give you an indication that I probably shouldn’t speak about a 16-year-old girl who dances for 15 seconds on an app I’ve never used, the eponymous Charli D’Amelio.

She’s a massive internet star, but I’m just going on Dunkin’s word – there was zero chance I was Googling a teenager dancing.

Look, I’m sure Dunkin’s partnering with Charli has brought them a ton of business from kids who probably shouldn’t be drinking cold brew, but I just don’t understand how absolutely lazy this campaign is. There’s more to the partnership, though. You can win a “virtual hangout with Charli,” but even that strikes me as half-baked.

“It’s her favorite drink, gramps!” Fair, but this is just a regular menu item. Why not fib a little and release something new and exciting? It’s like that ridiculous Travis Scott meal at McDonald’s. People inexplicably flocked there to get Sprite and some BBQ sauce on a Quarter Pounder. They couldn’t at least add a special pickle to the burger or something?!

I don’t like this new trend of brand/celebrity collaborations that aren’t bringing anything new to the table. What’s the point? Why are famous chains doing the “name a deli sandwich after a customer” thing?

Side note: when I realized my local deli didn’t have a “Vin,” I asked, “What am I chopped liver?!” Now they serve a chopped liver sandwich called the “Vin.” (2 out of 10.)

But seriously, am I wrong to be ticked off at the marketing, or am I reading the situation wrong?

Conclusion:

“You’re talking about them, Old Timer?! It’s obviously working!”

I know, I just find it so lazy! I can’t shake that feeling, which is probably a Charli dance video title.

Dunkin Charli Dance

As far as I know, Dunkin’ has never collaborated with a celebrity like this. They decided to break the (way too much) ice with a kid from a niche app by promoting a regular variety of cold brew coffee? Who are the ad wizards who came up with this one?! (I’m showing my age.)

Ya know what? I’m already too deep into “get off my lawn” territory here. I’ll shut up. You want a Charli, go get a Charli. Tell ’em Cactus Jack sent ya.

Purchased Price: $2.99
Size: Small
Purchased at: Dunkin
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: Not available on the website.

REVIEW: Oreo Mooncakes (Thailand)

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Oreo Mooncakes Thailand 1

What are Oreo Mooncakes?

Oreo cookies are The Borg. An alien life form that roams the galaxy, conquering and assimilating civilizations (for the non-Trekkies). Sure, they’re not doing it by force – more like delicious seduction – but still, there’s no culture or food item that cannot or will not be Ore-ized. Churros, candy canes, matcha, and now – mooncakes. Resistance is futile.

Mooncakes are iconic Asian delicacies – baked pastry wrapped around a paste filling. They’re served during the Mid-Autumn Festival (October 1st this year) to celebrate the autumn full moon. While the cakes and the festival originated in China, they’re both celebrated and eaten across the continent. China, Taiwan, Singapore, Vietnam, Thailand, Malaysia, Indonesia, Cambodia, and the Philippines roll out the beloved mooncakes each year – often with variations of favorite fillings and styles. Japan and Korea celebrate related fall lunar festivals, but mooncakes are not a large part of their menus.

Mondelez (Oreo’s parent company) have become a player in the mooncake game in the past few years through their Vietnamese division, and you know Oreo just had to make an appearance! They’ve been exporting Oreo Mooncakes to China, Singapore, and Thailand since 2017 in flavors like brownie, strawberry jam, cocoa with milk, cappuccino, and pineapple custard.

Oreo Mooncakes Thailand 2

I failed to source these last year, so I was thrilled to see them for sale online in America recently. Apparently importing mooncakes to the U.S. is a tricky business. Google this if you have time to go down a rabbit hole of egg yolks and customs regulations. I bought a 2-cake set with one Oreo brownie-flavored and one strawberry jam-flavored mooncake. While manufactured in Vietnam, it came via Thailand, so these mooncakes have more passport stamps than most people I know!

How are they?

It had been a while since I had regular mooncakes, so I decided to buy some from a Chinatown bakery to compare. They had flaky pastry shells, and heavy but delicious fillings – red bean, lotus and pineapple.

Oreo Mooncakes Thailand 3

After opening the gorgeous Oreo gift box, I cut into the brownie mooncake first. The pastry shell was considerably doughier than a traditional mooncake, although definitely had that Oreo black cocoa flavor. It was the most Oreo-y element. The tan-colored filling might have been lotus paste, but it was hard to tell because the chocolate brownie center totally overwhelmed it. It was delicious, but more brownie than Oreo.

Oreo Mooncakes Thailand 4

Next up, the strawberry jam mooncake. Its pastry was even softer, without much flakiness. The first few bites were bland strawberry, until I got to a small ribbon of the jam center. I wished there was more jam – it upped the flavor quite a bit, and turned it into a pretty decent little cake.

Oreo Mooncakes Thailand 5

The fillings in both cakes were less dense than the traditional – very solid – mooncakes. The Oreo fillings felt more like half-baked cookie dough. They’re still enough to fill your belly quickly, though.

Oreo Mooncakes Thailand 6

Overall, a unique experience, but they somehow lost a lot of the charm of both Oreo cookies and mooncakes in the combination.

Anything else you need to know?

This box was absolutely stunning and high-quality. There’s a magnetic closure on top, and it opens like wings. The side panels are laser cut with floral designs.

Oreo Mooncakes Thailand 7

Oreo Mooncakes Thailand 8

Conclusion:

These are interesting, but without the classic Chinese flavors, there’s some context lost here – like those reproductions of historic sculptures covered in neon paint. They are shiny magenta Venus de Milos.

But, if you love traditional mooncakes, these are worth a try for the sheer audacity of them. If you love Oreo cookies, they’re worth trying for the completely different format. If you’re on the fence, give ‘em a try, but try a regular mooncake first for a frame of reference.

Purchased Price: $35.00 + shipping
Size: 2-cake gift box
Purchased at: Desert Drinks and Exotics
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Oreo Brownie)
Rating: 5 out of 10 (Strawberry Jam)
Nutrition Facts:– (1 cake) Oreo Brownie Mooncake – 320 kcalories, 11 grams of fat, 95 milligrams of sodium, 49 grams of carbohydrates, 21 grams of sugar, and 5 grams of protein. Strawberry Jam Mooncake – 280 kcalories, 7 grams of fat, 65 milligrams of sodium, 51 grams of carbohydrates, 24 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein.

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