You just don’t mess with a classic, like Metallica’s The Black Album, Kevin Smith’s low-budget film Clerks, Michael Jackson’s Thriller album, George Lucas’ original Star Wars trilogy, or Taco Bell’s original Crunchwrap Supreme.

Unfortunately, Taco Bell did mess with the classic Crunchwrap Supreme and created the Spicy Chicken Crunchwrap Supreme, which contains spicy shredded chicken, sour cream, lettuce and tomatoes, a tostada shell, and nacho cheese sauce all wrapped up in a grilled flour tortilla.

It sounds good, but in reality it’s like if George Lucas did the following things to the original Star Wars trilogy:

1. Had a hairless Chewbacca that mooed
2. Lando Calrissian always had a Colt 45 in his hand
3. Princess Leia’s gold bikini in Return of the Jedi was instead a gold Victorian dress
4. Made Greedo shoot first at Han Solo in the cantina scene

In other words, the Taco Bell Spicy Chicken Crunchwrap Supreme just wasn’t right and doesn’t come close to being as good as the original.

It’s like Taco Bell took Metallica’s The Black Album cut off all of its long hair, turned the devil horns hand sign into the letter “I” in sign language, and added a cover of Reel Big Fish’s cover of a-ha’s Take On Me as a bonus track.

Basically, the only thing different between the original Crunchwrap Supreme and the Spicy Chicken Crunchwrap Supreme is the instead of ground beef, it’s got the shredded spicy chicken. But unfortunately, that seemingly minor tweak turned out to be something as dramatic as replacing the picture of normal, jheri curl, plastic surgery-less Michael Jackson on the cover of his Thriller album with a picture of a scary, pale, nostril-less women, like Michael Jackson.

If the shredded spicy chicken was actually spicy, it might’ve been much better. Sure, adding Taco Bell’s Fire sauce would’ve turned up the heat, but doing so wouldn’t have made it — as Taco Bell likes to say — good to go, because it’s hard to put taco sauce on something while driving, playing World of Warcraft, or playing air guitar to Metallica’s album Master of Puppets.

(Editor’s Note: Thanks to Impulsive Buy reader Brie for suggesting the Taco Bell Spicy Chicken Crunchwrap Supreme. I’d also like to not thank Taco Bell for creating a Club Mix, Lounge Mix, Orchestra Mix, and Salsa Mix of their current jingle on their website.)

Item: Taco Bell Spicy Chicken Crunchwrap Supreme
Price: $2.89
Purchased at: Taco Bell
Rating: 2 out of 5
Pros: Stays warm in thermal pouch thingy, instead of heat-escaping box. 4 grams of farty dietary fiber. 18 grams of muscle building protein. The Black Album and any Metallica albums before it.
Cons: Not as good as original Crunchwrap Supreme. Not very spicy. The music at the Taco Bell website. 3.5 grams of trans fat. 1,300 milligrams of sodium. Any Metallica album after The Black Album.

Growing up, I loved to make things like planes made out of Lego; dams in the backyard stream; slingshots with sticks and rubber bands; forts made out of pillows, boxes, and blankets; mixtapes with Huey Lewis and the News, Prince and Cyndi Lauper; and provocative poses using stuffed animals.

Over the years, my tastes have changed, but I still love to make things like decadent desserts; custom iTunes playlists with the Barenaked Ladies, Beyonce and the Beatles; paper mache masks of assassinated U.S. Presidents; blogs I occasionally update; hot and passionate whoopie; and Build-A-Bear.

Because of my love for making things, I looked forward to trying and reviewing the Soda Club Energy Drink Mix. However, I had some trepidation because I believe that the first rule of Soda Club is…you do not talk about Soda Club. Of course, the second rule of Soda Club is…you DO NOT talk about Soda Club.

Then I realized the third rule of Soda Club…taking famous lines from movies and adding your own twist to them to make you seem witty is just plain lame, especially if you’ve never seen the movie.

Anyway, I had the opportunity to make an energy drink thanks to the Soda Club Energy Drink Mix. The instructions to make a liter of it was illiterately simple due to the drawings on the back of the packaging.

1. Get a one liter bottle of seltzer water.
2. Twist off the cap of the seltzer water.
3. Squirt Soda Club Energy Drink Mix into seltzer water bottle.
4. Twist on the cap of the seltzer water.
5. Shake it like you’re a pimp trying to get yo’ money from yo’ hos.
6. Let the bottle sit for a while.
7. Enjoy.

It was definitely easier than a simple sudoku or removing a bra using only my teeth, but not as easy as figuring out Lance Bass was gay. As you can see from the picture on the left, the Soda Club Energy Drink looks like beer. For something that was low sugar and low calorie, I was surprised by how decent it tasted. It’s definitely not the best energy drink I’ve tasted, but it’s definitely not the worst either. It also gave me a good boost of energy, but I guess that should happen after drinking the entire one liter bottle within 30 minutes.

The greatest appeal of the Soda Club Energy Drink Mix is the fact that is can be significantly cheaper to make your own energy drink using this mix rather than spending $1 to $2 for either a 8- or 16-ounce can of energy drinks like Red Bull, Monster, and Rockstar.

With its decent taste, decent energy boost, and inexpensive price, the Soda Club Energy Drink Mix may come in handy during those nights I’m making either a decadent dessert or wet and sticky whoopie.

(Editor’s Note: Thanks to Emily, an intern at Soda Club, for the free samples of Soda Club Energy Drink. Actually, she sent these to me months ago, so she might not be an intern anymore. It was so long ago that she might’ve graduated from college, moved on in the world, and is right now making her way up the corporate ladder. Or she might’ve moved to the Caribbean to enjoy the warm beaches…and occasional hurricanes. Anyway, thanks again, Emily! For more reviews of the Soda Club Energy Drink Mix, visit here and here.)

Item: Soda Club Energy Drink Mix
Price: FREE
Purchased at: Given by Emily, a Soda Club intern.
Rating: 3 out of 5
Pros: Despite being low-sugar and low calorie, it has a decent taste. Decent energy. Inexpensive compared with mainstream energy drinks. Easy to make. Looks like beer. Lots of B Vitamins. Some Vitamin C. Barenaked Ladies.
Cons: Missing the good energy stuff, like taurine and guarana, ginseng, and other things I have a hard time pronouncing. Opening bottles of soda after shaking it. Pimps trying to get money from their hos.

“Suri Cruise is the reincarnation of Xenu and will rule over the Galactic Confederacy. That’s why no one has seen her.”

Shut up, Berry Krispies!

Every time I eat a bowl of these Berry Krispies, I hear strange things besides the usual snap, crackle, and pop. At first, I thought it was kind of cool with the Berry Krispies saying things like, “Oooh, Eva Longoria…I’d like to tap dat ass,” or the Yakov Smirnoff joke, “We have no gay people in Russia — there are homosexuals but they are not allowed to be gay about it. The punishment is seven years locked in prison with other men and there is a three year waiting list for that.”

However, it’s been six bowls and all that Berry Krispies talking has just gotten plain irritating, because it’s beginning to say things I don’t want to hear or things that just don’t make any sense, like “You will never get laid, unless you pay for it” and “One day, cars will be fueled by karma and Larry the Cable Guy will be ruler of a country he will purchase and will name LarryLand.”

All this talking wouldn’t be so bad if I could have a meaningful conversation with the Berry Krispies. We could talk about the meaning of life, our goals and dreams, why the Detroit Tigers don’t suck this year, or why I haven’t gone out on a date in a year and a half.

Unfortunately, the Berry Krispies seem to have a mouth of its own and ignores me, which makes me feel like I’m Debbie Matenopoulos when she was on The View.

The chatter also wouldn’t be bad if the Berry Krispies were actually tasty. They have a strong berry smell, but unfortunately it doesn’t translate into a strong berry taste. However, if you don’t like your cereals too sweet, then this maybe the cereal for you.

But if you like sweet, then I should let you know that Fruity Pebbles kicks Snap, Crackle, and Pop’s asses so bad that they are definitely Fred and Barney’s bitches, which for some reason, I don’t think Snap, Crackle, and Pop mind at all.

Even the colors of the Berry Krispies didn’t compare with the colors of Fruity Pebbles and Froot Loops, which are more vivid and possibly what unicorn poop looks like.

Oh man, that last line sounds like something Berry Krispies would say.

“Unicorn poop has magical powers that can cure any disease or get you a date.”

Shut up, Berry Krispies!

(Editor’s Note: For those of you who are readers of the neglected Cereal Mashup, I just want to let you know that it is neglected no more. I just posted a new cereal mashup review and I’ve got 14 boxes of cereal sitting in my kitchen waiting to be mashed up.)

Item: Berry Krispies
Price: $3.50 (on sale)
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 2 out of 5
Pros: Snap, crackle, and pop. Good for those who don’t like really sweet cereals. Yakov Smirnoff.
Cons: Can’t have a meaningful conversation with Berry Krispies. Says some weird things. Colors aren’t as vivid as Froot Loops or Fruity Pebbles. Not as good as Fruity Pebbles. Gets soggy really quickly. Being Fred and Barney’s bitches. The whereabouts of Suri Cruise.

If I needed to be saved from a burning building, car accident, David Hasselhoff music video, or a greasy Richard Simmons hug, I wouldn’t want these Tostitos Multigrain chips to rescue me.

The reason why is because they are weak, like Pete Doherty’s will power around heroin or Britney Spears’ parenting abilities. I may have a hard time opening a bottle of salsa without help from a towel or a much stronger eight year old girl, but these Tostitos Multigrain chips are so weak that they cracked every time I tried to scoop up some salsa with them.

If they can’t pick up salsa, how are they going to save me if I needed to rescued from a shark, bear, snake, wolf, tyrannosaurus rex, vampire, Tim Allen movie, Decepticon, black hole, or MySpace sexual predator?

Sure, the Tostitos Multigrain has “four wholesome grains,” corn, oat, buckwheat, and wheat, but how can I truly enjoy them if they keep breaking down in chunky salsa and I have to worry about the part of the chip that buried in salsa?

I could use another chip to dig out the buried chip, but these Tostitos Multigrain chips are so fragile and weak that the next chip would probably break, causing a path towards the Zsa Zsa Gabor Marriage Effect, which involves many, many failures before finally succeeding.

Despite the “four wholesome grains,” the Tostitos Multigrain are not healthier than regular Tostitos. It’s much like how Britney’s black hair doesn’t make her less trailer trash.

The combination of the “four wholesome grains” also gave the chips a darker appearance, a kind of healthy nutty taste, and a crunch that’s slightly not as crunchy as regular Tostitos. They taste okay, but if the “four wholesome grains” don’t make them any healthier, I don’t think I would buy them again, like I would for the okay-tasting, but significantly healthier Baked Lays.

So if you happen to be kidnapped by some shady guy in a black suit with a pointy mustache, tied up in a huge coil of rope, everything around you is in black and white, you’re placed on train tracks to get run over by an oncoming train, and Tostitos Multigrain comes to try and help you, just eat them, because the only thing they can help is hunger.

(Editor’s Note: If you’re interested, or love randomness, check out the “Random Review” button in the top navigation bar. Click it and it will magically take you on a journey through all the good reviews, bad reviews, and ugly banana deep-throating reviews. Thanks to Impulsive Buy reader Rylan for the idea.)

Item: Tostitos Multigrain
Price: $3.99
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 2 out of 5
Pros: Okay healthy nutty taste. Zero trans fat. Having eight year old girls around to help open jars and bottles. Celebrity references for all ages.
Cons: Tostitos Multigrain is too weak to save lives. Chips break easily while scooping up salsa. The four wholesome grains doesn’t make it any healthier than regular Tostitos. Slightly not as crunchy as regular Tostitos. Britney’s black hair. Being weaker than eight year old girls. Decepticons. ANY David Hasselhoff video.

Hello Kitty is a whore!

Seriously, who would allow themselves to have their likeness on every possible conceivable product.

Some of you might say, “Hello Kitty doesn’t have a mouth, so she can’t say yes or no to what products she wants to endorse.”

My answer to that would be, “Well, Hello Kitty has a head, which she can use to nod for, “Yes, I really like the idea of a Hello Kitty sleeping bag,” or she can shake her in disagreement for, “No, I don’t want my face on a bowl of Hello Kitty dried ramen.”

Or if Hello Kitty REALLY didn’t want to have her likeness on something, she could throw her many bows at her agent or manager, which would instantly let that person know that, “NO! I don’t want my face to be on a Hello Kitty vibrator.”

But just like Kate Moss with cocaine, she just can’t say no, and that’s why I think Hello Kitty is a whore. Hello Kitty is like Martha Stewart, who has hundreds of products with her name on it. However, Hello Kitty is a hundred times worse. Martha doesn’t have a Martha Stewart MP3 player, but Hello Kitty does. Martha also doesn’t have a Martha Stewart rice cooker, but Hello Kitty does. Any Martha Stewart video games? No, but Hello Kitty has video games.

Anyway, I wrote a song about Hello Kitty’s whoreness called, “Hello Kitty is Everywhere.”

If your Hello Kitty alarm clock is annoyingly way too loud.
Put in a pair of Hello Kitty earplugs to drown out the sound.
If the earplugs don’t work, put a Hello Kitty pillow over your head.
Maybe next time you should use a Hello Kitty clock radio instead.

Hours later you’re in the shower behind a Hello Kitty shower curtain.
You dry yourself off with your Hello Kitty towel set, even though you’re hurtin’.
You jump into your Hello Kitty pajamas and under the Hello Kitty comforter on your bed.
Dreams of Hello Kitty circling around your soon-to-be hungover head.

(Editor’s Note: If you don’t believe that all these Hello Kitty items exist, go check out Dream Kitty and J-List.)

I personally wished that Hello Kitty threw some bows at someone when they were deciding to come out with these Hello Kitty Meow-Berry Pop-Tarts, because there’s nothing really special about them. They were good, but they were basically regular Wild Berry Pop-Tarts, except with pink frosting and girly-girly sprinkles on top, which come in the shapes of flowers, bows, and Hello Kitty heads.

But I guess the pink frosting and girly-girly sprinkles are enough for a little girl or extremely effeminate little boy to ask you to buy a box for them. They can’t resist the cute innocent face of Hello Kitty on the box and you’ll buy a box for them because probably deep down you can’t resist Hello Kitty’s innocent face too…Or you just don’t want to deal with your kids constant nagging.

Anyway, these Pop-Tarts were as sweet as Hello Kitty herself. But then again, all Pop-Tarts are as sweet as Hello Kitty.

(Editor’s Note: Thanks to Impulsive Buy reader Lane for letting me know about the Hello Kitty Pop-Tarts. Also, head over to the Crown Combo for another Hello Kitty Pop-Tarts review.)

Item: Hello Kitty Meow-Berry Pop-Tarts
Price: $3.99 (12-pack)
Purchased at: Don Quijote
Rating: 3 out of 5
Pros: As sweet as Hello Kitty. Hello Kitty’s cute innocent face. It’s a 12-pack. Your little girl or extremely effeminate little boy will love you if you buy them. Perfect if you like excessive amounts of pink.
Cons: Hello Kitty has no mouth. Hello Kitty is a whore, selling her likeness to anyone who will show her the money. Nothing really special, they taste like regular Wild Berry Pop-Tarts. Your little girl or extremely effeminate little boy will hate you if you don’t buy them.

On occasion, I like to help the MILFs and the DILFs of the world.

For those of you who don’t know, DILFs are Daddies I‘d Like to help with Fatherhood, while MILFs are still hot, sexy MILFs.

MILFs and DILFs are inundated with products specifically made for kids. When I walk down the aisles in the personal care section of a store, I see many products for kids, while looking for things to review, giving deodorant scent recommendations to people who didn’t ask, wishing the hip-hop trio A Tribe Called Quest would come out with a new album every time I see Q-Tips, and trying to determine the pros and cons of pads and tampons.

There’s shampoo for kids, toothpaste for kids, body wash for kids, vitamins for kids, aspirin for kids, echinacea for kids, and shaving razors for really hairy kids. Because there are so many kid-specific products, I want to help the MILFs and DILFs sift though these products.

Recently, I was given a few cans of Coppertone Kids Continuous Spray sunscreen from Robert, who some of you know as, “Robert the Condom Guy.” I think he probably sent me the sunscreen because he didn’t want to be known as “Robert the Condom Guy.”

Anyway, I don’t have kids of my own — unless someone knows something that I don’t — so I couldn’t try out the Coppertone Kids Continuous Spray on a kid. So being the natural guinea pig that I am, except hairier, I tried this product for a couple of weeks on myself during afternoon jogging sessions, which help me keep my slightly overweight girlish figure.

The main draw of this product is the fact that it’s a spray-on sunscreen, which allows easy application of sunscreen on kids, without the feeling of appearing child molester-ish, which some folks get with regular rub-on sunscreen.

Application of the clear Coppertone Kids Continuous Spray sunscreen on my arms, legs and neck was quick and easy, and it dried within seconds. Although applying it to my face wasn’t so easy. The directions on the can say to spray it in my hands to apply to my face, but when I followed those directions, the alcohol fumes from it made me gag, much like I do when I’m watching the scene in the movie Exit to Eden when Rosie O’Donnell is dressed up in S&M gear.

I expected the Coppertone Kids Continuous Spray sunscreen to have a fruity scent, like most kid-specific products, but instead it smelled like any other sunscreen. Thank goodness it had a typical sunscreen scent, because I wouldn’t feel very masculine during my afternoon jogging sessions if I smelled like “wild watermelon” or “cherry blast.”

The sunscreen seemed to have provided great sun protection since I didn’t feel any sunburn afterwards and it also seemed to produce lasting protection despite my sweating like a pig during my one hour jogging sessions.

So while the Coppertone Kids Continuous Spray sunscreen is made for 8-year-olds, it’s strong enough for MILFs and DILFs as well.

Item: Coppertone Kids Continuous Spray Sunscreen
Price: FREE
Purchased at: Given by Robert the Condom Guy
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Quick and easy to apply. Waterproof. UVA/UVB Protection. Goes on clear, so there’s no white crap. Not as greasy as rub-on sunscreen. Spray on is perfect if you don’t want to look like a child molester or NAMBLA member. No kiddie scent, which makes it possible for adults to use without smelling like kiddies. No CFCs. Robert the Condom Guy.
Cons: Application of it on face. Not wearing sunscreen when outdoors. Looking like a child molester. Rosie in S&M gear.

One of the goals in my life is to be a speaker at a high school graduation. I don’t know how I’m going to do it or why anyone would invite me to speak, but I want it to happen. So in preparation of this goal, I wrote the speech I would present to some graduating class, and I’d like to share it with all of you.

I’d like to thank the graduating seniors for inviting me today. I’m honored to be here at some high school that I didn’t attend, but rest assured if I did go to this school, I would be the one all of you would ignore, beat up, or steal lunch money from.

Thank you.

(Editor’s Note: I originally read about the BK Stackers at Fast Food News.)

Item: Burger King Quad Stacker
Price: $4.49 (sandwich only)
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 3 out of 5
Pros: Settling. It tastes like any old bacon cheeseburger, except four times bigger. Perfect if you HATE veggies, LOVE meat, or enjoy a little bread. Lots of protein (62 grams). My dream of speaking at a high school graduation. Anything with legs.
Cons: A tall sandwich, but not wide. It’s not a Hardee’s Monster Thickburger, but that’s okay and I’m content with settling for the Burger King Quad Stacker. Being a police officer is nothing like the Police Academy movies.

For those who don’t know, comedian Jerry Seinfeld is a big cereal fan. Every morning, I imagine he gets out of his bed made of money, goes down to his gold plated kitchen, and has to decide which cereal he will eat among the dozens of choices he has in his pantry. I also imagine the cereal is served on a silver platter by his butler in a stainless steel bowl and accompanied with a silver spoon and someone who reads the New York Times to him.

Being a cereal junkie myself, I sometimes feel like Jerry Seinfeld in the morning, except without the bed make of money, gold plated kitchen, silver platter, butler, stainless steel bowl, silver spoon, and someone who will read the New York Times to me. However, I do have about a dozen cereals to choose from in my pantry, and recently I added five brand new cereals from Kellogg’s.

So with this plethora of new cereals, I thought it’s a good time to have a good ol’ fashioned product election, which allows you, the readers, to vote for the product The Impulsive Buy will review next.

In this product election, you’ll be able to choose from five new cereals from Kellogg’s:

1. Kellogg’s Caramel Nut Crunch

5. Kellogg’s Organic Raisin Bran

The cereal with the most votes will be declared the winner. The winner will be eaten and reviewed, while the other candidates will just be eaten.

To vote, leave a comment with this post with your choice. Only one choice and vote per person.

I’ll be accepting votes until Friday, July 14th. Shortly after the 14th, I’ll post the review of the winning cereal.

Now go vote like you’re a senator voting for net neutrality.

MARVO: Today, I’m here with Mother Nature to discuss the Grapple, which is an apple that tastes like a grape. So Mother Nature, what do you think of this Grapple?

MOTHER NATURE: First off, are you pronouncing it right? Shouldn’t it be “gr-apple,” like I grappled you to the ground and beat your little punk ass.

MARVO: Well on the packaging, it’s printed as “gra-pple,” like you’re saying the words “gray” and “pull.”

MOTHER NATURE: Whatever, little man. Let me just say that I don’t believe in these man-made hybrid fruits. It’s kind of fucked up if you ask me, because it’s not the way mother fuckin’ Mother Nature intended it. So how do they make these mother fuckin’ Grapples?

MARVO: Well they take a Fuji apple and soak it in a Concord grape concentrate. The process doesn’t add any extra calories or sugars to the apple and it doesn’t alter the texture of it either. With the Grapples I’ve tried, they have a strong Welch’s grape juice kind of smell, but unfortunately it doesn’t have a grape taste that is as equally as strong. Despite that, they are pretty good. Pretty impressive, eh?

MOTHER NATURE: Should I be impressed with the fact that someone created a mother fuckin’ apple that tastes like a mother fuckin’ grape? Come on, I’m mother fuckin’ Mother Nature, bitch. I don’t need to soak an apple in grape concentrate to make a Grapple, all I have to do is just snap my fingers to make one. Want a Grapple?

MARVO: Um, sure. So snapping your fingers is all you need to do?

MOTHER NATURE: Damn straight, because I’m mother fuckin’ Mother Nature. Ya heard.

(Mother Nature snaps her fingers and a Grapple appears)

MOTHER NATURE: Booyah! There’s a mother fuckin’ Grapple for yo’ ass! Did I just blow your mind, like I’m mother fuckin’ Mindfreak, yo! You humans are crazy, using genetic engineering and cross-pollination to form new “species,” but all I have to do is just snap my fingers, like I’m in a doo-wop group. Because why?

MARVO: Um, because you’re mother fuckin’ Mother Nature?

MOTHER NATURE: That’s right, little man. You want a strawloupe?

MARVO: What’s a strawloupe and what’s doo-wop?

(Mother Nature snaps her fingers and a strawloupe appears)

MOTHER NATURE: A strawloupe! A strawberry that tastes like a cantaloupe, bitch. Try it or else I’ll make lightning strike yo’ ass.

(Marvo tries the strawloupe)

MARVO: Hey! This is pretty good, Mother Nature.

MOTHER NATURE: Damn right it’s good, because I’m mother fuckin’ Mother Nature. You better recognize. It’s the way that Mother Nature intended it, bitch. How about a pearch? It’s a peach that tastes like a pear. Or a mangorange? It’s a orange that tastes like a mango. Or how about a banagerine? It’s a tangerine that tastes like a banana. I can do this all mother fuckin’ day, yo!

MARVO: Um, this is all fine and dandy, but can I get a few more Grapples, because they’re kind of expensive at five bucks for a four-pack.

MOTHER NATURE: Five bucks for four? Damn, that’s expensive. Thank goodness I’m mother fuckin’ Mother Nature and I can make Grapples with a snap of my fingers, because I couldn’t afford this shit on a regular basis. My name ain’t Bill Gates.

(Editor’s Note: Thanks to Impulsive Buy reader Derrick for letting me know about Grapples. Now I must find his other suggestion, the Turducken.)

Item: Grapple
Price: $4.99 (4-pack)
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Pretty good. It’s a frickin’ apple that tastes like a grape. Totally smells like Welch’s grape juice. NOT genetically engineered. Mother Nature’s power to make new fruits and to strike my ass with lightning.
Cons: Grape taste is not as strong as its grape smell. Kind of expensive for just four apples. Mother Nature’s dropping of excessive F-bombs. Pissing off Mother Nature. Trying to pronounce Grapple. Mother Nature’s reference to doo-wop. Mother Nature is a bitch.

Updated 1:55 pm (Sunday) – Emailed the developer of the theme and we tried a couple of things, but couldn’t get it to work. So I switched back to the old theme, until something can be figured out. Oh yeah, Contact Form emails are being delivered again, so you can feel free to tell me how much I suck.

Updated 12:59 am (Sunday) – Still haven’t figured it out. I’ve been tweaking things all f’n day. All I need to do is figure out why I’m not getting emails to let me know someone has commented, why I’m not getting emails with the Contact Form, and why my frickin’ sidebar drop to the bottom on some posts. Maybe I need a different theme. Anyway, emailed the developer of the theme. Hopefully, he gets back to me.

Updated 11:58 pm – For some reason post with tall images will force the sidebar to the bottom of the page. I think it’s a CSS problem, but I’ve been messing with the CSS for about two hours and haven’t figured it out. Right now, I am TIB’s bitch.

Updated 3:34 pm – Emailing reviews is now available in pop-up form, because I couldn’t get it to work in the original way. Just like the efforts women go through to look prettier, the efforts I’m going through to make TIB prettier are time-consuming, except without the complications of trying to keep fake eyelashes on.

Updated 1:40 pm – I think my RSS feeds are working again.

Updated 1:22 pm – Um, my RSS feeds aren’t working ever since I tried using Feedburner. I think it’s because my permalinks are screwed up. Right now, almost everything looks good in Firefox and Safari, except that damn “Email Review” page. The contact page still doesn’t work. Also, if you’re running IE6 or IE7, please let me know if anything doesn’t look right.

Hi there. As you can see, the look of The Impulsive Buy has changed. If not, clear your browser’s cache. Anyway, there are numerous things that don’t work here, like the ability to email reviews and contacting me.

If there are other things that don’t look right or are broken, please let me know by posting a comment. Hopefully, I can solve all the problems over the weekend.